Dumbass Nasty Ass Thief Encounter



From Fed Up Retail Sut, August, 2009:

So here I am again Slaves!.. I know you guys are getting tired of me and my complaining but this one is a good one.....

So I'm working my big 3 hour shift(man I spent more in gas getting to and from than I made), and one of my fellow co-workers walked up to me laughing.

So, silly me I asked what she was laughing at. Her reply was as follows:

Me: What's so funny?

Her: We had a shoplifter.

Me: Are you frickin serious?

Her: I think she left her keys in the pocket of the clothes she left behind!

After further investigation we discovered that she sure as shit did! This dumb bitch had left her CAR KEYS in her old clothes!

So we told her when she came back for her keys we would trade her old clothes and keys for our new clothes that she took!! Can you in=magine the look on her face??? I bet you can't!

NAT--Fed Up Retail Slut


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Retail Balls Awards: Monstrous Clothing Store Customer Gets Told



From Jessica, July, 2008:

"I used to work at a Trendy Clothing Store that was considered the largest in out district. It was a busy night and I was managing the adult and kids and Baby stores by myself with three associates...after Christmas. Oh, and surprise surprise I was the only one able to ring!

Well this bitch called and complained to me, stating that she had bought something a couple of days ago and she never had the item placed in her bag.

I apologized and said I would look up the item number for her and let her know if we even had it in stock. We didn't. Now, our policy states that customers have 24 hours to call back and get a reimbursement.

I didn't feel like having to deal with telling her that cause i knew this fucking WASP would let me have it. I told her I would call her back once I  found it at another store and have it shipped to her. I also stated that I was the only ringer for two stores so I might not be able to get back to her until after we closed. I was being very nice, and went out of my way.

Well, this bitch decided to come in to my store no more that half an hour later while I had a line of six people deep. Fucking cunt decided to scream "Are you Jessica".

I said, "Yes, but you are going to have to wait in line if you need to talk to me".

I knew exactly who it was. She didn't want to wait. She began taunting me! I mean saying things like "Hurry up, Jessica. What's taking so long...Jessica" over and over.

Clothingstoremonster1I started shaking because I wanted to keep my composure in front of my employees and my customers. She kept it up.

All of a sudden she screamed out, "YOU LITTLE FUCKING PRINCESS!!!"

I snapped. I fucking snapped. I slammed the scanner down on the counter turned around to face her and yelled "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH."

The minute those words escaped my mouth her jaw dropped! I was shaking so bad...I picked up the phone, apologized to customers in line (They didn't seem to mind - one of them actually thought I did the right thing) and told the woman I was calling security.

She started crying, apologizing that she was taking her anger out on me, she had a newborn at home and an incompetent husband blah blah blah....and then she hugged me.

It was so fucking surreal. I told her she needed to leave and that I accepted her apology. She then told me to go home and have a glass of wine. WTF???? I MEAN SERIOUSLY WTF....It was bizarre. I have never been called a fucking princess..hahahahaaa..."



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Cashier Hell: Bad Returners and Hellspawn Destruction



From T-Shirt Sponge, May, 2011

Oh RHUers.

It's been crazy.

I must admit I've been a little stressed, what with starting my new interpreting class, taking a motorcycle course, watching a girl have a random seizure in said course and almost die (before you say it - no epilepsy or seizure history. Just a random 22 year old having a seizure. Scared the fucking bejeesus out of me), and then because I was quite shaken, crashing a motorcycle....into my mother. Heh.

BUT I have missed you all, so I'm back to astound you with tales of awful people.
In one recent shift, I was greeting, a slow and hellish ball-breaking task. I'm a fairly good (fake) people person though, so I just smile and wave. This man comes strolling in with an Old Navy bag in one hand and I immediately realize I'm in trouble. His bag has our Christmas design on it. Fuckity fuck fuck.

SirFuckface: Yeah I need to exchange these, they don't fit.

Me: Ok, no problem, do you have a receipt?

SF: Yeah, I got them for Christmas and they're too small. *hands me receipt. Date? Dec. 23*

Me: Ok sir, well unfortunately our return policy only covers 90 days, so we won't be able to exchange this for you *ITS BEEN FOUR MONTHS ASSWIPE*

SF: But....I just want to exchange them, not return them!

Carolanne 075zMe: Yes, well that falls under the return policy.

SF: WHAT?! So what am I supposed to do, just throw them away?!?

Me: No, no don't do that! If you really can't wear them or don't know anyone you can give them to, you could always donate them.

SF: Yeah right, like I'm gonna do that.

That sound you hear at this point is me punching him in the dick in my mind. What a douchenozzle.

He then starts screaming about how he's a regular customer and he's spent tons of money at our store and he'll never come back and FUCK THIS PLACE! Que storming out.
Oook then.

A couple days later I was working my ass off in the fitting rooms, running back and forth cleaning up people's messes (you ever feel like your doing other people's laundry? Ugh, I do.), and just generally busting my ass. A woman comes in with her two children, about age 6 (fraternal twins), we set up a fitting room for each child, and the nightmare begins.

These kids are literally THROWING CLOTHING over the tops of the doors, to the point where shorts were getting caught and I had to use that little hook thing that I think is my Gandalf staff to get them down. There was screaming and children slamming and locking doors, and Mom yelling......my head just reeled.

I thought I was watching the Twilight Zone. Kind of like a train wreck, you can't stop staring.....to which the mom just kept saying "I'm sorry, I have really bad kids".

REALLY LADY? REALLY? WHOSE FAULT IS THAT!? My mother would have beat me like a redheaded stepchild right there in the middle of the store if I acted like such a little beast. It was like a horror film that wouldn't end....

This weekend is the famous $1 flip flop sale. If I survive, and I may not, I'll let you know how it goes.


--T-Shirt Sponge


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Bad Parents: "Ma'am, I think your son is sick"



From December, 2010:

I am currently the head customer service cat-herder at a store that sells housewares and had two other sister stores that sell clothing as well as house stuff, let's call my store "HouseCrap". Call me Jadiepie. Long time stalker, first time submitter.

Been in retail off and on for past 12 years, but this story is from years back when I worked at in college, women's clothing, let's call it "Big City and Company".

A woman comes in with a little boy, maybe 3 years old, in a stroller and proceeds to start picking up clothes and collecting a batch to try on. Normal.

The kid is quiet, sniffling and a little glassy-eyed, but he's quiet and not grabbing stuff, so I'm not concerned.

I go back to check on them 20 minutes later and I notice a smell. The dirty diaper smell. And the kid looks uncomfortable.

I'm waiting for mom to decide to drop the shopping and take the kid home, but no. Ten minutes later, I look over and the smell is stronger.

I think at first that the toddler got some chocolate and smeared it.... but no. Yeah. The kid had diarrhea, it leaked from the diaper and was smeared all over the stroller and the kid.

Kid now looks completely out of it, glazed eyes, just a sick kiddo. Needs mommy to give him a bath, some pedialyte and immodium and let him rest.

So I look at mom.

She's contemplating a series of outfits and has moved to the register. So maybe she hasn't seen the kid.

I speak up: "Ma'am, I think your son is sick".

She glances at him: "He's okay, he can wait."

OCTOCAROL 057By now, the employee is taking over the future parent in me, and I'm waiting for stuff to start dripping on the floor, for it to get on merch, just the general foulness of the situation.

So I say "I'd be happy to place those items on hold for you, I'll even hold them until tomorrow (against policy) so you can come back after you take him home..."

Bad idea.

Mom's head snaps up and I get the slitty-eyed look of death.

"He's okay".

No, he's shitting all over my store. You are an unfit parent.

So I ring her up, with veiled looks of disdain, and she leaves.

Our store is across from the food court. After mom leaves our store, I see her across the way walking into the food court. Good, there's a bathroom there. She can clean him up and take him home.

No, She doesn't go to the hall with the bathroom, she stops at the Cookie place and gets a soda and then walks off. With the kid.

Off to the next store We all shook our heads. Should have called DFACS. Horrible.

Oh, and guess who got to put on rubber gloves and clean the floor?

I decided I couldn't deal with this anymore without speaking my piece, so I walk away and leave her to another.



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Do You work here Comeback Lines: Discounts and Dumbasses




From Half-Hearted Sales Ninja, 

I have worked in just about all aspects of customer service/retail. I loathe people (surprise, surprise) but I am usually good at hiding it by pretending to be jovial, personable, and friendly (which, by nature, I am NOT!) and by making lots of jokes.

Sadly, my comedic gold is lost on most customers. They are generally too stupid to get my jokes.

Insert sad face here.

While working in a womens clothing shop, a woman asked if we sold any underwear.

It's not something we usually carry, but we had gotten some overstock of thongs from another store, so I showed her to the basket of random thongs we were selling for a buck each.

She asked if we had anything else, and I told her that, unfortunately, this was all we had at the time.

She remarked that this was too bad because she just "couldn't get into thongs", to which I replied "Don't worry, they get into YOU"

Funny, no?

I thought so anyways, and so did my manager and coworker.

The customer? Totally blank and uncomprehending.


Another time, at the same shop, I was doing markdowns. I had a big stack of papers full of numeric codes in one hand, a price gun in the other, a highlighter tucked behind one ear, a store badge hanging around my neck, and half of my body had disappeared inside a rounder of winter jackets.

A customer walks up to me and asks "Excuse me, do you work here?"

Let me point out that customers are bundled in winter attire and I am not only in the conditions described above, but I AM WEARING A T SHIRT AND SNEAKERS!

My response?

"Nah, this is how I get great deals!"

Her response was to lean in towards me conspiratorially and ask in a low tone, "Does that really work?"


Just wish it had been HER face hitting my palm.

Silly comic included :)

Oooooooh! Can I make up a name?! K I will anyways! 


--Halfhearted Sales Ninja


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