Outlet Mall Hell: The Brazilian Custy

CRAZYCUSTYTALESFrom Outlet Mall Slave:

Brazil in da house

I live in the mouse ear wearing tourist capital of the world complete with two mind-bendingly scary outlet malls. Tourists from across the world flock to this city in hopes of meeting Mickey Mouse and buying everything and anything American in sight.

I work at one of the Brazilian hot spots for shopping at one of these outlet malls and nothing scares me more than driving into work and seeing a bus of Brazilians.

Brazilians are their own breed of customer at the outlets. They strike fear in the hearts of my fellow slaves and make us wish we could hide under a fixture of sweatshirts. They approach the following way:

Brazilian: My frienddddd , please please.

Slave: How can I help you? *Shit pleasing smile*

Brazilian: You speakA Spanish?

Slave: No, I’m sorry,

Brazilian: You speakA Portuguese?

Slave: No, I’m sorry.

Brazilian: Random fast Spanish dialogue

Slave: *Blinking* I don’t speak Spanish

Brazilian: You have this? *Forcing a print out of various items in your hand* Have descoooont?

Slave: Yes, follow me. *shows them the item*

Brazilian: Oh, no more descooooont?

Slave: No sorry the price is marked. *walks away*

Brazilian: *Pulls out one logo sweatshirt and lets the whole wall of them fall down then walks away. *

I honestly don’t think anything scares me as much as a bus-o-Brazilians. They really need to give out a shopping guide at the airports. “Welcome to America Here’s How to Shop!”

It would make life much better for me and my fellow outlet slaves……

--Outlet Mall Slave


Compassionate Custy Says Working On Christmas Should Be Illegal


From Fabric Faerie:

Hey everyone,

Sorry it's been a while - I escaped Christmas hell by not going back to work at my store this season. I've just got too much else to do, and thanks to a paid internship, I can handle the lack of income for a couple weeks. I've got a few stories saved up, but those can wait a bit longer.

The point of this little note is to share with you all something surprising I overheard my mother tell my dad on the way home tonight. Now, usually my mother is fairly entitled. She maintains some sense of realism, but overall she gets uselessly upset if a store doesn't have what she wants or if there's a line more than one person long, and god forbid if there's traffic on the way there or home.

So, she really surprised me tonight when she was discussing Starschmuck's being open on Christmas day. Her exact phrasing, which she apparently shared with the slave helping her a few days ago, was that working on Christmas should be illegal.

I suppose it comes from how things were back in her day growing up - shops were closed on Sundays, and Holidays were actually recognized as family time. But I guess it just goes to show that sometimes even the entitled ones can have a silver lining, or something equally as cheesy.

Hopefully everyone's holiday didn't suck too overmuch,

--Fabric Faerie


Bookstore Slave's Holiday Blessings For Custys and Retail Slaves

BookstoreslaveHello RHUers, well I thought I would send a few blessings to custys and retail slaves alike for putting up with the insanity that is the holidays.

To Custys:

Bless you, mother of the little NAT who stuffed your purse full of stolen goods. Bless you for spotting these before leaving the mall. Bless you for returning and handing them back to us. And bless you for making the lesson stick by informing your little NAT that Santa will be very displeased this holiday season!

Bless you custy, for running after another custy who forgot his wallet at the counter. I'm sure it saved him a panic attack and the headache of trying to prevent identity theft or a return trip into the insanity.

Bless you, warm hearted custy who stepped in and said "[Product]? Hey I just saw those. I can show you right now and you don't have to wait in line at the info desk!"

To Retail Slaves:

Bless you for your quick thinking as an unhappy child cried over not getting the toy right that second. The thoughtful expression sent those tears away promptly when he heard: "Hey kiddo, maybe Santa will bring it!" Mom mouthed a thank you and so does everyone else at the clever way you encouraged patience.

Bless you for the patience you pile on as insanity and bah-humbug-ness that spills in this holiday season.

Bless you for the extra effort you add on, even though you're not paid nearly enough for your efforts.

Xmas2009 164Bless you knowing Retail Slave: knowledgeable in the mysterious ways of technology and explaining its works to those of us hoping we got all the parts we need on the first run. (and for making sure we remember the damn batteries!)

Bless you Retail Slave, for putting up with Jingle Bell Rock... for 8+ hours straight... every... goddamn... day... from Halloween to Christmas... (And thank you for not going postal, though you were sorely tempted.)

Bless you wonderful Smoothie Shop barista, for the occasional free smoothies. Yes I am a regular here, and no I don't ask for free stuff or discounts. Thank you for the lovely surprise anyway!

Bless you friendly train conductor, for all the little things you do every week as I ride that 40 minute piece of track; from the greeting to making sure I know my stop is next to the smile as I disembark, you are the one who makes my trip pleasantly memorable.

May all your customers be nice,

--Bookstore Slave