From Shana, July, 2008:

June 27:


So I am at work at The Big P today and I'm cleaning out the fitting room... This water retaining sea cow sees that I'm cleaning it out and what does this BARN DWELLER do..... yep you guessed it she left her size 10 clothes (most of them hung inside out and clearly the wrong size) hanging in the stall. If I could have punched her in the head when she walked out I would have!! But I went to my happy place and no one got hurt! And has anyone noticed ALL of the pregnant women walking around? I counted one day. I was working a 5 hour shift and I swear there were 45 women that were pregnant! Was the winter that long?

June 29:

I HATE THOSE NASTY PEOPLE THAT TRY ON SWIM SUITS AND LEAVE THEIR DNA BEHIND!!

July 3:

Why in God's name do people bring their kids into a department store and let them scream at the top of their lungs the whole time they are shopping? Are they def and just cant hear it? Because I know all the stores in the mall can hear it. I HATE RETAIL!! My life is like death and customers are the spawn of Saran! And if I hear one more person ask "Do you work here" as I am pulling all of the cloths they have just tried on in the fitting room I am going to slap them so hard they will lose the taste in their mouth!

July 5:

OMG... Did the pig farm let out on the 4th?? There were soooooo many nasty slobs in my store that I wanted to SLAM my head in a fitting room door!!!!! To top it off there were these three plump (and I use that word just to be nice) WOMEN shopping in the juniors department and they broke the zippers on most of the cloths they tried on. I wonder if they have fun house mirrors in their house that make them look smaller than they are? Please god (Freddy, Caroline or Jason) tell me that there is more to life than picking up after the trailer trash that shop at my store!

July 10:

Have I mentioned lately that I HATE RETAIL!! It wouldn't be so bad if we could have customers take a short quiz before they were allowed to come in the store. You know a multiple choice. Like for instance:

1. After trying on clothes I should...

A. ...throw them on the floor for the poor ass that's working here to pick up after me.
B. ...hang them on hangers inside out and leave them in the stall.
C. ...not give a shit because it's not my job to pick them up or put them away.
D. ...do none of the above and return them all to the Fitting Room Attendant just as I took them in: Folded or hanging neatly from their hangars.


I think our lives would be so much easier if we could implement this. Could you just imagine the retail data base of white trash, camel toe slobs that would be banned from stores because they failed this test!! THAT WOULD BE SWEET!!! 

July 18:

So here we are once again... the Barn Dwelling Water Retaining Sea Cow has hit again!! I wish I could get it through her thick skull that no matter what, she will not be fitting into a juniors size seven EVER! How can I explain this... Well it's like trying to suck a WATERMELON through a GARDEN HOSE!! Plus the slob once again hung all of her clothes inside out and on the floor!!! I think she calls to see if I'm working just so she can piss me off!!

--Shana

From u/ManOfAMillionVoices Tales From Retail:

So I work at a general department store, originally started as a pharmacy.

Few nights ago, 30 minutes to closing up, I was asked over the store headset to leave my section and help a customer with the watch cabinet. This was an especially stressful night, as I had just witnessed two teens tearing a pair of laptops off their alarmed displays and sprinting out the store with them. One of the store managers managed to swipe at one of the kids with a metal ladder, which now seems pretty Looney Tunes in hindsight.

But back to the watch cabinet.

I greet her and ask which one she was hoping to see.

The customer, a woman in her 40's, doesn't indicate a choice, just repeats that she would like to have the cabinet opened. I oblige her, and she reaches in for a $40 analog timepiece. She admires the watch for a moment, holding it gently in her palm.

As I'll need to go back to my own section soon, I ask: "so do you have any more shopping to do, or may I ring in that watch over here?"

Now, there are several sales registers in this store, at least ten if you count the other departments, and her response surprised me:

"Give me a moment, I must pray on which till I am meant to go to." Followed by a pause, and then, "I need to pontificate on this topic."

Keeping a straight face, or trying to, I stood with her in silence for well over a minute; waiting for that divine answer on where she might finish this shopping adventure.

After I felt a reasonable amount of praying time had passed, I asked if she had come to a decision yet.

Without missing a beat, she replied: "Well if you don't like it, I'll be more than happy to buy this from someone else".

Feeling drained at this point, I give the standard robot retail line: "alright, well if you have any questions I'll be right over here", and I make my way back to my department to close up.

30 minutes later, closing announcements are being made, and I see the pontificating woman marching towards my section, looking like she's on a mission.

As my area is now closed off, I narrowly avoid her stare and walk back into the employee area to get my things. She was apparently looking for me, but I'll need to take a few moments to pray on why.

--u/ManOfAMillionVoices

From u/sb0990 Tales From Retail:

I used to work for a dept store in a mall years ago. I worked in the mens dept of the store and there was this guy that came in sometimes. He brought some cufflinks to the register and I start checking him out.

I can't remember exactly what he said,but it was something along the lines of him being in a hurry and he just flat out asked me if I could give him the cuff links.

I was shocked and I told him no to which he replied "why not?"

I said because that's stealing and he got irritated and said it was ridiculous and left the store.

I kind of just stood there flabbergasted because as long as I've worked retail I never had anyone until then ask me to steal for them.

He came in a few more times after,once he tried on a pricey watch at the jewelry counter and tried to walk off with it and another time he came in and I watched him grab a bunch of ties and walk around the store.

Later a supervisor came over with all the ties I saw him grab saying a guy had just returned them all without a receipt in the ladys dept and I informed her had just grabbed them from my table.

She called corporate on him if I remember correctly and we didn't see much of him after that thank goodness.

--u/sb0990

From  u/AngelusArkadius Tales From Retail:

I work in a large department store. A couple of years back I was a floor associate, primarily in consumables.

I get a call asking for me in aisle two; the soup section. A newer associate and a cashier are doing a price-check with a customer. I go over and ask how I can help.

The customer bought one variety of Anonymous Soup but claimed it wasnt scanning at the correct price. So I look at the price tags and lo, some varieties are marked down and some are regular price.

Before I side with the customer, I asked if it was a flyer item to which he responded (rather short, mind you) YES. I take out a flyer and check the item. Its says CLEARLY right next to the big picture of soup, ASSORTED VARIETIES ONLY. SEE IN STORE FOR DETAILS.

Well here he is. In store. But refusing details. I explained to him that assorted meant only certain types were on sale, and that those ones are marked down in price. He requested a manager.

Unfortunately the only manager on the floor was a nervous wreck (has since been demoted) so the customer got their soup.

I know it's easier to let it slide for the couple of dollars but gosh darnit I dont wanna set precedent for not reading.

--u/AngelusArkadius

From u/roccosaint Tales From Retail:

I work as a department manager in a retail store, and my department is next to the pets department. Our pets department has your basic pets necessities, but the only pets carried are live fish.

All fish in live tanks, except betta fish. They are on the shelf in a plastic water container.

One day a few weeks ago, this customer calls me from there,

I go over there and she asks me if the price tag is for the fish AND the container. I tell her yes, that’s the full price.

She then asks me if they would be cheaper without the container. Wait... WHAT?

“Him, no ma’am. That’s the price of the fish, the container comes with them. She then asks why they aren’t in the tanks, so I explain how betta fish are different than others and they require a LOT less attention. She goes on how she just wants a fish or two on the counter, etc etc. but then she keeps insisting to have the fish and not the container they come in (minding you, the container is just a bit wider than a soda can and half as tall.)

This goes on for about 10 minutes. I had to explain to her that you can’t just carry the fish around the store, they need water to live. It’s kind of how fish work! She gives up and says she will come back later.

30 mins later she sees my friend who is the pets DM. And I watch the same thing unfold. Like me viewing my own past.

I can’t say my days are boring.

--u/roccosaint

From The Key Oracle:

   I ran a key shop at a major department store and had run out of change so I bopped across the street to the office to get some. Unfortunately the only person in the office was in the middle of a personal phone call and refused to acknowledge my existence standing in front of her holding my fund bag. Please note that the key shop only ever had one person in at any time meaning that it was empty since I was in the cash office.

   After standing in front of her for quite a while I realized that she was not going to end her call for a lowly key shop person so I decided to take action. I reached into my pocket and took out my silent cell phone and started talking to no one loud enough to make sure the clerk could hear me…

“Hi, what?” (Pause)

“Yeah I am over here in the office getting change.” (Pause)

“Of course I know that a customer is waiting for it.” (Pause)

“I don’t know, it is going to take as long as it takes.” (Pause)

“Just tell her she is going to have to wait until I get back.” (Pause)

“She is talking on the phone to some friend I guess. We will all have to wait until she is done.”

I then put my silent phone back into my pocket.

The office clerk then says I into her phone, “OMG, I gotta go.”, and hangs up. She grabs my fund bag and as she sprints into the cash office she says, “Why didn’t you tell me you had a customer waiting for change?”

I reply, “Well I did not want to be rude and interrupt your call.”

She returns my bag to me and on the way back I leisurely get an ice cream bar from the vending machine before I return to my empty shop, so a good trip.

-- The Key Oracle