Awesome Retail Slaves - The Perfect Comeback Line


This story was originally posted on December 06, 2009

Awesome retail slavesAn Anonymous Retail Slave at a Big Box Store wants to give a shout out to one of her Managers and we're following it up with a Retail Balls Award!

I work service desk at the store with the Bullseye, and am lucky enough to have a pretty good management team.

I haven't had to exercise my Retail Balls yet, but this is for the GSTL I was working with last night.

A woman came up to the service desk asking to speak to a store manager.

I said "Of course, let me call her for you".

Psychobitch jabs a finger in the direction of my GSTL and says "Is SHE your manager? I want to speak to someone else!!"

So I page the LOD.

He comes over and this lady starts ranting at him.

What it amounted to was she wanted a discount on something, and my GSTL wouldn't give it to her.

Suzy (name changed to protect the innocent) is usually very good about giving discounts due to damage, wrong signs, etc so if this lady didn't get the discount, I knew damn well she didn't need it.

My LOD didn't give it to her either, and that was the last I heard from her.

Suzy came over later and told me that Psychobitch walked by her and said "You a dumb bitch".

Suzy smiled beatifically and said "Thanks, and you are too!"

I'm in awe of her ability to tell someone to suck a donkey dong, but with a smile, and that's why I love working with her.

--Anonymous Bullseye Slave



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Do You work here Comeback Lines: Discounts and Dumbasses




From Half-Hearted Sales Ninja, 

I have worked in just about all aspects of customer service/retail. I loathe people (surprise, surprise) but I am usually good at hiding it by pretending to be jovial, personable, and friendly (which, by nature, I am NOT!) and by making lots of jokes.

Sadly, my comedic gold is lost on most customers. They are generally too stupid to get my jokes.

Insert sad face here.

While working in a womens clothing shop, a woman asked if we sold any underwear.

It's not something we usually carry, but we had gotten some overstock of thongs from another store, so I showed her to the basket of random thongs we were selling for a buck each.

She asked if we had anything else, and I told her that, unfortunately, this was all we had at the time.

She remarked that this was too bad because she just "couldn't get into thongs", to which I replied "Don't worry, they get into YOU"

Funny, no?

I thought so anyways, and so did my manager and coworker.

The customer? Totally blank and uncomprehending.


Another time, at the same shop, I was doing markdowns. I had a big stack of papers full of numeric codes in one hand, a price gun in the other, a highlighter tucked behind one ear, a store badge hanging around my neck, and half of my body had disappeared inside a rounder of winter jackets.

A customer walks up to me and asks "Excuse me, do you work here?"

Let me point out that customers are bundled in winter attire and I am not only in the conditions described above, but I AM WEARING A T SHIRT AND SNEAKERS!

My response?

"Nah, this is how I get great deals!"

Her response was to lean in towards me conspiratorially and ask in a low tone, "Does that really work?"


Just wish it had been HER face hitting my palm.

Silly comic included :)

Oooooooh! Can I make up a name?! K I will anyways! 


--Halfhearted Sales Ninja


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Gas Station Hell: "I'm sorry but I can't have this on my account"


Gas station 2

From insightalloy, Tales From Retail:

I work at a gas station/auto repair store, today's Sunday and on the weekend the auto shop is closed. Pretty slow, but big spikes of people coming out of Easter mass. Someone comes into the store.

I'll be M for me and he will be P, for reasons I'll explain shortly

P: I'm sorry I made a mistake, could I just pay that

M: checks my terminal to see no transactions at the pumps I'm sorry, pay what?

P: I didn't mean to use my card there, can I just give you my 12 cents and you reverse the charge

M: Sir, what pump are you on?

P: 5

I search through the transaction history and to my surprise, there is a 12¢ charge. Of course I get to the whole "sorry we can't refund a charge from the pumps" bit when he asks for a manager.

It's the weekend, I'm the only person around so I offer to call my bosses and ask (knowing full well it's not doable).

Luckily the boss who picked up was the nicer of the two bosses, so she told me to just explain its impossible and offer a refund... basically just shorting the register... for a 12¢ refund.

The lengths people will go for stupid things is unbelievable. How do you insert your card "accidentally" anyway.