Pet Store Hell: Encounters with Bitches - of the Human Kind

 

PETSTOREHELL

From PetShart Stevie, March, 2010:

Hey RHUers! Long time reader, first time poster, and so on.

I live in Pasadena, California and have been a Retail Slave since I was 15. My retail experience spans many many years. From Hollyweird Video to Noah's BagHELLs to some roofing company to all things under the goddamn sun.

Anyway, now I am a slave at a petstore that sounds like PetShart. My tale of woe is but a small sampling of what I have to deal with in this "upscale" neighborhood with its rich bitchy customers.

Now, don't get me wrong, I understand spoiling your pet and the fact that they're like your children (especially to the ladies that come through the line with 637 cans of individual cat food that I have to scan...individually) but really...sometimes it just goes too far.

Let me set the scene for you.

It's my first day on the registers...second day in the company. My manager just trained me on the registers (which, after so many retail jobs...and not being an idiot...takes me like 3 seconds to learn) then left to do something else.

The first lady I help on my own is paying with a check...and he didn't train me on how to do checks yet, of course...

It's suddenly gotten busy (as we all know customers see one person in line and decide that THIS is the time to swarm to the registers like the infestation they are).

There are TWO registers open, but the lady behind the lady I am helping, who is being very sweet about the whole thing, decides that I and ONLY I am going to check her out with the aforementioned amount of cat food cans.

My coworker for some reason refuses to call my manager over (only she had a phone that could page on the overhead). I obviously can't just leave the register to wander the store looking for him so I'm stuck begging her to call him over while the whole time this lady who's next in line keeps repeating, "What am I waiting for? Can you tell me what i'm waiting for???" while I AND the lady I'm helping keep repeating something along the lines of, "I'm just waiting for the manager."

PethellOf course I wanted to say something much, MUCH different.

FINALLY coworker pages him and he meanders over. We get it figured out and Bitchy McGee comes to the register with her bazillion cans of individual cat food. She continues to bitch at me while I scan each and every one of these cans and bag them, put them in her cart and continue. She finally leaves and I'm once again happy...for a while.

THEN this self-entitled Rich Bitch comes in telling me that her dog "will only sleep on sheepskin blankets" and how she "has much nicer stuff and can afford better than what we have in here, but she needs something to take to her boyfriend's penthouse when she visits" and whatnot.

I show her all of the beds we have and she proceeds to pull every one of them off the shelves and have her dog "try them out."

I don't know how many of you have ever been to L.A., but people are kind of...well...batshit crazy. She proceeds to tell me that "Spike doesn't dig the vibe of this one." and "He's not feelin' this." and whatever the crazy hell else she said.

I FINALLY get her to the register carrying not only her new dog bed, (Yeah, Spike eventually "dug one"), but also a bag of food, some treats, and HER DOG.

I get no kudos for selling stuff to her, no commission, no "Hey, good job!"...NOTHING. ...Except a "why did you spend so long on one customer, we have other people to help in here!"

BLARGH!!!

Anyway, that's a minor annoyance compared to everything else I've suffered, as I am also a bather in the grooming department, reception for the grooming department, cashier, and the Doggie Day Camp area.

-- PetShart Stevie 

 

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Monstrous Customers: Doctor Hell

 

Monster

From Queer Geek, December, 2010:

Despite the faaaaabulous mystique that surrounds me, I am no more of fashion forward than I am a fashion victim so the geek part of me rings true.

Anyway, I have worked from the likes of the KKK-Mart eventually rising to the ranks of other big fancy stores as mentioned in Freeman Hall’s book. I am no longer one of those sale lackey’s but now a clerical worker for another major retailer but still have to handle customer complaints.

During my years being in this ludicrous service industry, I’ve had my fair share of crazy custys. There is one that I would like to point out that I remember as really taking the cake who I’d like to call Dr. Dick.

Now Dr. Dick is known around town as being a complete nutjob. He comes in different locations and proceeds to return big, expensive designer items and then asks that the store hold them for him so he can purchase them at a later date.

The reason behind this I suspect is that he is waiting until he can get the lowest discounted possible for a brand name items. Cheap bastard.

Then as the weeks have passed and no contact with Dr. Dick, he suddenly pops out of the blue wanting to purchase his discounted items. Unfortunately since so much time has passed, many the items have been removed from the company and transferred to its corresponding location which is usually the outlet stores.

At this point, Dr. Dick’s true colors show as he rants and raves of how horrible the company is and how unfairly he is being treated.

Here is one example of where he completely lost it. Same scenario but this time there was a problem with his charge card and calls me on the phone to complain about his card being declined.

Queer Geek: Hello, big fancy store.

Dr. Dick: THIS IS DR. DICK AND I AM PISSED! YOU GUYS DID NOT HOLD THE ITEMS THAT I FUCKING RETURNED AND NOW MY CARD WON’T GO THROUGH AND IT’S ALL YOUR ASSHOLES FAULT! I WANT MY MONEY! I WANT MY MONEY NOW! Jason 011

Queer Geek: Mr. Dick…

Dr. Dick: IT’S DOCTOR DICK! GET IT RIGHT ASSHOLE! I NEED MY MONEY NOW BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE ANY FUCKING CASH TO TAKE MY GIRLFRIEND OUT AFTER I BAIL HER OUT OF JAIL! I ALSO NEED TO MY BUY SON A PRESENT FOR HIS BIRTHDAY! NOW I CAN’T EVEN DO THAT!

Queer Geek: Let me see what I can do Dr. Dick.

Dr. Dick: SEE THAT YOU DO ASSHOLE!

I make several calls to his credit card company and get told from them that he does not have enough funds to finalize his transaction and now they are putting a hold on the card for security reasons and he would need to get in contact with them to get this sorted out.

I tell Dr. Dick this and here’s his response:

Dr. Dick: WHAT? YOU GUYS ARE HOLDING MY FUCKING MONEY! I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY MONEY NOW! I CAN’T GET CASH TO TAKE MY GIRLFRIEND OUT AND NOW MY SON CAN’T GET A BIRTHDAY PRESENT! I SPENT MILLIONS WITH YOUR FUCKING COMPANY! I AM BIG CEO OF A COMPANY! I’VE WON AWARDS….BLAH BLAH BLAH! YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING RIPPING ME OFF! YOU ALL NEED TO GET OFF YOUR ASSES AND DO SOMETHING! YOU NEED TO BE ALL FUCKING FIRED! I’M A FUCKING DOCTOR FOR CHRISTSAKE!

Queer Geek: I’m sorry Dr. Dick but you need to talk to your credit card company about this…

*CLICK*

For the record, Dr. Dick never got his issue resolved by us but he does pop up during a full moon every once in a while and gives us another of his eloquent and educated speeches.

I never knew doctors had a vast vocabulary.

--Queer Geek

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Electronics Store Hell: Best Bastard's Douchebag Customer of the Week

 

Besdouche2 From Best Bastard:

Been in retail/customer service since I was 13. Everything from paintball field management/customer service, retail sporting equipment store manager, IT support and now.... Best Buy.

Woo-fucking-hoo.

I've got stories out the ass but I'll start with a quick one that took place today. The Computer section of BBY was PACKED. We had, what, 4 employees on the floor (2 of which actually DO their job) and over a few dozen customers.

My manager was helping a couple when ENTER ENTITLED, ARROGANT, DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK (and quiet, mousy, somewhat unresponsive wife).

I had just finished helping a nice older lady find a netbook for her grandson, when a manager walked over and asked me if I was free. I said yes (MISTAKE). She points him out and says, simply "He needs help."

Oh, how right she was. I saunter over and...

Me- Good morning sir, anything I can help you out with?

DBAG- (steps over to crappy gigantic 18in Toshiba) Get me this one.
Me- Alright sir, did you want anything with your laptop today? Microsoft Office, Optimization and Antivirus are all very common addon purchases with laptops.

DBAG- No.

Jason 029zMe- Ok then, I'll just grab the keys from my manager and we will pull out your laptop.

DBAG- (sigh) Fine.

I hurry to find the manager because I know how precious his time is and I just want to throw him to the front registers and have them ring him out so I don't have to deal with him anymore. I actually get the keys really quickly (in under a minute), unlock the case, pull out the laptop, return the keys (as per SOP) and return to the customer.

Me- Alright sir, I've got your Toshiba right here. Did you want to grab anything else such as an external mouse, keyboard or carrying case?

DBAG- No.

See this is where I made my mistake. Instead of just taking him to the front registers for him to check out, I decided to be nice and ring him out in the back to avoid the huge line in the front of the store.

Me- Well, it looks like the line is really long out front, I'll ring you out back here so you can avoid it.

DBAG- ...

I ring up the items as fast as possible and, as per BBY SOP, offer our extended warranties.

Me- Have you heard of our protection plans for laptops?

DBAG- Stop offering me things.

Me- Ok, then.

Oh God, please let's just finish this.

Me- Your total comes to $xxx.xx, is that card debit or credit?

DBAG- Credit.
(swipe, ID check then that EXCRUCIATINGLY LONG wait before it pops up....... APPROVED! YES! OH GOD YES THANK YOU!)

Then, it happens. Receipt. Paper. Jams.

Jason 011zMe- FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU----------

Me- I do apologize, sir. Our machine seems to have jammed, I'll just print your receipt from another machine, I'll be right back. Once again, I do apologize.

I run, not walk. I RUN to the next register, type in the halfway printed receipt code, print the receipt and return in less than a minute. I DARE anybody to beat that time.

Me- Here you ar--

DBAG- You forgot to ask for my Reward Zone card.

Me- Oh, I'm sorry but that's no problem. Just go to MyRZ.com an--

DBAG- You know what?! FORGET IT. JUST FORGET IT.  (Gathers crap and leaves)

Phew! He's gone. But wait! There's more! THERE'S ALWAYS MORE.

Apparently, he went up to our security desk complaining about us. So, LP called our manager up and the conversation went something like this...

DBAG- Every single one of those people working in computers is completely incompetent. They're all idiots! Especially that one red-haired guy (guess who that was...), he had to ring me up three times before he got it right! I can't believe this! This is unacceptable!

Awesome Manager- Sir, I do NOT appreciate the way you are speaking about my employees. You will show them respect, they do a wonderful job.

DBAG- (grumble grumble grumble) I'm never coming here again!

He then tries to "storm out" while the spider-wrap security device is still attached to his laptop... He sets off the alarm which alerts LP and he gets to spend the next few minutes waiting for them to deactivate everything while everyone in the store watches =D

--Best Bastard

 

 

 

 

 

 


Cigar Store Monstrous Customer Tale with a Twist

 

Jason 065a Former Cigar Shop Manager Joe, August, 2009:

It's five minutes before closing. A distinguished-looking gent walks in. (Think British actor Derek Jacobi.) I ask if he needs any help; he waves me off and enters our walk-in humidor. After a few seconds, I notice that he looks upset about something.
 
Me: "Can I help you find something?"
 
Customer: "I want a box of these." (He indicates a brand of cigar that comes in boxes of one hundred.)
 
Me: "I'm sorry, sir, but this partial box is all we have right now. It looks to be 75 to 80 cigars here."
 
Customer: "Is there something wrong with your hearing? I SAID I want a full box!"

Me: "No sir, there's nothing wrong with my hearing. But as I said, that's all we have right now. I can give you the box discount of 10 percent."Carolanne 015a

Customer: "You're not going to be in business very much longer! It's apparent that you don't care about your customers! 

Me: "Sir, I do care about my customers, but-"

Customer: "I drive all the way here from downtown and I get someone who doesn't even know what they're DOING!"

Me: "Sir, I've explained the situation to you. We have thousands of comparable cigars.  I've offered you a discount. I'll gladly order you a full box, but as of now, that's the best I can do. If that's not to your satisfaction, I suggest you leave."

Customer: "Why, of all the rude, ignorant...! There are OTHER cigar shops in the area, you know!"

Me: "Yes sir, there are! But seeing as it's now after nine o'clock, THEY'RE CLOSED TOO!"He left with much muttering. But two weeks later, he was back. He bought a full box of his preferred brand. That's 100 cigars that sell for six dollars apiece. I rang it up at $600. He went ballistic. He demanded a discount. I explained (trying not to smile) that ALL discounts are discretionary.Jason 068a 

He sputtered, he fumed, and then threw his black Amex card (the one with the UNLIMITED balance!) on the counter. He signed the slip, tucked the box under his arm and left. "I'll never see HIM again", I thought.

WRONG!

Three weeks later he returned. I gritted my teeth, ready for another confrontation. Imagine my surprise when he calmly picked out several cigars, paid for them and then offered me one of them! "I guess I was a little out of line previously. I apologize for that."

I was flabbergasted! He turned out to be one of my favorite customers.

--Joe

 

read more Monstrous Customers tales here

 

 

 

 

 


Aussie Gas Station Hell: What's your name? Why aren't you wearing a name badge?

 

Gas station 2


From Brad, January 2010 :

Having discovered your site for the first time today and reading through a couple pages, I felt I just had to share my own experience.

I was lucky enough to have moved employment from one gas station (where the boss was a "customer is always right" man) to another where the boss was quite happily, and very readily, prepared to support his staff. In fact, his very own words in the interview where "if the customers is giving you a hard time, tell them to fuck off and show them the door. I don't want their money if they are giving my staff problems." And yes... this was the first and only time I ever heard him swear.
 
This site was quite large, having 18 pumps, a shop floor that was just as large as the forecourt, a 4 bay mechanic and an autowash/jetwash complete with vacuum cleaners.
 
Each section of the site was a separate business in and of itself, tho almost all of them where paid for services at the cashier (my position). When there was a problem with any part of the site not handled directly by the gas station, there were procedures we had to follow, IE if the autowash broke down, we would take down the customers name and number and the boss would contact them the next day after the problem was fixed and arrange a replacement wash or a refund (which was noted in the same book that we took the names down in).
 
This guy had to be one of my favorites. The blower at the end of the wash had stopped working about 3am. Us console operators weren't allowed to leave the store unattended unless it was to change the price board (in which case we would lock the front doors) and we certainly weren't allowed to go try finding reset switches in the wash, in the near dark. Keep in mind that everything else in the autowash worked fine, just not the blower, so his car was clean, just not dry.
 
The guy comes in to tell me the blower didn't do its job, and the following is a rough remembrance of that conversation.
 
Me: Ok. All I can do to help you right now is take down your name and phone number, and once the boss has fixed the problem, he will contact you.
 
Him: (after he started giving me his name, stops and): No fuck that, I want a refund. Show some initiative! (gotta love it when customers pull that little gem out).
 
Me: I cannot do that at this time. That wash isn't run thy this gas station per se and refunds are handled separately. Normally all I can do is either give you a free wash or take your name and number. Since the blower isn't working, there isn't any point in giving you a free wash since you will still end up with the same problem.
 
Gas station 1Him: OH, OK. well then my name is XXX and number XXX......wait. You said I could get a free wash?
 
Me: yes
 
Him: Will the docket be good for any number of days or does it expire?
 
As luck would have it, I had a customer come through just the day before, a regular, who asked me the exact same thing. He had bought the wash, but had left without going through, and hadn't come back to town till 3 weeks later. Since the docket stated "Good for one time today" I wasn't sure of the answer and the customer bought another wash. He came back in after the wash to tell me he tried his older docket and it had worked.
 
Me: I know for a fact that the docket will last at least a week. (I proceeded to tell him about the other customer and the older docket, but told him there was only a week between times, rather than three. I was just covering my own ass in case it was a fluke)
 
Him: Ok. I want that in writing.
 
Me: Pardon?
 
Him: I want you to sign this docket stating it will work up to a week later. It's the law.
 
Me: No. I am not required by any law to do that, certainly not against my will and not certainly without my permission.
 
Him: Whats your name? Hey why aren't you wearing a name badge!?
 
Me: Its not required.
 
Him: THAT'S ILLEGAL!
 
Me: Excuse me?
 
Him: I run a (franchised grocery store) and I know all about how its supposed to work! you are supposed to be wearing a name badge! I WANT TO KNOW YOUR NAME!
 
Me: Privacy laws here in Australia make that request illegal. I do not have to give you my name if I do not wish you to know it. The only time it is illegal to not give your name is when a police officer identifies himself as a police officer and asks for it. (I later found out that this was untrue. A police officer does not have a right to ask for your name unless he has reasonable grounds, IE you have broken the law. It is however advisable that you do give your name to the police, since they are more than likely to find a reason :) )
 
Me: Are you a police officer?
 
Him: Yes.
 
Me: Then show me your badge, and I will gladly give you my name.
 
Him: Well.. I used to be a police officer. How the hell am I supposed to identify you to your boss when I speak to him?
 
Me: He is the boss. He knows who he rostered on. Just tell him what time and day it was.
 
Him: Your boss will be hearing from me!
 
He then left, with his free docket, and the three customers, who witnessed the whole exchange, laughing at him. It turns out, one of the three was in the store for the exact same reason, and quite happily took a docket for later use, and didn't mind driving down the road for the time being to dry his car.
 
The boss, who heard the story from me later that morning, told me that the guy had rung up to complain and when asked what my name was, the boss told him my name was Joe Bloggs, a name used here in Australia much the same way John Doe is used in America.
 
Hope you enjoy this story as much as I enjoyed living it.
 
--Brad

 

 

 

 

 


Dumbass Customers: Ma'am, I'm sorry but I cannot return an item over the phone

 

Dumbasscustys


From M, April 2009:

I don't know what it is about 'guests' but they just seem to get more and more insane and stupid as time progresses.  This was probably one of the best phone conversations I've ever had. Enjoy.

*on the phone*
My coworker: no. maam. uh. no. you can't on the phone. no. yes. okay hold on.

My coworker to me: She wants a manager.

Me: [takes phone.] Thank you for holding this is M how can I help you?

Lady: yea I bought [insert item here. I honestly can't remember what it was] and it doesn't work and I want to return it.

Me: Okay, do you have a receipt for it dated within 90 days?

Lady: yes! I just bought it and it doesn't work!

Me: I'm very sorry about that. Just bring in the item and the receipt to the service desk and we'll gladly exchange or refund the item for you.

Lady: Look, I don't live by the store. it's too far away.

Me: Well that's okay, you don't have to return it to this store. You can return any [store name] merchandise to any [store name].

Lady: This is a pain. I don't have time to keep running back and forth. Can we do this over the phone?

Me: [pause] over the phone?

Lady: yes, can't I just read you the information off the receipt or something?

Me: no.

Lady: Why not? this is ridiculous, I shouldn't have to drive all the way back there because this thing is broken!

Me: Ma'am, there is no way to return something over the phone. I need the merchandise in the store to refund the money for it.

Lady: I can't believe this. I want to process this return over the phone so I don't have to drive to ANY [Store Name].

Me: Ma'am, I'm sorry but I cannot return an item over the phone. With a return you need to give back the merchandise that you don't want. You cannot keep the merchandise and get your money back for it. It's kind of like stealing.

Lady: I don't steal!

Me: I'm not implying that you do, but if I were to give you back money for something you kept it's sort of the same concept.

Lady: Thank you for your help. *click*

*sigh*  Yes, I cannot believe this actually happened either.  Maybe next time she'll ask to return something via email!

--M

Read more Dumbass Customer Stories here.