From Lightniiing, Tales From The Front Desk
This is a true story of an experience that I recently had the pleasure of being a part of. This might be a bit of the read, but I assure you its worth it. Just a quick background; I work at a resort right next to the beach so it is very family friendly and for the most part very expensive to stay at, which in turn puts off a lot of shady people from booking.
I now present to you all – The Gift That Keeps On Giving: Ms. Z
[ACT 1]
It was a normal day for the most part, check-ins were going smoothly and it was relatively quiet. That is until Ms. Z (not her real name obv) came to the front desk.
But let me tell you she smelled like SHIT. I got used to it after a while but that first moment when I smelt her up close... I was almost sick. She looks clean from a distance, but when you’re there stood next to her its a different story.
Anyways, she seemed a little distraught and explained to me that her car had been broken into. I of course got in touch with my security department so that they could take a report and look at tapes. Ms. Z was explaining her story with security and I, and apparently someone had been trying to break into her car multiple times throughout her stay. This is when the situation took a turn.
Ms. Z said, "Yeah, I have no idea how someone could have just broke through. I made sure to cast my barrier on it.”
????????
Me: “Wait what?”
Security: "I'm sorry I didn’t catch that, can you repeat? 
Ms Z, screaming: "You YOU THINK I’M CRAZY HUH?! YOUR TRICKS WON’T WORK ON ME YOU. BLOODSUCKING WEREWOLF” (vampire wolf hybrid I guess)
We were all in silence as we were trying to comprehend what she meant by barrier and how this conversation went from 0-100. She starting getting more aggressive, ranting about how we are all beneath her, useless, and incapable of receiving her love. Security was trying their best calm her down since there were other guests in the lobby. She got so upset that she scoffed and literally RAN out of the building. Security filed the report and I went back to my duties, unaware of the events follow.
Pandora’s box hath been opened.
[ACT II: His Pants Are Crying. – Ms. Z vs. BF]
A day had passed since our last encounter with Ms. Z. Thinking it was over and done with, I heard a loud crash outside in the Porte-cochère.
Me and a few others went to go inspect what caused the noise and it was a fucking dude that crashed his car into one of giant flower pots. The flower pots are extremely sturdy so the car took most of the damage while managing to block incoming guests that are trying to park for check-in/depart.
When security arrived to examine the situation they were greeted by Ms. Z screaming at the guy. The man himself was tall, lanky, and did not look clean; pretty suspicious looking all around.
Turns out it was her car and the man who crashed it was her boyfriend, which we found out was the culprit that broke into her car. I guess they had been having a domestic dispute between the two. Shortly after the tow truck driver arrived to remove the vehicle from the area it was blocking.
Keep in mind there are now a few cars behind that are waiting to park and or depart.
The driver came to the front desk really awkwardly and pleaded “Hey bro do you mind if I use the restroom before I tow the vehicle? I don’t think I can hold it in any longer.”
I pointed him to the direction of the restroom and the dude straight up pissed himself on the way over there. Little spurts of piss followed his trail and he came out of the bathroom with a very obvious water stain near his crotch. Luckily there weren’t any guests around so it was a quick clean. Tow truck driver removed the vehicle and all was well. Or so I thought.
[ACT III: “...Whats that smell, bro?”]
It was no secret that now Ms. Z and her boytoy were bad news. Wherever they went, bad things followed. Unfortunately we did not have any real means to evict them from the property. That is until we received multiple noise complaints aimed toward their room.
As usual we sent security to make contact with Ms. Z to tell her to stfu. When security arrived there was no answer at the door, but they noticed something.
One of the officers smelt something coming from inside the room that smelled so bad he gagged. Since it was apparent no one was in the room, the officers let themselves in to further inspect the smell since it was very dominant.
The room was messy, and there was trash all around but none that would emit this bad of a smell. They started closing in on the smell from the master bedroom and eventually ended up in the bathroom.
What came next was some next level shit, literally.
The entire tub was covered in SHIT. I’m talking COVERED IN SHIT. Not only that, but Ms. Z and her boyfriend had gone as far to start a mural in the guest bedroom. Using shit as their paint. They successfully painted a happy face and had begun to create from what I could decipher a heart with a cross in the middle.
How do I know this? Because security took pictures and videos of everything to use as evidence to evict them. We tried calling the number on file to speak with Ms. Z about what the hell was going on and were greeted by an elderly woman who was her mother.
We explained the situation and the mom was in shook. We then found out from the mother that Ms. Z had just got out of the looney bin a few days prior to her reservation and her boyfriend was one of the asylum workers. I can confirm that there was some sort of substance abuse involved. They never specified what, but drugs were inside the room.
We ended up evicting them with the help of the local authorities and had to take that room out of inventory for like 3 weeks. Her mother unfortunately had to pay for damages done to the room.
It was such a surreal experience that I honestly still can' believe that it actually happened. But it did and it was a shitty situation. Sorry for the wall of text, I just had to get it out of my system you guys.
--Lightniiing