Clothing Store Hell: A Shitty Mystery


Carolanne 023


From Liss, July, 2008, 

 "My Mom used to work at a clothing store in a plaza, and they had this little secret door/cubby outside where they put their sale banners and whatnot.

So she went to open one morning and this overly dramatic girl started screaming, and my mom ignored her, because she was stupid and overly finally she went over to check on her and inside the secret door area there was shit everywhere, not just on the ground, but painted up and down the walls.

They stood there wondering how the fuck it got up there. Did the shitter have paint brushes? Did they rub their nasty butt up and down the walls? No way, it was too high up. So they waited for loss prevention to come in and unravel the shit mystery.

LP checks their cameras, and they see a maintenance woman casually doing her job, sweeping and cleaning after hours. Then suddenly she stops cleaning, looks around, pulls off her pants and underwear, and proceeds to shit in the secret doorway. She gets dressed then seems to realize what she had just done and decides she needs to get rid of the shit.

So she looks around again and goes and comes back with her leaf blower.

Ok, dumbass, shit is not leaves. So she leaf blowers her shit, I guess thinking it'll just fly away and everything will be cool..

Instead it goes up and down the wall and freakin picasso's brown period. The LP guys use such high quality video surveillance they were able to zoom in and get clear pictures of the evil shitter and even see the name of her company on her shirt. They called the company, who assured them there would be action taken.

Can you imagine getting fired for shitting up a wall? Lovely!



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Retail Balls Awards: Leaving a Toxic Retail Hell Environment



Wolfycat received a Retail Balls Award February 2011, for choosing her sanity, health and well being over an unbearable working environment at a Ross:

Hello, my RHU pretties!

It has finally happened. After all the shit, hell, and abuse that I've gone through working at Smosh, I'm finally free.

Fabio was no longer coming to work at my store as often, which left Barbs with the reins. I swear she's freaking useless. I get put on fitting rooms as the sole attendant, and every time she tries to page me to go cashier. Then she gets pissed off when I page her telling her that I'm doing fitting rooms. Sorry, queen bee, but what do you expect me to do? If I'm not there, custys are free to frolic and be NATs and have sex all in the stalls or something. And I'm actually serious about that last one. This one couple kept trying to sneak past me to do a rendezvous in the men's fitting rooms. Yeah, the smell of restrooms and industrial cleaning supplies totally get me feeling randy.

The last straw came when one day, I was put on as backup cashier. About halfway through my shift, I notice her standing at the end of my row behind me. I asked her what was up, but she said to just ignore her. Hard thing to do when you're working and you feel a glare stinging you in the back of the head. After the wave of customers finished, I cleaned my area and went to go size the juniors section. Barbs stopped me on the way.

Barbs: You've been turning away returns all day.


Me: Yeah...I'm not on the returns desk. I'm just backup.

Barbs: But that doesn't give a reason why you haven't been taking returns.

Me:...The sign above those registers say Purchases Only. The returns function is disabled in those computers. That's why I haven't been doing returns.

Barbs: *huff* You think you know everything.

Me: Uh, no. That's just general knowledge. *walks away*

Then, later on, we were completely swamped up front like a mother. All registers except one were being manned. Even the girls who didn't speak English were trying to struggle on registers. Even with all the effort, all the lines were probably ten feet long. During all this, Barbs is just sitting on her ass in the back office, yelling at us on the intercom. Not the phone. The intercom. Where every single custy can hear. This eggs on some rude custys to start shouting insults at the cashiers.

By this time, every cashier on register is conspiring revenge. My supervisor grabs the phone and asks Barbs to come help on the last register. She declines.


Then a crusty decides that I'm trying to rip her off. She had come to the front with a dress that had no price tag. It was a size 22, typically a "women's world" item, so I grab the price book and scan it in for a women's world dress. It was like $19.99 or $29.99. She starts bitching that it's an outrageous price (Really? It was in awesome condition and something you would find at the mall for more than $50). But as it was a Tuesday, I could offer her a Crusty Tuesday 10% off discount to stop her whining. That wasn't good enough. She wanted a manager. I page Barbs up and NO ANSWER. I start paging like a maniac. Old lady snaps.

"This service is horrible! I waited in line for an hour! Blah,blah,blah, where-the-hell-is-your-manager-you-probably-didn't-call-because-you-know-you're-in-trouble, blah, blah, blah!!"

My supervisor is up to her elbows in a huge transaction nearing $1000, so she couldn't help. The lines are starting to dwindle due to people getting fed up on waiting, so naturally, it's like they punt their items across the length of the store before bailing. Then a rude-ass custy comes up behind me and jabs me in the shoulder. I throw her hand off of me and demand her to step away. She backs off of me, but yells that she's never shopping here again because we all suck. I yell good riddance to her.

Old lady says to me "You shouldn't speak to her like that! Blah, blah, blah, oldladytalk."

Then I hear "What the hell have you done?" behind me. Barbs suddenly decides to show her face. I snap.

Me: What the hell have I done? Where the hell were you when I paged you a couple hundred times?

Barbs: *lame excuse* blahblahblah, but why hasn't your line been moving?

Me: Because this lady *gestures to crusty* wanted your assistance, but you were not responding at all! She's been waiting--we've ALL been waiting for about 20 minutes for your ass to show up!

Supervisor: And why the hell did you even refuse to help us on register when you KNOW we're completely swamped?

Barbs: I didn't REFUSE, I just needed to do other stuff.

Supervisor: That's complete BS, Barbs!

That's when most of the lines started getting shorter as more people left. Even the crusty. Supervisor and Barbs are still verbally sparring, when the next custy in my line comes up glaring at me in a way that I feel like he's possessed by a demon or something. He has a pack of glassware that he picks up from his cart and slams it on the counter. Shattering ensues and he starts cussing me out like a psycho.

That's when I said fuck it. No more dealing with an incompetent manager not worth shit, no more insulting custies, no more displeased whiny crusties, and no more freaky demonic possesions that need Jesus. I QUIT!



 read more Retail Balls Awards stories here

for more Quitting Retail Hell tales go here




Classic Piggy Shopper "Put Back" Moves


From Kerry, October, 2008:

RHU Fitting Room Nightmare Correspondent, has captured the aftermath of a Retail Hell animal we have all come to call a Piggy Shopper...

In this pictorial she captures ONE Piggy's Put Back Moves that all occurred within seconds of each other.

The Toss It Move:


A favorite of lazy piggy shoppers with no energy.


The Shove It Move:


Why fold? It's easier to cram...


Bomb the Floor Move:


After tiring from tossing and shoving, drop it to the floor!



 see more Piggy Shopper Hell here






Retail Hell Halloween Horror Show: CREEPS AND PIGGIES   



From Kerry, November, 2010:

Costume stores weren't the only ones in Halloween Retail Hell!!! For some reason the piggies and creeps decided to invade my store and scare the living shit out of me.

All the pics below are from Halloween afternoon???? WTF?! Why weren't these fucking piggies at home making messes with pumpkins and M & M's like they should be???!

But no, they had to come into my department and throw clothes around like it was fucking laundry day.


 Clearance Rack Massacre. Yes, I needed a chainsaw to clean it up.

Hangar Hellraiser in 3 fucking D.


Denim zombies! Get me some gasoline and a match.

An intimates rejection. Intimates is on the other side of the store.


 A not so rare occurrence of Paranormal Piggy Activity.




The fitting rooms were a constant fucking mess. If I had caught the bitch that did this, in honor of Halloween I might have turned into Michael Meyers and strangled her with one of the jeans she left turned inside out!!! AAAAAAAAAAGH!!

If I only had a blow torch and a Jigsaw mask I could've played SAW the retail version. Ugh.

Sad to say, my night of extra hellacious retail horror show doesn't end here.

Early in the evening (there was still people shopping and making fucking messes), this guy came in with his 12 year old daughter. He looked pretty young to have a 12 year old, but whatever. The girl goes into the fitting room to try stuff on and he sits down and waits.

Carolanne 024I was nearby hanging things up and folding returns and all that, and obviously I'm never happy to be working, but today had been so bad with all the huge fucking messes, I wasn't smiling.(like I'm ever smiling in the 9th circle of hell).

This guy is now staring at me and says:

"Smile sweetheart."

WFT??? I'm sorry, what did you say fuckface?????!

I wanted to beat him with the hanger in my hand, but instead I ended up thinking he was an okay dude just being sympathetic, and I tell him about cleaning up after the pigs all day, having to work on Halloween, and how I hate my job and can't wait to quit.... 

He seemed totally understanding, so I stupidly kept going, and added, "....and they are keeping the store open till ten."

His eyes lit up. A creepy smile crawled across his face and he said:

"I can definitely look at you until ten."


*insert screaming and vomiting*

I walked away and cleaned the other side of the department until he left with his daughter.

Around 9 pm I was cleaning all that denim out of the fitting rooms. As I exited the fitting rooms onto the main floor, it was just like a scary-ass nightmare on Elm Street, where Freddy Krueger morphs out of the scenery ready to attack.

Creep face had come back.

But thankfully not alone. Tagging along side of him was some girl who kept calling him BABE.

Carolanne 018Oh yes,this super douche asshole appeared to have a chick already, yet he was still hitting on me.

I was actually relieved and ignored them.

So they're shopping around on one side of the department and I'm in the middle by the fitting room again. Suddenly he wanders away from her and makes a b-line for me. Then walked up to me and said,"I'm going to be checking you out the rest of the night."

....ummm CREEEPY MUCH?!

I wanted to pound his face and tear his fucking voice box out of his demon-faced head.  

But I said nothing and continued working, all the time fantasizing about him falling into a lake full of starving piranhas.

Finally she wants to leave for the men's department and takes off with him trailing...


The super douche could walk by me again while I'm folding denim and say, "Smile sweetheart, cheer up."

Really?! Dude are you really gonna say that to me??, you slimy fuckin asshole!

Even though I wanted to tear his balls off and shove' em down his throat or tell him off on the spot, I held back. I knew it would end badly...for me...I may hate my job, but not looking to get fired from hell right now.

So I said: "I won't cheer up until I see my boyfriend when I get out of here tonight."

He gives me a blank stare and walks off, while I watch him walk his creepy ass away, burning fiery holes into the back of his ugly head with my death glare.

That's right, I think, go fuck right off, you skanky douche.

I never want to work on Halloween again.



see more Clothing Hell stories here

and more of the Creepy Custys here

for more frights with Fitting Room Nightmares go here






Discount Store Hell: Bad Mom Protects Her Thieving Hellspawn


Smoshmess2 From March, 2010:

This is Redheadactress. When I read the story of the person who worked for *Smosh Mess for Less* I knew I had to post. Unfortunately, I also work for Smosh Mess for Less.

And I hate it.

In fact I am currently attending bartending school so I can get away from this crap job. The assistant manager was a racist sexist prick and the coworkers are backstabbers and talk a lot of bullshit in Spanish and think the poor saps who don't speak Spanish can't understand what they are saying. (Boy are they soooo wrong about that) I had been passed over for a promotion I long deserved, but what-the-fuck-ever. I have stopped caring now.

Well recently we had a switch in Assistant Managers and she doesn't take anyone's bullshit so its been a bit better.

But the customers have been worse and worse.

I was doing customer service one night when a woman with three kids comes up, an older girl, a boy around 8, and an infant in a stroller.

The little boy wanted to pay for his toys separately, two WWF action figures, that were 4.99 each. He only had enough money to buy one, in which hearing the news, sat in the middle of the walkway and bawled for 20 minutes. Batspawn2

In the meantime I have other customers who want to check out, my other cashier is on lunch, and the only other person is in the fitting room who can't leave as my manager is doing interviews. (Oh yes, I have been asking for full time and keep getting turned down, but we can hire other people, that's so fucking intelligent!)

So I tell the mother I have to suspend the transaction and take the other people while she gets her son in order. She screams at me for being a racist. (WTF?)

So she gets her son up off the floor and he pays for his one item. However, as I am putting the money in the drawer and getting out the change, I notice both items are gone.

Me: "Can I please have the other figure back?"

Mother: "Now you're accusing my son of stealing?"

Me: "If he took both action figures, yes ma'am I am. He only paid for one."

Mother: "Jimmy, give back the other one, the mean lady won't let you have it."

Me: *thinking* WTF lady!

The child throws the figure at me then goes running outside the door.

I should note that our store is in the middle of a town center where there are other stores and lots of traffic.

HELLSPAWNTALES2This child is now running in and out of traffic.

He almost got hit twice.

Me: "Ma'am your child almost got hit."

Mother: "He will be fine!"

Me: "Please go get your son."

Mother: "You telling me how to raise my children?"

Me: "NO! I am simply telling you that your son could get very hurt."

Mother: "And it would be your fault for accusing him of stealing, you c**t!"

Me: "If you say so!"

Mother: "The customer is always right, I pay your wages! I am never coming back again."

Me: "Ok, have a nice day!" (transaction done).

The other customers in line applauded me for handling the situation with dignity. I apologized for the wait several times. A minute later we hear a crash.

The son that was playing in the middle of the street was hit by a car.

Good thing the car was only going 15 miles an hour at the most, so all he got was a few scratches and bruises, no serious damages.

My manager has appeared at this point and I explain what is going on.

The whole thing was caught on security camera (not the accident) so she believed me.

The woman then proceeds to yell at the driver that the reason he was playing in
traffic was because I accused her son of stealing...right...



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