Dumbass Customers: Do You Carry Tape Measures?



From  JoshiePoo88, Tales From Retail:

Customer calls my store, one of us Office Supply chains asking if we carry tape measures. Assured him we did and that I'd be happy to hold it for him til the end of the day.

I'll be "M"anger and "C"ustomer.

M: Welcome to this office supply chain, what can I help you with today?

C: Where do you keep your tape measures?

M: I actually have one up here on hold, did you call earlier about needing one?

C: I did.

Hands customer tape measure and directs him to the check out line. At this point I'm a little lost, because he begins measuring his shirt size up in front of the store.

M: Are you trying to get fitted for a suit, because a tape measure like that isn't mean't for that and we aren't really a store to get this done at.

C: Yes, I'm doing an online tailor for a cheap suit for school.

M: Ok, but again you don't really want to use that kind of tape measure, there is a dry cleaner next door and I'm sure they have a fabric measure and will help you with getting sized.

C: This is fine. Hold end of the tape measure to jaw bone and extends to collar bone What does it say?

M: Six and a half inches. Are you trying to measure your neck size?

C: Yes, what does it looks like?

M: Well... I can assure you that isn't your neck size. I've bought many suits and a 6.5" neck would give you suit well fitted for a cat. For reference I'm a 17.5" neck.

C: I know what I'm doing, the instructions online were clear.

M: Alright, it's your suit. However if you'd like to continue using our tape measure I'd ask that you bought it and finish your measuring within the privacy of your own home. However I strongly encourage you to visit the dry cleaner next door or visit any retailer that works with clothing to make sure you get the right fit.

After this the customer left the tape measure on the front counter and pedaled off on his bike. I really hope he went to a store that could properly measure him for a suit. But, on the other hand I really wish he was as arrogant as he thought he could be and ordered a suit with a 6.5" neck, and 12" shoulders with 8" arms. Working retail will never fail to amaze me at how stubborn someone can be when dealing with an employee with knowledge on what they are trying to accomplish.

-- JoshiePoo88





Retail Hell Memories From an Office Supply Store: "No, like for free"


Jason 002

From crowbar2525, Tales From Retail:

I work at your local resident office supply store, and I have for two years whilst getting my higher education, and during the summers. Ill be Me, Manager friend will be MF, Customer will be C. You guys know the drill.

So one day I'm minding my own business, helping people on our tech side (I'm the designated tech salesperson) and a customer walks in, she's probably right around 60, at this time I was standing next to the other elder employee who is also a manager because he's full time (you can't be a manager if you aren't full time here) killing some time. She walks up to us and before I can ever get out a greeting she says "I'm looking for boxes" well she caught us right at the beginning of the isle the boxes are in so I basically tell her they're right here, prices are on the examples etc. Then she hits us with a doozy

C: No, like for free. I don't want to pay.

To that I respond

Me: Well We don't give product away but most of our boxes are very inexpensive

She comes back with another heavy hitting statement in a much less happy tone

C: Yeah, but you guys get product right? what do they come in?

M: Well, boxes.

C: And do you have any of those?

M: No, we got our shipment two days ago, and we crush all of our boxes(we do)

C: Are you even going to go check for me?

M: no ma'am I've been back there more than once today and we have no boxes, we also still cannot give away free versions of product we sell.

C: Well, I want to speak to a manager

My face when my buddy next to me watching all this happen is the manager, so he starts with

MF: That's me

C: And I suppose you aren't going to be of any help either?

MF: No

She turned on her heel and stormed out right after that. Honestly some people just can't figure out that maybe stores don't just give things away without any prior consent, especially when we sell what they want for free. Also in working here for this long I have plenty of stories to tell god damn. So this goes over well, I got plenty more for you lovely people.





Office Supply Hell: "Why Do I need a receipt? I'm Never Coming Back!"


Jason 034

From  SilasDG, Tales From Retail:

Had a customer come in to return ink today. She claimed it was bought a month before and that we sold it to her expired. This was already highly unlikely as it was one of our most requested cartridges and we restock on it every week. Still my associate comes up and I try to work with the customer. I'll be Silas and the customer will be Customer.

Silas: So you say you bought it last month? Do you have a receipt?

Customer: NO why do I need a receipt! You sold it to me expired!

Silas: That's very unlikely mam, your package says it expired in 2015 and looks worn (the labels on the two cartridges were damaged) that means we would have received it in 2014. None of my ink sits more than a month or too.

Customer: How can you be sure!

Silas: (walks over to the shelf behind the counter) I only have 3 left currently even and they all say 2019 on them. They're brand new. I get new ones constantly and without a receipt I unfortunately don't have any proof of your claim. If you have the card you bought it on we could try looking it up"

Customer: I don't have it my husband bought it!

Silas: If he can bring it in another time we can try to figure it out then for him.

Customer: So you wont just return them!! (nearly $100 in product)

Silas: No, i'm sorry i cant.

Customer: Just give me a color cartridge then!

Silas: Sure I can grab that for you.

As I go to turn the customer picks up one of the black cartridges she was trying to return and throws it sideways along with the packaging at me hitting me in the chest.

Silas: You can leave my store now. (points to door)

Customer: You aren't going to get me my ink!?

Silas: No, you're no longer welcome here. Leave.

Customer: Fine then! (Turns away leaving ink)

Silas: Did you want your ink? I will be throwing it away if you don't take it.

Customer: NO you take it. I wont be back you've just lost a customer and I buy a lot of supplies here!

Silas: That's fine. You're not welcome here, I don't want you as a customer.

She left forgetting her keys. The two customers behind her started laughing their asses off. They also had a return and I asked if they had a receipt. They said yes, then the guy stopped and goes "wait no!" pretending to hide it. It was a good laugh. Lady storms back in and demands her keys saying "don't think I'd just leave these with you!" to which I shrugged. she left, we laughed again and basically exchanged "wtf some people"




Retail Hell Memories: Office Supply and the Drunk Guy


Jason 033

From  CardDragon, Tales From Retail:

So I have been reading a lot of 'late staying customer ' stories and I thought I would give you all one from my time at an office supply store. Now, at office ball, we closed at 10 on most nights and opened back up at 7 the next morning. We occasionally had some customers staying after, showing up late, or even standing outside before we opened. Often, without buying anything.

One night, however, I saw an opportunity and seized it. Picture if you will, the time is 9:55 PM. We have closed the side gates and started sweeping, mopping, and restocking shelves when as my manager walks up to the automatic doors in the front, a man walks in.

This man is in a nice 3 piece suit, has a smile on his face, and is swaggering back and forth like he had just gotten done celebrating for the promotion he must have gotten at his firm. (or at least that's the backstory I like to give him)

He walks around the store and at about 10:45, my manager asks me to help him finish up his browsing and escort him out so we can close the last register. I tell him to keep it open a little longer and I take a deep breath and put on my best retail face.

I walk up to the man, and ask him how his shopping was going and if he needed any help finding anything. He says he doesn't see our filing cabinets (against the far east wall of the store) and I show them to him. Giving him the best info on all the top models. He then asks about desks, and then lamps, and then folder sets... In the end I manage to take him around our entire store and point out things that he just has to have its glorious fun.

We walk up to the register, and I begin wheeling up his purchases on the dolly. I convinced this man to spend about 2500 dollars on things that he probably didn't need. But I felt great. We never got a charge back on the card, and he never came in to complain. I hope he liked all his new stuff and I hope he knows not to come into a store intoxicated and hold the employees later than they would like.

TL;DR: made an awesome sale after hours to an intoxicated business man. Wish I made commission at that job.

-- CardDragon



Drunk Old People Hell at an Office Supply Store: "I NEED PAAAAAAAANTS"


Carolanne2 111

From TenTonButtWomp, Tales From Retail:

Worked as a sales associate for an office supplies store. Closing time is in 10 minutes, lo and behold someone is stumbling in the door. I mean stumbling, like he's hurt or drunk. About 40-50 years old, and looks pretty disheveled. He doesn't make eye contact with anyone coming in, just waddles over to an endcap (shelving/displays at the end of aisles) and leans over on it. It looks like he's playing hide and seek and he's it.

I walk over innocently, not sure if he's exaggerating some exhaustion for humor's sake, so I light-heartedly ask,

Me- "Could I help you with anything this evening sir?"

He mumbles something with his face still buried in his arms, body leaned over.

Me- "-well if you need any assistance sir let me know."

At this point I notice he stinks like throwup and alcohol.

Cust- muffled noises "..need pants.." muffled noises

Me- "Sir? I'm sorry I didn't hear you. What can I help you with?"

He slowly leans back off the shelving, arms propping him up. His pants are soaked from some mystery liquid, which I didn't assume was urine until the third smell hit me. He then yells at increasing volume and a pause at every word for emphasis.


I'm a little taken aback at this point, never dealt with drunkards before, so my manager bless his soul ran up to the front to my rescue. Proceeds to tell the guy loudly that this is an office supplies store, and the popular general goods store is next door, go to popular general goods store. There was no popular general goods store in the shopping area outside, he just tried to get him out as quickly as possible. After some coaxing he finally stumbled his way outside and we locked the doors.

We were prepared to call the cops, but he didn't try to come back in. Instead, he made his way to the other side of the parking lot to a semi-truck with trailer attached. He got in about 20 minutes later as we were wrapping up closing procedures and we saw him take off. Called the police shortly after, but we really didn't have any helpful details about what his truck looked like. He didn't get his pants.





Office Supply Store Hell: "Out of stock? Ridiculous, I want it right now."


Jason 027

From  ValorFire29, Tales From Retail:

We all know there are some customers that just aren't happy no matter what you say or do. This is one of those customers.

I work in an office supply store, and this weekend, an older man and what I guess was his 20-something year old son came up to me with our sale paper. The older man wanted to buy a computer that comes with a free monitor. So I punch in the item numbers and sure enough, the count on the computer comes up 0. This is my paraphrased conversation. M is me, AC is Angry Customer.

M: Unfortunately, it looks like I have the monitor, but the computer is showing it's out of stock.

AC: What do you mean out of stock? This is ridiculous, it's the first day of the sale, why don't you have it?

M: I'm sorry sir, but I have no control over what we have in stock. I can check another store, it looks like {Store 15-20 minutes away} has it.

AC: I live over here, why would I drive all the way out there?

M: Well, I could try ordering it for you and have it delivered free of charge?

AC: But I'm here now. Why would I wait for it. And I'm going away on a trip for 10 days.

M: internally angry, but still calm on the outside

Well, I'm sorry, but I don't have the computer here.

AC: This is ridiculous. Nothing against you, but this is why stores like you guys are going out of business.

He had such a passive-aggressive tone with me, and that was his immediate reaction. And I was perfectly kind to him too. The guy mentioned a manager, so I called one over. The whole time during this, the son was kind of quiet, but he seemed kind of understanding, nothing like his dad. When the manager came, I heard him say the same "I can order it, check another store" like I said, before I left to help someone else (who was thankfully really nice and complimented me).

Later, I talked to the manager, and he said that he offered to personally drive to the other store (he lives really close by it) and pick up the computer for a store transfer, then drop it off the next day before his shift so that the guy could come back here tomorrow to buy it. But the guy apparently still said no, and that he was going to talk to corporate about it.

I highly doubt most companies would try to help you as much as my manager offered to, yet he still had to be an a**hole. If you think we're going out of business because we don't have things, then why would you bother shopping here? And why did he need the desktop computer right now, when he was going away for 10 days?? Hopefully his son talked some sense into him.

TL;DR- Man gets angry because we don't have item in stock, refuses all attempts to help him out, and threatens to talk to corporate.

P.S.- I looked at the ad after he left. It said in small print at the bottom, "Available for delivery only in select locations." So guess what? We probably weren't even supposed to have to have it in stock. Check and mate.