Retail Balls Awards: The Tale of McBitch



Feburary, 2010:

I'm a cop and have been a cop for far too long, ever since I was 18. However, before 18 I worked in retail hell, however this isn't a story about that.

I was recently at a local McDicks behind a woman and he child. The child had a face full of snot so you can imagine how well this encounter was going to be.

After McBitch asked McSnot what he wanted she placed her order. The young slave behind the register was being the normal happy-go-lucky servant you'd expect. After placing the order McBitch goes to pay. But wait, McSnot has changed his mind.

My mom would have told me to shut up and it was too late. McBitch however has the slave change the order....4 different times.

After the money was paid McSnot ran off to play in the playground, surely sharing his snot with the other kids while mom waits on the food. She gets it then that's when shit hits the fan.

Apparently between the 5 different orders McBitch really don't remember what she ordered...only that what she got was wrong.

McBitch begins cussing out this poor slave. I can tell that this is a relatively new slave as she doesn't know how to respond to this verbal assault. Now, I was here with my girlfriend (hey not all the times do you have to take them to fancy restaurants) so I was not in the mood to step in. As sexy as I think I am in uniform I do like to stay off when I'm off.

All this of course until McBitch grabs a tray and throws it across the lobby. At this point I still really don't know what the fuck she is so pissed off about as McDicks manager is trying to fix her problem. However McBitch's vocabulary seemed to be limited to "dumb whore" and "stupid slut".

Well I've had enough. I started feeling bad for the slave and even the manager who was cowarding away. I step in between McBitch and the counter. 6661

Now per our policy I must carry my badge and gun everywhere I go even when off duty. She hasn't seen this yet.

Me: You need to stop.

McBitch: You need to fucking move out of my way before I bust you in the fucking face.

(Seriously...still haven't figured out why she's so mad)

Me: I got a better idea. How about you get your crusty ass out of this store before I put your ass out myself.

(At this point I roll my shirt over my belt so she could see the badge and gun)

McBitch: This dumb bitch can't get an order right and won't give me what I want but you're throwing me out?

Me: Yep (could have probably had a better come back but hey it worked)

She attempted to grab the bag of food sitting on the counter. I snatch it away from her.

Me: Nope you're going to leave that here since apparently it wasn't right.

McBitch: I already paid for that!

Me: No, you apparently paid for something else that they couldn't get right. Now consider that a donation to McDonalds Fund for the trouble you've caused here.

McBitch: Aw hell nah I'm not leaving here without my money or my food!

McManager: Ma'am here's your money.

I block her from getting it.

Me: Listen here, either you go get your kid from that playground and get your smelly ass out of this restaurant or I promise you the fines I will have you paying will make it to where you can't afford the dollar menu here. On top of that this poor girl you've been yelling at won't have to worry about cleaning the floor for awhile because I'm about ready to put your ass on the ground.

I was close enough to her face now that I realized that when I called her smelly it apparently wasn't just an insult.

McBitch gathers McSnot and they drive away in their McBettle.

The manager thanks me and the poor slave, who's visibly shaking at this point, gives me my meal for free.

Guess I do have to thank McBitch for my free meal :/

---McCop, Badge #666


 read more Retail Balls Awards here









Dover Police Officer Has Some Fun with the DashCam Lip-synching to Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off"


From Yahoo:

Caught on dash-cam! Dover police officer MCPL Jeff Davis has become an overnight viral sensation after lip-synching to Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off."

Since the Delaware cop's department posted the hilariously sassy video on Friday, it's already racked up more than 2.4 million views and growing.

"It's real," he assured Fox News on Saturday morning. "I did know that the camera was on. We had it done just as a publicity thing for not only our police department, but police worldwide… With all the negative publicity that police have been getting nationwide and worldwide, I think it was a good thing to show a little of the lighter side of police."

How does the 48-year-old know all the lyrics spot-on?

"I have a 10-year-old daughter who loves Taylor Swift and in my house Taylor Swift's on the radio quite a bit with her being around and I've just learned all the words," the father of four explained.

Department spokesman Cpt. Mark Hoffman told the Associated Press the 19-year veteran is "the class clown" of the force.

via yahoo





Retail Hell Memories: Software Store District Manager Caves To A Bogus Return From a Surprising Custy

BadreturnersJAH here with another encounter from the ancient software store.

As usual, this goes back awhile and involves the Commodore 64. When I first started working at the store, we sold the NES and Master System as well as PC/DOS software, Apple II, Commodore 64, and Amiga software. As you might expect, as the years went by, the computer software slowly migrated to PC/Windows exclusively. This event took place about five years after the last piece of C64 software was shipped back to corporate to make room for something else. 

Now, a little background. We had an insane return policy that basically said if you have a receipt, we'll take it back. No time limit, opened or unopened (the store eventually changed the policy to 30 days at least - but too late to avoid the chapter 11 firesale). If someone returns an item without a receipt and unopened, we can offer store credit based on the current price in the computer. When items in our system got too old, instead of removing them, they are knocked down to 99 cents so there's at least a record of them.

So these two teenagers come into the store with two unopened Commodore 64 games and they want a refund. They, of course, don't have a receipt. The items have ragged/unraveling price tag on them for $40 each and are clearly from my store - but they had to have been bought at least five years earlier.

I look them in the system and they are both set to 99 cents so I can only offer them store credit for $1.98. They object to this and insist on a full price refund since the products are unopened. I apologize to them, point out that it's been at least five years since these were purchased. They agree and tell me they found them at the bottom of a closet. I let them know that we can't do anything with the returned items ourselves... that we'll be taking a complete loss on the items since we can resell them or get a credit for them.

They continue to argue, blah blah blah. I eventually get my manager who backs me. They then say they are going to get their dad and then we'll give them a refund.

They leave... and come back in later with an angry dad... who says, "You will take this return" and then flashes his police badge. 

New Freddy 047aa

So my manager has a conversation with the district manager who, of course, tells us to give them a full refund of the marked price... which we do with the cop looking smug the whole time.

There are few things more ego-defeating than letting a customer win an argument over a return and have to eat crow while they look on, knowing they won. I should have shrugged my shoulders and let it be - I had no ownership in the company and I was just a peon... but there's something to be said for (one-sided) loyalty for a store you've spent (at that point) about six or seven years working for.

I wish this was the only case where the district manager folded and I know this is hardly a rare occurrence based on other stories people tell. What bites my butt most is the abuse of power and the self-righteousness that the badge would let him get his way. And the lesson that taught his entitled kids. Of course, they'd probably long since been taught this lesson.

If I had the balls at the time (and hindsight), I should have taken his badge number down and reported him to the local police department. But, alas, this was many, many years ago and that would probably have developed into its bureaucratic mess.



Campus Cop Hell: Entitled Students

Blogskull13 From CopyCop:

Hello All! It's been a while since my first post, but I'm back! And this time with a story from my Campus Police job.

Now, I'm sure that most of you are used to Campus Police being near actual police officers on campus. My university however is a little different. We're all students. And we don't carry guns. Just a first aid kit, walkie-talkie and flashlight. Most shifts involve us patrolling around campus on foot at night, to make sure no drunk student has passed out in a snow bank or something. However, most of the time, I work as security at the campus bar. And this is where my story comes from.

So Friday night, it's a Y2K party at the bar. Meaning, they're playing all the music I listened to in junior high, awesome. I was loving it!

Anyway, I was put on the door, checking ID's, etc. When along comes this one guy. He was on one of the three pub crawls that were happening that night, and this was obviously the first stop.

So I take his ID, look at it, and see that it's expired. So, of course I tell him that I can't let him in with an expired ID.

Well he starts pulling out all sorts of other things. Bank card, health card, etc. saying "come on, my info hasn't changed, these all say I'm the same person!"

To which I reply, "I'm sorry, but legally I cannot let anyone in with an expired government photo ID. If you can come back with another piece of government photo ID I'll be happy to let you in."

He tried with the other IDs in his pocket again, and then 3 of his friends on the pub crawl chimed in. "We all worked in bars, and you can let him in with his health card!"

At which point the Senior CP (my supervisor for the night) came to check on us, and after explaining the situation to her, she started to tell them the same thing we had.

Well they weren't having it. They continued to argue for a few more minutes, meanwhile, my partner and I at the door were trying to get the other people in line, to come around them so that they could get in.

Eventually they gave up, the guy went home, and his friends all came in (they all had valid photo ID). Funny thing is, when he finally came back with his passport, most of his pub crawl had left for the next bar. 

Well that's all for now, I might be back soon with some fun stories. Like the time I caught a couple about to have sex against a building, while on patrol.



Badge 666 Takes Out a Creepy Custy

RHUPDbc You know I often get the response almost daily from people saying "I don't know how you're able to be a cop, I could never do it".

But after seeing the way retail slaves are treated I know you guys get it so much harsher than we do, because at least we are able to act upon the way were are treated, while your company requires you to "grin and bear it."

I was recently stopping by a convenience store during a long drive. After I get what I want I head up to the counter to pay. Now this is one of those types of counters that is completely surrounded by bullet proof glass so there is only that one slot to where you can get to to make your purchase.

Of course, it's blocked by a guy leaning down into the slot throwing his game at the rather cute girl working the register.

Now, its late. It was around 10 or 11 at night so it was just her. No manager, no stock boy, just her. I give her points just for being able to do that. I'd be ringing people up with a meat cleaver in one hand and a cheese grater in the other....oh yes think of the possibilities.

No-Game Guy: Come on baby you know you want to give me your number. You're all bored and shit up in here, I can call you and keep you company.

I'm thinking he's been at this awhile since he's asking for her number but after reading the posts here this might be an opening line.

Cute Clerk: Sir, may I help you?

She's directing her eyes at me, obviously trying to get sir pimp douche to move.

Guy: Na baby he's fine, talk to me.

....still not moving. The poor girl has the look of pure frustration on her face as she is telling him to move so she can ring me up. This, of course, is only making him throw more of his "game" at her.

Well, I'm thirsty. This coke in my hand is getting warm and I still have 5 hours of drive time ahead of me. I step up beside the guy and nudge my way in front of him.

The dude jumps back in front of me. WTF?!?! I didn't come to the convenience store to play leap frog. Don't leap frog me.  Warholstyle

Me: Oh man you got a nice ass on you dude.

Meh, can't beat em' join em'.

Sir douche stops in mid pick-up line and turns toward me.

Him: What the fuck did you just say f****t?

Now I am a straight male, but that word pisses me off more than anything. I figured its time I give him the same treatment he's giving the poor store clerk.

Me: Man I was commenting your ass but now that you've turned around your package looks even better.

He's ready to kick my ass. See it coming.

Me: Doesn't feel good to be harassed does it? Now move so I can pay for my stuff and leave this woman alone

I leap frog back.

Then it happened. He grabbed me. As he grabs my arm he mentions something about he wasn't done talking to her, but all I hear is "hey sir can you please break my face?"

...but I didn't.

His face did meet the bullet proof glass as I twist that arm up behind him. Cute Clerk calls up the cops and they arrive and make the dude leave. I was three states away from my home state so when they asked if I wanted to press charges of course I'm saying no. No way am I coming back here for a possible court trial just so he can get a slap on the wrist. I know how the courts work.

Turns out he was from another state too which put my mind at ease because I was worried about him coming back when everyone was gone.

So basically I typed out all of that just to tell you guys my coke was flat. Found this out about 10 miles down the road, 30 minutes after I first arrived there after the whole talking to the cops.

Stopped at another store, got a water.

---Badge #666