Monstrous Customers: “WELL I’M A CUSTOMER TOO!”

 

Monster4

From April, 2012

Hey RHU-ers! I’ve got a good one for you.

So, I manage a pretty quiet, laid back, local bookstore in a pretty small town. The owner also happens to own a bar down the street, and we frequently have various people coming to talk to him about bar business. Therefore, last Friday towards closing time I didn’t think it was odd that a man came in asking to speak with the owner.

I politely informed him that he was probably not coming back since it was so close to closing time, and that he should be back in on Monday morning if he would like to come back then.

The man then starts telling me a story regarding the bar that he wanted to speak to the owner. Apparently, there was a special on the board for $2 beers, but there was also a “deal wheel” that had been spun and landed on 2-4-1 beers. This wheel special negated the special on the board, since you end up getting two beers for $3.25, which is cheaper. He was therefore charged $3.25 for two beers instead of $2.00 for one, and they would not give him a refund… blah blah blah.

Here’s a short version of the ensuing “conversation:”

Seeming not too crazy at the time, he asks if there is another owner of the bar. I tell him there is, his name is so-and-so. Man asks if you spell that with an “e’ or an “a”. Meanwhile, a customer and teacher in town has come up and is patiently waiting at my register to buy a book.

I inform the man that I will ring the customer out quickly and try to find out the spelling of the co-owner’s name. (Keep in mind that I’m a pretty average sized girl in my mid twenties, and the other girl working is just 20 and smaller than me.) And now the fun begins!  

Jason2 026Crazy Man: “WELL I’M A CUSTOMER TOO!”

Me: “Yes, sir, but this man is waiting to buy something. It will take me a few minutes to try to find the correct spelling of the name. Excuse me for a moment.” (I begin walking towards the register.)  

Crazy Man: “WELL I WAS HERE FIRST! I’M A CUSTOMER TOO! WHY AREN’T YOU HELPING ME?!?!?”

Crazy Man: “YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO RUN A FUCKING BUSINESS YOU ASSHOLE! I’M A FUCKING CUSTOMER TOO! WHY AREN’T YOU HELPING ME! TAKE A FUCKING BUSINESS CLASS YOU DUMB BITCH! FUCK YOU!”

Me: “Listen, I have nothing to do with the bar! I’ve helped you all I could, I run a bookstore not the bar! What do you want from me?!”

Meanwhile, my co-worker who has been sorting books in the basement comes upstairs…  

Coworker: “WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT HER?!?!”

Crazy Man: “WHY AREN’T YOU BOTH UPSTAIRS TO HELP PEOPLE?! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!”  

Me: “You’d better get the fuck out RIGHT NOW!”

Crazy Man: “GO FUCK YOURSELF!”  

Me: “WHY DON’T YOU SCREW OFF!” *turning to customer* “I am so sorry sir, this is crazy! I’ll get you rung out.”

Jason2 032Crazy Man: “I’M A CUSTOMER TOOOO!!!!!!”  

Awesome Customer: “You’d better leave right now buddy. You can’t talk to these girls like this!”

Crazy Man: “FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!”  

Coworker: “WHY DON’T YOU LEAVE?!”

Awesome Customer: “Listen, I’m a  high school teacher. I put up with shit like this every day with my TEENAGE students. Leave.”  

Crazy Man: “WELL FUUUUUUUUCK YOU!”

Me: *finishing transaction and turning to crazy man* “JESUS CHRIST! GET THE HELL OUT BEFORE WE CALL THE COPS!”  

Finally, crazy man begins to leave… while screaming AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS“FUUUUUCK YOU YOU FUCKING SATAN WORSHIPPING ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I apologize profusely to our customer and thank him for sticking up for us and waiting until the crazy guy left… but holy shit. All over a $1.25 at a different business! Thank god I work at a store where our boss encourages us to stick up for ourselves (cursing people out and all) if we need to. Needless to say, it took me and my co-worker a while to settle down.

Later, I go over to the bar to have a beer, calm down and tell my buddies who work there the whole story. It turns out he had gotten kicked out forever for grabbing a girls ass the same night of the beer special incident. And he had come in the next day, bank statements in hand, to tell everyone involved he “would have their jobs” and dispute the $1.25… turns out he never even had any money in his account to lose. He got laughed out of the bar by the bouncers, who apparently are harder to take your misplaced frustration out on than 2 girls in a book shop.

May all your customers be awesome,

--Your Local Bookwhore

 

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CELL PHONE STORE HELL: CRAZY CUSTY BECOMES VERBALLY ABUSIVE AND GETS TOLD

 

Retailballscarol

From July, 2011

Phone Wench gets a Retail Balls Award for giving a crusty old crazy hag great service, but refusing to take her abusive threats:

Hi there, RHU! Long-time reader, first-time poster. Call me Phone Wench.

I graduated college recently, and now work for a large cellular provider... let's call them Whorizon. Except I don't actually work for them. My store is a locally owned indirect agent, meaning we're licensed to sell phones, sign people up for contracts and all that jazz, but we can't provide all the services of an actual corporate location. Nor can we match online prices/deals/etc. Not only would we get run out of business in about five minutes if we did that, but corporate legally won't let us. 

Not that this stops the custys! Or should I say crustys, since the place I live is basically one enormous hyper-wealthy retirement community. Think hellspawn are bad? You've never dealt with an 80 year old woman demanding to know how to make her iPhone's screen bigger. (Yes. Not the display or the font, the actual screen. "Don't you people sell bigger phones than this? You really ought to consider your customers more.")

I have people continually turning up in my store demanding free phones, which of course I can't give to them; the best I can do is give them a $50 phone with a $50 rebate, and even that varies depending on corporate's promotions. Can you get it for free online? Probably. Is it going to be used? Probably. Are you going to turn up in my store two weeks later, pissed that you have a used phone, and demanding that I exchange it for a new one? Probably, and then I will laugh at you. 

Most of the time, if you're polite and firm, the customers will either capitulate and buy the damn phone, or give up and go to the corporate store (which also won't fulfill online deals and is on the other side of town to boot.) Most of the time. 

Then there's..... Glenda. Glenda (not her real name) is an infamously terrible customer, to the point where none of the senior sales reps will serve her and even the manager doesn't want to deal with her. Why Glenda continues to shop with us, I will never know, since apparently her cell reception is terrible, none of her phones work, her internet is too slow, and every sales rep she deals with is surly and rude to her.

Carolanne 070My first encounter with Glenda came a couple weeks ago, as I was cashing in my drawer at the start of my shift. The phone rings, I look around, the other sales rep is busy, so I pick up. "Welcome to Wireless Hell, my name is Phone Wench, how can I help you?"

"MY INTERNET."

"....Yes, ma'am?"

"MY INTERNET."

"Are you a Whorizon internet customer, ma'am? How can I help you?" This was apparently the wrong thing to say, as she burst into a tirade about how she's been a Whorizon customer for ten years and how I should know her and how I AM SO RUDE, etc, etc.

Before hanging up on me, she screams that she's coming into the store directly because "YOU CLEARLY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING" and tells me she's going to make sure I get fired. 

I hang up, mildly shaken, and go back to cashing in. Sure enough, about thirty minutes later a car pulls up right in front of our door (which is a no-parking zone) and an older woman gets out and stomps in.

The senior sales rep looks up, and immediately decides to go hover over a browsing customer. I am alone at the desk. The woman storms up, slams a Mifi (wireless internet) device down on the counter, and snarls, "MY INTERNET IS DOWN. THIS PIECE OF SHIT WON'T TURN ON." 

Now, I really don't appreciate being sworn at, but I also know it can be frustrating when equipment doesn't work. I decide to give her the benefit of the doubt. I take the device, look at it, pop the battery out and back in again*, and plug it into my charger. A little green light comes on; the device is perfectly functional. I say, as softly and politely as I can, "I think it just needs to be charged, ma'am. If it's been having problems charging, I can replace the battery for you."

Carolanne 037CUE THE HOUNDS OF HELL. I am told I am surly, I am rude, I am worthless, I don't know anything about technology, how this device HAS NEVER WORKED (yet somehow she's had it for six months now), and WILL NEVER WORK, and I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. I cower under this torrent of abuse, until suddenly an idea occurs to me. "Ma'am, let me talk to my manager, and see if I can replace the device for you." 

And while a shriek of WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE rises behind me, I escape into the back. My manager is back there, laughing hysterically, and hands me another Mifi device. "I heard everything. Give her this and we can resell her old one."

I take the Mifi, head back out, and switch her account over to the new device, while Glenda continues to hurl abuse at me. "Here, ma'am, this one will work, and if it doesn't, come right back and we'll exchange it. Thank you for choosing Wireless Hell, and have an excellent day."

This is not enough for Glenda. "IF THIS ONE DOESN'T WORK, I'M COMING BACK HERE AND THROWING IT AT YOU!"

I sit bolt upright. "Ma'am, if you do that, I will happily CALL THE POLICE." My voice is loud and firm, and the other customers in the store turn to look. I have had ENOUGH, and I'm not putting up with any more of this. "As long as you can refrain from committing assault, I will be happy to serve you. If not, you are more than welcome to take your business to corporate."

She stares at me. I stare back.

Eventually she drops her eyes, snatches up the new device, and scurries out with a half-snarled "Thank you." 

Phone Wench: 1, Crazy Bitch: 0.

Working for Whorizon means you put up with a lot of customer abuse, usually for things that aren't your fault and could never have been, but this time I feel like I managed to keep a little of my dignity intact. 

(*Footnote*: Popping the battery out and back in again solves a lot of glitches. Please, customers, for the love of whatever deity you hold sacred, TRY THAT FIRST before you come in and yell at the sales rep. We are not tech support and can't be.)

--Phone Wench

 

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Retail Balls Awards: Mostrous Old Lady Gets Told

 

Retailballsfreddy

 

From Cosmetics Hellhound, June, 2011:

I had an older lady come into my store the other day looking for Elizabeth Arden Green Tea Deodorant (Which by the way smells fucking awful).

I had a poke around before I remembered that our store had pulled it from the shelves because it doesn't sell very well at all.

I went over and apologized profusely explaining that I had forgotten that our store did not carry it anymore but I did have a couple other prestige deodorants that I could show her if she liked ... this was when she went from sweet little old lady to demonic bitchcunt in all of .3seconds.

Bitchcunt: "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR STORE?!?"

Me: "I'm sorry? I can call a couple other stores nearby to see if th--"

Bitchcunt: "So you are basically telling me that not only is your fucking barsoap sold out, but everything else too? I HAVE HALF A MIND TO CALL YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFFICE TO TELL THEM HOW THIS FUCKING STORE IS RUN."

**Turns out she was looking for Irish Spring Bar Soap in the front too, as I explained before my store is set up with an area cut off with a wall that is brightly lit (think department store almost) with prestige cosmetics such as Lancome, Guerlain, SMASHBOX, etc and then "Front Store" which is the drug store area and mass cosmetics such as L'Oreal, Covergirl, etc**

MonsterMe: "I am sorry you feel that way but there is honestly no reason to be swearing right now we have other clients around here that do not need to be hearing this language"

**INCLUDING a poor little girl no more than 9 or 10 who looked horrified by this decaying, screaming, corpse-like woman in front of us**

Bitchcunt: "I will do what I WANT, sonny, this is a fucking free country isn't it?"

At this point I am about done with her fucking attitude and I am seeing sparks and shaking like a leaf. I ended up doing something that I am so surprised did not get me into heaps of trouble because I am about 9000% sure I am not allowed to do this without managerial permission but you know what? She was a fucking bitch. I would like to think she deserved it.

Me: "I think it's about time you leave, get out of my store."

Bitchcunt: "IT'S NOT YOUR STORE, I PAY MY TAXES, I WILL LEAVE WHENEVER I FUCKING WELL PLEASE."

Me: "NO, YOU WILL LEAVE NOW OR I AM GOING TO CALL THE COPS THIS IS A PRIVATELY OWNED BUSINESS IT IS NOT OWNED BY THE GOVERNMENT AND IF I WANT TO KICK YOU OUT FOR BEING RUDE THEN I WILL, NOW GET OUT."

I started hustling this old bat out the front door but she was still pushing one of our shopping carts, I grabbed it and pulled it away from her and she protested with a "I am not gonna steal your stupid cart" I told her I honestly don't care what she was going to do with it but it is NOT leaving my store and I wrested it from her death-grip.

hen shit got a little weird, she laughed (manically, not haha funny) and stated "I'm just a crazy old biddy I will do what I want" and left the store .... I still don't know how to take that, honestly.

--Cosmetics Hellhound

 

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Monstrous Customers: "What? is Target a bag-it-yourself store?"

 

Targetmonster_3

From Joseph, May 2008:

I work at Target. It was January 2007. I'm ringing this guy up, he's at about $150, and I'm placing some pears he has on the scale to weigh them.

It comes out to $1.46.

The guy yells - yes, he yells - "Hey, I saw that! Why don't you take your hands off the scale and run that again!"

I said, "Sir, my hands were nowhere near the scale, but, I'll run it again anyway."

I ring up the pears, with my hands held in the air like I was being robbed.

The price? $1.46.

I let it go, and don't say a thing. Everything is fine until I hand the guy the reciept, saying "Thank you, have a good night sir."

He replies, "What? is Target a bag-it-yourself store?"

I said to him, "No sir, I've bagged them. Target is a put-your-own-bags-in-your-own-cart store."

His face turns red and he asks to see the manager. My line was building up, so i said, "Sir, I have 2 managers, they're both on lane 18. Pick one, and have a goodnight."

He whips back with, "You're somethin' else! I'm never shopping here again!!!"

In a calm voice, I replied, "Well, sir, at least we'll both be happy."

The man looked right at me, turned his head and his cart towards the exit, and walked out. I haven't seen him since, and it's been almost a year-and-a-half.

..and yes, I'm still happy...

--Joseph

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Retail Balls Awards: A REGULAR GAS STATION CUSTOMER HAS TANTRUM AND GETS TOLD

 

Retailballscarol

From Terah, May, 2011:

We had this woman come in one day. I was by myself (I’m always being left alone in the store, even though rules say you’re not supposed to do that… sigh) and this was back when I was full time in the gas station. It was raining, and this woman called in, yelling something about how the machine wasn’t reading her card.

That was a VERY common problem. Most people would lift the nozzle before inserting the card, or not lift it at all, and the transaction would void itself out because of it… and she’d tried more than three times, meaning that her card COULD NOT BE USED AT ANY PUMP FOR AT LEAST 30 MINUTES! Safety feature, y’know, if someone swipes your debit card and tries filling up too many cars.

I called out, told her that she would have to come inside and leave me something to hold so I could turn her pump on. She storms in, screaming that she doesn’t want to prepay, she wants to fill up. I explained I needed collateral, and I would turn the pump on, and she could come back in.

Woman: Didn’t you hear me?! I don’t WANT to prepay, I want to fill up! AND I don’t want to come back inside, it’s RAINING!

Terah: Okay. Now, I can’t preset on a card with the registers for gas alone, it shuts the registers down. If you go and get something, like tic tacs, or gum, I can set your gas for $100. Anything you DON’T pump will go back onto your card automatically! *smilecheerfulpleasedon’tyellanymore*

OCTOCAROL 218

So she went around and loaded up on junk food and crap like that, ice cream and the like… and slams it all down on my register.

Woman: Can I buy cartons of cigarettes over here?!

Terah: Oh, you need cigarettes, too? No, I can’t go get any, because I’m by myself, but if you take this all into the Smoke Shop, through that door right there, I’ll call over and explain what’s going on, and they’ll be happy to do what I was explaining.

Woman: OMFG I DON’T BELIEVE THIS! EVERY FUCKING TIME I COME IN HERE IT IS ONE FUCKING THING AFTER ANOTHER WITH YOU PEOPLE! I CAN NEVER GET GOOD SERVICE HERE; I AM NEVER SHOPPING AT THIS FUCKING STORE AGAIN!

…and a few other ‘colorful’ phrases I’m leaving out to be polite. She shoved everything at me and glared.

Terah: Okay, well, I guess this means I’ll see you here tomorrow?

She just went to leave, her face was red with pure anger, and the other customers were staring at her like she was insane. Just before she got out the door, I told the guy behind her, loud enough that I knew she could hear:

Terah: I’d tell her to put this stuff back, but I’m worried that psycho might snap and kill me.

Never got a complaint and I know she heard me… and, guess who came back for gas the VERY NEXT DAY?

--Terah

 

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Retail Balls Awards: ENTITLED GAS STATION CRUSTY GETS TOLD

 

Retailballscarol

From Drive-Off Dramaqueen, April, 2011:

Oh. My. Gods. I swear, someone left the door open at the loony bin or something, because they're all coming in full force to this gas station. Including, but not limited to, this gem, which just happened.

There was this old lady, I'd say probably a good 60-65 years of age, with leg braces and those half-crutches that have the thing that wraps around your forearm. She pulled up to the store, waited for an hour for the place to vacate, pulls around to a pump, comes in, and demands, NOT ASKS, DEMANDS, that somebody come out and pump her gas for her, because she's disabled.

I'm the only one in the store currently, so I say (insanely politely, as I've only been at work about an hour and hadn't had a bad custy yet!) "I would be happy to come out and pump your gas for you, ma'am, I just need to wait for the three customers who are in the store to pay and leave, I cannot leave the building with customers in it."

"NO. I HAVE *insert random mumbly-joe event here* TO BE AT IN FIVE MINUTES! YOU PUMP GAS NOW."

Really? Because you've sat here for an absurdly long time before coming in and demanding this.

Gas station 2"Well, ma'am, I'm the only attendant on duty right now, I can help you as soon as the store clears out. That's it."

She huffs and puffs, and decides to have me check 13 different gift cards to see if they had balance left on them.

13.

Thirteen cock-sucking empty fucking gift cards.

And of course, it's my fault they're showing "empty" since none of them have been used!

So finally she puts $10 on a store credit card and walks back out to her car and sits in the driver seat, honking at me every two minutes while the other customers who were here first, and who are picking out their things are still shopping.

Almost a half hour later, and I did kind of feel bad about that, but not really, from the way she bursted in here, I finally got out and pumped her gas. Gas is like 3.40 a gallon or some shit and she ended up with 2.9 gallons.

She grabs my arm as I walk past, back in toward the store, and starts shouting that she "should get more gas than that, gas is 3.40 a gallon and she paid 10 dollars!"

I whip out my ipod, sick of her shit, and wrench away from her.

"Touch me again and I'll call the cops. As it stands, you just assaulted me. Now here, I have a calculator. $10.00 divided by the $3.40 ass-ragingly high gas price equals 2.942 gallons. That is what you received, that is what you paid for, don't come here again."

"How dare you talk to me like that, I'm a paying customer!"

OCTOCAROL 218

"And I'm not required, as the only person on duty at this station right now, to leave this building for any reason. I'm sorry you have problems getting around, but maybe you should go to PamSu (hehe competitor) down that way" I point, "or the other OilSpill down that way," again, point "or any of the five Birthdays on Uni Ave. They all have two or more people working at any time. We do not. We are also the busiest station in this area, and, as such, we do not have time to leave the store and argue over whether or not we're "cheating people out of gas" at the pump. Because we're not. We just passed the mandatory yearly inspection with flying colors. So if you don't mind, I am going back inside, because it is cold, and I am only wearing a t shirt, and now my arm hurts."

Now, I understand, I do, I totally get the disabled thing. I spend a good deal of my time helping my mother, who is disabled, and my grandma and great aunt, both of which are disabled, and my mentally handicapped uncle. So, before the flame war starts on that end, let me just make that clear. I have nothing against people being disabled and needing extra help. But I will not stand by and be accused of cheating people, and I will not stand by and be abused or have my kindness taken advantage of.

--Drive-off Dramaqueen

 

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