Thrift Store Hell: Return Of Cancer Lady, Plus Family


Carolanne cigar 1From Puppies In Prada

Oh. My. God. Y'all. Cancer Lady is still up to her shenanigans.

So mini background, I usually bring a load of items to the registers, even when I'm not assigned to the registers, to price stuff and get it on the floor from a convenient spot. Usually this means that in exchange for taking up back counter space, I follow the unspoken rule of helping out by answering the phone and/or assisting additional customers.

Wellp, Cancer Lady appears while the other two register jockeys are busy. She wants to look at jewelry.

Sigh. Okay.

I'm showing her tray after tray of earrings while she stares at them, fiddles with them, and puts them back.

Cancer Lady, holding up a pair of earrings: "Oh yes I'll take these. They're just amazing and funky and just slutty enough for me."

Cue tire screeching sound effect. I think my brain just slammed into a wall. Ow.

Me: "Errr, okay. You said it... not me..."

Cancer Lady: "What?"

Me: "You just said they were slutty...."

Cancer Lady: "No I didn't! I said they're amazing, and funky and sleek enough for me."

Jason and thenNo. No you didn't. I did NOT mis-hear you. Eurgh.

Then one of the current Register Jockeys, whom I shall call Maria, gets freed up and comes over to take over.

Maria: "Want me to step in? I know you're trying to get stuff priced, and I can show her jewelry and let you get back to that."

Why yes, that would be great! I have a minor mountain that I'm trying to get on the floor to fill empty spots. I've also had enough of Cancer Lady being creepy, thanks.

I don't even get to open my mouth before...

Cancer Lady, loudly: "Oh don't make me have to put up with her! I don't like her!"

Maria: "..." *eye roll*

Me: "... Well then you're not going to like me either, sunshine."

Cancer Lady looks shocked and appalled. Shocked I say! And appalled! So appalled!

Cancer Lady: "You don't like me?!"

Me: "... Well you were just now incredibly rude to my coworker, you argue with us all the time, and you constantly try to get discounts, even though you know we don't do that."

You also spun a tale about maybe having cancer just so you could try to wrangle a discount out of us. And you called me a liar and heartless for not forking over said discount. And you and your mother are BOTH guilty of trying to switch tags to get something cheaper, though we can't PROVE it.... huh. Maybe I should compile an alphabetized list or something. I bet it would reach a spectacular length.

Cancer Lady: "Oh wow, so you all took my joking as serious."

Me, coldly: "Ma'am, we work in retail. Constantly asking for discounts when you know you can't have them, and arguing with us, is not a joke."

Freddy Choke JasonCancer Lady huffs and puffs and mutters, "Wow,' in a not-so-subtle way.

Maria stepped in and sent me back to my work, a tiny smile on her face.

Then another woman asks if she can look at the perfumes. I grab the key and go over.

Aaand it turns out she's Cancer Lady's sister. But I don't judge people by the people they're related to.

She checks out the bottles, smells them, tries a few, and eventually selects three.

Cancer Lady doesn't want to see any more jewelry. Instead, she is very loudly complaining to her brother-in-law, "AND SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T LIKE ME! TO MY FACE! IT'S LIKE, 'WOW FUCK YOU TOO!' YOU KNOW?!"

Brother in law is about as emotionless as he can get. He's doing that Pretending To Listen thing where he's turned out the white noise and is just nodding along. Even at the end of the counter I can actually see that that's what he's doing.

Her sister is doing that Pointedly Ignoring thing where she doesn't acknowledge that Cancer Lady even exists. I look over at Cancer Lady, cluck my tongue, look at her sister and go, "Huh. She's about as subtle as a brick to the face."

Sister: "You have NO idea..."

I feel a great swell of pity for these poor folks.

I bring the perfume over to the registers and start to ring up their purchases.

Regan Fuck youCancer Lady storms over with her purchases to Patricia, my lead, and loudly complains to her about how horrified and offended she is that I would be so callous as to say I don't like her.

I'm literally the next register over, not even three feet away. Both I and the Sister are doing the Pointedly Ignoring thing now, and I ring up the Sister.

Cancer Lady actually walks up to her Sister and loudly repeats what an awful person I am to not like her, which the Sister largely doesn't respond to other than to shruggingly say, "I know."

The Sister is very polite and nice to me. The model customer, in the face of her sister's ranting insanity.

The sister and her hubby evacuate like greased lightning, leaving Cancer Lady behind.

Cancer lady snatches up her purchases from Patricia and leaves.

After all was said and done, Patricia and another lead hesitantly ask me if I had really said I didn't like her. I relayed what actually happened and they both just nod and sigh.

To be fair, NONE of us like Cancer Lady.

--Puppies In Prada


Tech Support Hell: "The CPU Tower Is The Hard Drive!"


Call center skull 2From Anonymous, Rinkworks

I work in an office for a major bank, which doesn't have an on-site IT technician. As I know more than most people there about computers, it falls to me to fill the role of IT coordinator.

My immediate boss, no matter how many times I explain it to him, insists on calling the CPU tower of a PC "the hard drive."

Although it caused some confusion to begin with, I generally know what he means and ignore it, and the job gets done. But this came to a head a while ago when we had some extra work coming in, and we needed 20 new PCs, which my boss dutifully ordered.

When the shipment came in, it was in a suspiciously small box. Of course my boss had put in a call asking for "20 new hard drives," and of course that's what we'd been sent.

The funniest part was listening to one side of a telephone conversation in which he angrily complained that he'd wanted "HARD DRIVES, not this box of useless junk!"

--From Anonymous


Retail Hell Memories: I was robbed by a man and his dog on drugs


Jason 030

From u/crossivejoker Tales From Retail:

This was years ago when I was 19 years old and working at a phone store. I was closing up for the night alone when a man walked in before I could lock up. He then turned around, locked the door himself, and switched the sign to, "closed"

I knew right then and there that I was being robbed. He looks at me with a hand in his jacket and says, "I want a phone and I don't want to pay." I give this dude the biggest grin and say, "whatever you want boss" and I immediately walk to get him the newest Iphone (because he came off as an Iphone guy to me)

Though, I do remember being really annoyed that he dragged in a bunch of mud and water throughout the store (the dude was soaking wet because it was raining off and on all day). I was livid that I'd have to mop the floors again. You think of strange things in these situations.

He then starts talking about how he has a gun (which was unneeded, I got the hint already) and also starts talking about how he wants the phone hooked up with service. I found this to be an extremely odd request coming from the guy robbing me. I mean, you think he'd just tell me to give him all the money and phones in the store, but then I realized why he made this request.

He starts screaming at the alarm on the wall and I mean god damn screaming. I realize immediately that this man was on drugs and I might just die in this store tonight.

I get this man an account, hook everything up, I just wanted to give him what he wanted and get him out of my store. As I'm doing this, he's walking around curiously and grabs a ball, crumples a paper over it, unlocks the door, and buries it. he then comes back inside and says, "don't worry, it'll grow into something much better." (I could see all of it because the entire front of the store was glass)

I just gave him a weak chuckle and went with it, but then someone else pulls up to the store. It was my mom. She was picking me up because that very morning, I had gotten into an accident and totaled my car, so she was going to drive me back to my place until I got my rental.

After a little bit, she called the police because she knew something was wrong and correctly assumed I was being robbed. (by the way, this whole process took forever. My god damn life was on the line and I can't hook up phones any faster than I'd like to! So stop getting mad at me that I'm being slow! I CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!)

Finally, I got his phone hooked up, he walked out the store and let his dog out the car and started driving crazy like around the parking lot until the cops showed up.

I bought a lottery ticket on the way home that day. I was convinced that I used all my bad luck for the year in 1 day.

I didn't win that ticket.