Retail Balls Award: It Goes Up The Chain Of Command, Before Rolling Downhill

 

TechTygerFrom TechTyger

I had a guy who was routinely abusive to people, thinking he was better than us so he didn't have to be at all polite and put one of the call entry girls in tears. So I had her transfer him to me.

I started typing everything he was saying as he was saying it and he went on for a minute or so before he caught on I was doing it. (I could type 120 wpm at the time, on an IBM Model M clicky keyboard... it'd once been described as 'two skeletons wearing tap shoes having a gunfight during a hailstorm on a tin roof over a rattlesnake farm').

I hadn't said a word other than 'can I have your case number'... He started yelling about how I couldn't do that and he'd have me fired and more abuse, and I took every bit of it down verbatim, with no censoring.

Once he'd finally figured out that I wasn't intimidated, he ran down.

TechTyger: "You done? Now, what's your actual problem?"

He finally told me, and it was something stupid that I could have fixed ten minutes ago if he'd just shut the fuck up and told me.

Balls award5I fixed it, and did the ending spiel, he hung up, and I sent email to my supervisor and my manager with the ticket number and the explanation. At the time, calls were only recorded randomly, due to the lack of sophistication and copper phone lines (Noe, anywhere you call that says 'call may be recorded', the call IS being recorded) but fortunately that was one of them.

So, it went up to my manager's manager, to HIS boss, to the director for the entire account, over to their management, then rolled downhill and landed on this guy.

The next time he called in he was very, very polite. I found out unofficially later that he was required to call his supervisor for permission before he called the helpdesk and had been told (After other complaints, not just mine; the others were brushed off as 'the customer is...', well, you know. I won't write something that offensive here) that if the got one more complaint that he would be out on his ass so fast his pants would catch on fire from the friction.

I knew he knew it was me, when he called, from my voice and my keyboard, so he was extra super polite. It was lovely. :D

--TechTyger

 

 


Tales From Tech Support: "The whole system is down! Get there now!"

 

Carolanne2 032

From  bigfatguy64, Tales From Tech Support:

backstory: I (FatGuy) spent a summer working as a sort of IT guy at my Dad's (Dad) office after his long-time IT guy/Office Manager retired abruptly. This was a small doctor's office with probably around 12-15 employees. I was by no means an IT expert, but I could fix most of the issues that came up, which 9 times out of 10 were "the printer won't work." in the very rare case that it was something I couldn't solve with a quick google, I knew enough to not mess with anything, and outside of adding a user to the Active Directory once, I generally left the main server alone.

Most of the women working there (office was pretty much all women) could use a computer well enough to do their jobs and get to facebook but that was about the extent of it. There was one early-mid 40s big redneck woman in particular that was completely computer illiterate...for the sake of this story, let's call her Kevin. Kevin had been a receptionist at the office for at least 5 years.

Scene: 7:30am, morning of 4th of July.

Me: passed out after drinking with my buddies the night before.

Dad: (throws bedroom door open...running in in a panic) FATGUY! WAKE UP! There's something major going on at the office. I think we've got a virus or something! The whole system is down! You gotta get there now!!

Me: Good one dad....it's 4th of July and even if it wasn't the office doesn't open until 9.

Dad: This isn't a joke. Kevin came in to get caught up on a few things. She's down there right now and just called. She said the machines keep crashing when she tries to turn them on....she's about to try to get on the server and see what it does.

Me: YOU KEEP KEVIN OFF THAT SERVER! I'M LEAVING NOW (the thought of Kevin touching the server immediately put me into a panic)

after making record time to the office ...

Me: Okay Kevin, I need you to show me exactly what's happening

Kevin: (flustered) Okay, well I tried to turn on my computer and it gets halfway through the loading screen and then just turns off. Then I tried another computer and it won't even turn on at all. See, watch.

Kevin walks to her computer, presses the power button, the machine starts to boot...I notice Kevin is still holding the power button...the machine turns back off. Then Kevin walks to second computer, presses the power button, "See, it won't even start to turn on...the screen is still black....what the hell is going on?"

At this point, realizing exactly what was going on, I reached Picard levels of facepalm. I walk to the first computer, press the power button, release the power button, computer boots just fine. Then I walk to the second machine and flip on the monitor. Worked like a charm.

Kevin asked me to make up some elaborate story to tell my dad about how I fixed a major problem, but I thought the truth was better than any story I could have come up with. Needless to say, almost a decade later and Kevin still hasn't heard the end of it.

--bigfatguy64

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Digital cumulonimbus

 

AF1

From The Keyoracle:

 I am retired and as a hobby I write Windows cash register software that I put up on my website as a free download. This is the story of two emails that I received about the software.

This week I received a pair of emails which took opposing views on the same topic. One asked, “When are you going to come up with a version that stores the data in the cloud?” While the other stated, “I hope your POS software does not require a connection to the cloud, does it? So let me tell you a tale of my first interaction with the cloud.

I was introduced my first family doctor when I was 2 years old. I have no recollection of this meeting but my mother told me that it went fairly well until Dr. G decided to give me a vaccination by  sticking an harpoon into my arm at which point my reaction was, “Screw this, get me out of here.”, plus lots of tears. Fortunately after we left, a liberal application of ice cream to my mouth coupled with a truly appalling attention span on my part allowed my mother to coax me back as needed. Dr. G remained my doctor until he retired when I was 55 at which point he gave me an impressively large box filled with my medical records. I then found Dr. H and bequeathed the box to her.

Upon one visit to Dr. H I noticed that for some reason her office suite was half the size that it was previously. When asked she told me that for some government / hospital / stupid reason (I did not care so did not pay attention) that everyone’s records had been transposed to digital and stored in the cloud so that they could be easily shared with other medical / insurance / nosey-pants people as needed and that all the paper records were dumped so she no longer needed to pay rent for a place to stick them.

About 5 years later I go in for my usual 6 month check-up and Dr. H tells me that she has some really bad news, which is something that you really do not want to hear from your doctor. The good news is that I am fine but my medical records are not. It seems that the service where all of her patient’s records were stored had a terminal incident and while the patients were fine all of their medical records were deceased. Welcome to the cloud.

-- The Keyoracle

 

 


Coworker Hell: Help me setup email on my work phone

 

Retail hell underground 025a

From   jaythewise  Lady I Don't Work Here:

I work in IT. At the place I started at I got my foot in the door by doing desktop and I still do this to some degree when my team needs the help but nowadays I do more project work and training. So many people at my 2000 person company recognize me but I typically do not remember all the people I interact with.

Anyways I am eating my lunch in the mall on my lunch break and I see someone from my work I do not know very well but he recognizes me. (Note that in theory we do not get paid for lunch breaks but I am on salary so whatever...)

Anyways dude from my work shuffles over and asks if I can help him and his friend (I will call his buddy) setup work email on the personal phones they happen to have handy.

I tell him "that work email as per our corporate policy is not allowed on a personal device."

Dude: "no you misunderstand, we will only use it every once in awhile and I know a few people have this setup"

ME: "well that may well be but typically it's pretty rare and vetted, besides I don't know our exchange server address off the top of my head. Also if I setup this up for you, our security team will probably disable it fairly quickly..."

Dude: "can you find out the exchange server so you can help us?" Ignoring everything else I said

ME: "nope you would need approval, so give our Service Desk a call." (Also important to note that everyone is supposed to call our Service Desk for IT stuff, for everything...)

Dude: "look this will only take a second"

His buddy pushes his phone at me....

Buddy: "Ya I know the exchange server actually!"

ME: "do you work for my blah blah blah company?"

Buddy: "Nope but I hear you are the go to guy at your company"

ME: "Nope"

Buddy: "what? haha"

ME: " I dont help random people with IT stuff unless I get paid, I am eating lunch, go away..."

Dude: "haha no need to be mad man, we were just looking for a little help"

Me: " I didnt catch your name...."

Dude: " I am jackass"

Me: "Last name?"

Dude: "ummm blah blah?"

Me: " Ok thanks, if you need help call the Service Desk please"

Dude "....." walks away.

I ended up calling the guy's manager and section leader to report this moron.

Dude gets canned about a month later. I am unsure if it's related but fuck him I am not your fucking IT monkey you plug.

Edit: I don't mind helping people at all really. But really when you work for my company you agree to a IT policy that explicitly basically states don't mix your work IT stuff/devices on your personal IT stuff/devices. So it's a pretty well known policy.

-- jaythewise