Hellspawn Tales: Hallmark Store Attacked By Twins


CornbabiesaFrom RHUer, February, 2010 :

I've been in retail for almost three years now (working my way through school), and reading the horror stories on this blog makes me go, "Yup. Been there, dealt with that. Wow, that one's new." (Some are horror stories I hope to never live through, in any form.) Having read everyone else's hilarious tales, I figured I'd share my own.

I work at a Hallmark, and I was manning the registers one day when a customer came in with her twin Hell Spawn. The little demons were about five years old, and they very clearly did not want to be shopping with Mom at "the boring store". She was looking for a birthday card, and the first thing I heard her say to her little brats was "Don't touch anything."

Five minutes later (honestly, I'm surprised it took them that long), Hell Spawn #1 starts pulling cards off the runs. Mom doesn't even look up when she says, "If you don't behave, we're going home."

Naturally, this incites Hell Spawn #2 into joining his brother in taking cards down.

Mom's reply?

"If you don't behave, then we're going home."

It's like you could see the little hamster wheels turning in their heads over this revelation. They could do whatever they wanted, and Mom was just going to tell them to behave (because finding just the right card is so vitally important [/sarcasm]).

HELLSPAWNTALESThe Hell Spawn went to town.

They took all the lollipops out of the display and threw them on the floor.

They pulled stuffed animals off the shelves.

They took two of the singing balloons and started whacking each other with them, having a sword fight.

They turned on our entire display of Halloween singing trees (40 mangled round robin versions of "The Addams Family).

And through it all, Mom just kept telling them, "If you don't behave, then we're going to leave."

My coworker and I were so busy with other customers that we could only run the occasional interference, rescuing things from destruction in the nick of time.

Meanwhile, completely oblivious Mom is browsing for 45 minutes, not even paying attention to her demon children.

Finally, she finds just the perfect card, pays for it, and leaves, without so much as an apology for her brats' behavior.

Although, considering the way she ignored them, I was wondering if that was good behavior on their part.

Which begs the question, what's their bad behavior like?



read more Hellspawn Tales here












Dumbass Customers: Everybody speaks French in Ireland



From Rucheena79, Tales From Retail:

I work in a card and gift shop in Dublin and yesterday there was a gang of American students having a debate at our Irish card spinner stand. Should be noted that most of the cards are written in Gaelic and english. Girl 1: Everybody in Ireland speaks French Girl 2: Are you sure it doesn’t really look like French? Girl 1: It has to be French what other language could it be?

The group then continue to read the cards in a French accent to proof their point.

It was at this stage I had to go over to them and explain it is Irish - I mean they are in Ireland! And that very few Irish people speak French!

Girl 1: We were told French was one of Ireland languages??

Seriously who is educating these kids?







Gift Shop Hell: "No, I can't sell you the penguin's eye"


Carolanne2 051

From HenshinforPie, Tales From Retail:

Hello again from the gift shop at Aquarium! We get a lot of kids year round, either in school or camp groups. The kids see the toys, and almost always ask if they are free. Even if I say no, they keep asking, probably hoping that one of the things we sell happens to be free.

One day at I was at the kiosk in the stingray area, demoing our large stuffed penguin, when one boy (about 8) came up to me.

Boy: Is this toy free?

Me: No.

Boy: Is this toy free?

Me: Sorry, no.

Boy: Is the penguin free?

Me: No, the penguin is $20.

Boy: Is the penguin's eye free?

Me: (very confused) No, I can't sell you the penguin's eye.

Boy: Darn! (Goes off)

To this day, this is the weirdest question I have gotten at work so far.

And all for what would have been half a button!




Retail Hell Memories: "I just don't understand why I'm being banned!! I did nothing wrong!"


Carolanne 010aa

From  snortybeagle, Tales From Retail:

Many years ago, I worked for a fancy gift boutique that sold candles, perfumes, lotions and other random items. We were located in a shopping district with heavy foot traffic, so our store was always busy.

One weekend, we had a promotion for lotions where if you purchased one, you'd get two for free. We were trying to clear out old stock, so this was the best way.

A woman came in, grabbed a shopping bag, spotted the sale sign and proceeded to fill her bag to overflowing. I watched, impressed, from the other side of the store as the shopping bag's seam strength was pushed to its limit.

The woman then waddled over to me and asked me how much her total would be. She was beaming, saying, "I can't believe this amazing promotion!"

Keep in mind, this was a fancy, upscale boutique, so each item was pretty pricey. The promotion was indeed amazing if you were looking to treat yourself or to scratch a few names off of your holiday shopping list. The woman had filled the bag to capacity, so while she would receive quite a lot of goods for free, she would definitely still pay quite a large total at the register if she checked out. I counted and it would have been a little over $300, plus tax.

I told her this, and her eyes bulged out of her head.

Lady: But..but the sale..I don't understand. Why is it so much?

Me: Because you are paying for a certain number of items, to get two additional items for free per item. Your total based on those items comes out to $300+ aside from the sales tax.

Lady: But if I'm getting items for free, how am I paying so much money? I don't get it.

Me: stares blankly

Lady: Never mind.

Then, without warning, she let go of the shopping bag's handles and angrily rushed toward the door. It all happened so quickly, yet somehow, with cat-like reflexes, I caught the bag's straps just before it hit the floor and crushed my feet. By some miracle, I did not sprain my wrists. The bag weighed a great deal.

My manager rushed over to make sure I was okay. She was super pissed and called security to locate the woman, but they failed to do so. The manager told me to keep an eye out for her and to alert her if she ever came back.

About a week later, the woman came back in, acting as if nothing had happened. I immediately went to the back to alert my manager, who stormed up to the woman and in a very serious tone, asked her to leave.

Lady: (shocked gasp) What?! Why?

Manager: You were in here last week and you nearly damaged over $300 worth of merchandise and nearly injured my employee severely. I don't tolerate that sort of thing in my store.

Lady: How would I have done any of that? I don't understand!

Manager: I have you on tape dropping a bag full of merchandise, which would have hit the floor or possibly fractured my employee's feet, but luckily she caught it beforehand.

Lady: So then why am I being banned?

Manager: Because it could have ended very badly had my employee NOT caught the bag. You simply let go of the straps and rushed out. Why would you do that?!

Lady: I just don't understand why I'm being banned!! I did nothing wrong!

The woman continued to insist that she did nothing wrong and refused to respond to my manager's question as to why she simply let go of the bag full of fragile merchandise. She only left when the manager called security and had her escorted out. The woman was banned for one year, but I moved on to a new job a few months later, so I have no idea if she ever went back to the store before that.

-- snortybeagle