Gas Station Hell: Pinballing Customer Leaves Mark


Gas station 1

From Tera, June, 2012:

You ever have a moment where you see something that makes you laugh, and then you realize ‘Damnit, now I have to clean that up!’?

I had one on Sunday.

I was stocking the cooler full of beer, a job that I surprisingly enjoy since it means dealing with fewer customers. Shift Leader 1 was helping me, and it was right after my late lunch break.

I looked up to check the clock when I hear ‘I NEED THE BATHROOM NOW!’

This drunk-ass woman came pinballing in, and when I say ‘pinballing’, I mean she would stagger into something and then stagger into something else. Oh, and she had pissed herself at some point.

I told the Shift Leader that she was a little too late to need the bathroom, and one of the girls on register led her where she needed to go. Couple minutes later, she pinballs herself back out the store and manages to fall into an open truck door that belonged to what I assume was her boyfriend’s.

It was kind of funny to watch, really, and I had a good laugh over it. Until the girl on register ran over, telling us the lady had pissed on the floor under the baby changing station.

I ran in to see, and yes. She had pissed on the floor, not 5 feet from the toilet. And to top it off, there was used toilet paper next to the puddle. I got to spend the next several minutes cleaning and scrubbing the bathroom down, pissed (no pun intended) as hell.

Well, at least she wiped, right?



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Drunk Customers: Shirts And Pants Required


Carolanne hoist yer bottleFrom asouerTalesFromRetail

I was walking out of our side door just doing my rounds. As I step outside I se a man and a woman in front of me, coming in. I have one word for them:

Me: Nope!

Guy: Wha?

Me: Yeah, nope.

I feel like I should probably explain that these two people are wearing, between them, a pair of boxers, a panty, and a bra.

Guy: But your bouncer said...

Me: Yeah, nope.

Girl: Well, if we put shirts on?

Me: Yeah, and pants!

At this time they started digging into their backpacks so I walked away for a minute or two. I checked in my bartender to see if they needed anything. They were doing ok. By this time I remembered what I needed to do outside and started heading that way. Just as I walked outside I saw them trying to get in again again.


Her: We're not trying to offend anyone...

Him: These are my pants (Pointing to his boxers)...

Me: No, I Don't give a fuck! Get out now!

Him: Buh?

Me: No, just fucking go!



Return Hell: Sir, we don't sell door frames with no doors inside them.



From  YellowHammerDown, Tales From Retail:

Last night I had a guy I thought was a methhead come into the store at the lumber registers asking to return a door. I was covering my friend's lunch break. It was late. I paid no attention to the door at first, but this dude looked sketchy and I'd seen him in the store several times doing sketchy stuff before (he was skinny, scruffy, and wrinkled up. He looked the part of most drug addicts that come into the store). But it was 8 at night so I was the only guy down in the lumber yard. I am qualified to do returns, so I start asking him the basic questions.

"Do you have the receipt?"


"Do you have the method of payment with you?"


At this point I'm sure this dude is up to no good, and there's no way I'm going to return this down here, where I'm alone. I send him up to customer service. Shortly afterwards, my friend gets back so I'm headed back up to customer service. This guy stops me and he's asking me where the doors department is. I tell him. He heads over there and I make it back up to customer service.

Sitting on a cart right there is this door, and I finally get to inspect it. They're wasn't even an actual door. The barcode had been ripped off and there was just a wooden doorframe, and definitely not in returnable condition. The white painted frame had scratches and what looked like crayon markings all over the sides. While the perp is back checking out doors I flag down one of the assistant managers on duty. He takes a look at the doorframe and says, "we're not taking this back."

The man was rather pissy and rude when he got back up to the service desk, but my friend, who works in paint and home decor and followed him all the way back to where the doors are to find one, is there for backup.

"You guys could've just told me you wouldn't return it instead of wasting my time," he grumbles.

"Sir," butts in my friend, "you wasted your own time bringing this in and dragging me out of my department all the way back to find a match for this doorless doorframe that we don't sell. So why don't you get on your little bicycle and get out of here?"

Kid you not, he takes this glorified scrap wood outside, drapes it over his shoulder and rides away on a bicycle. A bicycle.

-- YellowHammerDown




Crazy Customers: “You’re got my bag behind the counter”



From  bilfred_, Tales From Retail:

It’s a Sunday, with the normal Sunday rush. We were a small store, so there was only me serving with 1 other employee doing stock and other general duties. This is important, because for the majority of the day I’m always up serving customers - this will be important later.

It’s about midday, and there’s a line of about 3 or 4 people waiting to be served. This guy walks in, and immediately walks up to the counter pushing in front of the customer I was already serving. He looks around 30, and kinda wobbled his way in. He looks me in the eyes and mumbles some words that I can’t understand. After asking him to repeat it a couple times, I manage to figure out he’s saying “can you give me my bag back”.

At this point, I’m not only freaked out by his mumbles and wobbly willy’s, but also the fact I’d never seen this guy come into the store. I try to get a little more info out of him, so I ask him “when did you leave your bag here?”. He mumbles, I ask him to repeat himself more times, he said “about an hour ago”. Yeah. Nah. You haven’t been here bud. “Sorry sir, but we don’t have your bag.”

Mumbles ensue, this time I didn’t ask him to repeat it because he just kept mumbling telling me his life story. What I gathered from it was something like this:

“I got my bag from you an hour ago, just joking. I woke up on the floor at home with my wallet next to me, and my drivers license and credit card was gone. My bag had my wallet in it, so I gone my wallet out of my bag and it was gone. Hahahahahaha I woke up on the floor in my pants, and my bag was gone. Hahaha”

What the actual... ok then bud. Then he walked out of the store onto the sidewalk by the street. Took his shirt off. Then proceeded to sit in the fetal position in the middle of this sidewalk by a main street. He sits there for about 15 minutes, rocking back and forth, lying down on his back, then back to the fetal position again.

Something is seriously wrong with this dude - I tell the boss. Boss is like “he’s not in the store anymore, idc”. What a savage. Someone outside must’ve ended up pretty concerned tho, cus the police ended up turning up. When the guy saw the cops, he gets up, bolts in the store and yells in his mumblephone “hide me pls, the police will take me”.

“Um. No.” Gtfo bro, you’re making me lose sales. He runs out to the back dock anyway, where the boss and other employee intercept him and push him back into the store area. He’s screaming “no they’ll take me!” and flailing his arms around. Copper comes in, grabs him and drags him out of the store. As the cop is dragging him out, the guy is yelling “nooo let me stay, I like it here. I like you guys”. Cop put him in his car and drove off. What a lunatic. Never saw the guy again.

Legend has it, he’s still trying to find his bag to this day.

-- bilfred_




Retail Hell Memories: Drunk Shoplifter


Jason 008

From  Wylie0312, Tales From Retail:

This story happened a few years ago when I was working as loss prevention at a big box retailer. I watch this guy grab a bundle box, which at the time came with a laptop and a few accessories. He takes it away from the computer section and into an aisle where he proceeds to open the box and pull things out. After seeing this I alert the other employees and have someone go talk with him. As soon as an employee gets there he picks it up and heads towards the exit which is where I’m at now. When he gets to me I ask for a receipt and of course he doesn't have one. He is very drunk and has a thick foreign accent. He tells me this is his and he brought it in for repair because he ran over it with his car. I say wth and play along. I send him to tech support. He gets there,talks to the employee at that desk and puts the box on the counter.

The employee takes out the laptop with a puzzled look and sees its perfectly fine and brand new. Tech support gives it back to him and again he tries to leave. I take the box out of his hands and asks if he has anything else that doesn’t belong to him. He lifts his shirt all the way up and then almost drops his pants to prove he has not taken anything else. I’m trying to hold in my laughter and everyone in the store is watching this guy with amazement. He pulls his shirt back down and his pants up and runs into the parking lot.

I follow at a brisk walk as he is a short heavy set guy and doesn’t run fast at all. He makes it to an suv that is already running and before he opens the driver door turns around, sees me, and runs out of the parking lot and straight across a four lane, very busy, highway. Cars are slamming on their breaks and he somehow makes it across uninjured. Cops arrive later I tell them what happened and point them to the vehicle that is still running in the parking lot. They check the vehicle, they find the wife asleep in the passenger seat and two young kids below the age of ten in the back seats. The drunk guy eventually returns and is arrested

-- Wylie0312






Barista Hell: Four Shots Of Espresso And Two Of A Special Ingredient!


3 BARISTAHELLFrom Natpaloma, TalesFromYourBarista

I recently got hired at a coffee shop/cafe. The shop has a ton of regulars and not all of them are the good kind!

Sure I have a couple old guys that always give a tip but recently I met one of infamous regulars. Let’s call her V.

Well V loves Espresso and orders four shots when she comes in. So when she ordered, I rang her up our typical way and it totaled to a little over $3.

V became very distressed and began to yell that she never got charged that much before.

My manager stepped in and explained that I did everything correctly and finally after 10 minutes of yelling she walked away unsatisfied.

My manager told me to keep an eye on her to see the special ingredient she adds to her espresso before she left. And almost out of thin air V pulls a tiny bottle full of what I thought was water but my manager corrected me and explained that it was straight vodka!

She drinks four shots of espresso and vodka!!! I was really close to puking at the thought of that taste combination!