I.D. Hell - It Protects My Identity, Even When It Doesn't


This story was originally posted on December 11, 2009


Amusement park hellA rant from a Themepark Slave:

I'm only seventeen, and yet I've already seen lots of Retail Hell.

I previously worked as a photo person in a drugstore, that was a whole different level of hell... but now I find myself in Themepark Hell.

I work at one of the smaller parks in a large chain, but I am not employed by the chain itself. I work for the annoying people asking for your picture every time you walk 5 feet.

This specific story comes from my new location - Santa's Workshop.

Not only do we have a complete diva Santa, the customers are bitchier than ever.

I'm used to the abuse when I'm on camera, and I'm okay hearing about our "outrageous" prices.

I am not, however, used to being told I should put my job on the line for a bitchy customer.

I've got a pretty heavy line, so I'm moving quickly.

I had just printed this custy's photos and was in the process of ringing her out.

Carolanne and thenShe hands me her card and it's unsigned.

I ask for ID and she looks at me as if I've completely offended her.

"Everyone else in the park has taken it without question."

"Well, then they're all doing it wrong. It is my company policy and park policy to get ID."

She looks completely aghast and then decides she's going to go "run and get cash".

I never saw her again the rest of the day.

I hear all about how it helps to prevent "identity theft"..... sure it does, WHEN YOU JUST TOLD ME NO ONE ELSE IN THE FUCKING PARK ASKED FOR ID.

Way to protect your identity, bitch!

--Themepark Slave


Read more I.D. Hell stories here!





Retail Hell Memories: Return Hell - Why Do I Need A Valid Driver's License?! This Is Identity Theft!


This story was originally posted on November 21, 2009


Returnhell3Dear RHU,

I work for a major office supply store. You'd think that the type of people who voluntarily shop for paper, ink, and toner are mild-mannered by association. This, however, is not the case. My first of many horrible customer experiences comes from a woman who was about 40 who wanted to return her item. I could tell by the caked on blue eyeshadow, fluffy pink sweater, perm, and mom jeans that there was going to be trouble. I was right.

At our store, if you don't have a receipt for your return, you must give a drivers license to us so we can check your ID in a database of fraud ID's. Normally, this almost never poses an issue, but there's always a first time for everything.

After some fumbling around, she managed to find her ID, flashed it at me, and then stuffed it back into her purse.

Me: Ma'am, I need to see your ID...

40 year old woman: you just did.

Me: Ma'am I need to type in your drivers license number

40 YOW: Why?! Why do you need to do that?!

Me: Because it's just a quick check to see that your ID isn't fraudulent

Uniform Carolanne40 YOW: IT ISN'T FRAUDULENT!!!!! Why would you need to type in the number!?

Me: As I stated, it's just a check to see that your ID isn't fraudulent...

40 YOW: IT ISN'T!!! You! Why???? Why do you need it!?!?

Me: I can't let you return this without typing in your ID number


Me: Let me get a manager...

::Manager comes over::

40 YOW: SHE!!! She says you need to type in my drivers license number for a return!!!

Manager: ...yes?

40 YOW: Why do you need it!!?!

Manager: it's a check in our database of fraudulent ID's. Your ID is most likely not fraudulent, however we must type in the number -


Freddy crosseyedManager: If you want to return this item, then I have to type in your ID number. If not, then I can't do the return

40 YOW: Why?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Manager: Because we need an ID to do the return


Manager: I know. It probably isn't, but we still need the ID for the return


This exchange goes on for another 15 minutes before she finally agrees to give the manager her ID and type in the number and finish the return. I half expected there to be some sort problem, with the way she was over-reacting. But there wasn't. She was just a dumb fucking bitch.

Manager: Thank you, is there anything else I can help you with today?

40 YOW: I don't know WHY you needed my ID!

More stories to come!


--Office Supply Whore


Read more Return Hell stories here!


I.D. Hell: Your ID doesn't look like you


NAT (2)

From u/dortega88 Tales From Retail:

So I work for a cell phone company and we check ID to verify the same name matches the account. Today this guy comes in and I just knew. Like as soon as he opened the door I knew this specific customer was going to try and commit fraud in someone's account.

So I greet him and he says he wants to change out a Sim card for his line. So I said ok let's get your account up and let me see your ID. He shows me his the ID he has and it's partly covered and I ask him to take it out so I can use a black light to verify its real when I look at it, it's not even him. Now it is the same ethnicity as him but it's definitely not him. So I told him this doesn't look like you I can take this. And then he says that was me when I was fatter, and I looked at him like "do you think I'm stupid?" The person in the ID was definitely not far in the picture but even then the weight wasn't even for someone who is overweight. But what was even more noticeable was that the height said 5' 10''. I'm 5' 8'' and this guy is shorter than me, not by much but I am definitely taller than him.

I tell him this and he looks at me and says so what now?

And I just say now I can't help you. And he walks away.

This tends to happen a lot sometimes by the same people who think they won't see the same person again but our team is pretty good at telling people who try this to leave.









Cashier Hell Advice: Nope, won't sell any of you guys alcohol



From u/PoorCashier  Tales From Retail:

 Dear cashiers, please keep an eye out for such situations, you can get in big trouble when you act wrong at some point.

Had two young ladies and an older guy come to my register at about 9 PM. It's a common time to buy alcohol here.

Drinking here is legal by the age of 16, but only for wine and beer at that age. The harder stuff is legal to get at the age of 18.

Anyways, the group wanted to purchase some of the harder stuff; my register also warned me to check their IDs.

Me: Good evening then to the ladies Is the alcohol for you?

Lady 1: Yes, it is.

Me: Then I need to see your ID, please.

Dude: hands me his ID

Me: Great. Now the IDs of the ladies, please.

Lady 2: Oh no, he's paying for it!

Lady 1: We don't have IDs with us!

Me: Well, sorry, you said the alcohol is for you so I need to see yourIDs.

Dude: But I'll be paying for it! I'm with them, I can buy it!

Me: No. That's not how this works. As soon as I can determine that alcohol will be going to underaged persons, I can refuse the sale. Which I'm doing rn. Feel free to buy something else, but no alcohol for you guys. The ladies don't have IDs with them, so I can't sell you that stuff.

Lady 1: Wtf? You can't do this!

Me: Oh, of course I can takes the alcohol from the belt and puts it under the register, where a small cart for returns is Can I help you with anything else?

Dude: You're ruining all the fun for tonight! Seriously, screw all of this walks off in a huff

Me: Sooo...nothing else I can help you with?

Lady 1: F*** you!

Me: smiles Thanks, you too. Have a nice evening.

Some people really are frustrating when alcohol is involved. I won't break some laws just so you guys can "have fun tonight". Fuck such people.








I.D. Hell: Guy tries to buy wine with his beard



From u/fontinuos, Tales From Retail:

So there is this young guy buying a bag of Doritos and some wine, the lady ringing him up asks for ID, the conversation go like this, the guy will be “Him” and the lady “Her”.

“Her” : can I see your ID please.

“Him” : I don´t have it with me.

“Her” : any other document you can show me? I just need to check your age.

“Him” : I left it all at home.

“Her” : I´m sorry, but I need some kind of identification in order to sell you this.

The guy stops a bit, and goes like:

“Him” : dude….. check out the BEARD, how old you think I am ?

At this point he was pointing toward his face, which had like couple dozen hairs on this chin, and few random hairs on the sides, very little of it. The lady (and me) giggled a bit.

“Her” : sorry but I still need a valid form of identification.

“Him” : I’m not buying anything else if you don´t sell me this wine.

“Her” : ok, you can leave the items right in the basket behind you.

The guy looks at the basket, hesitates a bit, and turns back to her.

“Him” : FINE, only the Doritos then.





Retail Hell Memories: Why would you be proud of doing that with your ID?



From u/backingawayslowlynow, Tales From Retail:

I once worked at a convenience store, that had an ID everyone policy on tobacco products.

One day, two guys come in, and ask to buy some cigarettes. For clarity we will call them ID Guy and Proud Guy. Proud Guy is telling ID Guy what to buy, so I tell them I have to ID them both, since the one is clearly paying for the other.

ID Guy proceeds to earn his name by, sanely and calmly, pulling out his ID and handing it to me. Proud Guy proceeds to earn his name by smugly crossing his arms and beginning the following interaction:

Proud Guy: "You can't ID me because I don't have an ID, so there!"

First guy is looking at him weird, and so am I because why would you be proud of that? I mean this guy was REALLY proud of this fact, like he had figured out how to trick the system or something and whatever was I, a lowly cashier, going to do now.

ID Guy: "Dude, what are you doing? I know for a FACT that you have ID. You had to use it to get into the club a few weeks ago, so you need to just show it already."

Me:" If you have ID, you need to show me, because if you don't, I can't sell anything to either of you in the realm of tobacco products today, at all."

Proud Guy's face falls, and he starts to lose a bit of his smug demeanor.

Proud Guy: "I could just leave and you could sell it to ID Guy!"

Me: "No, I can't. You are clearly here together and I heard you both talking about making this purchase."

The ID Guy is losing his patience at this point.

ID Guy: "Just show your ID already, we have places to be!"

Proud Guy: "I can't...I don't have it anymore."

ID Guy: "What do you MEAN you don't have it anymore?"

Proud Guy suddenly swelled with pride again at this, as though he was about to tell us both a great thing in his life he was keeping secret. Like winning the lottery, or getting into a prestigious university.

Proud Guy: "I sold it!"

Both ID Guy and I look at him for a minute and simultaneously said: "WHAT?!?"

Proud Guy: "Yeah, I met some guys that offered me $150 for my ID, can you believe it? So, I sold it last week. It's no big deal, I'll just get a new one, probably sell that one too!"

ID Guy: "It's a super big deal, dude! Why would you do that? You're an idiot!"

Me: "I have to agree with him, man. They are going to steal your identity, and you're going to be pretty fucked, if you're not already. You should really call the police, and your bank, and probably do a credit check to figure out the damages so far."

Proud Guy starts to go pale, turns to ID Guy, and says "That isn't true, right?"

ID Guy takes his ID back from me, shakes his head, and pulls Proud Guy out of the store, with Proud Guy looking like he is about to cry.

I never saw Proud Guy again, and I never asked ID Guy about it when he came in a couple times after that.