From RHUer:

During my (thankfully) brief career in the grocery industry, we had a regular pervert.  He would ask the cashiers if they were bad and needed a spanking.  It was a waste of time to report it to the boss, he didn’t care about any of us.

One night, he came in with a jacket with a familiar manufacturing emblem.

Me:  Hey, do you work for (company)?

Pervert:  Puffs chest proudly: I do!

Me:  My Dad’s company buys from your company.  (States Dad’s company and his name)

Pervert:  Turns pale, Oh yeah.

Me:  I’ll tell him you said hello.

Pervert rushes out of store and never comes through my line again. 

I still have a good little giggle over it.

--RHUer

read more Creepy Customer Tales here

and for lots more Cashier Hell stories go here

From Kiwi Berry, January, 2011:

Dear Pervy Cockwranglers Who Come Through My Line At Work,

Please stop trying to fool yourself. The only reason that I'm being nice to you is because I'm being financially compensated for it, kind of like a hooker.

The fact that I'm smiling and making eye contact with you does not mean I totally want your flabby, sweaty, I-have-hair-growing-in-the-most-random-of-patches bod.

Please understand that if we had encountered each other under any other set of circumstances, I'd have taken a lemon zester to your testicles by this point.

The only reasons I'm restraining myself now are A) I'm at work and they kind of frown on us mutilating the customers (it's in the handbook somewhere) and B) The lemon zesters are way over there.

In short, I don't want you, and no, it's not because I'm a lesbian. It's because I think people like you should've been chlorinated out of the gene pool before you had the opportunity to take your first, miserable breath.

Stop giving me your number (which I'll just use to pizza you), stop openly oogling my tits (I know, they're lovely and that's the closest you'll ever get to them) and stop complaining to my manager that I was rude because I rejected your awkward, 7th-grade-style advances.

Isn't there a cousin you could be having better luck with?

Die in a fiery landslide you complete and utter waste,

--Kiwi Berry

 read more Creepy Customer Hell here

From our Pretty Hate Machine:

So I work at a clothing store. We sell to more "alternative" people, we have things like knee high boots, corset tops, band t shirts, pants, skirts, and other graphic tees.

Well, one day a few months ago, a woman who was about 40 wanted to try on one of the corset tops.

They're a little hard to get into, so she asked me to zip up the back, which I did, and all was well.

She looked in the mirror for a while, and when I asked what she thought, she said she liked it and planned on buying it.

I said alright and went to walk away, and she told me to help her unzip it.

I did, then she took it off and TURNED AROUND...holding the corset out to me....BREASTS FULLY EXPOSED!

I quickly averted my eyes and grabbed the top and ran away.

Needless to say I was a little grossed out.

--Pretty Hate Machine

February 2008 

From Kimmie:

One fitting room nightmare story I will never forget, happened on my first day at a new children's clothing store.

I waited on a 5'3 65 year old woman who insisted that I help her find a bathrobe. No matter how many times I told her it was a CHILDREN'S STORE, she still wanted to purchase a robe.

I grabbed her a few robes and she followed me into the dressing room. I told her my name and went to go ring up another customer.

Two minutes later I hear "Kimmie, Kimmie, over here."

I finished up with my customer and walked over to the fitting rooms. She came out in the children's robe....NOT WEARING ANY PANTS!

Then she proceeded to dance and swirl throughout our store....

With each swirl more of the robe opened up to reveal she was NAKED underneath....

I told her she must get back in her dressing room, but she continued to swirl like a sick swan all over the place. She finally ran out of breath, put her clothes on and walked out like nothing happened.

Fast forward 5 years.

Our store is closing for good. The very last customer comes in and......

It's the old lady lady!!!

I wouldn't have recognized her....BUT...SHE asked to try on ROBES!!!

She went to the fitting room and put one on, but instead of swirling around, she collected her clothing, went to the register and demanded we ring up the robe and let her WEAR IT OUT of the store..

WITH NOTHING UNDERNEATH... :(

Two days days later we were cleaning the store to hand back to the mall and we found her grandma panties and stockings in a pile in the corner.. YIKES.. Hand Sanitizer time!!!! What a creepy Granny!

--Kimmie

From  u/Ashleylister33 Tales From Retail:

I work at a fast fashion company and have been working retail for years, this is definitely not my first time dealing with crazy, just the first in a good while.

Opened the store today at 10am, get a call from a customer at 10:15, looking for an item she saw online. Not unusual, just usually customers call through our customer service center, which is easier because they have access to online and can describe the items more accurately, since we can't look them up ourselves in store. Our registers, while they look like a computer, have zero Internet access.

She will be IL for Insane Lady.

IL: Hi yes I am looking at this cardigan online and I really quite like it, but I REFUSE to buy it online, because I don't want too, can you check if you have it in store?

Me: Yes totally, can you describe the cardigan to me, tell me the price, and size you need?

IL: It's a ribbed gray cardigan that is 29.99, very light looking, perfect for wearing it with a shirt, I want it in a medium, and if you don't find the EXACT cardigan and tell me you do have it, and I drive all the way over to you, I WILL RIP YOUR HAIR OUT.

My eyes almost popped out of my head and all I said was "... Okay."

I then put her on hold, in awe of how someone could casually threaten violence to a stranger like that. I didn't look for the cardigan, I think we actually had it, but I'm not trying to go out of my way and keep a customer happy that threatens to rip out my hair...

I picked up the phone and let her know we didn't have it available in store and hung up without waiting for a reply or giving her a snarky last word. Wasn't worth my time.

What a wonderful day at the mall.

--u/Ashleylister33

From Kira Davies, Wonkette

I was bartending at a nightclub on a very busy night. One of our regulars (who I loved) was at my bar with a guy I had seen once or twice before, and that had a super creepy stare that made you feel so gross you wanted a shower. But he had never actually said or did anything that would make me toss him out. Until that night.

I was completely weeded because the next bartender on was late. Creepy man hadn't ordered a drink, even though everyone else he was with was now on their second round. I kept an eye out, waiting for him to make up his mind and trying to keep moving to maximize my money.

He called me over by name multiple times, only to just stare at me and show me his creepy-ass smile as people are demanding drinks all around me. Frustrating, to say the least.

He calls me over 2-3 more times, and I ask him each time what he would like to drink. On the 4th or 5th time, I am completely exasperated, because it's obvious he is doing this on purpose, and thinks it's funny/cute/flirty.

I stomp over and go, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

He looks me in the eye, and very, very slowly shifts his gaze to my chest, lets his eyes stay there for two more seconds than necessary to make his point, then slowly looks back up to my eyes.

He smirks to himself, then says "Milk."

I completely snap. I immediately scream expletives at him as I leap across the bar. I shove him in the chest (almost knocking him completely off his barstool) and shout at him to get the fuck out. His friends don't even attempt to help him.

My manager is close by and comes flying over to rip my hands off him and defuse the situation.

He pulls me away back behind the bar by waist, screaming "What the hell are you doing?!"

I'm still seething--steam was probably coming out of my ears--as I tell him what happened. He gets a disgusted look on his face, turns to the guy, and says, "Oh for fuck's sake--get the hell out of here and don't come back, you piece of shit."

--Kira Davies