From /OrangeLandi

“How should we advertise these apple sticks?” “Stick em in some corn or somethin”

From u/SLOPTART69 Tales From Retail:

I work as an assistant manager in a very popular drug store. I had heard tales of this guy from coworkers and people from other stores, but I always thought they were exaggerating.

They weren't. On this particular day I was helping out in the pharmacy which was very busy so there's a line of people waiting to pick up scripts, there's people in the drive thru, there's people dropping off scripts, it's pandemonium.

I will call him BagMan (BG)

I was counting pills for someone who was waiting when I hear someone yell

(BG) "PURCHASE TRANSACTION, PURCHASE TRANSACTION!!"

So I'm thinking "Wtf is going on" and I stop counting and look up to see that this guy has walked passed the entire line of people already patiently waiting for their turn and is now standing in front of a register that has a "this register is closed" sign in front of it and is waving a gift card above his head. He also has a reusable grocery bag around his neck, wearing it like a necklace. I'm the type of guy that usually just tried to pacify people like this so they can get out of the building. Not only for my benefit but for the benefit of all the reasonable Customers that are becoming uncomfortable. Also he had been pacing manically around the store for like 20 mins at this point and I just wanted him to GTFO. So I stop what I'm doing and ask how I can help him. He pushes like 5 gift cards in my face and wants to know the balance on each one. First of all, this is the pharmacy so it's kind of weird to walk all the way to the back of the store to ask a question that doesn't regard medication. Secondly, I had always been told that we didn't have a way of doing that and the customer needed to call the number on the back of the card. I explained that to him and he immediately exploded.

(BG) "THE STORE DOWN THE STREET KNOWS HOW TO DO IT. THEY DO IT FOR ME. WHY DONT YOU KNOW HOW TO? MAYBE YOU SHOULD CALL THEM TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO YOUR JOB!"

My patience is wearing so thin at this point, but I actually did call them, and to his credit he was right. There is a way to do that, it's just really counterintuitive. So I go back over to him with a smile and calmly check the balances of each gift card. As I hand back the last one, he sets an Arizona tea on the counter. So I ring it up, tell him his total is 1.06 and he pays in cash. He didn't even use a single one of the damn gift cards. I take the money and go to hand him his change when he says, literally yelling,

(BG) "PLACE THE CHANGE ON THE COUNTER, NOT DIRECTLY IN MY HAND FOR BETTER EASE OF PICKING IT UP!"

or something blatantly ridiculous like that. So I did, then I asked him if he wanted a bag for that, to which he replied

(BG) "NO THANKS, IM WEARING ONE." Then he put the tea in his necklace bag and left. It was all so bizarre. After thinking about it more I'm wondering if he has schizophrenia or something.

--u/SLOPTART69

--nikkilee.nugent

From u/weijiji, Tales From Retail:

Since my store is small and we often have the problem of not having enough change in our register on slower nights, my manager allows us to reject larger bills when the total comes out to be less than $15. Most customers don't usually mind since they're sympathetic when I explain I don't have enough bills (unless they want only $1's and $5's), but I've had customers that act like I've completely inconvenienced them and cursed their future family lineage. In that case, I usually tell customers that we (the mall) are surrounded by 3 big banks that would definitely be able to break that $100 they have.

I was working one slow night when a middle aged lady came in and started eyeing our candy on the front counter. She wanted some skittles, so I scanned it and told her the total. She threw a $100 bill on the counter and without touching it, I asked her if she had any other method of paying since I couldn't break the bill due to the total being so little. "What do you mean you can't break it?! Is this not a fucking store?!" She screamed in my face and I swear I could see so many spit particles fly from her mouth. "I worked hard for this money and you WILL accept it!"

I told her that oh-so-great retail lie of how I would definitely take it if I could, but I couldn't due to our "policy." I tried offering her a solution to walk a few minutes to the bank to break her bill if she desperately needed this bag of overpriced skittles, but she started responding with personally insulting me. "Are you fucking mental? How hard is it to give me fucking change? It's not rocket science!"

Like, listen. I'm dumb as shit, but I'm not going to let this lady insult me for something that's out of my control. I placed my hand on the $100 bill with the intention of sliding it back towards her so she could take it back when I realized something was off. I grabbed the $100 bill and started inspecting it and realized that it was a fake. In the case of counterfeit bills, I usually let the customer know I can't and won't take the bill in the most civil way possible, but you see, retail has broken me. I am now an empty husk of the kind, patient person I used be many moons ago. How dare she insult my (lack of) intelligence when she's the one paying with a bill so fake you can tell by a simple touch.

I looked at her with a smile and went, "actually, ma'am, I totally forgot we just had a large purchase with enough bills! Sorry about that!" I start pretending to continue on with the transaction as I held up the bill to the light and felt the bill for its ridges to "check it." I start feigning confusion as I went "huh. That's strange! This bill doesn't seem to have the watermark it should have!"

"Hurry up and give me my money!" She demands. I started pulling at the bill multiple times to check the integrity of cotton currency when I "accidentally" ripped it in half. "Oh no!" I said. The lady looked at me and boy, did she look angry as if her child Mckeighleigh just ripped up her newest MLM catalogue. "Are you fucking kidding me?! You are going to compensate me for my money you just ripped!"

I looked out the store and conveniently saw one of the mall security guards making their rounds, so I let the lady know. "Sorry, let me call over that security officer! I think the police are actually here right now because they caught a shoplifter, so they'll definitely help you sort this predicament right out!" I looked at the lady and noticed that her facial expression went from angry to panicked the moment I brought up the police.

"I'll be in contact with corporate! Your life will be over!" She screamed as she ran out the store and towards the mall exit. I ended up taping the ripped bill and a note on the wall indicating what happened so my coworkers and manager will know and know who to look out for just in case she came back to do her thing. I also called the owners of my store and let them know and their reaction was "she's going to call corporate because you wouldn't take a fake bill? Good luck with that."

--u/weijiji

From u/TinHawk  Tales From Retail:

I work at a big box electronics retailer. Recently I've been stuck answering phones. 90% of the calls where people ask to be transferred to the tech support company that services computers in store can be solved by me over the phone.

Customer: i need to talk to [tech support company]

Me: what seems to be the issue? Maybe i can help.

Customer: yeah I just purchased this desktop and the mouse and keyboard don't work.

Me: oh, that's not good! Are they wired or wireless?

Customer: wireless.

Me: and they have fresh batteries?

Customer, becoming frustrated: yes.

Me: did you plug the dongle into a working usb port?

Customer: ................. The what?

Me: the dongle. It would look like a small usb flash drive like what you store photos and documents on? It lets your keyboard and mouse talk to your computer, and they don't work if it's not plugged in.

Customer: it didn't come with one!

Me: sometimes they're hiding inside the mouse near the battery compartment, or it could still be in the box.

Customer, indignant, agrees to check.

I hear the customer rustling through a box for a few seconds. The rustling stops abruptly. There's some clicking, an audible sigh, then the sound of him hanging up.

--u/TinHawk