Spritzy5aFrom Spritzy, November, 2010:


Watch out Stacy and Clinton!

RHU has it's own fashionista team here to critique and criticize the fashion choices of today's Retail applicants.

After being involved in my company's hiring process I've seen all sorts of applicants and interviewees; from smart, sharp suits to just-rolled-outa-bed funkocity.

Now while a Brooks Brothers suit isn't quite necessary for interviewing at a minimum wage position, the effort is duly noted and quite preferred over the opposite end of the attire spectrum...and it is for those on that end of the fashion scale that we are all gathered here today.

I present....Spritzy's What Not To Wear (to a retail interview)

And here we go!

1. Don't wear anything with reference to any illicit substances or illegal activities.

Even though you may not partake of such things, it just doesn't shine well on your integrity to have a 8 inch gilded pot-leaf medalion wafting back and forth across your chest.

This becomes even more of a downfall if you get a panic-stricken look on your face at the mention of the words "company mandated drug test."

2. Don't wear anything with scantily clad people, references to alcoholic beverages, stupid/rude/obnoxious quotes or any combinations of the above.

Now I know we're all for good times, but interview time is not Miller Time.

Save the days off with your friends to proclaim that you can "Partay Harday Shawday".

Also, be aware of what the statements on your shirt can reveal about yourself. It's never a good idea to go into an interview wearing a shirt that says "I'm not unmotivated, I'm just lazy".

3. Don't wear anything with obvious rips, stains or holes.

Now I know that some people have been hard-up for employment for quite some time and as a result their wardrobe has gotten a bit shabby, for that I can understand and sympathize. But there's a difference between a worn knee or cuff on one's slacks; and having the back pockets of your jeans intentionally half ripped off.

You may be infatuated with your glitter-thong...but an interview is not the place to show it off....trust me, it won't get you the points you want in order to get hired.

We're a Superstore, not a Store for Superwhores.

4. Don't wear grubby flip-flops/sandals...with or without socks.

Now the entire population of the universe...with the exception of anyone over the age of 80 or who's name is Uncle Milty...should know that sandals/flip-flops with socks is ALWAYS a cardinal fashion sin....plus it just looks goofy.  Spritzy2b

Also, wearing dirty, grimy flip-flops; showing off your wonderful collection of toejam, assorted fungi and callouses, will most certainly cause the interviewer to spend more time mentally gagging at your feet than paying attention to your job history.

5. Don't wear clothes that smell.

Now this doesn't just mean body-funk. Avoid bathing in perfume or cologne as well. Dealing with an applicant that smells like an overactive fragrance counter at Macy's or like a elevator full of old ladies can be just as distracting and off-putting as eau-du-sweat.

So please, wear freshly washed clothes and skip the scent.

6. Dazzle us with your work ethic, not your bling.

We will not be impressed by your three rings per finger and your 8 cubic pounds of chains around your neck. Focus more on your value as an employee rather than your value as a walking jewelry tree.

7. Holy, holy holy! You're punk, you're badass, and you want the world to know it! Well you'd better stow it at a retail interview.

90% of retail places don't allow facial piercings, and if they do hire you despite your perforated facade, they'll make you agree to take out all your face-elery. So best off to keep it at a minimum whenever possible so the interviewer will notice your impeccable attendance record rather than your triple-loop nose-to-eyebrow ring.

8. Follicle frenzy!

Dying to change your hair to something that really makes a statement? Like say, a two foot tall neon green mohawk or something from the Edward Scissorhands style line?

Well you will prolly wanna wait till after that retail interview. once again, you want to impress the interviewer with your stellar work performance and not your pommade's rock-hard hold.

9.Tune in, Drop out, Shut up.

For corn's sake PLEASE turn off your cell phone! At the very least put the dang thing on mute and whatever you do DON'T ANSWER THE DAMN THING! You can totally find out what Becky's wearing to the club and how much she hates her stupid-ass ex AFTER the interview.

10.Turn that frown upside down! ^_^ Spritzy4a

One of the worst things you can wear to an interview is a bad attitude or a sour personality. I've had countless applicants not even make it to the interview stage because they called to ask for an interview and then chewed me out for not giving them one right away or telling them I'd have the managers look over the application before making a interview decision....that is an immediate disqualification in my book.

If you slump in the chair, refuse to make any eye contact (I personally suck at eye contact, but try an honest effort for such occasions) answer the interviewers questions in short, gruff two-syllable answers or make negative comments about past employers you will not get hired.

If you wake up on your interview day and feel like a seaming pile of dog shit...be it illness or just a bad-mojo day...call and ask to reschedule your interview. A bad attitude can ruin even the most sharp-dressed applicant interview.

These pretty much all come from examples of applicants we've had pass through our doors, some have even regrettably been hired, though in most cases their employment has been short lived.

So take heed and dress appropriately for your next retail interview, mayhaps it will open doors to get you into a heavenly retail-free employment in the future!




for more Interview Hell go here

for some Dress Code Hell go here




Job Search Hell: My (Almost) First Job


Freddy Fuck youFrom RHUer

This past summer, I was going to start my first job as a waiter at a movie theater/restaurant. The talks I had with the managers seemed good, and they seemed to like me.

We set up a date and time for me to come in for training. The first time I show up 20 minutes early.

However, at the appointed time, the guy who was supposed to be training me is mysteriously 'busy.'

At first, I figure, "Okay, he's running behind. Life happens."

But time passed. And kept passing.

I tried several times to inquire whether the manager was ready to train me, and each time I was brushed off or told that the manager would get to me 'soon.' I ended up waiting two hours before giving up and leaving.

I get a call from the guy saying he was sorry, but family issues came up.  As I listen to his voice, I get the feeling that he's lying through his teeth.

Don't get me wrong, if worse comes to worst and a loved one dies, it can fuck you up. But surely at least one coworker or fellow manager could have seen that he needed to leave, or just sit in a quiet office and try to put the pieces of his life back together. Surely SOMEONE could have stepped in and told me that things just weren't going to happen that day. Instead, I kept getting brushed off; not like "he's in there freaking the hell out and we're trying not to admit it," but more like, "just sit there until he deigns to grace you with his precious time." There was this... pompousness about the whole thing.

Over the course of the next month, the managers and trainer that scheduled me never showed up for the SIX training sessions we scheduled and I confirmed. There was always an excuse,e ach more flimsy sounding than the last.

After that I just left a message saying that I was glad I had dodged a bullet, since management was clearly too spineless to just tell me that the job offer was no longer on the table. I sarcastically thanked them for their lack of professionalism, and told them to please shred my application, since I clearly was never going to work for their company.

I don't even feel bad that my message likely burned that bridge... because honestly I don't think the bridge was ever there to burn in the first place.



Read more Job Search Hell stories here!


Interview Hell: Telling But Not Telling You About It


SkulliesFrom Gaia227TalesFromRetail

A woman came in to interview for a front desk position at the hotel I worked for.

She was wearing green fuzzy slippers, pink socks, a pair of shorts with a button up white shirt tucked in..... so from the waist up she looked normal.

While she was waiting for the manager to come get her, she proceeded to hang around the front desk and tell us her whole life story about her 'crackhead boyfriend' who died, living in a car with her baby, having said baby taken away from her, blah, blah.

During the interview she told my boss that her last job was at a bank, where she was caught and convicted of embezzlement.

Boss was confused because nowhere on her resume did she have the bank job listed. Boss asked about it.

The woman replied, "Well yeah, I didn't put it on my resume! I didn't want you to know about it!"



Interview Hell: How *Not* To Get A Job


Jason2 084From CamoFeatherTalesFromRetail

Honestly, the best I had was a girl who came in to our store with her two friends in a hoodie, sweat pants and flip flops (thongs), looked at cell phones for 20 minutes (one of the Canadian Big 3).

When my staff went to ask them if they needed any help, the girl says, "Nah, I'm just waiting for my interview with Camofeather."

I'd been standing there, name tag in sight...

My girls just look at me.

I inform her I was the one she was looking for (already damned sure I wasn't hiring her at this point), and direct her out to the benches chairs in the hall.

Throughout the interview, her friends kept coming over and talking to her, she answered no less than 5 text messages, and chewed bubble gum the entire time.

The third or so time her friends came over, I asked her if she wanted to reschedule for a better time.

She said "Nope."

My response, as I'm packing up, "Well, I do. I'll call to IF we choose to reschedule."

I didn't reschedule.

The best part was when she called afterwards asking when she was going to start. Pretty sure she heard me laughing as I hung up on her.



Interview Hell: Quit Lying About An Injury And Take Notes!


InterviewhellFrom RHUer

Several years ago I was attacked by two dogs and had torn up my right (dominant) hand pretty badly. I had stitches everywhere, and my hand was bandaged up in ways that would make a mummy jealous. I was at the office, catching up on some work on a Saturday; pecking away at the keyboard with my other hand and functional but contented on pain pills.

The phone rings, and I answered, because I thought it might be my wife.

Some guy was checking up on his application. He would not accept calling back on Monday and speaking to the hiring manager. He insisted on leaving a message with me, even after I told him about my hand. He berated me for lying about an injury and for being lazy and for not taking a message (left unsaid: "like a good little peon") and told me that if I didn't write the note, he would tell my boss how horribly rude and lazy I was.

So I took the message.

Spoiler alert: I was second in charge of the company at that time, the only person above me was the owner. (Owner was in favor of letting my hand heal, but I was a workaholic at the time and felt I could do at least some minimal work with my non dominant hand.)

I left my own note on the message, "DO NOT HIRE, CANNOT FOLLOW SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS!"