Molly Mog's Craziest Customers From Hell


Gas station 1


From Molly_Mog, June, 2014

So it was a lovely insane day at the petrol forecourt, everyone was  a little, umm, odd. There were the middle-aged little boys who stamped out of the shop because the coffee machine was working at that moment, cursing and swearing about how unfair it was and how shit we are. There were the idiots who come in the exit and park the wrong way, who when we ask them, politely, to turn around go into a fit about how they aren't thieves and how dare we! (Pump and runners often face the wrong way so we have been told by the area manager to make them turn around, this is an area manager suck.) One even tried to scare me by turning around and moving as fast as possible as if he was going to hit the pumps or the bollards, which actually made me laugh because, well, pumps and bollards will hurt his car more than he'd ever hurt me.

Then there was Mr Important, he'd spent the best part of ten minutes slowly making a coffee while talking over Important Things on his phone and blocking anyone else from being able to because obviously he's the only person in the shop. Then he continues to wander around the tiny little shop talking loudly and Importantly. Then another customer comes in to pay and tells me that a Range Rover is blocking the middle of the pumps. I knew it had to be him. So I asked him if it was his, of course it was, so could he please move it as it is blocking the pumps for other customers to use. He said he would and didn't. After a few minutes I asked him again and he shouts that he can't while he's on the phone. I don't have to be sickly sweet to arsehole customers, thankfully, so I suggested that he actually hang up and move the car. He slams his unpaid coffee down and storms out, still on his phone and I think no more, of well we lost a sale of coffee just because he didn't want to get his hair wet. Weirdly, ten minutes later he comes back in hands me a tenner and says "Large coffee £2.40" as if I can't read or don't know my job and when I hand him the change silently he snaps "£7.60 right?" I just smiled. He was not happy. He really needed that coffee.

RHSEPT 501Finally there was Mr Creepy. He's new-ish to our place but has become a semi-regular for about a month. He's very loud and very imposing, though not to me as it's hard to cow me, he looks like Brian Blessed and Boris Johnsons' love child. I listen to the radio at work, it helps my sanity levels, and I dance and mime along to the words (I don't inflict people with my singing) and I genuinely don't care what others think about it. Mr Creepy likes me singing along, he really likes it. He asked me many questions the first time he came in and saw me, including does my husband approve? Because I need permission from a man/woman/wookie to do what I wish that doesn't hurt others.  I told him my ex-husband had no say in what I did and I knew it was a mistake because then came all the creepy questions. Just ugh. This time I wasn't singing or dancing because there was nothing on I wanted to join in with and immediately he starts commenting about it. Then he tells me to start singing. My polite smile drops and I refuse point blank, then he asks when I'll be singing again, to which I said later, "Oh when later?" to which I replied I didn't know, because you know I don't run of a bloody schedule, spankfish. I didn't say that last bit to him but the tone did. He finally left and I really, really felt like taking a long shower in boiling water.

Today was a funny day but I really am so very tired of the adult children.


June, 2014

All the talk about sock and boob and, shudder, pants money has reminded me of a fairly recent horror.

It was an early Sunday morning and a couple were getting coffee from our machine and a couple of other bits and pieces. They came up to the till and then the woman pulled out her purse and removed a rolled up £10 note only to giggle in a little girl way (hideous in anyone over the age of 7) and said to her partner: "Oh it's the one from partying, it's all I've got."

Then she hands me the rolled up note, I unroll it, and you are probably way ahead of me here, I get white powder all over my hands as I unroll it. My face becomes a mask, trying not to show the horror, then hand her the change. Thankfully it's Sunday and no one else is there yet so I tell my manager that I need to wash the money and my hands thoroughly before I scream hysterically.

RHSEPT 288I'm not a germaphobe, I don't think you can be when you work with money that much, but the white powder absolutely freaked me out.


 October 2016

I finally encountered it, after all the years in retail, reading the sites saying that the customer just stared at the person as if the stare would change the answer they didn't like.

It finally happened to me.

I'm in the bakery/coffee bar and a customer comes up and asks if there are any more croissants available. There had been a rush and I had some in the oven so I told him so. He just stared at me.

So I said I was sorry there were no more croissants left and we were baking some.

He just stared at me some more.

I think my brain left for the moment because I just ended up staring back at him until I tried one more time: No there are no croissants, they're in the oven and they won't be available for at least 20 minutes (including cooling time).

Finally he stopped staring and asked me for a coffee. I've never encountered anyone like him before, he has a coffee loyalty card, he's going to be back.




read more Crazy Customer stories here

and more Hellspawn Tales here

 to check out more Gas Station Hell go here









Carolanne2 017b

From Jit, sent Thanksgiving Day night, November, 2010:

Tomorrow when I go into work, I'm going to rip everyone's motherfucking BALLS OFF!!!!! AAAAAAAUUUGGHH! I HATE WORKING HOLIDAYS!

I mean, "I had a bad day."

1. I went into work at 2:30. I was scheduled at 2. Already I'm stressed and kicking myself because not only did I fuck up and not get the right time on a HOLIDAY the ONE TIME I was scheduled to work in a department and not at the register, the people leaving at 2 had to stay till 2:30 because people called off that were supposed to be working with me. So they had to stay past their shift for me. Fuck me.

2. One person that was supposed to be working with me until eight called off. NOT a good day to call off.

3. From 6-8:30 I was completely alone and swamped.

4. The front end cashiers were swamped because of call offs, therefore

5. Because of number 4, I worked through all my breaks and unpaid lunch.

Carolanne2 0196. After our sale ads ended at 9, someone eventually sent a coworker back to help me at 9:20 when we were DEAD AS ALL MOTHERFUCKING HELL. And she did SHIT for helping me. I know it was busy up there too, but still. Jeeze. She went MIA in 10 minutes.

7. A new co-worker gave unauthorized information to four of my customers and made me look like an ass for not telling them what he did. They all had the audacity to say that they preferred guys working in electronics because they know their shit. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!!! This was during the busiest part of my shift. Little fucker didn't even bother sticking around to help me ring out any customers or get any merchandise for them off of the shelf... auuuughhh

8. I was supposed to leave at 10:30. I got clocked OUT at 11:15 because of an indecisive customer plus the only manager in the store had to deal with her, she was also the only one who could clock me out.

BUT! ONNN the positive side..

1. The customers didn't eat me alive for not being fast enough.

2. One of my manages kicks some major ass and stayed back with me for a half hour-45 minutes to get control of the number of customers I had to deal with.
3. It's over now.

BUT!!! ONNN the negative side...

1. I have to do this all over again on Black Friday. *SOB*

Wish me luck?

With retail hell love,




read more Black Friday Hell / Working on Thanksgiving tales go here





Retail Balls Awards: Coupon Bitch Gets Told



From Hellgreens_Slave, November, 2010

So a few weeks back I was closing and the woman in cosmetics pages me over to her register for a return.

Before I go further I have to explain something: Hellgreens finally came out with an official coupon policy in August.. in the policy it states "coupon cannot exceed item value" which simply means you (the consumer) must pay sales tax (if applicable) and we cannot modify the face value of a coupon (like if the coupon is for $1 we cannot enter it as 99 cents) so keep this in mind.

So the lady had purchased some gum that's normally $1.79 but that week it was on sale for $0.99 with the coupon in our flyer.

She didn't have the flyer but used a $1 manufacturer coupon so she paid 79 cents for this gum.

But then on her way out the store she happened to look at the flyer and saw the coupon to make the item 99 cents.

Now we allow customers to use both store & manufacturer coupons- however it's one coupon per qualifying item and again the coupon cannot be worth more then the cost of the item.

So she wants an exchange over less than a dollar.

Whatever- people are cheap, I smile and comply.

Except I had blindly walked into the exchange so I saw her $1 MFC and the store coupon making the gum worth $0.99.

CouponbitchesI then explained to the woman that I could not do the transaction because with the gum now being priced at 99 cents the POS would not let us accept the coupon.

I apologized for the inconvenience but stated our coupon policy and thought the woman would understand.


Why would a customer understand anything that means they won't get the item for free?! LOL

She flipped- she started bitching that she should get the item for free, that I was ripping her off, that she's a regular shopper at this store and that I was being unfair and that the grocery store across the street would modify the coupon for 99 cents.

So, being the logical thinker I am I said, "So why don't you just go purchase the gum at the grocery store? Since they'll modify the coupon for you to get the item for free when you know our company policy prohibits coupon fraud like that?!"

CouponhellTo that she replied, "That comment was uncalled for!"

I laughed and told her that her rudeness and cheapness were uncalled for, and that how dare she consider herself a loyal customer if every time I've seen her being rung up she's always paid less than $5 for over $40 worth of stuff. lol

I wish I could burn every single last MFC before people bring them into the store.

People who abuse the MFC make me sick!

The woman also claimed she was going to call my boss but didn't ask for my name.. but when she called I answered the phone & pretended I was another manager and that I would "Give that other female manager a stern lecture."


Oh and PS:

While my store just got done setting X-Mas we don't play X-mas music for another 3 weeks.

It's 49 days til X-Mas and I was in Kohl's earlier and they were blasting it like it's going out of style!!!

What is up with these companies! lol

It seems like X-Mas is being forced upon us earlier this season then last year..




read more Retail Balls Awards stories here

for more Holiday Hell go here

and you can checkout Drugstore Hell here






Closing Time Nightmares: A Collection of Really Bad Ones



From Harry, July, 2011:

I was ringing up a customer on July 4th three minutes after close and she was up to 50-something dollars worth of clearance shit when Douche and Douchette (40 year olds trying to be 17 kind of deal)  walk in and walk right past my manager who politely explains to them we are closed. They say 'whatever' and saunter around my store.

They complain about our cheap shitty earrings and how they'll turn Douche's ears green. Whatever, fuck them. The lady I'm ringing runs off to grab one more thing and Douche and Douchette throws a pair of five dollar earrings on the counter amid the pile of stuff from the other lady.

I can't pause a transaction and go onto a new one and I'm certainly not going to cancel out 50-something dollars worth of stuff that I just spent the last five minutes ringing up.

I explain to him that I will be with him in just one moment. Douchette goes 'wow' really loud and Douche is like 'I know, fucking everyone's gotta be rude cause they're closed.'


I couldn't even respond. And my manager just blinked, as dumbfounded as I was. They left in a huff and the lady, who, though was making us late to close, was pretty nice, was like "You aren't rude. He just needed an excuse not to buy those earrings for his girl."

Anyone wanna share some bad closing time stories?

[Read them all here]



for more Closing Time Nightmare tales go here






An Open Letter to Creepy Male Customers


Carolanne 056aFrom Kiwi Berry, January, 2011:


Dear Pervy Cockwranglers Who Come Through My Line At Work,

Please stop trying to fool yourself. The only reason that I'm being nice to you is because I'm being financially compensated for it, kind of like a hooker.

The fact that I'm smiling and making eye contact with you does not mean I totally want your flabby, sweaty, I-have-hair-growing-in-the-most-random-of-patches bod.

Please understand that if we had encountered each other under any other set of circumstances, I'd have taken a lemon zester to your testicles by this point.

The only reasons I'm restraining myself now are A) I'm at work and they kind of frown on us mutilating the customers (it's in the handbook somewhere) and B) The lemon zesters are way over there.

In short, I don't want you, and no, it's not because I'm a lesbian. It's because I think people like you should've been chlorinated out of the gene pool before you had the opportunity to take your first, miserable breath.

Stop giving me your number (which I'll just use to pizza you), stop openly oogling my tits (I know, they're lovely and that's the closest you'll ever get to them) and stop complaining to my manager that I was rude because I rejected your awkward, 7th-grade-style advances.

Isn't there a cousin you could be having better luck with?

Die in a fiery landslide you complete and utter waste,

--Kiwi Berry


 read more Creepy Customer Hell here










From Let Them Eat Crack, March, 2012:


Greetings minions,

I've been a little under the weather the past few days because a "lady" came through my line while I was running register about a week and a half ago and coughed in my face.  Not one of those little ones that sneaks up on you during cold season for which you immediately apologize, this bitch coughed in my face so that I could feel the wind off of it from two feet away not once but three times in the time it took me to ring up about $100 worth of stuff.

But I digress, a few days before Phlegmy LePew up there came through my line this seemingly nice custy came up with four bags of grapes and told me before I ever started her order that she couldn't find a scale and only wanted "about five pounds of grapes or so."  A reasonable enough request as she had been polite and told me after saying hello and before I started ringing them up, then it went to hell, literally.  

I laid the first three bags of grapes on the scale and the weight pops up (the biggest part of our display) and exactly 6 and 2/3 lbs or...queue dramatic music...6.66lb.  Before I have a chance to move a bag because it is clearly more than she wanted the woman goes all Demonic on me:

"You HAVE to remove one of those, I simply CANNOT have that number, I just won't stand for it"

Me under my breath: Its just a number ma'am.


Yes, its six and two thirds pounds but I will try to get closer to five like you wanted.

*I trade out the top bag for the other on the belt and it comes up to just under six lbs.

"Oh my that is much better, These are for the Prison Ministry and I couldn't stand to have that, it just wouldn't be right."

I go on about the order laughing about the lady with THE DEMON GRAPES (*twirl mustache in a sinister fashion) until I see the Headline on one of the several news papers we sell is an editorial about the dangers of prisoners using fruit to make homemade hooch (that's alcohol they make from fermenting fresh fruit and bread).

Thanks for tuning in,

--Let them Eat Crack (or drink that sweet toilet wine)


 read more Crazy Lady Tales here