Retail Balls Awards: Hotel Customer Gets Told



From December, 2010:

The hotel manager in this story gets a Retail Balls Award for their swift and supportive action in dealing with a homophobic asshole customer:

Hey RHU,

It's Dan and I'm back at the Front Desk. I had left the hotel to lease apartments because the hotel is a good half-hour away and this leasing job was right out my front door (literally...I was leasing apartments in my own apartment complex). Because of the wonderful training I had in how to lease apartments I became frustrated to the point of tears (I have anxiety attacks when I don't know what I'm doing...wonderful when what I'm doing is my only source of income, right?)

Anyhoo, my FOM gave me my job back and let me tell you...I appreciate this job so much more just because I know what I'm doing and I'm good at it.

Back to the story at hand...I got called a fag at work, RHU. I'll be honest, it's the first time in my 21 years of life that it was said with such hate and to my face.

I've had it said behind my back once before, but when I turned around and said "Excuse me, what did you say?" the douche-tard shut his vomit-hole.

When this happened, I was so taken aback. Our hotel has a policy that requires people checking in to provide their credit card and picture ID. When Mr. H came up to me, he told me he didn't have his card, but asked if we could charge to the one that was on file. (We only do that for the highest tier of our loyalty program. He was the bottom tier.)

Me: Sorry, I would need to have the card to I can swipe it.

Mr.H: Well if my girlfriend comes and gives you her card, can you just charge the one that's on file?

Me: No, I'm sorry it doesn't work that way.

He goes away and gets on his phone, so I continue to play Freecell on my computer because it's the only game that isn't blocked (and it's awesome). He comes up again maybe half an hour later with his girlfriend to check in.

OCTOCAROL 336Mr.H: So I called THEM and they charged my card for the room and they said all I had to do was show my ID. 

I assume by "Them" he meant Schmilton, so I check the reservation, and instead of "Guarantee by Credit Card" his reservation noted "Full-Prepayment" which solved half of his problem and caused all of mine. See, even if the room is prepaid we still need a credit card for incidentals (room service, phone, etc;).

Me: Okay it looks like the room has been payed for, I'll just need a credit card for incidentals.

Mr.H: Did you not listen to me? I already payed for the room, they told me all I needed to do was show my ID.

Me: I agree that the room was paid for, but I still need a card for incidental charges.

Mr.H: Listen to what I'm saying. I don't have a credit card on me, is there a manager here I can speak to?

Me: I'm the only one here to assist you at the moment, and that doesn't change the fact that our hotel's policy is to collect a credit card upon check in.

Mr.H: So what do you want me to do?

Me (at this point, I'm shaking from frustration): I want you to come back with either a credit card or cash to leave as a deposit.

Mr.H: Fuck you, fag!

At this point, he picks up his bags and storms out with his ugly girlfriend in tow.

Me: Have a great night! Jason 024

It was the only come-back I could think of at the time. I honestly wanted to incite him to come back because then I would get the pleasure of calling the police to escort him off property and issue a no-trespass warrant. Alas, the only thing I could do at that point was call my FOM who went livid.


I <3 her. I ended up calling the loyalty program's Guest Assistance hotline and had them mark in his profile about being abusive to hotel staff, that way people are aware. And my FOM get's the task of sending him a letter telling him he is no longer welcome back on property, lol.

So yeah, pretty intense moment. All I want to say is that I love my job even more because my manager will go to the ends of the earth for me and the rest of the team =D


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Electronics Store Hell: Best Bastard's Douchebag Customer of the Week


Besdouche2 From Best Bastard:

Been in retail/customer service since I was 13. Everything from paintball field management/customer service, retail sporting equipment store manager, IT support and now.... Best Buy.


I've got stories out the ass but I'll start with a quick one that took place today. The Computer section of BBY was PACKED. We had, what, 4 employees on the floor (2 of which actually DO their job) and over a few dozen customers.

My manager was helping a couple when ENTER ENTITLED, ARROGANT, DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK (and quiet, mousy, somewhat unresponsive wife).

I had just finished helping a nice older lady find a netbook for her grandson, when a manager walked over and asked me if I was free. I said yes (MISTAKE). She points him out and says, simply "He needs help."

Oh, how right she was. I saunter over and...

Me- Good morning sir, anything I can help you out with?

DBAG- (steps over to crappy gigantic 18in Toshiba) Get me this one.
Me- Alright sir, did you want anything with your laptop today? Microsoft Office, Optimization and Antivirus are all very common addon purchases with laptops.


Jason 029zMe- Ok then, I'll just grab the keys from my manager and we will pull out your laptop.

DBAG- (sigh) Fine.

I hurry to find the manager because I know how precious his time is and I just want to throw him to the front registers and have them ring him out so I don't have to deal with him anymore. I actually get the keys really quickly (in under a minute), unlock the case, pull out the laptop, return the keys (as per SOP) and return to the customer.

Me- Alright sir, I've got your Toshiba right here. Did you want to grab anything else such as an external mouse, keyboard or carrying case?


See this is where I made my mistake. Instead of just taking him to the front registers for him to check out, I decided to be nice and ring him out in the back to avoid the huge line in the front of the store.

Me- Well, it looks like the line is really long out front, I'll ring you out back here so you can avoid it.

DBAG- ...

I ring up the items as fast as possible and, as per BBY SOP, offer our extended warranties.

Me- Have you heard of our protection plans for laptops?

DBAG- Stop offering me things.

Me- Ok, then.

Oh God, please let's just finish this.

Me- Your total comes to $xxx.xx, is that card debit or credit?

DBAG- Credit.
(swipe, ID check then that EXCRUCIATINGLY LONG wait before it pops up....... APPROVED! YES! OH GOD YES THANK YOU!)

Then, it happens. Receipt. Paper. Jams.



Me- I do apologize, sir. Our machine seems to have jammed, I'll just print your receipt from another machine, I'll be right back. Once again, I do apologize.

I run, not walk. I RUN to the next register, type in the halfway printed receipt code, print the receipt and return in less than a minute. I DARE anybody to beat that time.

Me- Here you ar--

DBAG- You forgot to ask for my Reward Zone card.

Me- Oh, I'm sorry but that's no problem. Just go to an--

DBAG- You know what?! FORGET IT. JUST FORGET IT.  (Gathers crap and leaves)

Phew! He's gone. But wait! There's more! THERE'S ALWAYS MORE.

Apparently, he went up to our security desk complaining about us. So, LP called our manager up and the conversation went something like this...

DBAG- Every single one of those people working in computers is completely incompetent. They're all idiots! Especially that one red-haired guy (guess who that was...), he had to ring me up three times before he got it right! I can't believe this! This is unacceptable!

Awesome Manager- Sir, I do NOT appreciate the way you are speaking about my employees. You will show them respect, they do a wonderful job.

DBAG- (grumble grumble grumble) I'm never coming here again!

He then tries to "storm out" while the spider-wrap security device is still attached to his laptop... He sets off the alarm which alerts LP and he gets to spend the next few minutes waiting for them to deactivate everything while everyone in the store watches =D

--Best Bastard







Retail Balls Awards: Donation Jar Thief Gets Told



From Lexi, January, 2013:

So I’ve worked in food service for 7 years so this might be the first of many stories, however this is one that sticks out first.
I work at your standard pizza restaurant and it was close to Christmas so we were taking charity donations that month. We actually had a donation cup on the front counter in lieu of a tip jar. One late night a guy comes in to order and I am by myself making food. I go to make his order when I see out of the corner of my eye him grabbing the cup and pouring out some money and counting it out for himself. Then he tells me he wishes to order a soda. I calmly inform him that the cup he just grabbed all his money from was not a leave-a-penny take-a-penny jar and that he just stole it. He makes a nasty face at me but returns a pile of change. Then he pulls out his wallet and places a five on the counter. I take it and he snaps at me, “Did you just snatch from me?”.  I should explain that it is Saturday night at 2am and I’m not in the mood so I replied without thinking, “Well you steal from children with cancer.” He immediately starts sputtering that he doesn’t steal and a myriad of other defenses then throws his five in the donation cup and storms out. His friend picks up his food later. I consider it a win overall.

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Monstrous Customers: Brittany's Retail Hell Hour


M3201ab_2From Brittany in Maryland, March 2008:

I had an hour straight from Retail Hell today.

First I got Satan's Wife. She comes in at least once a week and acts like a total bitch, talking down to me and throwing attitude like she's fuckin' Ursala the Sea Witch.

Today she got all pissy because she wanted an outfit in a kid size and it's only available in baby size. I explained to her that it's only for babies. It doesn't come in kids sizes.

She stared at me like I had four heads and said, "I know you must have the size I want? Can't you get me the size I want? I'm sure it must come in the size I want."

I stared back at her like she had six heads and said, "It does not come in kids size."

Then she said, "I bet there's one hiding in the back that you don't know about. There's always something in the back." I'm like what the fuck? Will you please just stop. What am I supposed to do? Open a sweatshop in the stock room and sew up whatever you ask for on demand? What the fuck do you want me to do?

So I attempted to show her something else and she continued to act like Satan's Wife, only now horns had sprouted. She was a complete stark raving psycho bitch the rest of the time she was in the store by constantly snapping at me, complaining about all the merchandise, tossing clothes at me like I was her maid, asking for everything on sale, and yelling from across the store like some kind of Viking Ship slave driver.

Finally Satan's Wife makes her selections and I get her to the register and she goes ballistic on me cause she didn't want to open a store credit card. I'm sorry, but it's my job to ask. I have to! Just say no. Don't give me a fuckin speech about your credit score, cause I really don't care. Through all her bitchin', I kept my cool and killed her with kindness. I should have gotten an I Waited on Satan's Wife and Survived T-shirt. Why do people have to be so mean and crazy?

MonsterI was so glad she left and barely got a sigh of good riddance, when a total Cell Phone Monster reared her ugly face yapping loudly on her cell phone and dragging two kids with her. The entire time she was there, she ignored the kids as they proceeded to mess up everything they touched. She was just as bad; talking away, grabbing clothes and throwing them down. I asked her 4 times if she needed help with a size and she kep saying no, "I'm just looking," while yanking clothes from the bottom of a stack and instantly unfolding three or four items. What I Really Wanted to Say was, If your just looking, why the fuck do you feel the need to pull an item from the bottom of a stack you inconsiderate pig. Within 10 minutes she had managed to unfold most the store while her demon children were literally running around screaming, throwing clothes like confetti, and swinging off of floor fixtures. I was at the breaking point. Close to rampage. It looked like a tornado had come through the store and leveled the place.

Then the Cell Phone Monster and her devil spawns left without buying anything (thank god), only to be replaced by another Weirdo Customer who wanted to be rung up immediately. I took her over to the register while I was still fuming over the store destruction and rang up $525 worth of tiny baby clothes (that's a shit load of baby clothes). Well this nutball yanks out a wad of cash and proceeds to pay me in $5 bills. AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! I can't believe all this went down within an hour. That was it it. I'd had enough. I went on break and had someone else clean up the mess. I'd had enough of monsters and devils for the day.











Thrift Store Hell: Trying To Take Advantage Of The Program


Skully coworkersFrom Puppies In Prada

Our thrift store participates in a program for people at a disadvantage. Namely, a person with limited means can get a voucher from this program, and bring this voucher to our store. The voucher very specifically names the individual, what kinds of things they can get, and a value that the voucher covers them for.


John Doe - $30 - Jeans, shirts, shoes, jackets (etc)

A bit of background: My Assistant Manager is at the registers. My Supervisor heads down at 4:30 with a small cart of things she plans to work on during dead moments at the register. I am behind her, but get delayed. Aside from the fact that I have a fairly large wagon load of stuff of my own, which doesn't slow me down; I do have to make a minor emergency pit stop at the employee bathroom, which does. So I am delayed by a few minutes.

Back to story:

In comes Entitled Shithead. Entitled Shithead is a young man, somewhere between 18 - 20. He presents the voucher to the Assistant Manager and she tells him (as if it's not written in black and white in front of him) the terms of his voucher.

He immediately starts bargaining like a Yard Sale Veteran. Can he buy that $100 piece of signed artwork with his $30 voucher for clothes? Okay, well how about this huge ass collection of $3 jewelry. Can he buy $30 of that with his voucher? What about...

The assistant manager shuts him down harder than the temple doors after Indiana Jones snatches his hat. He gets really upset and argues vigorously with her, demanding to know why she won't "just write on the voucher that jewelry is okay?!"

Carolanne chanelAnswer: Because that's not what the program is for.

Cue angry tantrum.

The Assistant Manager calls the program representative and tells her about his behavior, and that she can either tell the Entitled Shithead to follow the terms, or the Assistant Manager will run the voucher through the shredder and kick him out of our building. He gets the phone, listens for a while, turns red and storms off into the store, huffing and puffing, to look for... you know... actual clothes.

I'm done with my business and come out, pulling my wagon to the registers. Assistant manager and Supervisor tell me all that has transpired so far.

So I've been alerted.

My Assistant Manager goes upstairs to sort Housewares, and it's just me and Supervisor.

I bet you can guess what happens next.

Yep. Entitled Shithead comes up to the registers just a few minutes later and comes to me. Not to my Supervisor, who was witness to the exchange, but to me. Because there's a chance I wasn't made aware and may cave into his angry customer tantrum, I suppose? Nyeeehh! :P

He has a pair of Nike shoes, a shirt, two hats and some jeans. He also has a bike chain, and a tool of some sort.

Now, a thing to note is that I price Nike shoes at almost always $10. Flate rate, unless they're a little worn, where I take a few dollars off. This is usually due to a combination of Nikes starting somewhere around $60 and going up from there, and our almost completely arbitrary and wonky pricing system.

I guess that last bit is kind of unimportant, but it is good to note that Nike shoes tend to be one of the rare "higher priced" shoes I sell. Just about every other brand of sneakers, are $5 each.
Also, it's the beginning of August, which means that a colored tag has gone 50% off, and that a LOT of our clothes are now discounted. He hasn't chosen the color.

Basically this is a bit of a long winded way of saying that Entitled Shithead has deliberately chosen items that eat up a lot of his value, giving him very little bang for his buck.

Jason bored 1I tell him this. He is uninterested in finding the magical tag color and tells me to ring him up.

I do, while telling him with a smile that

1) that his voucher is good for $30 in CLOTHES and he is currently at $40 and
2) the bike chain and tool are not covered by his voucher, so he needs to produce some cash

He argues with me.

I tell him to cough up cash, or decide what he's not getting today.

He doesn't have cash.

Then he needs to re-evaluate what he's getting.

He demands that I just give him the items he wants for $30.


He then scowls angrily and snarls, "Whatever, I'm getting angry now."

(Yaaawwwwnn.... Oh, pardon me. Were you saying something? I do apologize, it's just that I find myself suddenly and irrevocably... Bored! Now fork over some cheese to Sheogorath before he plucks out your eyeballs.)

I Retail Smilingly(TM) take the bike chain and tool off the list, to the delightful jingle of him pissing and moaning that he didn't tell me to take them off, and to the return song of my people that he only has $30 and he was at $40.

He's really fuming now. His total is $27.

Him: "Okay, so just give me the $3 that I'm not spending."

Freddy and HagMe: "That's not happening. This voucher doesn't have cash value."

Him: "So what, am I out the $3 now?!"

Me: "Well, you can get some cheaper clothes and see if you can't match it up."

Nope. He's not interested in that.

Me: "Then it looks like you have a choice. Either buy something more expensive and pay the difference..."

Him: "I told you I don't have cash!"

Me: "Then I guess you're either out the value, or you make smarter choices in your shopping. Those are your options."

Him: "Can't I get a piece of $3 jewelry to round it up?"

Me: "No. Your voucher is for clothes, not jewelry."

Also, you're basically getting this shit for free. There's no fucking way you're getting something you can just turn around for profit.

He's really puffing now, but he finally just decides to take what he's got, and be out the supposed $3 value.

Before he storms off he says: "I'm going to give you some advice. If you want people to come through that door and spend their money in your shop, you need to stop arguing with people."

Skullies cheersMe: "And you need learn how to obey the terms and conditions of your voucher, son. Bye-bye now!" I actually give him a bye-bye finger wave.

He storms off in a delightfully immature manner and leaves the store.

I leave the registers, hunt down the Assistant Manager and tell her everything that transpired, including my responses, which would have gotten me SO VERY FIRED anywhere else.

She's unconcerned about my attitude in the way I handled it (I get the suspicion that she's actually quite pleased with my handing the little bastard his ass), and reassured me that she backs me all the way.

I'm actually sorry that I can't make this place a lifelong career, because it's insanely refreshing to be able to tell people how little of their crap you're willing to take.

--Puppies In Prada


Customer Blindness


Carolanne 023

Hi RHU! It's Triviagrrrl here again with a tale from the mists of time. This is a good fifteen years and three or four jobs ago.
Back to School! Three simple words that strike terror into the hearts of retail workers everywhere. It was our second year running Back to School, so we mostly had it down.
The layout was a bit strange. Basically, the till counter was a very shallow U shape, with the middle section being much longer than the legs. We had two tills, one at each end of the middle part. The schoolbooks were on shelves behind us. Because the counter was a couple of feet away from the shelves, we used mobile stands to blocks the gap so the customers didn't try to walk through.
I was dealing a customer; the other staff member helping me had stepped out from behind the counter to help her customer fins something on the shop floor. I'd seen her pull the stand back into place out of the corner of my eye.
What I hadn't seen was the Angry Man on my end of the counter who moved a stand, stepped in behind me and crouched down to look at the books on the low shelves. He was directly behind me and well below my field of vision.
I finished going over my customer's list. I took a step back to start collecting his books.
I fell over Angry Man.
There was a lot of shouting and anger. I hadn't hit my head, but I'd whacked my ankle and hip pretty good. Somebody got the manager's attention. Angry Man was claiming I deliberately attacked him. My customer, bless him, was on my side. Eventually my manager untangled what was going on.
"Sir, did you move this stand to get behind the counter?"
"Your worker deliberately kicked me! I'm going to have a bruise! I'm just trying to buy my school books!"
"Sir. There's a stand blocking access into this area. Did you move it?"
"That one must have moved it!" ('That one' was my coworker, who, we remember, had left the counter a few minutes before.)
"Nope," my customer said cheerfully, "she went out the other end and straight into the aisles, never came near here."
Other customers chimed in. To be fair, most of them probably just wanted to get the line moving again, but whatever works.
"Sir, you deliberately moved a barricade we had set up to keep you out of an unsafe area, and in doing so you caused injury to my worker. I'm going to have to insist you leave. We can't fill your school list here."
"We're going on holidays tomorrow!"
My manager held firm. Angry Man was sent away. I'm pretty sure I saw him slink back in at the end of August, but I can't swear to it.
Why are customers so completely blinkered? We don't set up big difficult to get around barricades for our health!

--Trivia Grrl