Christmas Carol Carnage: T'was A Week Before Christmas

 

Carolanne and JasonFrom: salamat_engot

T'was a week before Christmas, and all through my store

We were constantly busy, it was never a bore.

I was a single cashier manning my own lane

In a well known craft store with a well known man's name.

The line was quickly growing and wrapping around

And many customers were wearing big ugly frowns.

Instead of waiting in queue as is common courtesy

A woman kept cutting to interrogate me.

Our store had a vast number of Christmas tree lights

In a variety of styles and colors and whites.

She wanted to know what my preference would be

On a flashing light pattern for her short, shitty tree.

Many a time I said I had not a clue

Saying "Ma'am the decision is really up to you."

Despite my best efforts to send her away

Xmas2009 049aShe seemed quite determined to ruin my day.

She disappeared awhile and I carried on

Ringing up my fair share of crafting morons.

And upon her return, an idea bright as day

Huzzah! And hooray! I knew just what to say.

My reply to her question that once brought me anguish-

"I've never had a tree ma'am, for you see, I am Jewish."

And silence befell her due to my little white lie, but suddenly-

"Well if you were a Christian, which lights would they be?"

--salamat_engot

 


Christmas Carol Carnage: All I Want For Christmas is a Goat

 

 

From YouTube:

'All I Want For Christmas is a Goat' consists of eight Christmas carols that are designed to draw attention to the work that ActionAid engages and show what difference the most important annual Christmas gift - Goat - can contribute in areas where there is great poverty. Read more about ActionAid's work and buy a goat at http: //www.actionaid.se/ The entire album is also available on Spotify: http://spoti.fi/1Oqevrc Merry Christmas wish ActionAid!

 

Goat

 

  White

 

 

 


Unholy Cthulhumas: Demon Sultan Azathoth

Demon Sultan Azathoth [Good King Wenceslas]

Demon Sultan Azathoth
Bubbles in confusion.
Center of the Universe,
Sprouting foul protrusions.
Muffled madd'ning beating drums,
Hellish flutes a-playing
Round him dance the Other Gods
with voiceless, mindless swaying.

Many-formed Nyarlathotep
Bodes mankind's destruction.
Calls us to our certain doom,
Voice full of seduction.
You can't help but dance behind
Gyrating and turning.
Tears of joy streak down your face
As the world dies burning.

Yog-Sothoth is Gate and Key,
Binding time to matter
When his gaze falls on the earth
Laws of physics shatter
Try to chain him with your laws--
Pitiful equations!
Naught but dust and sand shall mark
Your obliteration!

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