Security Hell: InSecurity Reveals The Worst Things He's Been Called on the Job


Carolanne 026InSecurity here.

I'm here to share some of the worst things I've been called. I've been called spit on and called a fascist, pig, thug, tool, and asshole. They aren't the tops

The first one, is a little more of a peeve of mine, but somehow it feels worse when I hear it. People love to tell their kids that I am a "police officer," and will arrest the kid for simple behavioral issues that the parents should be handling. That just pisses me off the most.

The second one was more of an implication, but it still hurt the worst. I was dispatched to the report of an unaccompanied kid. I get eye level and start talking to the kid.

That's when Mommy Dearest arrives and flips out. She starts off with, "Who are you and how do I know you aren't a child molester!?"

When I'm in full uniform, company ID badge and all, talking to the kid left behind on a bench. That one hit like a gut punch.

Well, those are my two least favorites. Peace.



Retail Hell Memories: Custy Gets Angry at Security Guard Because He's Not an Information Counter


Carolanne 038C

From neokaizaints, Tales From Retail:

I'm a security guard but I work in retail and grocery stores. Mods can remove if it's not appropriate.

One time about 3 years ago I was standing at the entrance of the store watching for suspicious people. An older lady walks in. She's OL and I'm Me.

OL: "Do you know where <product> is?" shoves flyer in my face

Me: "Sorry ma'am, I'm security, I don't pay attention to that stuff"

OL: "But you walk around all day!" walks off before I can respond

While doing a round, she stops me.

OL: "I know you don't care but here's where <product> is in case you want to actually do your job!"

She said this as if she were a mother scolding a 4 year old who was having a tantrum.

Me: " Sorry, that's not my job. Have a nice day"

She went to say something but I walked away. She ended up complaining to the cashier that I was rude to her and unhelpful. Gave me a weird look as she left. I just smiled and waved. Security doesn't know where stuff is. We watch people, not products.





Retail Hell in The Wings: Shift Starts With a Visit From Security Guy


Carolanne 023

From wrydera, Tales From Retail:

The security guy on call approached me at the beginning of my shift, carrying a set of pictures of people from the security cameras.

Security: Alright, so most of these people have been permanently banned from the premises, but you see this guy here? You'll recognize him because he tends to shuffle around and scream about being the Antichrist.

Me: Okay, how do we handle it?

S: Get out of his way, and get everyone else out of his way. He's unstable, aggressive, and known for carrying large knives. No employee is allowed to approach, we have to call the police if he comes in.

M: Nice to know how the day is gonna go.






Like A Rat In A Trap


InSecurityInSecurity here with another fun tale, this time about rats!

Due to the cold, rats have decided to invade my building. I even caught one in the office eating our ketchup and creamer supply. That freaked both the rat and I. According to my co-worker, I sounded like an electrocuted Chipette from Alvin and the Chipmunks. Needless to say, I cleaned the fuck out of that drawer.

After the nice people from the exterminator placed their traps, I told my new boss, I'll call him Bearhug, because that is his style of customer service, and he looks like an emaciated bear too. I told him we had traps placed and then went out on patrol.

When I get back, I see Bearhug bolt out of the office with this freaked out expression on his face and he starts pacing, not sure whether to go back into the office or run down the hall. I ask what is going on and he tells me he heard a snap and what sounded like a dog rolling around near the back of the office. I go in, and look. Lo and behold, we have a nice, very, very, dead rat in our brand new trap. I tell him that the trap got a rat and then go file a work order to get rid of the thing. I do not have to handle bio hazard.

Then I see him perform the "do I or don't I" dance with his phone out to take a picture. I ask what the hell he is doing, and he tells me he wants to take a picture but doesn't want to look. I'm puzzled as all hell because a photo is a fixed "look" for as long as he likes. He thought about it for a second, and then just took the picture.

He told me that when he showed it to his eight year old and she punched him in the stomach for being gross. Also his Mom gave him a Gibbs upside the head for it too.



Crazy Custys Calling: New Year's Eve Banshee Hell



Insecurity here with a tale on the tail end of the year.
I was working the day shift on the last day of the year with, I'll call him Sharps, because he loves knives and swords almost as much as I do.
Poor sharps got a call from a very, very angry lady. I know she was angry, because I could hear some of the call from the other side of the office.
She started off howling, asking Sharps how to get to us, Sharps brought up good ol' Google on our old, outdated and slow as a constipated walrus computer,and started loading the map. He then asked her for her location and some patience as the computer loaded up.
Well, she was having none of that. I heard the screech of, "WHAT?!?!? You should KNOW!!!"
Evidently, we need to know where in an 80+ square mile metropolitan area you are and then know how to get you to us.
He again asks where she is so he can find her the fastest route. I again hear the inarticulate banshee warble of impotent anger, and then, nothing.
He looks at the phone puzzled, and then shrugs and hangs up. Evidently she decided to direct her anger and the phone and either broke it into a large integer value of separate pieces or just hung up. I got the warm fuzzies thinking that the howler may have broken their expensive phone.
Peace out and may you have a tolerable new year!


Creepy Coworker Hell: "Come To My Place And Play Dress-Up For The Camera!"


RHU Characters 015bTechChewToy here with a story from long before I was a chewtoy and I was instead working at a movie theater. I have told stories of this place before, but this is one I haven't had a chance to share. Technically, it is the story of a creepy co-worker...

Scene: Movie theater in a bad part of town. I am 16, female, and a student athlete, stuck behind a customer service counter in black slacks, heels (they were required!), and a tuxedo shirt.

Enter stage left: Security Guy Bob (not his real name). Bob is about mid-50's, heavily overweight, balding, and very, very tall.

Side Note: All of our security team was armed. Guns, tasers, and pepper spray. It was necessary.

I am on cheerful terms with all of the staff- I was a high-schooler but tended to work doubles whenever possible and was being trained to work as an assistant manager. Bob frequently spends time chatting with me at the service desk or while I was cleaning, just shooting the shit and telling all kinds of crazy stories. There was long periods of downtime between shows. I thought he was interesting until one day he pulls out this gem...

Bob: Hey, you know, you have a great body. A really great body. You know, when I'm not here, I run a little photography studio out of my house. I've been wanting to do a pin-up calendar. You know, one of those classy ones where the girls are naked but not -really- naked. I really want you to be my model.

Me: *stares*

Bob: Think about it! I'll pay you! I have all the outfits and everything.

Me: Um... Bob, I'm 16.

Bob: $200, plus a cut of whatever we make on the calendar. No one has to know your age.

Me: *laughs nervously and pretends to get called to the back*

He asked me a couple more times after that, but never really pressed it and eventually one day he was just gone. No idea what happened. One of the other security guards picked up the 'slack' soon after, though, buying me lunch a few times when I was working double shifts, before telling me I had great tits and that he and his girlfriend were looking for someone to 'mess around' with.

To this day, I am baffled that these men who could have had daughters my age would blatantly and brazenly hit on me at work. I really couldn't do anything about it, either. They were armed, technically they were contracted by corporate and overseen by their own company, and my management was encouraged to 'not rock the boat'.

All wasn't too bad, though. One of the guys that eventually replaced Bob was a retired NYC detective w/ a granddaughter my age. He was a genuinely good man with a shit-ton of amazing stories and he looked after me and helped me out when crusties tried to make life hell.