Killer Shopping Cart

Dec09 025

I was walking down the streets of NYC on December 23rd and what do I see in the lobby of some office building? Killer Shopper Cart set up next to a Christmas Tree and presents. I went inside and talked to the security people. They had no clue why it was there and what it represented in the way of holiday decor. What ever the reason, this testosterone cart rules the aisle way and parking lot!

Dec09 026

Black Friday Shopping Cart Joust anyone?

Dec09 029

Even a seat for the little Hell Spawn.

Dec09 030
Driver view: Move out of the way or become shopping cart kabob.


Self Scan Customer Bitch Get's Told

Rb A Retail Balls Award goes to Self Scan Girl for how she dealt with a huge bitch Custy during the Christmas Rush:

Hi all, I'm your friendly neighborhood self scan girl.

That's right. Of the forty people that work in the front end of my store, I'm one of the lucky ten or so that is trained in managing the self checkouts. Now, I've been at school for the last four months in another part of the country, and thus have been on leave till about a week ago. And all of my shifts since coming back to my store have been snapping my gum at the self checkout counter, using the palm pilot and touch screen monitor to fix morons' mistakes and cleaning shit up. Because apparently my six checkouts look like a trash can. Fuck no. I keep them clean. So stop leaving your fucking tissues on the machines. Gross.

Now, normally, I'm okay with this. I clean, I hold hands and babysit people who clearly need a lot of attention or are completely illiterate AND deaf at the same time, and I assist most times with a smile. (Unless you snap your fingers at me. Then all bets are off, bitch. I'm not your servant.) However, my first shift back, I get some bitch demanding some special attention that I don't have time for.

First, she uses the machines to check prices. So I have to void out all of these and write them up. She did this even after I a) specifically told her not to, and b) checked the prices for her on my palm pilot. Finally she stops. Okay.Scan pic

But wait! She rings in a pot on her actual order that she thought was four dollars, not twenty-seven. Though I know the pot is twenty-seven dollars, because I had been down that aisle earlier before my shift, I offer to call the department and check with someone who works there. I call, the guy tells me exactly what I already knew, I tell the woman.

Her: But the sign said four.

Me: Well, he just went and checked and it's actually twenty-seven.

Her: You can't do that.

Me: The tag for four dollars was for a completely different pot, one that was on clearance. I was down there not two hours ago.

Her: You can't do that. I saw a tag for four where I got this pot. The law says you have to give it to me for free now.

Me: That's only if the UPC code matches the tag. That tag you are talking about does not match this pot. I'm very sorry for the mixup.

Her: You're a stupid little whore. Don't know your own laws? This is a felony, bitch. I could report you to the police.

Me: Excuse me?Demonshopa

Her: You are committing a felony. That's it. You little whore. I know what you're doing. This is illegal, and I'm reporting you to your head office and the police.

I did not take that well. I've spent two years getting abused there by customers, and I'm not letting some bitch ruin my night.

Me: Look, you may have found the pot in that spot. But it didn't belong there and it didn't match the tag. I have done nothing wrong here. You want to know why you're having a little tantrum in the middle of this store over a fucking pot? Because of customers exactly like you, putting crap where it doesn't belong and not giving a shit because they think they're entitled to come here and do whatever they want. You ignored what I said and I still helped you. And now you want to report me for doing my job, exactly the way I was trained? Try it. I dare you. Good luck, and merry fucking Christmas.

I walked away then, straight to my supervisor, and told her what had happened. The woman came in later and tried to pull the same shit with my supervisor, who told her if she ever came in again, my supervisor would have her nicely escorted out for harassing an employee.

-Self Scan Queen

Retail Hell Book Signing in Reno

I had my first book signing in my hometown Reno and KTVN 2 News captured it! Thanks to my friend Arash Mosaleh for setting up the interview. Many family and friends came, including my old high school Journalism teacher Mary Krueger. What a surprise that was! Mary was one of my favorite teachers. I learned so much from her. I'll be posting pics on the book blog later on if any of you want to see.

New Years Custys Behaving Badly

Three1From Sisu:

Hi Slaves

I think I attract the idiots. They seem to flock to me - that, and my co-workers frequently don't feel like doing a damn thing, so I get to help EVERYONE! Oh joy, oh rapture.

Today we had extra help, since there was no GM truck to unload. They thought it would be smart to bring out all of our overstock. That's all fine and dandy, actually. We are out of stock on so much, trying to bring our shelves back from empty from Christmas.

Anyway, with about 9 people in the department, most people were getting helped pretty quickly. If they needed us, they got us.

Some bozo didn't get the message.

Now I'll admit, I was more focused on the stocking than scanning the department for idiots. I had 7 full carts waiting for me.

So one of our helpers comes over and grabs me and points to the register area (which is kind of horse-shoe shaped) and looks a little worried, so I look over and there's a guy standing BEHIND the register, where most of our locked up stuff is.


I don't know what this guy is up to, but since he seems to just be standing there, I opt out of calling security. Bad, bad, BAD mistake. Instead, I go up to him and ask him how I could help him.

Bozo launches into a tirade about how "fucking long it took to get any help, Jesus Christ!". 

The profanity and the fact that he's still BEHIND my register/counter isn't exactly helping him, but knowing that he couldn't have been there more than two minutes gets me more than a little irritated. I mask that superbly and ask him very politely to step outside of the register area. Naturally he throws a little hissy fit, but his girlfriend decides to interrupt.

"Get me one of these!" she demanded, holding up an extremely popular mp3 player that we sold out of about two weeks before Christmas.

I apologized and told her we were sold out.

"YOU HAVE TO BE JOKING!" she screeches.

Perhaps here, I should say that I am proudly Finnish, and Finns are noted for answering questions rather abruptly compared to what some people are used to. We also answer the question asked, not implied. Maybe not all Finns are like this, but that's how I've been raised, so that's what I'm used to.

I looked at her calmly and simply said, "No."

You'd have thought I just told her the world had ended. Bozo and Bozo's Bitch threw an epic fit and stomped off hurling obscenities and threats and all sorts of nonsensical crap.

My co-workers, of course, had gathered and wanted to know what the hell just happened (so did I, actually), so I told them the nutshell version.Three3

Then the guy came back and cornered me between two carts. Oh, bad idea. Now I can bust him for being in a restricted area and intimidation! Well, he demands to know my name. I'll point out here that I'm required to wear a name badge, but because he's now annoyed me past the point of tolerance, I start throwing names out, figuring if he's too dumb to read what is plainly in front of him, I'm going to have fun with it. 

Longer story short, he tells me he's going to management, yada yada yada. It really throws him off when I smile brightly at the dumbass.

I told him that would be great, that I'd love to talk to management.

The guy FINALLY gets a clue. He got wide eyed and almost ran out of the department. No idea if he actually went to management, but no one bothered me about it, so I'm guessing no.

The best part of it is that if he was at all intelligent, he would have known from being BEHIND the register/counter that we didn't have what his bitch wanted. It was right there. He was just that fucking stupid.

Here's to a better 2010,