I wish I was at the party these two were at!

Happy New Year RHU! May 2014 have as little hell as possible and become your best year yet!

If you've not seen the above pic, it's Ian Mckellan and Patrick Stewart (he tweeted it). Besides being legendary, they look like a lot of fun to be around. Patrick tweets many pics of them doing goofy things together as friends.

I wonder if Santa is shitting his pants - Gandolf on one knee, Captain Picard on the other!

I so want to be at their dinner table! Tho Patrick looks a bit maniacal!

And I definitely want to drink with them! I bet they have some insane stories!

From: Organic Hell

To: Everyone who has ever shopped at an organic market

• Not every animal can get to enjoy nutrients from grass. Chickens and pigs cannot sustain themselves on grass alone!
• I don't know when "x" is going on sale. Just because "x" went on sale this time last year, does not mean it will again.
• Everyone in [big name health food market] is not a vegan.
• There are no vegan products in the meat department.
• Please don't call and ask for prices for everything in a fresh case, or for long lists of things you don't really care about.
• Pork has fat. Please do not ask for fat free "x" pork product.
• Bacon has some sugar.
• Some of the sausages made in house might contain gluten.
• Everything doesn't need to be organic to be good for you.
• There is no such thing as organic salt or ice.
• Tofu bacon is a lie.
• For a tender roast, it needs to have some fat.
• If you are going to put down 100 bucks for a roast, please don't ask us for step by step cooking instructions. Recipes online are your friend. Libraries are still around.
• All fat is not the devil.
• Duck has natural occurring trans fat.
• Don't complain about what little fat there is on a chicken. It will cook off.
• Don't hog all the employees attention. Other costumers might need help too.
• Natural food spoils. Don't like it? Then go to Walmart and eat meat that has been stuffed full of God knows what, and will last you till the zombie apocalypse, or until you understand what I wrote in the first sentence.
• Walmart: just don't bring up how things are cheaper there.
• And lastly, we run out of things just like everyone else.

--RHUer

Reddit: Delivering pizzas, this guy paid and tipped me in straight consecutive 2 dollar bills... tis the season.

Minty here again, with another coworker story! I was reminded of this with the recent classic story that popped up of the hour of retail hell. I am honestly grateful that while I do have a fair share of crazy ass crusties, my current job is pretty mellow and mostly free of rude, crazy people. We have an incident every once in awhile, not that often.

What I do have to put up a shit ton of bull from idiot coworkers. Such as a night during one of our busiest times of the evening on a busier than normal holiday weekend. I have been in my mall for almost 4 years, and I had never seen it so busy. So it was fucking crazy. And being the holidays, I was stuck with a bunch of new people who, while pretty fast learners, didn't like going things alone or had some major attitude. The whole day started going downhill when I finally fell asleep at 6 am, 3 hours before I needed to be up. I was already hating humanity at this point. I was afraid of dealing with my complaining coworker whom I have spoken of before, and didn't want to deal with her bitching. Thankfully my favorite coworker switched to open for her.

A few hours later, my coworker was replaced by my manager and things ran smoothly. I had enough caffeine in me to kill a small child, but it kept me peppy. Then Ms. Bitchalot came in. Thankfully to little bitching but looooots of bragging about her prefect little life all of a sudden. And then the calls started coming in.

Second keyholder stuck with her mom downtown, pulled over because she was going the wrong way down a street. She could make it, but would be late. That's fine, as long as I could leave early. I was dizzy and getting short with people, and I had to leave. Then, when I was supposed to leave and switch with two holiday people, no one came. We frantically called both of them, only to find out they didn't even realize they were suppose to work that day. They were both an hour late, and lucky enough to miss my manager who went on lunch, but left them a message.

Being that I had a feeling I was being tested for something that day, as soon as they both hit enter on the time clocks, I relayed the message. Before I could even finish, one of the girls rolls her eyes and walked off, the other snapping, "I KNOW that, thank you!" before also walking off, adding a hair fling this time.

My list of reasons to blow up the mall grew quiet a bit that day. By the time both the holiday girls had the time to get into their grooves, Bitch McBitcherson calming down to help people and Know It All stealing sales as normal, just at a faster pace to deal with the huge waves of people. When I saw it was time for me to go, I praised whatever deity I could think of, told the keyholder on duty I was going to the back, grabbed my shit and started running for the door.

Until I noticed we were one head short and my coworkers looked distressed. "You can't leave," the keyholder said with panic on her face. "Bitchalot just left and didn't say anything."

Are you KIDDING ME?! This chick just up and left, with a friend she had been talking to for 15 minutes while the four of us busted our asses selling. That list I mentioned? Enough to cover the distance to the moon and back now.

My manager walks in after a few moments, giving me a weird look. "You could have gone, y'know..."

Yeeeah, we need to talk about that... At this point, I am not below telling on my shitty coworkers. They wanna act high school, I'll throw it right back. When my ride picked me up though, I demanded alcohol. And lots of it. I was still shaking from rage even after two drinks. I guess it was a test though since just the other day, about two weeks after this whole thing, I was offered the keyholder position I'd been wanting since we opened in May. I don't know what that means for the other keyholders, but my ass-busting this holiday season was worth it.

Good luck to you all this New Year! May your coworkers have brains in their heads...

--Mintypoison