Store Closing Retail Hell

These are a few random pics I took with my cell phone on Saturday afternoon.
Two days before we are closing our doors for good.
I know it's not TOO bad....there have been worse. BUT it is pretty gross lol. In pic 4 I uncover a huuuuuuuuge pile. Ugh. This all took me probably 45 minutes to go through and re hang and put on a rack to put back.

All the while I'm stuck back in the fitting room doing this I become..... the Fitting Room Whore. EVERYONE and their mother's brother wanna try shit on. And these 3 people were in the same rooms for like 30 minutes. It was crazy. We only have 4 fitting rooms! One is handicapped (but not noted on the door-stupid!) so I NEVER let people in there.

So everyone's getting pissy and impatient. Including me. I'm yelling at people in the fitting room (this one in particular had THREE lovely "northerners" in it...TINY ass fitting rooms we have!)... "IT'S FIVE DOLLARS, JUST BUY IT ALREADY!" And customers are giggling.

Yeah, did I mention...entire store 4.99!? Ugh. The last day is 2.99! If we have anything left to sell.

Then I knocked on a door to see if anyone's still in there and what's the cunt do? She knocks back on the door. Hard. Fucking bitch.

So what do I do?

Walk away. Come back. Knock again.

She knocks again. Lol.

I can only be amused at this point, honestly. I think all my anger has been let out really. A person can only hold so much anger for a limited time I think lol.

So tomorrow is the last day. I don't have to show up until we close.

But you know what? For anger sake lol.....I think I will go in early and not even clock in, but just wander the store and be a dickhead to the SFCs. Regan7

Bahahahaha. Give it another go shall we!?

I hope the associates tomorrow are smart enough to take a pic with their cell phones of anything note worthy lol. Since I won't be there. Teehee. What a fucking shame!
Oh go sit on it,

Xx Regan

Holiday Fist Fight

Holidayfight2 An awesome Customer holiday story from Grocery Slave, Billy in NY:

"We're allowed to wear Holiday t-shirts and sweaters and such to work for the month of December and I was taking up the company's offer by wearing a Hanukkah t-shirt that poked fun at a secular Christmas tradition- it had a bunch of presents in front of a big menorah and it said "Santa Schmanta" on it.

I'm not really Jewish, but I'm not really Christian either, and I thought the shirt was cute, and the Jewish customers often complain that they feel underrepresented around the holidays and the company was ok with it.

Of course, in order to make sure that all people continue to take themselves too seriously, a lady decides to find my t-shirt offensive. She spews off all sorts of anti-Semitic stuff and says I'm the spawn of Satan, destroying good Christian principles like Santa Claus.Holidayfight

I'm a little shocked by this out of the blue bitchfest, so I'm silent and trying to think of something to say that will even penetrate her skull, when the lady behind her, took offense to what she was saying.

The two ladies started yelling at each other, and the anti-Semitic lady threw a punch (well, it was more of a limp slap with two inch fingernails, but you get what I'm saying) and these two ladies end up in an all out, rolling on the floor, scratching, hair pulling, catfight, right on the front end of the store.

I call security, and they call the local police.

Security separated the two women by the time the police got there, and the police walked them out, and asked them not to return unless they could behave themselves.

Merry Whatever You Celebrate!"

Oh how we'd love to see the store video on this one!

Chanukah Retail Mishap


This happened last year at a grocery story. All of their hams had signs that said "Delicious for Chanukah." Only problem is that most Jewish people don't eat ham. Oops.

Retail Hell Return Tips


We hope the Regurgitating Returners aren't giving you too much bullshit. There's always a handful that can turn our day into Retail Hell. Unfortunately we can't always have RHU's Chauntlauroy around to take care of things, so here are some tips on how to handle them:

The Four "R's" of Returns

1. Retard Face

When a Customer questions your decision on how to handle their return, give them a Retard Face. Blank stare, dumb look, no movement of any kind. No comprendez. No speak English. No clue. Pretend to be Rain Man or an Alien. You want the Returner to know that you don't understand anything they are saying or asking beyond your decision regarding their return. The only thing you comprehend is that they accept what you have told them.Chantreturn

2. Release the Beast

If a Customer raises their voice and starts to go Crazy Mean, you have the option to meet them at their own level by raising your own voice and go a little Crazy Mean yourself, especially if you are 100% in the right regarding the return issue. For instance: "This greasy, dirty, USED barbecue you want to return did not come from our store, we never carried this lower end brand!" Be sarcastic, truthful, let the customer know THEY ARE NOT FUCKING RIGHT THIS TIME!!! Make sure everyone in line behind them hears your brutal honesty (Just don't use the F word like we did, you many get in trouble for that).

3. Revoke

This is VERY important Retail Slaves. There is no way in Retail Hell you should have to stand there and listen to a Crazy Mean Customer yell at you after you've given them your Retard Face and Released The Beast. That's it! You are done. Time to REVOKE the bitch. Call in the manager or someone else to deal with the Fucking Bitch Returner. Managers are getting paid to handle the shit. Why should you have to? Let them fight the raging-out-of-control-customer-fire. Also if a Crazy Mean Customer says the least little thing that offends you - REVOKE THEIR ASS BY CALLING 911!!Chanreturn2

4. Reaction

Our friend Kendra on Myspace reminded us of a Return Reaction that many of us use all the time and can be very useful if you have a questionable return.

It's called Are You Kidding Me? or if you are really fed up and shocked by what you see, the Are You Fucking Kidding Me?

In any messy return instance you can either say, "Are you kidding me?" (we would not advice adding the fucking, but you can certainly think it) or you can use the Are You Fucking Kidding Me facial look.

Saying Are You Kidding Me? is quite powerful and lets the Returner know you are not going to take any shit if they fight you while trying to return something bogus like a used dirty handbag they worn for six months and they are claiming they got for Christmas.

The Are You Fucking Kidding Me look is sort of like Retard Face, but more direct and ballbusting - it's great for returns that did not come from your store or were purchased on sale and attempting to be returned for full price. The Are You Kidding Me Look, can be achieved by wrinkling your brow, rolling your eyes, and grimacing or frowning. It's best if you prolong your Are You Fucking Kidding Me look without saying anything and then follow it with a deep sigh. This lets the Customer know that you are on to their nasty game.

Whether you say Are You Kidding Me or you think Are You Fucking Kidding Me, it's a powerful Retail Slave tool to use. We can't always guarantee that the customer will back down, but at least they'll know you are not some stupid Retail Droid letting them get away with shit!


If only Chauntlauroy could be in charge of all Returns!

Send us your Regurgitating Return Stories and we'll post them on the Underground!

Our Answer To Return Shennigans

RHU's Retail Hellhound

Keeping in theme with a few dog-related posts this week,
we present to you Chauntlauroy - RHU named by Spritzy.
Chauntlauroy is protector of Retail Slaves everywhere!
He won't take any shit off of Bad or Fraudulent Returners:

Chantlauroy's real name is Max and he belongs to Retired Retail Slut. Max is a total lovebug, and we love him to death, but he's our Retail Hell Hound and he eats Bogus Returners for lunch!