Training Hell: Pure Hell From Beginning To End

 

TRAINING4From: ScooterTheMartini

I got a job working at an office supply store. The store wasn't gonna be opening for another 2 weeks. So the GM had every employee come in one day and told all of us that we'll be training at 1 of the 2 stores in town. I find out that I'm going to a store that NOBODY else is going too. Out of 25+ employees working at the new store, I'm the only one going to a store by myself. Everyone else gets to train together at the other store. Thanks, GM! ...Not.

So, the next day I'm supposed to start my training and I drive to the store I've been assigned to train at. When I get there, I tap on the sliding doors to get someone's attention. They look at me confused like, "Who the hell is that?"

A manager gets called over and the employee points at me. They talk for a minute and the manager comes walking over to the sliding doors. She opens it a little and says "Sorry, we're not opened yet."

"I know. I'm supposed to start training here." I reply back.

"Oh? Nobody mentioned anything to me." She replied.

"My GM from the new store opening assigned me to this store to be trained. She said she will call the stores to let them know they will have trainees." I said.

"Oh. Well, let me go look on the desk for any papers I might've missed and if I still don't see anything, I'll call the GM of your store." She replied.

Now, it's 7am and it snowed overnight and is currently snowing as I'm talking to her. I asked if I could come in and she told me I couldn't until I've been verified. She comes back about 15 minutes later telling me I can come in and that I've been verified as a trainee. I reply with a thanks. All the employees are looking at me in wonderment. Not sure why, but ok. I ask around to see if anyone can help me get trained. An older guy walks up to me and says "I'm supposed to train you, I guess. Let's go to the back."

So we walk to the back and he's already talking and telling me what I need to do. This guy is talking REALLY fast. After an hour of "being trained," he tells me "that's it for today. I'll see you later." And he promptly leaves work!

I didn't understand anything he said! Wouldn't even let me get a word in. I'm not allowed to leave like that as I'm being forced to get 8 hours of work by my GM.

Asshat bossesSo I go up front and talk to the cashier asking if there was anything I could do. "You could hand out flyers to people when they walk in." Easy enough. So that's what I did for 7 hours.

The next day, same thing at the door. A different manager that day didn't know about me either. None of the employees that saw me the day before cared to say anything as well. Sigh.

This time my GM phoned this manager stating that I'm no longer working the position I was assigned. Now I've been assigned to be a cashier. Ok. So I go up to the clueless cashier and start asking questions. She creates a loud sigh and tells me to stand by the door to hand out flyers. Really? I did that for 7 hours the day before and need to learn how the cash register works.

Nope, I've met a bitch. She yelled and screamed and cursed me out. Took everything I had to not yell back.

So again, standing by the door like an idiot as no customers were coming in. I see a guy come walking in and hand him a flyer with a smile. He tells me "I work here, idiot."

My bad. I watch as he goes behind the counter to the 'photo' area. I let him get settled before I talk to him. So I see he sits down in a chair and proceeds to do nothing. Literally, nothing. I go up to the counter and ask him if he can teach me the cash register. He just stares blankly at me. It's this moment where I realize that he's stoned. The signs were there. I ask again. He tells me to come back later. What? Why? He said he was "very busy". Whatever. So another useless day ends.

If it wasn't messed up before, it's about to get really messed up. I guarantee it.

I come in for the third day of "training". This time I get in right away because the first manager recognized me. Yay. As soon as I was about to walk to the cashier, I get pulled aside by BOTH of the managers and they tell me to come to their office. Confused, I said ok. I get sat down and ask what's going on?

"We just heard some accusations against you." Said Manager #1.

"What?" I replied.

"The guy at the photo area said you touched his butt and kept caressing it. Is this true?" -Manager #2.

"You can't be serious! I asked him if he could teach me how to use the cash register since (let's call her..) Becky didn't teach me anything."

"We won't allow sexual harassment in our store. We've already called your GM about this." -M1

"But I didn't do anything! There's cameras in this place. Look back at the footage and you'll see nothing happened." -Me

"We take our employees words over a new persons word any day of the week." -M1

"Do you understand the consequences for this? We understand you're a trainee but this behavior is unacceptable." -M2

Carolanne raid"I didn't do anything! He was probably imagining it happened since he was stoned off his ass...." -Me

"You can leave our office now. We won't tolerate your behavior any further." -M1

Until this day, I don't think I'd ever heard of a male filing sexual harassment against a female. Yes, I'm a woman. (This happened years ago and back then, ya really didn't hear about female on male harassment. Nowadays, because of social media, it's become more common and you actually HEAR about it.)

After an unbearable two weeks of "training", I finally go back to my now opening store. Again, every employee and manager is there. I start to talk to the managers telling them that I didn't get much training. After they asked questions, I told them what all had happened. Right then and there, my GM pulls me into the office and says this classic line...

"I heard what happened and I'm severely disappointed. I don't want you to talk to the other employees or managers UNLESS it's about work. Do not talk to them otherwise."

"How am I touching some dude's ass if he was sitting on it?! Where is everyone getting this story from??" I asked.

"Doesn't matter. It's filed against you. If one more thing happens against you, I'll be firing you. As for your training, I heard you were lazy and didn't even try to learn anything." -GM

"Now that's not fair. You sent me to a crappy store to get trained by morons. They were the ones not teaching me. I wanted to learn!" -Me

"I don't like your attitude. You can leave my office now." -GM

I walked out. Should've walked out of that job, but alas, I needed the money. This GM was ruthless towards me for the 8 months I was there. She cut my hours many times, threatened to fire me a lot, made a VERY pregnant girl stand on her feet all day at the register even when her feet and legs were swollen, gave me the crappiest cash register (the one that only accepted cash) on Black Friday while 2 of our slowest cashiers used the 2 good ones.

Then she sent me home 2 hours into Black Friday because I "wasn't doing anything." Who pays in cash on BF?!? Only 3 people came to my register in those 2 hours. One of the 2 girls at the good registers kept telling me that I could have their register but the GM didn't allow it.

I put in a notice that I couldn't work a certain day 3 weeks before that night. Personal matters... a.k.a grandmothers funeral. The GM 'lost' my paper and told me I had to work. I tried to ask everyone I knew if they could take that day of work and that I'd take a day of theirs, like a trade. Nobody wanted to.

I "called in sick" on that day even though everyone knew I needed that night off.

I was fired the next day.

--ScooterTheMartini

 


Laziest Coworker Story: "My Job Is To Stand Here And Breathe Air"

 

LAZYCOWORKERSFrom: gtrmu223

This is more of a rant than anything else. I work in the electronics section at a very well known retail store that everyone has heard of. For the purposes of this story I should point out that the photo section is within electronics.

This concerns a co worker of mine, whom we will call Jessica. I've been working there for 2 months, and she got hired in very shortly after I did. She's 18, just graduated high school in June, already has one kid and another on the way. She is, without a doubt, one of the laziest and dumbest people I have ever encountered. How she even got a job is beyond me!

At least 5 times during every shift she'll ask either me or one of the electronics associates how to do something. I mentioned to her if she's having trouble maybe she should go talk to a manager to get some additional training, but she refuses to do so. It gets worse than that, but I don't feel like writing out a book, so this is just going to concern what happened this past Wednesday and Thursday night.

All this week I had closing shifts, 4-11. Typically my last break is covered by the other electronics associate who leaves at 9, but for some reason this week they scheduled him to leave at 8:30. No problem, the photo person is there until 9:15, they can cover my break. Photo is supposed to be shutting down their system at 8 and help out in electronics until they leave. Monday and Tuesday another photo associate who we'll call Anthony was there so he covered my break. No problems there.

Wednesday and Thursday however, Jessica was there. Both nights she was there from 5 until 9:15. Wednesday at 5 right after she clocks in she comes to the electronics register where me and the other associate are grabbing DVD's to stock, and she tells us she's not going over there until Anthony leaves because supposedly he called her a "jerk."

I told her if a manager saw her by us when she was supposed to be working she could get in trouble, but she didn't care.

Later that night I tell her that she's going to have to cover my last break before she leaves, and she goes to me, "Oh why can't you go while Jacob (other electronics associate) is still here?"

I told her that he leaves at 8:30 and I take my last break at 9, so I'm coming back right as the photo associate is supposed to leave. So I go on my break 5 minutes early and I tell Jessica I'm going on my break, and I come back out at 9:10. As soon as I get back out 5 different people in electronics come to me and ask for help, so I help them.

Afterwards I asked Jessica why she didn't help them, and her answer to me was "It's not my job to help people in electronics," and she walked away.

Carolanne frustratedI was FUMING at that point, but it's not my place to say anything, so I make a note to tell a manager the next day.

Fast forward to Thursday, and she's back in photo, same shift as the day before. At one point she tells me she's going to the back for a minute and I need to assist anyone who is over in photo. I tell her I don't know how to do anything over there, (which I don't. I haven't been trained over there yet) and she goes to me "Well you need to learn how to do stuff back there."

This coming from someone who doesn't know how to price photos correctly, or use the photo computer, or anything for that matter.

So I give her the keys to electronics at 9 and tell her I'm going on my last break. 15 minutes later I'm starting to walk out of the break room when I see her walking towards the managers office. I ask her what she's doing and she says she's going home. One thing you never EVER do is leave electronics unattended. Even if you're supposed to leave but the other person is on break, you wait for them to come back.

All she had to do was wait 90 seconds for me to come back out. Instead she abandoned the department. Before I went back out I let a manager know what happened between Wednesday and Thursday because to me that was the last straw. She said she'd take care of it.

Normally I just try to do my job and go home, and not worry about anyone else. But this bitch was affecting my job, and that's something you don't fuck with. I don't say this often, but I hope she gets fired. I can't take much more of her.

--gtrmu223

 


Laziest Coworker Story: Openly Refusing To Help A Customer

 

LAZYCOWORKERSFrom: andlife

This is a tale from my grocery store days. I worked a deli/seafood combo department in a popular Canadian store.

Both of these stories involve an old Afghani lady in her early 60s. For reasons I won't get into, my boyfriend and former coworker called her Justin Bieber, so that's what we'll call her here. Justin Bieber was hands down the worst employee in our department. I can forgive her for being a little slow, because she was getting on in age, but I can't forgive her for being a terrible employee. She always took her breaks at exactly the same time, even if we were swamped. She took extra long lunches. She only ever id the easiest jobs, and even though she had been there for five years longer than me, I still had to direct her on what to do.

But by far her biggest crime was her severe hatred of serving customers. Honestly, we all hated serving customers. It was the worst part of the job (slicing meat gets really repetitive really fast). We used to joke that the job would be great, if it weren't for the customers. But everyone had to do it. The thing was, there were a lot of jobs to be done in our department, so generally speaking, you either switched off serving customers, or the person who was doing the simplest task did it.

In Bieber's case however, it didn't matter how trivial the task was, if she was doing anything else, she couldn't serve customers. Or she could, but you had to directly tell her to do it for every. Single. Customer. If a manager gave her a task, she would refuse, because the other manager had told her to do something else. And usually, the managers were just trying to get her to do work, because if they didn't, she would just stand around. She was just plain lazy.

Tale 1

Two other people were involved in this story. The first is a woman named Flora. Flora was a couple years older than Biebs, but in much better shape. She didn't take shit from anyone. Imagine Flora as a hippy, but a really really angry hippy. She and Biebs had been at war from the start, because Flora would try to get Biebs to do her fair share of work, and Biebs resented being told off by Flora, who hadn't been working there nearly as long as she had.

The other is Toothless Joe. I won't bother to describe him because he barely appears in this story and doesn't say anything.

This happened a while ago, so I'm slightly fuzzy on the details, but one Saturday we had a buttload of party trays to make. Somehow, Flora, Toothless Joe and I managed to shut Biebs out of making trays. I don't know how we did it, but somehow, we managed to force Biebs to serve customers for a full two hours. We would go over and help her if it got busy, but she was responsible for serving the bulk of customers that came through. And it wasn't mean... all of us had to shoulder this task at one point or another. In fact, Biebs was probably the person who did this job the least.

Right at the end of my shift, I joined Biebs to help her with a particularly large rush of people. We'd finished all the trays but one, and Toothless Joe was dealing with the last cheese and cracker tray. As luck would have it, Biebs finished her last customer before I did, and she wandered away to be useless elsewhere. Toothless Joe informed me that he was leaving the department to go find extra cheese and crackers for the tray.

PET18When I was done with my customer, I rushed over to the tray station to clean up the mess I'd left from the other trays, because I didn't like to leave a mess for someone else to clean. At this point, my shift was over, but I figured I would just do this really quickly.

While I was cleaning, a customer walked up and stood waiting to be served. Biebs was staring at the sweep log or something, and kind of ignoring the customer. I waited a couple of seconds for Biebs to notice the customer, and when she didn't, I said, still wiping up the counter, "Can you get this customer, Biebs?"

Instead, Biebs walked over to where Toothless Joe's tray items were. "No, no," she said. "I'll make this tray."

Thinking she didn't understand, I said, "My shift is already over, Biebs. I have to go. Can you please take this customer?"

Biebs shook her head. "I'm tired of serving customers. I make this tray. Toothless Joe can serve the customer."

Me: "Biebs! Toothless Joe is getting crackers! Who knows when he'll be back! The customer can't wait for him to get back!"

Biebs ignored me. Flustered, frustrated, and knowing that if I served this customer, another would come immediately after and I'd be stuck there for another 10 minutes, I grabbed Flora who was stocking cheese, and said "Can you please just take this customer. Biebs is refusing to serve her."

Then I left. As I walked away, I had the immense satisfaction of hearing Flora say loudly "Justin Bieber! You can't just REFUSE to serve customers!"

I don't know what happened, but I'm betting Biebs got the tongue lashing of the century. I just hope the customer got served.

Tale 2

Bieber's native tongue is not English. I'm pretty sure it's Persian. Generally speaking, I was pretty nice to Biebs, but some of my other coworkers were pretty short with her, because of her laziness.

Biebs didn't like one of my coworkers in particular, because she was really young, and she didn't respect Biebs at all. Not that Bieber deserved respect, but she definitely thought she did. My boyfriend told me that Biebs would call this coworker (and anyone else who pissed her off) bay-sher-reff. Now, that's how it sounds, but I have no idea how to spell it, so let's just go with Besherif. The point is, Biebs claimed that this meant crazy. But another coworker from a different department who also spoke Persian said that it actually meant "without honor" and was a pretty serious insult. My younger coworker just sort of ignored it, but I didn't like putting up with Biebs shit.

Because, as I mentioned earlier, I was pretty nice to Biebs, I had to be told second hand about this, because I had never heard it myself. Until one day. I don't remember what exactly happened, but we were both serving customers, and something I did annoyed Biebs. So she whipped out this word. "You Besherif, andlife," she snapped at me.

PET39And I saw red. I was so angry. Generally speaking, I have a complex about having everyone like me, so when someone doesn't, it kind of hurts. So I was hurt. And then, I had heard from other coworkers that this was a really rude insult. So I was pissed. And I knew that I hadn't done anything to deserve being called that, so I was doubly pissed. Plus, she didn't have the guts to insult me in English, and was hiding behind her native tongue and the fact that I couldn't understand her.

So I turned to her and said very firmly (although my hands were shaking). "Don't. Do NOT call me that!"

Biebs tried to shake it off. "It's a joke. It means you're crazy. You crazy, andlife."

But I wasn't having it. "No. Never ever call me that again," I said.

Then I continued serving my customers, and tried to calm my shaking nerves. The customers looked slightly shocked, and I can't blame them. I had just been very harsh with my coworker. But I didn't care.

Biebs played it off to my other coworker as being unable to take a joke, but I don't think she was joking, and I don't think it's OK to call your coworkers names in other languages. No matter what Besherif actually means, if you can't say something in a language the other person understands, it's probably best not to say it at all.

I feel like I stood up for myself, and in the end, Biebs never called me Besherif again.

--andlife

 


Laziest Coworker Story: Coworker Threatens To Have Her Boyfriend Beat Up Retail Slave

 

LAZYCOWORKERSFrom: expremierepage

When I was 15 (33 now), I started working the concession stand at a large movie theater in my home town. It was an awful job: minimum wage, miserly business practices, rude managers, lots of faulty equipment, constant scorn from customers over the ridiculously over-priced goods, etc. By far the worst of it was a huge display literally right above the concession stand that loudly played the same 15-minute "Coming Attractions" reel on loop, all day long and would only be changed about once a month. It was maddening. But through it all, my interactions with the other concession stand employees made it bearable, and often even a lot of fun... except for this one time in particular.

The theater was undergoing massive renovations and for the grand reopening, they had hired a bunch of new staff. Aside from some polite conversation while training them, I hadn’t really got to know any of them very well. But for the most part, they were all pretty cool, except for this one New Girl (NG). She really stood for being particularly lazy and incompetent. And I avoided her as much as possible.

Every time I worked the same shift as her, I'd notice she would show up with a few of her friends (who didn't work there). Sometimes, NG's entourage would just hang out in lobby seating area or play in the arcade, but most of the time, they'd be off to the side of the concession stand chatting with NG. During this time, she would completely ignore customers even when it was super busy.

The managers eventually noticed the huge discrepancy in sales between her and other employees. She made up some story about it being her first job and she was working hard to get faster at it. For some reason, they bought that excuse and she continued to chat it up with her friends for most of her shifts.

On the day of the incident, I was working the day shift (10am-6pm) and the weather wasn't great so it was super busy. We were pretty under-staffed that day, so the stand was a huge mess (dangerously so) but no one had time to clean up. Finally at 3pm, the first few people on the evening shift show up (including NG … and of course her entourage). The manager sets them up on their registers and as she leaves, tells me to come off of mine so I can clean and restock the stand.

I wasn't in the best mood at this point -- you try listening to the Spice World trailer on loop for five hours straight while serving angry customers and trudging through an inch of stale popcorn and spilled soda -- but I was happy to get away from my register for a few minutes, and quickly head to the stock/utility room to grab a broom and dustpan.

Not a minute later, I come out and NG has already abandoned her register to chat with her friends just outside the door to the stockroom. It's a tight working space and NG is a big girl, so she's pretty much blocking my path between the stockroom and the rest of the stand.

I say "Excuse me," she glares at me before making only the slightest effort to get out of the way and returns to her conversation.

Carolanne Imma punch your assI quickly sweep the floor and clean up various spills while nimbly dodging my coworkers who are frantically serving their long lines of customers. NG is still chatting with her friends and blocking the door to the supply room. I go to put the broom away, mumbling another "excuse me" as I squeeze by and she ignores me.

This happens several more time as I'm going back and forth from the stockroom as I empty the overflowing trash and restock everything in the stand. The whole time, NG keeps getting back in my way and I keep politely asking her to move, which seems to be annoying her quite a bit.

When I finish those duties, I wash my hands and page the manager to the stand before returning to my register and the eager hordes of waiting customers. NG hears this and scurries to her register and actually begins serving people. About an hour or two go by and finally everything dies down. I don't have any customers and things are getting pretty gross again, so I go back to grab the broom. I come out and NG is once again back to chatting with her friends. I sigh as I squeeze by her.

When I go to put the broom away, I notice NG and her friends are all staring at me and they look pissed. We then have the following exchange (paraphrasing from memory):

NG: "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Me: "Uh, sorry?"

NG: "You keep touching me every time you go by."

Me: "Oh, sorry. There's not much room back here; I didn't mean to bump into you."

NG: "Bull shit! You kept touching and rubbing up on me, you fucking perv. It's disgusting."

Me: "Whhaaaa?"

NG: "They all saw it [referring to her friends] and if you fucking touch me again like that, I'm gonna tell my boyfriend."

Me: "Seriously? You were blocking the door and I needed to get by. I said excuse me."

NG: "Whatever. My boyfriend is going to beat the shit out of you when he hears."

At this point, I'm at a complete loss and offer her a, "I don't have time for this," and walk away. All my other coworkers were too busy to have seen any of the alleged groping.

Freddy hang myselfAlso, I'm gay and the idea of me perving out over a large, lazy girl is laughable. Still, I started to stress out over the possibility of getting in trouble for it, so I'm like "fuck it" and go to tell a manager what happened. In the >1 year that I'd work there, I'd only got into minor trouble once (kind of a funny story involving an unhappy customer and a fit of uncontrollable laughter), so I figured the managers would probably give me the benefit of the doubt.

I go to the office and tell the manager what happened and she's LIVID. I assume it's me she's angry at and start apologizing, saying it was a misunderstanding and wouldn't happen again. At some point in my rant, she cuts me off and goes to look at the monitor on a different desk. I couldn't see what she was looking at, but she motioned for me to leave. I go back to the concession stand, ignore NG's and her friends' disparaging remarks and return to my register.

About twenty minutes later, the manager leaves the office and storms over to the concession stand. NG sees her coming and gives me a smug smile and says how I’m pretty much "fucked." NG goes up to the manager, says a few things while gesturing towards me and the two of them head to the office, but not before giving me another smug smile.

They’re in there for an extremely tense ten minutes or so; the whole time I’m shaking, ranting to some coworkers about what happened.

When the door finally opens, NG comes out in tears, makes a bee-line to the exit and leaves the theater. Her friends see this, and rush out after her. Meanwhile, the manager comes over to talk to me to explain what happened.

Apparently, when I left the office after explaining the situation, the manager reviewed the CCTV footage of the concession stand. She saw no evidence of inappropriate touching, but she did see me hard at work while NG was completely ignoring her duties. New Girl even admitted to threatening me. So for those reasons, she was fired and told not to come back or the police would be called.

Biggest sigh of relief ever. And thankfully, NG’s (probably imaginary) boyfriend never beat me up.

--expremierepage

 


Laziest Coworker Story: "Oh, Somebody Returned A Bomb. I'll Tell Somebody Eventually..."

 

LAZYCOWORKERSFrom: Zeph72

I work for a large retail chain, of course we got plenty of lazy employees on each shift. As I walk up to start my night shift, I am greeted by the most beautiful thing anyone in my shoes want's to hear-'we are closed at the moment'. But the three squad cars made me curious so I asked why and was told to head to the group of my coworkers for more info.

So before I could ask if I could really go home, everyone was told to head off to the nearby fat food place to stay warm. After all it was 27 degrees out and less than half had coats on. But before I could sprint back to my car, they had the lot barricaded off. With no escape, I trudged my way to find out what happened.

Now I know all shifts have lazy people but this took the cake or in this case... bomb. Yes, someone around three in the afternoon found what she thought was a BOMB in some returns. And did nothing about it.

Now fast forward five hours, she tells a manager while clocking out she had a bomb in her returns and forgot where she put it.

I can't make this up if I tried.

Screw the fact you found it, put the safety of hundreds at risk, who would even do this? Was it like, "Did they really return this? Oh.... a bomb....... better throw it with the others."

It is now ten pm, I just got paid an hour to sit and do nothing, just to have the bomb squad say there was no bomb, it was a pre-assembled toy... A roller coaster model of you're curious. I guess the batteries in the model were making an odd ticking noise and she just thought that was what it was. 

I seriously don't know if I should be mad about how it was found, or happy it wasn't real.

--Zeph72

 


Laziest Coworker Story: Speshul Ray's Mommy And The "Compensation" Letter

 

LAZYCOWORKERSFrom: violetshockwave

So after the last incident with Ray and his lovely mother we had more issues with dear Ray. He "blew out his knee," which we never take as a small thing, so he was out of work for almost two weeks with no eyebrows raised. (Why quotes? I'll tell you later but keep it in mind as you read....). When he was finally 'cleared' to come back two things happen.

Number One: The day he's scheduled to come back after his time off, he calls out. No notice before hand or anything but for his reason there really should have been, so we could find someone to replace him.

Why call out? He is playing some important role in a christening for his aunt's baby and he CANNOT miss it.

Well my boss thought that was all well and good but informs him that he knew he would be at this christening when he was scheduled to be back, so he should have told us. Ray had now been gone more than two weeks.

Number Two: He comes in with a note the day after he called out. It reads that since he hurt his knee he can't stand for long periods of time and will require frequent breaks during his shift.

It's not a doctors note, it's a Mommy note.

Everyone in the office just stares at it with WTF written all over their faces.

So as you can imagine my manager gets this and finally gets a taste of Ray's mommy dependence. He laughs it off and instead of scheduling Ray, he tells him to come in when he's fully healed and can work through his shift.

Mommy is not happy with this. She comes down and tries to insist that my manager give him regular hours and that we're 'discriminating' against her son for being injured.

My manager flips on her. He tells her that we're not discriminating against anyone. Our cashiers stand for six hour shifts with one fifteen minute break as our state's labor law requires. We simply cannot have a cashier who needs to constantly get off his register to sit down whenever he feels the need to. It wouldn't be fair to the other cashiers nor would it be fair to the customers who would have to wait in lines due to a shortage of cashiers. He informs her that there are no other jobs in the store that don't require constant movement or standing. (The registers are too small to accommodate his body and a chair anyway; thankfully my manager didn't add this fat ass fact.) Plus, he informs her in cool professional tones, having a teenager work while injured doesn't seem like a good idea, so he won't be scheduling Ray until he comes in with a doctor's note saying he's good to work.

She looked sort of stunned at first, then hell fire rose up behind her as she got over her shock. Sadly she didn't say anything back, but I kind of wish she did. It would have been a youtube epic. She just huffed and puffed her way out of the store.

We got another visit from Ray later. He comes in with a professionally addressed envelope with a well-written note tucked inside. I'm pretty sure my manager just about pissed himself, laughing.

This wasn't written by Ray. We can already tell by comparing the style of his previous notes and this one that it's another glorious letter from Mommy. The letter reads:

1

2

I love when people try to make an intelligent sounding letter but overlook using the word "higher" in the place of "hire." He also has very "high standers." Someone was trying very hard.

Carolanne and jason laughJust to clarify though, I never got a phone call regarding Ray's needed day off for his niece's christening. But he pretty much just blamed me for it. Nobody took that part seriously, of course.

Seriously... WTF!! WTF WTF WTF WTF?! What is in this woman's head!? Is she just high on her son's suckage or something? I honestly don't know... 

My boss asked everyone how he should reply to this letter. Half of us, me included, suggested three pages each just containing a single "LOL" right in the center. The other half just wanted him fired.

Anyway, shortly after this, Ray quit. He quit on the day he was scheduled just so he could be fired. Cue the bells, chorus of angels, and homemade cookies falling from the sky!

Yep, he quit because of his "knee injury." Remember the quotes? It's time to call back to that.

Actually, it turns out that he quit because he had a new job at Rue 21 for a few weeks, which another employee told us about. The start date of his job just happens to correspond with the time of his "injury." Go figure right?  I pray for the managers and employees there. I'm also laughing my ass off that they hired him in the first place.

His mother had to come in and tell our boss that he wasn't coming in anymore and kept bringing up something about "lack of action." Read: We didn't hand his "compensation" to him at all, much less on a silver platter.

--violetshockwave