From Ayashi, jobschmob
Recently, I landed a job at a relatively well-to-do NOC. It is very low-visibility and offers four day work-weeks. Call volume is almost non-existent and as the rule tends to fly with NOCs, when nothing happens, you are doing your job perfectly.
Keep in mind I had just left a nightmare job doing tech-ops for a gigantic miserable corporation filled with half-witted middle management and close to 70 phone calls a day, from end users and 'others' alike. Let me also state that I had to commute by train from a ghetto in Chicago to the financial district, and I was being paid roughly $17,000 less than I am now.
Let's fast forward. I love my boss, and I love my boss's boss. They both work by example, have our backs, and are readily available to help us through anything be it personal or technical. I have never had such a luxury. My team consists of 7 people, and since one person can run the NOC we really only see our colleagues maybe twice a week for a few hours.
I never in my wildest dreams would've found that to be an eternity of atrocious madness until I found myself working next to a guy my age (32) who has a double master's in business (he enjoys telling people this) and is an immigrant from Bulgaria. He enjoys making fun of 'Murica, which I personally don't mind as I am native to the UK. Anyway, he was the first person charged with training me in. I was with him clock-in to clock-out for two weeks, learning about how he hates his wife, how he loves money, wants more money, doesn't get enough money, hates his job (my job, our job), and hates that he doesn't have enough to do.
Realizing he was toxic within seconds I reasonably shut my mouth and simply stared at him as if waiting for the punchline (you should try it), he eventually said "I'm going to start my own business, maybe trading, I want to be my own boss man, have millions." That's when I laughed as authentically as my lying arse could. He took it well. Nevertheless, it persisted, badly. He miscalculated his income and ended up not being able to pay his federal taxes because his dead-beat wife spent 3 grand to go to London to attend a "success seminar" only to return bewildered and none the wiser (he and her are the PERFECT suckers, naive as a newborn.)
He actually asked me for money that day. A week and a half after I started. Before I received my first paycheck. I asked if he was joking and he said he wasn't, that his wife spent all his money and now he can't afford to send his son to daycare (his wife has no job, why does he send his son to daycare?)
I told him absolutely not, and after hours of listening to him cry about his misfortunes and how the job I am trying to enjoy is the cause of it all he hit rock bottom--he got scammed into a ponzi scheme. I was the one who alerted him of it because like the naive dotard he is, he tried to scam ME into it.
He next got a part time job at Uber where he would come to work talking about all these "irritating b*tches whining about everything and only caring about money."
I saw my opening and shot true, "Wow that sounds identical to the hopeless guy who sits next to me at work!" Surprisingly, he laughed.
I should also add that he comes in late, sometimes up to two hours, and leaves early every day. VPNs in on his phone and clocks in and out so his punches appear legit. He hates himself and this job that much apparently. I didn't rat on him, I don't care because I've successfully trained my brain into mentally transforming him into an irrelevant cartoon-like essence that just happens to be within proximity and emits sounds now and again. Anyway he finally had enough money to pay his taxes and guess what he does? He spends 1500 dollars on a gigantic cappuccino machine and had to file for an extension, followed by asking me again for money.
After another hilarious rejection he began trying to sell me things. Shoes (his son's shoes, I don't have a child), a bondi-blue iMac mouse he said was a collector's item that I could "flip" for "thousands" (why didn't he?) A broken tablet that has a huge crack on it and doesn't appear to have functioning internet capabilities, covered in oil stains--he tried to sell me that one for two hundred dollars.
What prompted me to actually compose this was today he asked if I'd like a cheap place to live close to work, which of course I am, and he tried to sell me his guest room, in his house, with his family occupying it. He somehow is my age, has a double masters in business, and has accumulated all the stupidity possible in a human being while I have been present on this rotting earth the same amount of time but only have a simple B.S and a bit of common sense. I love my job but he makes the two days I see him absolutely dreadful unless I tune him out completely.
I am not lying, he tried to sell me his son's shoes. His current endeavor is day-trading on his craiglist-bought-laptop. Before he left today he asked if I would "give" him my Microsoft Windows license and he would "give" me something worth as much in return.
I said, "What this time? Half of a rotary phone? F*ck off."
For the very first time, he very much f*cked off. I couldn't think as slow as this train wreck if I tried, but I just cannot take my eyes away from the tragedy that is his toxic co-worker complex.
Oh well, maybe this will be fun to read for someone.