InSecurity here again after way too long of a hiatus. This summer involved everything from Assault to Ammunition. So, yay me!

--InSecurity

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InSecurity here with another tale from the hell month this summer, this one's for my new boss, we'll call him JB.

From Insecurity, October, 2014:

A few days ago, I had to explain what a stalking horse was to a custy. It is a distraction which allows you to sneak up on someone, based on a hunting technique where the prey follows the now dismounted horse and is ambushed by the former rider.

They thought it was a stocking horse, as in a stocking obsessed fashionista (clothes horse + stockings, evidently) and therefore rather kinky.

--Insecurity

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From Paulina Blart, Mall Security, October, 2010:

Hiya Folks,

Things have been kinda slow over here in the sense that nothing worth posting has happened. We've been extremely busy with stupid people. ie The black Hawaiian chick calling us "haoles" and telling us we're discriminating against her because she's Hawaiian. The little asshole who headbutted a kiosk and his equally asshole like parents who excused it because "he's bipolar." The little fuck that tried to shoulder check me.

Basically just dumb stuff that can be summed up in a sentence.

So in the spirit of Halloween, I've decided to share my run ins with CUSTIES FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE!

As some of you may know, I work the graveyard shift a few times a week by myself.

It didn't used to be that way, I had a partner. The first thing he said to me when he was told I was to be the new graveyard officer was "Do you believe in ghosts?" 

I gave him a funny look "Whhhhhy?" 

He just chuckled and said "You'll see." 

I believe in ghosts but I don't believe everything I hear. I figured it was just a "fuck with the new guy" type of thing.

Every once in a while I would get the feeling of being watched and the hair on the back of my neck would raise. I just chalked it up to being creeped out in a deserted dark mall. 

The first really strange thing that happened was my first black Friday. 

There was only 2 of us on duty and it was around 2am. No one else was coming in until about 5am. I'm out driving in the jeep when I pass our security office.

I glance at the glass door and see someone in a seurity uniform standing in front of the bulletin board.

Normally I would have convinced myself it was just my partner but unfortunately for me, my partner was in the passenger seat. I ask if he saw what I saw. He didn't. 

I decided to investigate since the most likely scenario was that someone came in early.

No one was in the office and our doors have coded locks. I still wasn't convinced. I knew we had a security guard die on the job a few years back, but I still thought my coworkers were just trying to mess with me.

The incident that made me realize something was going on at the mall, happened when I was by myself.

I was in a back hallway that's about 50ft long, checking an electrical room about halfway down the hallway. It was about 330am and I was resecuring the door when I heard what sounded like an elderly mans voice "excuse me, Miss?"

It sounded like it was right behind me and I responded as I was turning around, "Yeah, whats u...?

There was no one behind me and no one in that hallway.

I even ran to the exit to see if I could find anyone. Absolutely no one was out there and even if there was, they would have to be the fastest person alive to make it out the door before I turned around.

One night my partner sounded a little panicked and asked me to come around in the jeep to pick him up from one of the mall doors.

As I was approaching I saw another man next to him. I figured he had found him wandering the mall and needed some help. 

As I was pulling up I looked down to turn off the radio and unlock the door. 

My partner got in and said he "just felt creeped out."

I looked around and asked "where'd that guy go?"

My partner said "What guy?"

Again, there was no where the guy could have gone without bein seen leaving. I tried to convince myself that my partner was trying to mess with me.

After a while, our hours got cut, and there was only one person working the graveyard shift. 

One of my duties is unlocking service doors at 4am.

There was one service door I hated opening.The hallway behind it had no lights and it was a long walk from the jeep. 

Anywho, As I was walking up to this door I smelled the most rank odor.

It was a mixture of porta potty and roadkill. 

I unlocked this door and swing it open. It has a push bar that needs an allen wrench to keep it unlocked.

My key got stuck in the lock on the outside and I looked into the dark hallway.

I swear to this day I saw a black mass darker than the hallway coming towards me. I couldn't tear my eyes away but I was still struggling with this key.

I finally got it unstuck and literally ran back to the jeep, arms waving in the air, screaming and sped off.

This is the one that was the most terrifying and the one that I still get shit for. It was a blizzard. I was by myself. I was sitting in the office and decided to go out for my 1am smoke break.

Now the office door is glass and when its dark outside and light inside you can see your reflection. 

As I was walking out the hair on the back of my neck stood up and I happened to look at my reflection and saw the most horrifying thing I had ever seen. I ran out of the office with my head down and ran into the middle of one of the parking lot. 

I decided there is no fucking way I am going back into that office. 

I reach in my pocket for the jeep keys and realize I left them in the office. So it's a no-go on the jeep.

So I think "okay... you can juat walk around the mall until your relief gets here"

Not a chance.

Mall keys are right next to the jeep keys in the office. 

So I think "That's it I'm fucking quiting. I don't get paid for this freaky ass shit and I think I need a young priest and an old priest"

Oh wait! That's right! My car keys are also in the office. 

I stood out in the snow for 3 hours waiting for my relief to come.

When I first started, stuff like that happened all the time. I think the ghosts of the mall just wanted to mess with the new guy, or it's because construction has stopped. 

It happens very little, now that I've been here for so long or maybe I'm just used to it. I went almost 6 months with nothing strange happening. 

There's still certain places that give me the creeps but nothing I can't handle. Those are just a few things but there are tons more.

Have any of you had ghostly experiences at work?

Happy Halloween everyone!

--Paulina

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From an RHUer: 

This morning three special people decided that they were going to get some cash from our glorious atm.   Now our store uses metal shutters for additional security.  The idea being an alarm will be triggered within 45 seconds if opened prior to a certain time.   Great concept if the company chose to pay attention to it.   These three clowns take a good 5 and a half minutes to get the shutter pried open enough to break the glass and get inside.   They don't touch the smokes, beer or anything other than the atm.   Now they start this process at 4:30 AM. They exit the building at say 4:37AM.   Still no calls from the alarm or corporate.   Come 5:15 cops finally show up because they hear the alarm from driving by.   Corporate still isn't aware of the issue till one of our staff shows up at 5:30AM to open the store.   Good times and security.

--RHUer

From dravenstone, AskReddit

I have a horrible story with a good ending.

I was on a business trip that took me to LA for the day then off to Seattle. I had very little time between my last meeting in LA and my flight. I was flying through security as fast as I could to make the flight and so just tossed my watch and phone in the bin with my shoes instead of putting them in my bag which I normally do. The watch was a Rolex I had received as an award for some quality work I had done.

Bin comes out of the x-ray, no watch. TSA was their glorious self and said nothing they could do, file a lost item report blah blah blah. And I had to run. I was sick to my stomach as I had an emotional attachment to the watch and I'd never drop that kind of money on a watch and now it was gone.

I file the report with lost and found the next day by email and get a form response - we will only contact you if we find your item.

Four weeks later, I get a call...

"It's the TSA, did you file a missing item report?"

Yep... got my watch back. Next day I'm telling the story to my coworker and he starts laughing. He had just read a story online about a TSA agent fired and arrested for stealing stuff as it went through the x-ray.

These days I have global entry and security takes 30 seconds, just like it should.

--dravenstone