Hellspawns Caught in the Act



From September 2011, Climbing shelves at a gas station store.




From NumismaticNerd, March, 2012: Hellspawn squirms away from parent and hides under the belt where the bagger is supposed to stand.



From October, 2010, Late night Test drive down Target aisles.




From January, 2010, Making messes at Marshalls!




read and see more Hellspawn Tales here






Cashier Hell: Bad Returners and Hellspawn Destruction



From T-Shirt Sponge, May, 2011

Oh RHUers.

It's been crazy.

I must admit I've been a little stressed, what with starting my new interpreting class, taking a motorcycle course, watching a girl have a random seizure in said course and almost die (before you say it - no epilepsy or seizure history. Just a random 22 year old having a seizure. Scared the fucking bejeesus out of me), and then because I was quite shaken, crashing a motorcycle....into my mother. Heh.

BUT I have missed you all, so I'm back to astound you with tales of awful people.
In one recent shift, I was greeting, a slow and hellish ball-breaking task. I'm a fairly good (fake) people person though, so I just smile and wave. This man comes strolling in with an Old Navy bag in one hand and I immediately realize I'm in trouble. His bag has our Christmas design on it. Fuckity fuck fuck.

SirFuckface: Yeah I need to exchange these, they don't fit.

Me: Ok, no problem, do you have a receipt?

SF: Yeah, I got them for Christmas and they're too small. *hands me receipt. Date? Dec. 23*

Me: Ok sir, well unfortunately our return policy only covers 90 days, so we won't be able to exchange this for you *ITS BEEN FOUR MONTHS ASSWIPE*

SF: But....I just want to exchange them, not return them!

Carolanne 075zMe: Yes, well that falls under the return policy.

SF: WHAT?! So what am I supposed to do, just throw them away?!?

Me: No, no don't do that! If you really can't wear them or don't know anyone you can give them to, you could always donate them.

SF: Yeah right, like I'm gonna do that.

That sound you hear at this point is me punching him in the dick in my mind. What a douchenozzle.

He then starts screaming about how he's a regular customer and he's spent tons of money at our store and he'll never come back and FUCK THIS PLACE! Que storming out.
Oook then.

A couple days later I was working my ass off in the fitting rooms, running back and forth cleaning up people's messes (you ever feel like your doing other people's laundry? Ugh, I do.), and just generally busting my ass. A woman comes in with her two children, about age 6 (fraternal twins), we set up a fitting room for each child, and the nightmare begins.

These kids are literally THROWING CLOTHING over the tops of the doors, to the point where shorts were getting caught and I had to use that little hook thing that I think is my Gandalf staff to get them down. There was screaming and children slamming and locking doors, and Mom yelling......my head just reeled.

I thought I was watching the Twilight Zone. Kind of like a train wreck, you can't stop staring.....to which the mom just kept saying "I'm sorry, I have really bad kids".

REALLY LADY? REALLY? WHOSE FAULT IS THAT!? My mother would have beat me like a redheaded stepchild right there in the middle of the store if I acted like such a little beast. It was like a horror film that wouldn't end....

This weekend is the famous $1 flip flop sale. If I survive, and I may not, I'll let you know how it goes.


--T-Shirt Sponge


 Read more stories from Cashier Hell here

read more about Bad Returners here

For Hellspawn Tales go here






Call Center Hell: Hellspawn Racks Up Over $2,000 In Game Charges on Dad's Credit Card




From May, 2016:

Hey there fellow Retail Slaves and Peons!!

Its been a very long time since I posted anything because its been a few years since I’ve worked in retail or customer service. Long story short, I worked in call centers for many years and finally my health got to a point that I was forced to stop working for almost four years. Well, four years later, I’m tanned, rested and ready again. Well, not so much on the tanned part. ANYWAY! At the time, I was called BrianTheWerewolf after one of my characters in my werewolf novels but now, given how much has changed, I’ve picked a new moniker: call me EctoWolf and I’m back in the call center business! WHEE! I now work from home in my own little office for a certain software company that competes with Sony and has an expensive gaming console. Lets call them SoftMicrons! I do tech and billing support (WOOT!).

Today’s story is one I wanted to share because of the sheer shock it left me in and it cemented why it is so important to know what your kids are doing at all times, especially when they may have stolen your credit/debit cards.

Short background:

I was just about ready to go onto to lunch and a call comes in. Before the caller is live with you on the phone, the phone beeps at you, tells you what the queue is and then beeps again going live in a robotic voice.

ROBOT VOICE: (in my headset): BEEEP! “TBox360 Billing VCB Inbound”. BEEEEEP!

ECTO-WOLF (EW): “Hi, thanks for calling TBox support. My name is Ecto Wolf. Who do I have the pleasure of speaking with today?”

CALLER: “Bob.”

EW: “Hi, Bob. Pleasure speaking with you today. How can I help you?”

BOB: “I’ve got about $500.00 dollars of Xbox charges on my bank account, and I need to know what the hell is going on? I don’t even own a Xbox!”

EW: (thinking oh boy here we go but presses on): “So as I understand it, there is $500.00 worth of charges on your debit card but you do not own an Xbox right?”

CallcenterskullBOB: “Yeah that sounds right. I don’t have an Xbox but my son did a while back but he said he doesn’t know anything about it.”

(I fully suspected otherwise but kept my mouth shut. I also knew that if his son had an account at one time, then it would be in the system).

EW: “I fully understand your concerns about your debit card and the charges on it. I’d be happy to look over any account we find and get to the bottom of the charges. What’s your SoftMicrons account email?”

BOB: (provides his account email that used to be attached to a TBox for his son).

(I pull up the account. It pops up perfectly. I verify him and open the account. I see no subscriptions, charges or purchases. There isn’t even a credit or debit card attached. The last subscription was a prepaid game time card that had expired over a year ago).

EW: “Okay, Bob. I do not see any credit card or debit card on this profile and the last subscription was a prepaid card that expire some time ago. Are there any other accounts that could be attached to your debit card?”

BOB: “No, there shouldn’t be.”

(My wolf senses start tingling and I have an idea).

EW: “Okay, here’s what we are going to do. Bob, do you have that card with you now? I’d like to run the card number through our billing system and see if I can locate any other accounts that are using this card.”

BOB: (concerned now and rightly so): “Sure.”

(Bob gives me his card number. I run it through the billing system and my suspicions are getting deadly close to being confirmed. Two accounts pull up: the one we just opened and a second one under a woman’s name.)

EW: “Bob there is another account with your card attached to it. Let’s see if we can verify the account and get into it and see if the charges you are talking about are there.”

(Surprisingly, he is able to verify the account. The account it turns out is his ex-wife’s account and the account had been set up for their son, who was 11 years old and NOT on a child account).

EW: “Bob, after reviewing this account, your debit card is attached as a main payment instrument and it is being used quite heavily by the person with this gamertag. I did find the charges. Is your son authorized to be using your debit card?”

Callcenterhell3BOB: (who is stunned and legitimately so, not fake stunned): “Hell no! He lives with his mom. She and I are separated He’s never had access to my card; we’ve always gave him prepaid time.”

(I conduct a deep investigation and find that not only is 500.00 not the limit of the damage this kid has done but it's not even the tip of the iceberg. It's way over my limit. I knew I’d have to submit for a review to see if anything can even be done to help him).

EW: “Bob, these charges go back well beyond this month. In fact, they go back to February and total over $2,327.42. I’m terribly sorry for the shock and here’s what I will do. I will cancel any active subscriptions and remove your card from the account. I would suggest that you have your bank cancel your debit card. It seems like your son in fact has been using your card the entire time. We are talking about purchases made every day since the beginning of the year sometimes as few as thirty seconds apart, for things like in game currency, songs, season passes, even full games and movies.”

BOB: So that explains it. That explains why my bank cut my card off today. I hadn’t really noticed until they told me the amount. I had no idea it had been going on that long. Please do that.”

EW: “Absolutely. Give me one moment.”

( I remove the card from the account and utterly annihilate this hellspawn’s subscriptions).

EW: “Okay, Bob, he is what we are going to do. I am going to go over this account and tally every charge by date and amount and what was purchased. Then I am going to submit this case for review and see if we can get these charges refunded to you. I cannot promise I can but I am willing to try for you. I’ll email you everything we did and found today. Again, I’m very sorry for what has happened today. I will also include in the email instructions for how to set up a passkey on the console. I know you can’t get to it, but perhaps you could speak to his mother and have her set it up so that he cannot make purchases any longer. I’ll be following up with you over the next few days to let you know what’s going on and see if we can get you a resolution.”

BOB: “Oh my god….thank you. I know that you can’t do anything more than you have but thank you for trying. I really appreciate it man. I’m in the negative right now because of this and if there’s anything at all that can be done, I’d be grateful.”

So I close the call, work through my lunch and breaks—I was finally made to take one—and itemize every single charge since Feb. 9, 2016 right up until today. It’s a process that takes over two and a half hours and it does total up to be well over $2,000.00 in charges. This little fuck shit had been charging his dad’s card for in game currency and packs as well as games and like I said, some were under a minute apart.

I did submit the escalation and only hope we can help him. This, kiddies, is why we do NOT ever let children have access to a game console, a computer or a smart phone until they are old enough to appreciate the damage they can do. This is also why we educate people about parental controls (had another call similar in the day, the mom hung up on me when I tried to help her set up parental controls. I noted her account that we tried and that any future charges will not be refunded as a result of her refusing to take action to prevent charges).

This is my third day on the phones and wow…the old call center rust is falling off my paws but I’m not sure my paws can handle many like this call.

If I was the dad, I’d destroy this kid’s TBox and or sell it in front of him and all his games and content to pay for the damages.




read more Call Center Hell Stories here














From LeatherMinx, July, 2011:


I'm 99% sure this is the lullaby custys sing to their hellspawn every night. And we wonder where the entitlement comes from.



Hush little baby, don't say a word.

Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird.

And if that mockingbird don't sing,

Mama's gonna go back to the store and demand an upgrade to a diamond ring.

And if that diamond ring turns to brass

Mama's gonna kick some retail slave's poor ass.

And when that retail slave has gone broke

Mama's gonna laugh at the lowly folk Hellspawn4A

And if them lowly folks talk back,

Mama's gonna fake her a heart attack.

And when that heart attack leads to court

Mama's gonna win them with a sniffle and a snort.

And when mama owns all the stores in the chain,

Mama's gonna shut em all down in your name.

And if those slaves start a huge revolt,

Mama's gonna teach you how to grab and bolt.

   Hellspawn6And when you become a NAT, mama'll be so proud,

She'll have to sing your praises in a screech oh-so-loud.

Cuz when mama's gone you're gonna have to be strong

And be the crusty NAT RHUers rant on.

So hush little baby, don't say a word,

Mama's gonna steal you a mockingbird.





 read more Hellspawn Tales here




Hellspawn Tales: Hallmark Store Attacked By Twins


CornbabiesaFrom RHUer, February, 2010 :

I've been in retail for almost three years now (working my way through school), and reading the horror stories on this blog makes me go, "Yup. Been there, dealt with that. Wow, that one's new." (Some are horror stories I hope to never live through, in any form.) Having read everyone else's hilarious tales, I figured I'd share my own.

I work at a Hallmark, and I was manning the registers one day when a customer came in with her twin Hell Spawn. The little demons were about five years old, and they very clearly did not want to be shopping with Mom at "the boring store". She was looking for a birthday card, and the first thing I heard her say to her little brats was "Don't touch anything."

Five minutes later (honestly, I'm surprised it took them that long), Hell Spawn #1 starts pulling cards off the runs. Mom doesn't even look up when she says, "If you don't behave, we're going home."

Naturally, this incites Hell Spawn #2 into joining his brother in taking cards down.

Mom's reply?

"If you don't behave, then we're going home."

It's like you could see the little hamster wheels turning in their heads over this revelation. They could do whatever they wanted, and Mom was just going to tell them to behave (because finding just the right card is so vitally important [/sarcasm]).

HELLSPAWNTALESThe Hell Spawn went to town.

They took all the lollipops out of the display and threw them on the floor.

They pulled stuffed animals off the shelves.

They took two of the singing balloons and started whacking each other with them, having a sword fight.

They turned on our entire display of Halloween singing trees (40 mangled round robin versions of "The Addams Family).

And through it all, Mom just kept telling them, "If you don't behave, then we're going to leave."

My coworker and I were so busy with other customers that we could only run the occasional interference, rescuing things from destruction in the nick of time.

Meanwhile, completely oblivious Mom is browsing for 45 minutes, not even paying attention to her demon children.

Finally, she finds just the perfect card, pays for it, and leaves, without so much as an apology for her brats' behavior.

Although, considering the way she ignored them, I was wondering if that was good behavior on their part.

Which begs the question, what's their bad behavior like?



read more Hellspawn Tales here












Hellspawn Tales: "Does THIS belong to you?"



From Joe The Cigar Guy, August, 2009:

Observed in a local (Washington, D.C.) restaurant:

The place was sparsely populated. Only three tables out of twenty-five were occupied. At the front of the place was a party of four: a couple of 30-somethings and a couple of 60-somethings. They're talking, talking, talking and having a good time. But wait...they're actually a party of five. The fifth member of their group was a boy about five years old. And he is very methodically going from table to table, unscrewing the tops of the salt and pepper shakers, and dumping the contents on the tabletops. When one of the female servers tried to stop him, he yelled, "You're not my mommy!" He then ran into the bar area. When he came back into the dining room, he started chanting, "I wanna go home, I wanna go home, I wanna go HOME!"
And the whole time, neither Mom, Dad, Grandpa nor Grandma even looked in his direction. They didn't take any notice when he plowed into a server carrying a full tray of food. When he walked up to my table and announced, "You're UGLY!", I'd had enough. I took him by the shirt and frog-marched him up to his family's table. 
"Does THIS belong to you?  If it does, you better get him away from me, 'cause I'm this close to kicking his ASS!"
All four of them looked at me like I was from Mars. I pointed out the damage he'd done. They all continued to stare at me. Then Mom reached into her purse and brought out a candy bar. "Here Michael, come sit by Mommy."
No apology, no discipline, nothing. Little Michael got a REWARD!
I thought to myself, "Start saving up the bail money; you're gonna NEED it!"

--Joe The Cigar Guy