8 Custy Tips For Craft Store Shopping

Jason 013From Craft Grunt:

Hello RHU, it's been a while since I last submitted something, usually because I deal with custys after they leave, and the ones I deal with face-to-face don't want to give shit to the guy who's carrying their large item or showing them something (and some are even a little sympathetic when I'm doing something like painting bases), and also because I've been mopping the entryway for the nine millionth time, but I'd like to offer some tips for the custy that wants to shop at [name of craft store I work at].

1. Ringing the bell a thousand times is not going to get you help any faster. Nor will letting your hellspawn do it.

2. Our furniture is 30% off this week. It was last week too, it will be next week, and probably until the end of time. There is a reason for this, and my incredibly awesome store manager told us in a meeting: There is no such thing as a perfect piece of furniture in our store, and the company knows you will not pay full price for it. If you saw how any of our delivery trucks are packed, you'll see that it's a miracle that anything arrives here intact.

2a. That being said, don't expect a further discount for little flaws. Big flaws, probably, but little scratches and crap, don't think so. It starts at a low price, and the perpetual sale makes it lower. If you want a perfect piece of furniture, go to Ashley.

2b. If there is a small flaw and you want a further discount, I'll always call a manager. If the piece is black or has a dark finish, don't expect the scratch or scuff to be there when you turn back. I have a black sharpie in my pocket, and I know how to use it.

3. If you're looking for a more unusual item, I need a minute to think. We have an asston of shit here, and I need to search my memory of it.

4. I don't wear a two-tone blue shirt with [name of store] in orange letters on both sleeves, a dark blue vest that says [name of store] on the front with a nametag right above because I'm a really big fan of the store. I work here; ask me your question. Jason 009a

4a. I want to help you. I really do. Even if management didn't care if I did or not, I still would. That's the kind of person I am. Sometimes I don't have the answer, and I have to find or call somebody else. Sometimes, I just can't help you, nor can the people I can ask, but no matter how snippy you get, I try.

5. The store is run by a Christian company. Didn't you see their full-page Christmas and Easter ads in the paper that didn't have the company logo or deals covering it? This means that we don't sell certain kinds of items. Case in point: We do not have wine racks. Never have, never will.

6. Our restrooms are on the front wall, over by floral. Ask me, and that is exactly what I'll say. I've said it a million times, I'll say it a million more.

7. If there is a DO NOT ENTER/NO ENTRE sign in front of the ladies' restroom, I, or one of my co-workers, is cleaning it. In most cases, you want me to finish, if only to ensure there will be toilet paper in the stall.

8. We close at 8 PM sharp. If you got here any later, too damn bad. If you really wnt me to, I can get the manager closing tonight up here, but don't expect to automatically be let in. I don't care if you drove all the way across the state for one item. If you would've called ahead, we could have told you when we close, and we could have perhaps held the item you want until the 8 PM the next day.

If you follow these tips, your next visit to [name of store] will go more smoothly, and so will our day.

--Craft Grunt



Crustys Flip Out Over Credit Card Technicality and Get Reprimanded In Surprising Way

OCTOCAROL 044 From: Retail slave:

Douche clean up at Check lane 3!

No, I'm not talking about feminine care.

I was busy cleaning my area (custy service) until a man's deep voice made me jump. Storming up he yells right into my face, "HA! It's YOUR store's fault for not accepting my money! I have my credit company on my cell right now!"

"Sir I'm sorry-"


Me continuing.."Let me ask my supervisor what's going on since I'm not entirely filled in yet."

While slightly rolling my eyes, I called for her but she told me to meet her in the front.

My boss half smiling & rosy in the cheeks looking guilty..."Yeah, you're just going to check them out at the front. The cashier said she couldn't complete the sale, he's probably right though, it probably will go through..for your sake."

Those words weren't reassuring.

Thanks a lot! I'm guessing there was a credit issue which has nothing to do with me and he's barking & flipping out at me making a scene in front of the whole store, awesome!

I'm ringing them up and due to my short sprung headache I sort of numb out his, "this is bullshit & we're not shopping here anymore."

Typical crap custys say when they get pissed.  

The mother was lecturing me about how my store systems work and that it could not have been an error with her credit, her husband makes more money than I do tenfold & works for our store's communication systems blah-dee, blah-dee, BLAH!

At this point my blood boiled, pumping piss & vinegar through my whole body.

The daughter, a teenager probably around 15, was the normal one, "Oh my gosh mom it's fixed.. you guys are totally freaking out! How embarrassing."


Trying to crack a smile all I could say was "Have a goodnight!

--Retail Slave


McDrive Thru Hell: Entiled Crustys & Sucky Managers

Mcsparkles I apologize for being so silent as of late, but... I've felt a bit guilty. Y'see, while many of my fellow RHU'ers had to work Christmas, I... had a four-day weekend. Well, at least they made me work New Years Day, and let me tell you, It was about as fun as drilling a hole in my kneecap.

A customer came to my speaker, and placed an order, something to the tune of 19 bucks. He pulls up to my window and says:

"I came through here earlier, and the cap wasn't secure on my sprite, and it spilled. I was so mad I threw my whole order out. Can I get my order free?"

I... I was floored... I've had my share of crustys, but they've been relatively tame. Then I'm hit with THIS? This is the kind of crusty I've only read about in storybooks. I was so surprised, I stuttered "...Lemme get my Manager."

Now, there were 3 Managers working. Thing 1, Thing 2 (they both have the same name), and Ms. Awesome. I got Thing 1, and told her the situation. I was expecting her to tell the custy "What are you, crazy?"



THAT was another blow! This is usually a manager who doesn't take shit from anybody, and here she is, just... caving to the customer's fancy for no good reason! We didn't even have any proof that he had ever even BEEN THERE. I talked to Ms. Awesome about it later, and we both agreed that neither of us would have done that.

The next morning, I'm back at work. There's about 10 minutes until my shift starts, and Thing 2 is running Drive-Thru and Front Counter by herself. She asks if I can clock in early to help her.

As soon as I get behind the counter, she shoves the headset at me. Doesn't even give me a chance to clock in or put my stuff away. I rush to take the one order in line, and return to the front.

Thing 2 is nowhere to be found.

Meaning that now, I'm running DT and FC all by myself.

I see Pequeño, the next manager, show up, and I think "Oh, goody, someone to help me!" Then I remembered that she was supposed to have been there 15 minutes ago to do her pre-shift paperwork. Which means she's gonna do it now, meaning I've got about 15 more minutes of working by myself. JOY.

Lastly, a little note to all the fuck-faces who think it's a good idea to dump their milkshakes and sodas in my drive-thru.


Seriously, it attracts bugs, it gets sticky and stinky, and it makes a mess. Would you dump soda in your own driveway? No? THEN DON'T DO IT HERE! ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE'S A HUGE FUCKING WINDOW, AND I CAN OBVIOUSLY SEE YOU!

*phew!* Well, that's enough blathering for today.

--McSparkles OUT!


Rude Bitch Encounter At Boutique

Arant13 From Slave With No Name:

Hey there RHUers!

Long time reader, first time blahhh blah blah blah. I've been working in retail in my parents' business for about 10 years now, so I've encountered my fair share of threatening custys, NATs, and rude-ass bitches.

I'll write about more of my stories another time, but this one happened today and it just made me so upset that I had to share.

I was working with my mom in her boutique in a fairly upscale suburban area. Our custys are usually pretty polite, since they live in the area. It's pretty rare that we get rude custys, but it does happen.

This bitch that came in today was not only rude, but she took the motherfuckin cake.

It had only been an hour since we opened, and we'd only had two customers (one of whom was channeling Snooki at her finest, but I digress). Now, I was already pretty tired, since we rearranged the entire store last night and my mom and I didn't get home until 11 PM and had to open again this morning.

I was standing at the counter when Fat Bitch (FB) walked in and loudly announced what a cute store it was. Thanks and all, but I could already tell that she was gonna be an obnoxious fuck when she started commenting on every single thing that she touched, which was also everything.

I went into the back to get a drink of water, and walked back out to the counter where my mom was assisting. FB then looked both of us up and down and in her nasally voice, started talking:

FB: "Oh you're her daughter!"

Me: "Yep, I am =)"

FB: "You're so much...bigger than your mom! She's so skinny, but you're not!"

Me: =O

FB: "My daughter's skinnier than I am, but I guess you're not like that, are you?"

Me: =OOO

Now, I may be bigger than my mom, but I'm still skinny by American standards. She's 5' 6" and 110 pounds and I'm 5' 8" and 133 pounds. This is 10 pounds more than I used to weigh in September, and I gained this weight because of medication I had to take for one of my various problems.

FB's comment wouldn't normally bother me, but her "big" comment came after a string of criticizing comments during Christmas from family/family "friends" on how I was getting a gut and how I used to be so skinny and blahdifuckinda. Sorry I had to take medication, guys, but last time I checked, you're not so hot either. So fuck you.

Anyway, so my self-esteem was already kinda low and FB just tipped the scale so that I ended up crying after she left.

I've laughed in customers' faces, yelled at customers, and I've even cussed at them, but NEVER have I felt this bad about myself and cried because of a custy. FB is very VERY lucky that I was at a loss for words or else I would've torn her a new one.

Also, even if I were fat, she must have the manners of a crusty and their hellspawn being fucked sideways on a horse on Black Friday to say it to my face. God help her if I ever see her again, because I will fuck that bitch up.

Anyway, thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I still have more stories from the crusty vault of shame for another time, including a small man with an even smaller temper and an inferiority complex.

Until then, hang in there, fellow slaves!

--Someone who needs suggestions for a name =)


Movie Theater Hell: Crazy Popcorn Lady

Popcornmachine From Just Jess:

Hi all... First time poster etc.

Burger Bitch's post about the lady who said she was allergic to ice reminded me of a lady I encountered when I worked at a discount movie theatre.

It was a Saturday, which was our busiest day of the week, so we were constantly making popcorn. (We only had one machine, again we were a discount theatre).

It was right before the next set of movies started so we had made enough popcorn to fill the machine. It was literally flowing over.

Then this "healthy" bitch comes in. I will call her HB.

Let me just start by saying that I don't know how other theatres work but we put in a cup of this seasoned salt when we popped our corn.

HB: Can you make some new popcorn without adding any salt?

Me: Sorry, we just made some and there isn't enough room for more in the machine at this time.

HB: Oh, I would really like some with no salt. I don't eat salt on anything. Come on you guys do it all the time.

Now let me say that we will make fresh popcorn for people if they ask, but like I said the machine was overflowing.

I decided to ask the manager and they said fine.

As the popcorn is being popped (it takes about 3 minutes) she starts asking me and my coworker if we put salt on anything.

HB: I don't put salt on ANYTHING. I always ask that there not be salt on my fries. Do you put salt on anything?

Me: (stupid me for answering a question. I really should know better) Just on my popcorn and sometimes my fries.

HB: YOU SHOULDN'T PUT IT ON ANYTHING! It's really bad for you. I should know..." Blah blah bullshit bullshit.

Whatever lady. She continued on the entire time. I even put the bag under the kettle to catch the popcorn so she wouldnt get any salt.

I give her her popcorn, and what does she do?

Come on RHUers, you know the drill.



She went off for several minutes about how we needed to not put salt on the fucking popcorn and then she just dumps it on there! Not just at work, but in our personal lives!

I guess it's one of those do as I say not as I do things. I think she just wanted fresh popcorn, but we had just made some!

Grrr At the time I was super pissed because we were busy, but now I just think it's a funny crazy custy story.

Over time hopefully the rest of you will stop being mad at these stupid custys and start laughing at the ridiculous things they do!

Until next time!

--Just Jess