Interview Hell: That's Not How This Works. That's Not How Any Of This Works

 

InterviewhellFrom OrsoMalleusTalesFromRetail

Years ago I was working at a well known toy store chain with an overpriced electronics section. A kid comes in, obviously stoned out of his mind, smells terrible and wearing a shirt with profanity all over the front. I'm not judgmental of people, there's all sorts of walks of life, but there's a right and wrong way to look when you're in his situation.

We'll call him SK, for stoned kid. I'll be me, M. And coworker can be CW.

Let's begin. I'm in the back room, unpacking our most recent shipment. Coworker pops his head in the door.

CW- There's a guy out here asking about a résumé. I'm having some trouble figuring out what he needs, can you give it a go?

I come out of the back and I'm immediately greeted by this kid and his body odor.

M- Hey there, how can I help you?

SK- I need a résumé.

M- I mean, if someone submitted it, I can't just hand that out, there's usually personal information on there. Is it yours? Do you need it back?

SK- No, I need one. I don't have one with me.

M- (suspicious at this point) Wait, so you want someone's résumé? For what?

SK- So I can work here! I need one to turn in.

M- So...you want me to get you a résumé so you can turn it in with your name on it?

SK- Uh, YEAH, obviously! That's how résumés work!

M- (That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works) No, you type your own resume, with your own work experience on it.

SK- Wait, I gotta type it?? How am I supposed to know what kind of information to put on it so I can work here??

Carolanne computer 1M- (You're not gonna work here) Well, there's plenty of examples online you can use for the format.

SK- What if I bring a résumé from somewhere else?

M- Wait, do you mean an application? Something you fill out?

SK- No, I mean a résumé.

M- (done at this point) Ok, well you can go online and look at example résumés, make your own and bring it in and we can take a look. But I can get you an application, so you can fill it out and attach your résumé.

SK- How do I attach a résumé?

M- A stapler will work fine.

SK- Oh, ok.

Fast forward towards the end of my shift. SK comes back.

SK- Hey man, I brought my résumé.

M- Great, let's take a look.

SK pulls a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket and hands it to me. I smooth and flatten it out on the counter. It's an application for the Red Robin in the mall next door.

M- This isn't for our store, this is for Red Robin.

SK- Yeah but you said to get one like it and you'd look at it.

Freddy rockstarM- No, remember I gave you an application to fill out and attach to your résumé?

SK- Well this is my résumé and I lost the application. So can you interview me?

M- (looking at the crumpled application) Tell you what, we'll give you a call...

SK- Ok, I'll come back.

After further inspection on his "résumé", SK wanted $19/hr (minimum wage was $6.25 at the time) and under reasons he was qualified to work there he just put "I play games." Even the application reeked of pot.

Needless to say, he was not called for an interview.

--OrsoMalleus

 


Entitled Customers: One Star Review... Over That?

 

Entitled custiesFrom talkingtomiranda, TalesFromRetail

We only recently opened my store, the first one in my city, and demand was... unexpected. Like, at least twice as busy as the company had expected. My manager called and (politely) screamed until we got the go-ahead to hire extra seasonal staff.

My regional manager and my store manager (SM) set up camp in a nearby cafe and interviewed for 2 days straight. Given that they interviewed roughly 20 people in 2 days, they did pretty well sticking to the schedule, but occasionally they ran a few minutes late; not a huge deal. Unless...

Very Important Candidate (bold because you guys need to know how very important he is) came into the store for his interview. My bosses were running a little behind, so SM asked me to let him know it'll be about 5 minutes, and they'll come and get him. I went back, apologised and asked VIC to wait. VIC seemed displeased but hey, interviews run a little late sometimes. SM came and got him shortly, only a couple of minutes after his interview was scheduled to start.

Now, because I was running the store, I didn't get to hear VIC's answers, but I understand that pretty much NONE of them were up to scratch. Lots of undertone that suggested "what can YOU do for me?" and not the other way around. So he didn't exactly cover himself in glory.

Maybe we shouldn't have been surprised when the final question - "So, do you have any questions for us?" - rolls around. 

VIC looks my SM dead in the eye and says coldly, "Yes. Why did you keep me waiting 5 minutes?"

VIC was not offered the position.

About a week later, my manager and I have gone to offer for everyone else, and are organising training for the new hires. Out of nowhere, one of our team pops out the back to tell us Google has the wrong number for our store. It's correct; I confirmed it when she told me the same thing last week, but fiiiiine.

I pull up the same search result to show her that the information is, indeed, correct. (It is. Duh.) Alongside our store info, our Google review score pops up: 3 stars. We were 5 stars a couple of days ago; what's changed?

Freddy and HagTwo reviews: one is 5 stars, and one is 1 star. It's just 1 star with non comment, so I don't even know what we've done wrong! I'm annoyed, I can't fix something if I don't know what it is.

But my manager is furious. She recognises the name.

"That's VIC. I guess you can't put 'They didn't give me a job' as a reason for a 1 star review."

(I don't know how or who or why or anything, but that review has been taken down, and our good rating has been restored. However, retail is a small world and this is a small town. Three friends who are managers for different companies have blacklisted him after I told them about this, and I'm sure they'll tell their friends. The moral of the story is: don't fuck with us.

And I still don't know wtf my loopy team member was googling to get the wrong phone number.)


SPECIAL BONUS ROUND! Even the local journos do not understand the hive mentality that is Boxing Day trade: "I don't know why they're here!" You and me both, good sir.

--talkingtomiranda

 


Sexism In The Workplace: Don't Do This While Applying For A Job

 

Sexism 2From Sircus123

At a grocery store I worked at, two guys applied at the customer service desk.

The assistant manager (who was a woman) was there and called down the manager for the interview.

While they were waiting the two guys were grossly inappropriate and very sexist. "If we get hired do we have to work under you? Because I would only be under you in the bedroom." ...And other such comments.

When the manager finally arrives the assistant quickly tells him about the two.

The manager goes, "Sorry boys, I am a little busy, Kat here will gladly do your interview. Good Luck!"

Yeah, they didn't get the jobs.

 --Sircus123

 


Hiring Hell: Constant Schedule Changes

 

Freddy2 060From Postal Slave

I hired a new person on a Wednesday. On Thursday I asked her to start the next week Mon- Fri 12-8.

She said she was okay with that, but she couldn't work Thursday. Ugg... Kinda frustrating but ok, no problem. So twenty minutes later she called me back and said she could work Thursday but only until 5pm.

Oooookaaaay. We are really strapped for employees so I'll deal.

Monday she comes in and tells me that now she can't work Thursday.

WTF, ok, I make yet another new schedule.

Tuesday she calls in sick - yes on her second day. Wednesday she calls in sick AGAIN. Not just that, but she says that after 8 hours on the job she feels she knows the job ok and that she really wants to work a different dept on Monday (a more detailed dept that you can't work with out at least 40 hours of general training) and if I could just send her an email with her new schedule -with her in her "preferred" dept- that would be great!

She left the most long winded voice mail I have ever heard, explaining all this and adding how she really is much more reliable than this.

At this point I tell my boss that we might have to start the termination process. I send her back an email saying that when she came in on Friday we would discuss her schedule for the following week and that there are training procedures we have to follow and that she just can't just jump departments without the right training etc.

The next day, (a Wednesday, so literally seven days after being hired, and only one day actually on the floor) at 8pm she send an email, saying she quits.

Bullet dodged, I guess. Onward to the next candidate.

--Postal Slave