From Reality Pixie in Australia:

I work in a CD/DVD retail outlet in a major shopping center out in Soul-Rotting Suburbia, Western Australia. I often hang around and do my shopping before and after my shifts, still wearing my uniform.

I was in a shoe store one day, doing what you do when you look for new shoes: picking them up, trying them on and walking around, all the usual "I'm a customer and I'm looking to purchase a snazzy new pair of footwears" sort of behaviours, certainly not "I work here and am looking to serve customers" behaviours.

Anyway, after a short amount of time another customer approached me and asked if I could please find x shoes in x size her her.

No dramas, it's common mistake.

I laughed it off in a friendly way and politely pointed out that I work for a different retail store. She did the usual customer thing, acting all embarrassed and spewing apologies, so I went back to trying on shoes....but she just stood there watching me.

After a while she approached me again, this time looking a little annoyed, and said, "Well? Can I get these in a size 7??"

The rest of our exchange went something like this.....

Me: "Umm...no ma'am, yet again I don't actually work here..."

Cust: "Well can you go and get somebody who does??"

Me: "....No. I'm buying shoes."

Cust: *insert here a random tirade of how customer service is going down hill, how sales assistants never want to go the extra mile for the customer, rarararara*

Fortunately, somebody who actually worked at the store overheard her harpy screeches and took her off my hands.

But the story doesn't end there, RHU, oh no.

A couple days later I got a call from the area manager of the company I actually work for. The same dipshit actually took note of the name and store I worked at on my name tag, and filed a complaint against me!

Fortunately the area manager thought it was hilarious. Oh, but still, the story goes on.

Not only did Ms. Dipshit complain to my company, but to the manager of the shoe store. Apparently she was quite upset when she was informed that the manager there could not take disciplinary action against staff from other stores....

God I have so many of these stories. I have rather distinctive shoulder length dreadlocks and wear purple-framed glasses, so I'm pretty recognizable. Unfortunately the shopping center is also my local, so I'm constantly getting customers come up to me when I'm doing my shopping on my days off (so I'm obviously not in uniform) saying "Hey! You're that chick that works in -----, aren't you? Is it your day off? Oh, could you help me with this anyway?"

Short answer? I will break your fucking neck.

--Reality Pixie

read more Mistaken Identity Tales here

From Insecurity, October, 2014:

A few days ago, I had to explain what a stalking horse was to a custy. It is a distraction which allows you to sneak up on someone, based on a hunting technique where the prey follows the now dismounted horse and is ambushed by the former rider.

They thought it was a stocking horse, as in a stocking obsessed fashionista (clothes horse + stockings, evidently) and therefore rather kinky.

--Insecurity

read more Dumbass Customer stories here

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From Just Jay, April, 2010

'sup, all!

This is the tale of me, the customer and the poppyseed friand that took place yesterday.

Custy: Does that chocolate have nuts in it? *points*

(Note: I am well prepared for this question because people are stupid and don't know how to protect themselves in order to avoid having an allergic reaction and I'll be damned if it's on my head)

Me: It does not have nut chunks as part of its flavor, but I cannot guarantee that any of our chocolates are completely free of nut traces.

Custy: *only hears the first part* That looks like a nice chocolate. Or maybe that one.

Custy's friend: It doesn't have nuts in it.

Me: Like I said, I cannot guarantee any of our chocolates don't have nut traces in them.

Custy: What about this cake? This orange and poppyseed thing? That doesn't have nuts in it right? It wouldn't.

Me: *deep breath, count to five* Ladies, I cannot guarantee that ANY of our food products do not have nuts or nut traces in them. Do you have an allergy, madam?

Custy: Yes.

Me: Then I have to tell you, it's entirely possible that everything in this shop possesses either traces of nuts or has been in contact with products or utensils that had nuts involved somehow.

Custy: Unbelievable.

Me: *blank stare*

Custy: I'll get the poppyseed thing.

Custy's friend: But it's got nuts.

Custy: It should be fine.

Custy's friend: Well, you can just try a bit and see how you go.

Me: *mentally rewinding trying to make sure I've covered everything before I give her the friend of anaphylactic doom*

Custy: Do you get that question a lot?

Me: Not as often as you'd think (It's true in the two and a half years I've worked there I've only been asked about three times.)

Custy sits down with friend and I look over a moment later to see her tucking into her 'poppy seed thing.' I turn to a co-worker who had watched the whole thing.

Me: There's a certain part of me that wants her to have a reaction.

Co-worker: *gigglesnort*

Seriously, It is not my job to police your health. It is no one's job to do that but your own, or your caretaker/guardian.

Peace Out,

--Just Jay

Read more Dumbass Customers stories here!

From Rollercoaster Slave:

Oh my god, who unleashed the fucking horde of dumbasses?!?!

Seriously, the park today was like Left 4 Dead, only with angry impatient douchebags instead of zombies O_o

Add to that the fact that 4 out of our 5 registers in our stand crashed, and we were understaffed, and you get the day from hell.

Here is a list of the main shit-for-brains custys we had today (only 4, if I posted all of the massive idiots this post would be 3 pages long xD):

1) Father of the year:

So it was about noon, and we were in the middle of a huge lunch rush (think 45+ minutes in line, and then usually about 10-20 minutes to get your food).

This guy comes up to us with a group of little kids (I think the oldest was probably 8ish). He orders 5 pizzas, 3 sodas, and a beer.

Now, we have a policy of IDing everyone that wants beer, no matter how many times they come up to us. I ask to see his ID, and he goes completely apeshit.

He starts yelling shit like "I waited for 45 fucking minutes to get a fucking beer, and now you're saying I have to go get my fucking ID?!?! Fuck you you cunt!!!"

Throughout all of this, his kids are just kind of watching him (no doubt they will be terrible custys later in life) and he's standing there screaming obscenities at me. I apologize for the wait, and tell him we're understaffed.

He starts yelling that we shouldn't be understaffed, because people are looking for work. Understanding of economics FAIL.

He eventually drags his kids away, still yelling about the "fucking retards in the pizza store."

Way to go, dad-of-the-year! I bet your kids are going to grow up without anger issues!

2) Oblivious Custy

I had 5 people in a row order beer, I IDed all of them, and all of them complained.

Now this lady comes up to me, orders a beer, and I ask for her ID.

She screams at me that she shouldn't have to show her ID "Because one, I look over 21, and two, you didn't ID anyone else before me!"

Suuuure I didn't lady.

You just keep telling yourself that *eyeroll*

3) Hellspawn

We finally got another register to start working, and opened it as soon as we could.

This little kid came up to the girl working the stand, ordered a soda, and payed for it with exact change.

Now, he ordered a Coke, but we only carry Pepsi.

He said that would be fine, and she poured it and gave it to him.

He took one sip, and dumped the cup on the counter saying that "I wanted a coke you idiot!"

This kid must have been 7.

There goes my faith in today's youth.

4)  Fuck-taxes guy

Now, this was one of my last customers of the day, and by now, after 8 hours of douchebaggery and idiocy, I had reached the magical point where I was no longer able to care about anything.

My managers were angry because I'd gone over 40 hours for the week (we have a policy of sending people home before  they reach 40 hours, otherwise the managers get in trouble), and

I was just fucking done with angry people.

This guy comes up to me, orders a soda, and I tell him the total.

He freaks out (more so than that cust-zilla in my last submission) and blamed ME for the sales tax rate.

Now, I'm still recovering from jet-lag from when I went to Egypt, I'm energy crashing like hell, and stress is causing my stomach to hurt. (Sorry about sounding whiny, just want to show what was going on).

I was just done with people blaming me for random shit that they don't like, so I snapped.

I yelled at the guy "I can't even change my schedule, what the fuck do you expect me to do about the tax rate?!?!"

He looked down, and muttered something that sounded like "oh, sorry", he payed for his drink, and left.

Luckily, my manager likes me, so I didn't get written up.

--Rollercoaster Slave

read more Amusement Park Hell here

and for more Dumbass Customers go here!

From Fed Up Retail Sut, August, 2009:

So here I am again Slaves!.. I know you guys are getting tired of me and my complaining but this one is a good one.....

So I'm working my big 3 hour shift(man I spent more in gas getting to and from than I made), and one of my fellow co-workers walked up to me laughing.

So, silly me I asked what she was laughing at. Her reply was as follows:

Me: What's so funny?

Her: We had a shoplifter.

Me: Are you frickin serious?

Her: I think she left her keys in the pocket of the clothes she left behind!

After further investigation we discovered that she sure as shit did! This dumb bitch had left her CAR KEYS in her old clothes!

So we told her when she came back for her keys we would trade her old clothes and keys for our new clothes that she took!! Can you in=magine the look on her face??? I bet you can't!

--Fed Up Retail Slut

read more Dumbass Customers stories here

For more Nasty Ass Thieves tales go here

From Mouse, Mastered, April, 2011

Okay, so, whoa. MouseMastered here, and today's the western movie of guests: the crazy, the stupid, and the spaced-y to talk about today.

First off, the Spaced:

I was over behind the tea cups and having a decently good time. A lady walked up, and asked me an innocently enough where Pirates of the Caribbean is. Okay, no problem.

So here's what follows:

MM: "No problem! It's over in Adventureland." *points towards Adventureland and is about
to say more when...*

SL(Spaced Lady):"Oh, so it's not in the Magic Kingdom?"

I was literally dumbfounded at that and merely responded "No ma'am, it's here. Adventureland is just another section of the park."

I don't remember if she had a first time visit button on, but I've seriously NEVER had someone think that Adventureland is not in the park.

Secondly... Let's go with the Stupid:

I'm at our stand that now sells chicken nuggets amongst other things and one of our new menu options is a kid's meal PBJ. The kid's meal comes with: two sides (grapes, apple slices, cookies, or jell-o) and a drink. OH, and a side note: we only sell potato chips, NOT FRENCH FRIES.

I had a couple come up and begin to order, two chicken nuggets, whatever. But then the Dumb Lady (DL) and her significant other add a PBJ to the order. Enter scene:

MM: "Okay, would you like the meal or the sandwich?"

DL: "The meal. Can I get that with fries?"

MM: "No ma'am. There aren't any fries. You get two sides: apples, grapes, cookie, or jell-o."

DL: "Okay." *ponders menu* "How about carrot cake?" *note: the cake and chips alone are listed directly beneath the PBJ*

MM: "No ma'am. You get two sides: apples, grapes, cookie, or jell-o."

DL: "OH! Two sides!" *my thoughts: about time you get it!* "Then can I get carrot cake and chips?"

MM: *HEADREGISTER* "No ma'am. Apples, grapes, cookie, or jell-o."

Seriously. THREE. GOD. DAMN. TIMES.

AND THEY WOUND UP CANCELING THEIR ORDER ANYWAY. FUCKING FUCK FUCKERS.

Also, I had some dude order, and he has change, but it's not enough to cover the change on the order. But he has a ten.

He asks me if I can cover his change from my till. He isn't going to get a mountain of change, so I say no and go to give him the change.

And I swear, he has aviators on and he gives me the BIGGEST FUCKING STINK EYE as I give him his bills and TWO COINS worth of change.

Seriously, why do some people act as if getting change is a sin against God/FSM/Lady Gaga? It's part of my job, as a cashier, to GET YOU QUICK CHANGE. Deal with it.

AND LASTLY, the GODDAMN CRAZY:

Thankfully this story did NOT happen to me, but the result is awesome, and the manager that this happens to deserves an RBA. (Note: They get one!)

It was at the nugget stand. One lady orders from this older guy. She gets the order, pays him, gets the change, all is well and good.

Well, obviously not, or I wouldn't be writing about it. She comes back, ranting and raving, that the cashier guy didn't give her the change.

Cashier guy, calmly, gets AwesomeManager, who comes by and does and audit on the spot.

The till comes out PERFECT TO THE PENNY.

End of story, right?

WRONG! THIS FUCKING LADY starts SCREAMING and SWEARING in the middle of fucking fantasyland that she didn't get her goddamn change and takes her water bottle and shakes it at CashierGuy and AwesomeManager, gets water everywhere, trashes the counter, and throws her water bottle to the ground and stomps out.

One of my supervisors wound up trailing her so that she could be found. Disney Security
showed up to the stand, I direct her to AwesomeManager, and the two disappear.

I wound up finding out that AwesomeManager and the security guard wound up EJECTING THAT CRAZY BITCH FROM THE MAGIC KINGDOM. She was escorted from property, and miraculously went along with it without much of a struggle.

All in all, it was an interesting spring break/pre-Easter week at the Kingdom. Summer's coming though, and from the looks of things, I'll be getting a LOT more stories to share.

Until next time, be safe, may your lines be free of crustys, and have a magical day!

--Mouse Mastered

read more Amusement Park Hell stories here

for more Dumbass Customers stories go here

and for more bitches like the one above checkout Bitch Encounters!