Names have been changed to protect the identities of the following slaves.
Okay, so I don't know what it is about people that came through Garden Center that didn't understand English (that actually spoke it), but it was quite a day.
Where to start. Oh. How about the customer who came in and asked us to xerox a copy of last year's model of a gazebo because she lost it.
First of all, it's your own motherfucking fault you lost it in the first place. I didn't know if we had an instruction manual that wasn't enclosed in a box, so I asked my lead. He said we didn't keep the ones on the floor, so he dug into his Big Book of Everything and got her the e-mail address that she could use to request the instructions that they would send back to her via the Internet.
To me, he went above and beyond, not just telling her 'No, we don't have it', but also including 'But this is how you'd get the information you need.' But of course, that wasn't enough for her. "Well you have the display model on the floor. I don't believe that you throw the instructions away."
"It's a display, which means it's already put together. So you don't need the manual for it. Which is why we don't have it. Robert said we don't have it, and he doesn't lie." She left in a silent huff.
Second, third, and fourth customer tried to buy my flower display. I had to put a sign up that said 'FLOWER DISPLAYS NOT FOR SALE' because of the third person who tried to buy the sign. "I read the sale sign three times and it said I could buy this. The stand is $11.24, the small pot is $1.99, and the large pot is $4.99."
"And the flowers are $9.54 and the dirt is $0.99. Besides that, it's a display and I can't sell it to you."
"Fine, then I'll just leave it here, you can have it." Because you had such a choice in the first place.
The third customer was trying to purchase a lawn mower, a bug zapper, and a weed eater. He gave me his saver's card after his things were rung up, but his card kept declining. He went back to the in-store ATM and got cash. He only got enough cash to pay for the lawnmower. Ringing him up the second time, I asked him for his saver's card. "I have it right here, it didn't work last time," he said, referencing his declined credit and debit cards.
"No, sir, I mean your other saver's card."
"I said it didn't work!"
"I mean the one that's red that you get the points - "
"Look, you crazy bitch, what part of 'it didn't work' don't you understand?"
At this point, I don't care anymore whether or not he gets his points, no one calls me a crazy bitch. So I cash out his purchase and give him the change. THEN he hands me his card and says "You didn't get this."
Well, FUCK ME SIDEWAYS!
"Sir, I asked you for that three times, and you called me a crazy bitch. Now you're going to have to go to customer service."
"WHAT! This is bullshit! You didn't get my card, and I want my points on it!"
"Yes, I know, you can do that at customer service."
"I want to talk to a manager. NOW."
"They're all at customer service."
So he left me alone. When he came back to pick up his lawnmower, I went outside and hid behind the roses. They needed to be pruned anyway...
With retail hell love,