Molly Mog's Craziest Customers From Hell


Gas station 1


From Molly_Mog, June, 2014

So it was a lovely insane day at the petrol forecourt, everyone was  a little, umm, odd. There were the middle-aged little boys who stamped out of the shop because the coffee machine was working at that moment, cursing and swearing about how unfair it was and how shit we are. There were the idiots who come in the exit and park the wrong way, who when we ask them, politely, to turn around go into a fit about how they aren't thieves and how dare we! (Pump and runners often face the wrong way so we have been told by the area manager to make them turn around, this is an area manager suck.) One even tried to scare me by turning around and moving as fast as possible as if he was going to hit the pumps or the bollards, which actually made me laugh because, well, pumps and bollards will hurt his car more than he'd ever hurt me.

Then there was Mr Important, he'd spent the best part of ten minutes slowly making a coffee while talking over Important Things on his phone and blocking anyone else from being able to because obviously he's the only person in the shop. Then he continues to wander around the tiny little shop talking loudly and Importantly. Then another customer comes in to pay and tells me that a Range Rover is blocking the middle of the pumps. I knew it had to be him. So I asked him if it was his, of course it was, so could he please move it as it is blocking the pumps for other customers to use. He said he would and didn't. After a few minutes I asked him again and he shouts that he can't while he's on the phone. I don't have to be sickly sweet to arsehole customers, thankfully, so I suggested that he actually hang up and move the car. He slams his unpaid coffee down and storms out, still on his phone and I think no more, of well we lost a sale of coffee just because he didn't want to get his hair wet. Weirdly, ten minutes later he comes back in hands me a tenner and says "Large coffee £2.40" as if I can't read or don't know my job and when I hand him the change silently he snaps "£7.60 right?" I just smiled. He was not happy. He really needed that coffee.

RHSEPT 501Finally there was Mr Creepy. He's new-ish to our place but has become a semi-regular for about a month. He's very loud and very imposing, though not to me as it's hard to cow me, he looks like Brian Blessed and Boris Johnsons' love child. I listen to the radio at work, it helps my sanity levels, and I dance and mime along to the words (I don't inflict people with my singing) and I genuinely don't care what others think about it. Mr Creepy likes me singing along, he really likes it. He asked me many questions the first time he came in and saw me, including does my husband approve? Because I need permission from a man/woman/wookie to do what I wish that doesn't hurt others.  I told him my ex-husband had no say in what I did and I knew it was a mistake because then came all the creepy questions. Just ugh. This time I wasn't singing or dancing because there was nothing on I wanted to join in with and immediately he starts commenting about it. Then he tells me to start singing. My polite smile drops and I refuse point blank, then he asks when I'll be singing again, to which I said later, "Oh when later?" to which I replied I didn't know, because you know I don't run of a bloody schedule, spankfish. I didn't say that last bit to him but the tone did. He finally left and I really, really felt like taking a long shower in boiling water.

Today was a funny day but I really am so very tired of the adult children.


June, 2014

All the talk about sock and boob and, shudder, pants money has reminded me of a fairly recent horror.

It was an early Sunday morning and a couple were getting coffee from our machine and a couple of other bits and pieces. They came up to the till and then the woman pulled out her purse and removed a rolled up £10 note only to giggle in a little girl way (hideous in anyone over the age of 7) and said to her partner: "Oh it's the one from partying, it's all I've got."

Then she hands me the rolled up note, I unroll it, and you are probably way ahead of me here, I get white powder all over my hands as I unroll it. My face becomes a mask, trying not to show the horror, then hand her the change. Thankfully it's Sunday and no one else is there yet so I tell my manager that I need to wash the money and my hands thoroughly before I scream hysterically.

RHSEPT 288I'm not a germaphobe, I don't think you can be when you work with money that much, but the white powder absolutely freaked me out.


 October 2016

I finally encountered it, after all the years in retail, reading the sites saying that the customer just stared at the person as if the stare would change the answer they didn't like.

It finally happened to me.

I'm in the bakery/coffee bar and a customer comes up and asks if there are any more croissants available. There had been a rush and I had some in the oven so I told him so. He just stared at me.

So I said I was sorry there were no more croissants left and we were baking some.

He just stared at me some more.

I think my brain left for the moment because I just ended up staring back at him until I tried one more time: No there are no croissants, they're in the oven and they won't be available for at least 20 minutes (including cooling time).

Finally he stopped staring and asked me for a coffee. I've never encountered anyone like him before, he has a coffee loyalty card, he's going to be back.




read more Crazy Customer stories here

and more Hellspawn Tales here

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Retail Hell Memories: The Radioactive Key Shop


MarvinFrom The Key Oracle:

Many decades ago my region of about 60 key shops lost our regional manager, which is what happens when you do not take care of your stuff, it gets lost. For some arcane reason probably involving stupidity, or saving what they would have paid him, the home office was in no hurry to replace him and instead divided up the shops into sub-regions the control of each was given over to some long term managers including me. The only stipulation was that to save even more money we were not allowed to visit our shops except in a dire emergency so this was basically a “phone only” deal.

To keep things anonymous I am going to call one of my shops “Mars” which as I type this just seems appropriate.

To set the stage, Mars was a walk-up hut (meaning that the customers stood outside the shop and were waited on through a window) in the parking lot of a major department store chain, ie., our host. Therefore most customers thought of us as the “host” key shop so the host was very adamant about keeping the complaints about the key shop to the absolute minimum as any complaint would reflect upon them.

Unfortunately the key shop was managed by Marvin, a very strange person that I had never met. To give you an idea of just how weird Marvin could be, one evening his employee leaned back in his chair and for the first time that evening noticed that there was a huge human eyeball painted on the ceiling of the shop surrounded by the text, “Watch what you are doing because I am.” When I was told of this I thought that this was pretty normal for Marvin considering the other things that I heard about him. He also had a habit of coming in hours late for work, or even skipping work for the day, so I got to have frequent talks with his Host store manager which usually involved yelling on his part.

So one random day I am waiting on customers at my shop when an odd looking customer comes in. He is about 50, thin, about 5’6”, short grey crewcut, and wearing thick rimmed glasses with paint specks all over them including the lenses. He stares straight at me, or more likely through me, and does not blink.

Jason 038I say, “Can I help you?” and in a monotone voice he says, “I am Marvin.” Well lots of people are named “Marvin” so I do not connect the dots and say, “Do you need some keys made Marvin?” In the voice of the dead he replies, “I am Marvin from Mars.”

A light bulb goes on and I say, “Well it is nice to finally meet you Marvin, however since you are here and your only worker is in school, who is running the Mars key shop right now?

He states, “You do not understand, a man left a vial of radioactive dust on my counter and it fell and broke open. Now the key shop is radioactive, and I am radioactive, and I am going to die.” With this he turns around, leaves, and disappears forever. We never hear from him again even for him to pick up his paychecks.

However at the moment I have a problem, I need to think of some way to get his shop open because obviously Marvin has finally gone looney-toons. I also need to call his host store manager so that he can yell at me yet again but at least this time I am on top of it and calling him.

As I am dialing the phone I think, “What if his story is true?” No, it couldn’t be, Marvin is a nut!” Well what is near Mars? Ok, there is a nuclear power station and a military hospital that specializes in nuclear medicine. No, he’s a nut!!! But what if people in Mars start dying of radiation poisoning and they find out that I knew about it and did nothing? Man, am I screwed.

So the Mars store manager’s secretary answers the phone and when I say who I am says, “Oh, I was just going to call you. Marvin did not show up again today and Mr. Guy is really mad.” “Please put me through.” I say.

Just as Mr. Guy starts his rant I interrupt to say that I have something important to tell him and relate the morning’s encounter. When I have finished there is a long interval of silence until I eventually hear, “What?” I say, “Look, I do not believe that your key shop is radioactive. Marvin is obviously swimming in the deep end of the “crazy” pool. But against all odds, what if it is true and we knew something and did nothing?” Mr. Guy says, “I’ll handle this, don’t send anyone to open the key shop, we will talk tomorrow.”

The aftermath…

If you call 911 and tell them that there may be a significant incident of radioactive contamination in a public place, people will show up unbelievably quickly. The unsuspecting folks that are already there will not be very happy. A 2 block in diameter area of a medium sized Midwestern city was evacuated and folks in moon suits with Geiger counters poked them everywhere. The result of course was nothing, Mars was once again safe for human habitation.

My talk with Mr. Guy the next morning was much more unpleasant than usual and Marvin the ex-Martian is still missing.

-- The Key Oracle









Grocery Store Hell: "You should do better at your job and know where things are!"



From u/Gouken5256, Tales From Retail:

I just argued with a customer... when I was wrong. I work at as a store manager at a place where everything is a dollar. I was in my office with someone and a knock comes and my associate asks where "arctic ice" is. I think for a moment and think it is an ice pack. They are just looking for the brand. Is what I thought. Let the associate know where it is and continue with the person I am meeting with. Another knock comes on my door and the my associate says the customer is requesting me.... ok I am in the middle of something but whatever. Me and the person in my office leave and there is an old man. I ask how can I help you. He says

"How long have you been a manager!"

"About a year and a half"

"then you should know your f**ing store. I am looking for arctic ice!"

"Is what my associate not what your looking for?" "No! I want arctic ice!"

"Ok, what is it used for? What is arctic ice?"

"It comes in a blue jar and is like a gel!"

"Is it sort of like a vapo rub?"

"No! It's arctic ice! It is in a blue jar and it is a gel!"

I begin to think that this is the vapo rub stuff and he is just to stupid to realize he is being stupid. So I say "I think I know what your talking about" and I take him to the vapo rubs. As I saw a blue jar that said cold rub I thought this was it.

"Is this it sir?"

"No! God! You don't even know your store! It is arctic ice!" And he looks to his side and sure enough there was the arctic ice.

"This! This is what I was looking for! You should do better at your job and know where things are!"

Now comes the thing I regret. I am tired... I am so done.... I just wanna curl up and give up, and when he said that I lost it. I said

"sir! There is over 200,000 items in this store, I can not possibly know where everything is!"

"Then your bad at your job! You should know!"

"No! There are 200,000 items here! Can you name 200,000 items off the top of your head?"

"No! But it is not my job to. It is yours!"

"And you're right! But I wish you would treat me with just a little respect"

"I am, you're just not doing your job!"

I walked off. I could not handle it and needed to cool off. So I just left him there.










Toxic Managers: Manager makes me grovel on the phone



You might remember me from this post quite awhile ago.

Since I never thought I'd have to deal with the same problem again for formality's sake just call me Zeckney. Considering the way things are going this might become a daily occurrence.

Where I work schedules are posted the week of, for that week alone. So scheduling conflicts are a common occurrence. As well as changes to the schedule without notification leading to a lot of no-call no-shows. Leading to calls on the other employees days off to pick up the extra hours. It's a lax environment so no one ever gets fired, but that has lead to people abusing the system.

Didn't have this problem before with the old management. Where they would give us our schedule three weeks in advance, but that's a different story

Backtrack to the beginning of the week, and I'm swapping days with another employee so i can attend an appointment that was set up prior. Manager signs off, and I thought it was all good. Should have known better considering who I was switching shifts with.

Not to get too descriptive, but picture the typical feminist stereotype. Size of a whale, multicolor hair, disgusting BO. customers complain about the them all the time for their stench. Yet nothing has been done. Lets call her Deodorant, because they've probably never used it in their entire life.  

Deodorant decides to go home early, because of an upset stomach.

Manager #4 lets them leave. They count out their drawer. I cover up front, and snag some extra hours. No problem.

Deodorant clocks out. Doesn't go home. Buys three bags of potato chips, and eats them in her car before driving home. That should have been my red flag.

Speed foreword to some time after my appointment. I get a phone call. It's manager #2. They want to know why i wasn't at work. Explain that i traded shifts with Deodorant. They take another look at the schedule, realize their mistake, and apologize. No big deal manager #2 is nice about. End of problem.

Foreword to next day. Here's when their short sightedness about scheduling leads to problems. So i call to get my schedule, since it takes me over an hour to get to the store. As well as complications from my appointment leaving me physically unable to traverse at the time.

Deodorant picks up. I ask for a manager. Hands the phone over to them. It's manager #4. They sound really annoyed.

Me - Hello this 'Zeckney'. I'm calling to ask about my schedule. I just want to know when my next scheduled day is?

Manager #4 - angry Say please!

Are you kidding me? She really wants me to beg for my schedule?

Me - Hesitantly and confused Please?

I really didn't know how to react to that.

Manager #4 - Why can't you just come in, and get it!?

At this point I'm just dumbfounded.  Then proceeds to drop the attitude, and give me my schedule. Spouting it off so fast that when I asked if they could repeat the last day they snapped at me. Giving it to me with a snobbish flare in their voice. After repeating it even faster than before she hung up on me.

I don't know if they were busy or anything, but even then that's no excuses to act that way on the phone with another employee.









Crazy Coworkers: Smoke Break


3 Coworker HellFrom this_is_ballsTalesFromRetail

One of my first jobs was at a fast casual restaurant. Our standard staff consisted of 2 people preparing food, and 3 people serving food / cashiering. Since I was a minor at the time, I wasn't legally allowed to prepare the food (safety issues).

One day we get a huge dinner rush, probably around 30 people in a restaurant that seats 20 at most. At that point there was only one woman (preparing food) and myself (serving / cashiering). I went to the back to grab my coworkers to help me, but no one was there. I look in all the back of house spaces, the seating area, and even the front parking lot. No dice. There should be 5-6 people working, but only 2 seem to be here.

So I head back to the counter and do my damnedest to serve everyone, but there are just way too many people for 1 person to serve, and more keep coming in.

And then about ten customers in, my coworker, who was preparing the food, drops what she's doing and says "I can't deal with this right now." She then goes to the back room and just sits there. When I go back to tell her I still need help, she says nothing. She flat out ignores me. So I'm on my own now.

Fast food hellSo now I'm doing everything. Slicing up the food (which I wasn't technically allowed to do), taking orders, serving food, ringing people up. With about 15 people left in line, I run out of prepared food. I have no idea how to use the appliances to prepare more food (wasn't trained to use them), and even if I did, I'm not legally allowed to. My coworker still refuses to help me, and the rest of the staff is still MIA.

I have no choice. I tell the customers that I can't prepare the food myself and that there's no one else here to help me, so I can't serve them. They're reasonably upset, but for the most part they didn't blame me personally. They leave.

I go back to tell my coworker what happened, and then she decides that, since the rush is over, she can start doing her job again.

The rest of the staff shuffles in a half hour later with bloodshot eyes. THEY WERE BEHIND THE RESTAURANT SMOKING WEED WHILE I WAS WORKING LIKE CRAZY TO COVER THEIR SORRY ASSES. 

Needless to say I didn't come back to work there the following summer.

At 16 years old, I was still in the "don't be a tattletale" mindset, even when I got dicked over. If I could go back, I'd do it in a second.



Coworker Hell: Janice's String Of Malicious Bull


4 Coworker HellFrom LydiousAskReddit

Back in 2010 I got a job in a small office, and they put me in with a more senior employee, Janice, so she could train me.

Janice was nice at first, but the assholery started out subtly- she would ask me to "cover for her" so she wouldn't get in trouble for disappearing for hours on end to run her personal errands. Her own internet use had been restricted, so she demanded to use my computer to browse the web. She snacked on soy nuts all the time and got greasy fingerprints all over my mouse.

Then she ironically began policing my internet activity. If she hadn't sent me a work order in a while and she heard me typing, she would snap at me to get off facebook (I wasn't even on facebook, I just wrote short stories in my downtime).

She was a very in-your-face baptist and talked about jesus all the time, she prayed out loud before eating every meal & snack, and made very bigoted comments about non-christians.

She texted and made personal phone calls all day long where she'd gossip and argue with people, and she'd call up businesses that she'd been to and accuse them of giving her poor service because she's black. Yes, she actually did this.

She was late literally every day and made me lie to the boss and tell him that she was in the bathroom when he came looking for her. She would dick around all day long, and then we'd BOTH have to stay late because she hadn't gotten her work done on time.

Bitch Encounters 1Just a shitty, shitty employee AND person. Nobody liked her but she couldn't be fired because she'd been there forever and the boss was afraid of her since she pulled the race card all the time.

Then she started actively trying to get me fired. I started getting called into the boss's office all the time to defend myself against Janice's claims that I wasn't doing my work.

My work records were on my side though and I was eventually moved into another lady's office and put on another project.

Janice was still sending me work orders from her department though. I still did them, but they were a lower priority than my new project and that pissed her off. She knew she couldn't yell at me for prioritizing my main project, so I started getting emails from her about my alleged long lunches.

She noticed a couple times that I came back at 1:05 instead of 1:00, but on those days I hadn't left until 12:05.

But even if I was late, she still wasn't my supervisor and it was none of her business! She never WAS my supervisor, she was only ever my trainer.

Anyway, after several of these emails, I replied and CC'ed the boss, telling her that I had left at 12:05 and had taken exactly one hour for lunch and the timestamps on my logins would prove it.

She then switched to a different tactic- she began sending me work orders long after she knew I'd left for the day- at 6, 6:30, sometimes even past 7- and then sent me angry emails(which she CC'ed to the boss) berating me for "shirking my duties" and not getting them done.

PET45I replied back that our work day ends at 5 unless otherwise specified, and any work orders she sends me after 5 will be completed upon my arrival the next morning.

All was quiet for a while, but things came to a head on the day before Thanksgiving. The boss told us all to leave at noon, and about 5 minutes later Janice summons me to her office to tell me that we had to stay late and finish some "urgent" work orders.

I reminded her that the boss told us to leave at noon, and she physically got up in my face and barked "Uh, you don't get to leave until I leave!"

She shoved an inch-thick stack of work orders into my hands and turned back to her computer. I was so angry I was almost in tears. What can I do though? I'm the new kid and she's a senior employee. I put on some good angry music to work to and after I'd finished a few work orders, the dates on them started standing out- they were months old, and not a single one was urgent in any way.

Busy work. She had given me fucking busy work just to keep me from leaving early.

I ducked out for lunch at noon and as I'm waiting in the drive-through line, she called me all in a tizzy cause she had come to check on me and thought I'd gone home. Aaaargh.

I get back and finally finish up around 3pm, and just then the boss comes into my office to ask me how it's going.

PET27I told him I was finished and he said "Oh good, just put them back on Janice's desk before you leave. We're the only ones left here, so I'm heading out, Happy Thanksgiving!"

Wait... what?

Put them back on Janice's desk? We're the only ones left here? What happened to "you don't get to leave until I leave"?!

I grab the work orders, march back to her office, and sure enough- the lights were off and she was long gone. I hadn't gotten any emails or calls since she called me at lunch, so she must have left right after that. Pawned her shit work off on me, deliberately made me stay late just to spite me and ruin my day, while she went home to go enjoy her holiday.

That bitch. That FUCKING bitch!

I cried the whole way home, tears of pure rage. I had never done anything to that rotten woman to deserve this kind of treatment, and to this day I don't know why she targeted me like that.

A few weeks later she finally succeeded in talking the boss into letting me go me and to be honest, I was relieved. Never have I HATED a coworker more. I've worked with other assholes, but she was the worst, the most malicious. I hope she gets hit by a truck.