Monstrous Customers: Shut Your Mouth Lady



From  thisisaflawedprocess, Tales From Retail:

So I recently re entered the world of retail after an unfortunately brief escape. Back at the same store, same department I was in before I left. Anyway, I just finished a shift and I'm leaving the back room, which unfortunately leads straight into the layaway department. No sooner do I walk past the queue of people (wearing a winter coat and holding my keys) than I hear a loud, outraged "Hey!"

I look around, wondering if I didn't hit someone with the double-swinging door. Nope. I see a woman staring daggers at me from the middle of the queue.

Hey Lady: "Do you not see what's happening here?"

Now I'm really confused, because I honestly don't. There are two registers, both of which have very experienced associates running them. The line, while long, is moving.

Me: "What's going on?"

HL: Eyes widening incredulously "There are customers who need help is what's going on! I've been in this line for 45 minutes and it hasn't moved! I don't know if they train you guys to be slow on purpose or what but some of us have s--- to do!"

Me: "Uh ... OK. Well, these ladies at the registers are doing their best, so hopefully the wait won't be much..."

At this point, this woman walks over to me and puts her finger in my face, just like that picture of Jamie Lee Curtis.

HL: "Be quiet. Shut your mouth and listen. I am telling you what is happening, not asking for your feedback. Every time I'm in this store I have to wait and every time I'm told to just deal with it. I work in customer service so I know the customer isn't always right, but this time the customer is me and I am right. Now I told you I've been waiting for 45 minutes. The next words out of your mouth had better be a solution, not an excuse."

She then stares expectantly at me. I must confess that at this point I was totally speechless. I literally just turned around and walked away. A - I'm not allowed to help off the clock, and as I said, I was very obviously not working, and B - I have a bit of a clapback problem, which has gotten me into trouble before. I desperately wanted to read this gnarled tree root of a woman for filth, but I knew I had to bite my tongue.

The last thing I heard when I walked away was the layaway associate telling HL that she didn't know my name, which she totally does. I have no doubt I'll hear more about this tomorrow, but for now I'm just glad to be out of there.

The Next Day:

As I predicted, there was fallout today, but not until toward the end of the day. I was actually feeling pretty relaxed by lunchtime, when I felt the greatest threat had passed. At about 3 o'clock, though, I got called up to the service desk where Hey Lady was standing with her arms crossed and her eyebrow raised, looking like she was about to win something. Standing next to her was...

Oh, dear god, no.

It was Tony. The most spineless assistant manager ever to assistant manage. This guy once gave a dude a free $800 TV and assembled it for him because the guy said he dropped the first one he bought. There is literally no tuchus that Tony won't kiss.

Tony: "thisisaflawedprocess, did you help this woman yesterday?"

Me: "I believe we spoke briefly as I was leaving."

Tony: "She said you behaved very rudely and refused to give her your name."

Me: "I'll admit to walking away from her because she was very hostile, and like I said, I was leaving, so I was under no obligation to speak to her, let alone give her my name."

Hey Lady: "OK, I'm going to jump in here because I would hate for you to 'forget'" with finger quotes "some of the details. I was standing in that line for 45 minutes. I am so sick of coming into this store, waiting in huge lines, and watching other employees standing around. Every time it's like this! So I stopped her as she coming out of the back room." Turns to face me "Now, honey, you can pretend not to see a line full of people but you aren't going to pretend to not see me. I am not the one. I am 57 years old and I do not have time for games."

I am so done with this wretched crow. My first instinct is to tell her that I smelled Natty Ice and Bengay before I saw her, but I keep it under the lid. I'm not even going to reply to her directly.

Me: "Tony, I was off the clock when she approached me. She was extremely rude and confrontational. I walked away. I do not apologize."

HL: "Oh, sweetie. You don't even know rude yet. So," to Tony, "What happens now?"

Tony: "What do you mean?"

HL: "I mean What. Happens. Now. I didn't drive down here for nothing."

Tony: "I will discuss improving customer service with thisisaflawedprocess. We will make sure this never happens again."

HL: "Fine. I don't know how you train your people but if this is what they do, you might want to retrain the trainers. Eventually they're gonna run into people who aren't going to put up with their s---."

And she left. Yes, I had to do additional customer service training, and yes, I received a verbal reprimand and was reminded to try de-escalation in the future.

I guess I should just be glad she didn't get a free TV.





Crazy Coworkers: Instinctive Terror, And Federal Agents


2 Coworker HellFrom RHUer

Okay this is like the crowning glory of everything I have encountered in my life. This takes place in an office type setting, rather than retail.

One of my coworkers was.... well, terrifying. The instant your eyes rested on him, you knew he was a serious threat to you, without being able to put your finger on why. Low ranking guys in the workplace hierarchy didn't like him, but it seemed like they hated him for the way he treated them rather than any feeling of fear.

He came in and did his work just fine, but it was like he only acknowledged the existence of anyone in a higher position than him. Anyone else who speaks to him, or tries to get him to help out or just, you know, interact on a human level, is barely acknowledged as existing.

An example: when he was doing something wrong, a male (gender detail relevant later) coworker tried to give him an assist by showing him how to do it easier (and properly). He faced the helpful coworker's direction with a flat, blank expression on his face. It was like he was staring at a wall. He wasn't actually looking at the coworker doing the thing, and his eyes weren't following the activity. I saw him doing this and got this kind of vibe that said 'you are beneath me; I do not acknowledge you." Then he turned around, walked away, and asked a manager (also male) to show him how to do it. This time he engaged, and did the thing the right way; the way the manager and coworker BOTH showed him, but apparently only the manager was real in his head.

He'd had other complaints about this, and most complaints are brushed off as "just leave him alone, he does his job and you're not here to socialize. He's respectful to managers, so unless he actually does something wrong, don't stir up trouble with him."

PET16Yes well, one more thing, and this thing was the biggest thing ever, for all that it was intangible and most couldn't even put it into words as to 'why.' It was in regards to the other 50% of the workforce; women.

From the second he set foot on the property, the women were abso-fucking-lutely terrified of him. As a woman myself, I know exactly what they felt, because I felt it myself. When he entered the room, every female in the vicinity turned at bay like a freaking deer being charged at by a hound.

Even if all he did was walk through the room, female activity S.T.O.P.P.E.D. Our instincts were screaming. Our insides knotted. Our immediate reaction to his presence was to freaking shake in terror, for all that he just walked into the room. None of us could turn her back on him. We did not want him behind us. We did not want to approach him. We wanted to be facing him, as physically far away as we possibly could, tracking him with our eyes, every heartbeat that he was in the same room with us. He didn't acknowledge us any more than he acknowledged male coworkers who weren't in a position of authority, for which I think every woman was grateful.

Whatever this vibe was, it was universal. Every. Woman. Ever. would stop, unless she was on the phone and couldn't just drop it. Weirdest fucking shit ever, another woman would gravitate over to the one on the phone, put her hand on the phone-coworker's shoulder, and just stand back-to back so that she was  between him and the one who couldn't turn around.. I swear the times I witnessed this, they were just wordlessly doing the "watching my sister's back" thing. When he was past, the collective sigh of relief would be let out and the female warriors who took up positions would blink a time or two, then go back to their original business... which was usually nowhere near her female coworker's position. There was no other reason to have walked behind their coworker than to guard her back against a threat.

Believe it or not, all of the above is background. The crazy that I have so far described isn't the crowning glory.

Badge 666It's an ordinary day at work. The usual humdrum day-to-day. Other than the usual state of constant heightened awareness, work was being done. The next thing I know, my state of heightened awareness tells me that there are strangers in the cubicle farm. I jerk my head up, and my jaw hits the floor... Ten... Count them... TEN US Marshals in full gear came flowing through our workplace.

Guess who they were after, and the first two guesses don't count!

They go to the break room and arrest him, at gunpoint, in front of everyone. I'm not going to say anything detailed that would give away my identity, the date this happened, or my workplace, but let's just say this was a scene straight out of Criminal Minds, complete with an apparent laundry list of really SICK shit that he allegedly did.

The bigwigs (all male of course) just couldn't understand how such a polite man who was such a good worker could have warranted the arrival of ten Feds.

They were also really confused as to why production and efficiency jumped like, a thousand percent after he was taken away.


Monstrous Customers: I Started A Police Manhunt Today...


2 MONSTER2From Fail_FieldTalesFromRetail

I work in a store just on the edge of the town centre, I've seen quite a lot of stuff over my 2 years working there but today topped it. I started a Police Manhunt...

Today I was covering my shift, tills, and someone who was off sick, maintaining aisles. I got rung to the tills for one woman as our main till had a couple with a load of shopping.

The woman seemed alright at first, we said hello to each other, asked each other how we were, then she asked if I knew someone, at first I was a little confused so I said "sorry, what was that?" so she repeated it. Keeping in mind the town I work in isn't huge so I know quite a few people. I told her I didn't know the man she was talking about, she then started to get a bit agitated, telling me he was her son and she'd lent him £82,000 to get a car.

She then told me he'd bought a Vauxhaul Scirocco, which I was then confused about for two reasons. One because Vauxhaul don't do that model of car, and two because a Volkswagen Scirocco retails for about £33,000...

Her son had borrowed this money then apparently stopped speaking to her so she got a bit irate, then telling me how her husband kicked her out a year ago, she started ranting how it's not fair, then said something that made my alarm bells start ringing.

She said she was going to get a taxi to a nearby village and kill her husband.

I stood there, not really taking her too seriously until she stared straight into my eyes and said, "Why not?"

At this point it should have registered that the police had told us about 6 months back that under no circumstances were we to sell this woman knives because she'd threatened to stab her husband, as had done so in the past. But this woman had been ghost for months and then suddenly pops back up.

Shortly after she left and I quick marched to the nearest member of management to advise that they should probably inform the police. They did, and a full scale manhunt started, every police officer in the area were looking for this woman, raiding taxi offices and even went to her husbands house.

Thinking about it later on I realized I potentially saved someone's life by working in retail.



Bridezillas: The Heartbreaking Tale Of A Pregnancy And A Cancelled Wedding


BridezillaFrom RHUer

Late to the Zilla party but this was just too much to wait for the theme to come back around.

I got to watch a glorious bout of family drama as the wedding planner of a Bridezilla from hell. The Bridezilla's sister (and also bridesmaid) got pregnant.

The Bridezilla informed her that her pregnancy was inconvenient and threw a fit at her poor timing because the dress would have to be altered to handle the pregnancy, blah blah blah. I fled to another room and shut the door, but they were having it out so loudly I could still hear the fight.

After what seemed like an eternity, the sister said coldly; "We've been trying for three years. While the wedding may be your day, you knew what I was going through to get the chance to have a baby."

Bride: "Well then I guess you can't be in my wedding, because I don't want to deal with the problems your pregnancy will cause."

While I stood there, flabbergasted, I heard nothing but silence and then the quiet shutting of the door. The sister had walked out without another word.

I put on my best retail face and continued with the plans. A few months later, Bridezilla and Bridezilla's Mom were with me and Mom gets a phone call. Mom excused herself and left to answer. She spends most of the meeting on the phone. Towards the end, mom comes back, slowly putting her phone away.

It looks as though she's been crying.

Bridezilla: "So who was that?"

Bridezilla's Mom: "Your sister... She lost the baby..."

Carolanne omgYep. Bridezilla's Mom has definitely been crying... right along with her poor, distraught daughter on the other end of the phone. My heart breaks for them. There is nothing I can say to take the pain away, and there are not enough tissues in the world to mop up my sympathetic tears that are about to come to the surface.

Then this nasty little piece of work speaks up...

Bridezilla: "Oh. Well, I guess she can be in my wedding then, since she's not pregnant anymore."

I have never seen something snap behind another person's eyes before. It's scary as FUCK. I was wondering what the minimum safe distance was for the upcoming explosion and was rapidly coming to the conclusion that there wasn't a chance it hell I'd make it to the door, much less anywhere near the end of the blast zone.

Then Bridezilla's Mom turns to me and speaks in this deadly soft, deadly calm, voice; "I'm so sorry to have wasted your time, but it looks as though I won't be financing the wedding anymore. It looks like my daughter will be taking over paying for everything. I hope this doesn't cause your business any trouble."

Bridezilla, suddenly horrified and in panic mode: "MOM?!"

"I understand, ma'am," I say, giving Bridezilla's Mom a brilliant smile. "I think we can sort out the snags."

Bridezilla freaked the fuck out; shrieking, waving her arms, screeching horrified questions, and getting more and more panicked as Bridezilla's Mom coldly refuses to answer the demanding "why?!?!?!?!" of her 'sudden and unexplained' refusal to pay for the wedding.

Bridezilla's Mom left, her back ramrod straight; trailed by her hysterical, sociopath of a daughter.

The wedding was cancelled entirely, twenty four hours later. 



Mistaken Identity: PTSD and Wally World


Mistaken Identity 1 FreddyFrom LegendaryOdinIDontWorkHereLady

This actually happened a week ago or so. I live in Florida, where the medley of Wally World shoppers range from your standard suburbanites to full on Jerry Springer participants.

I hate shopping in large places. I once even passed out in a Wally World with a K on it because I got so overwhelmed by the crowd. It's worth noting that I have bipolar disorder and PTSD from a not so happy childhood -- I am getting help for it, am on medication and am doing much better, for the record.

Anyways, story time.

I was in Wally World doing some browsing for a new reading lamp. Mine had given up the ghost and Wally World was relatively close. I don't know how or why this happened but the next thing I know some old swamp witch has gripped my arm and is dragging me down the aisle.

I'm a short woman but also built like a bit of a chubby tank from my days working in a warehouse, so I plant my feet and basically shout, "What the hell?!"

Swamp witch, henceforth SW, scowls at me and starts screaming about how she can't find the godamned chips she needs for her book club, how lazy I am, how I shouldn't be doing my personal shopping while working, etc. All the usual complaints I had heard when I actually did work in retail.

Me: "I don't work here!"

SW: "Of course you do, you fat, lazy girl! I swear, all you Wally World employees would get around on scooters if they let you!" (Note: She probably has about two hundred pounds on me and walked like a massive tub of water sloshing from side to side, threatening to spill at any second).

Crazy lady punchMe: "Get off me!"

SW: "I wouldn't have to drag you if you damned kids would actually do your job! You're lucky I'm not asking for your manager!"

She's still trying to drag me and screaming bloody murder. As I mentioned before I have PTSD and this set off a rage I can only describe as Eldritch-levels. I grab her arm and throw her off of me.

I can't remember exactly what I said but I do remember screaming at the top of my lungs and shaking really badly. PTSD can make you flip out when you feel like a cornered animal and I know I was scaring a lot of people.

At first, SW seems pallid and appalled that some kid (27, btw) even dares assault her delicate senses. Then she starts screaming back at the top of her Nazgul style voice. And then -- and I still can't believe this -- she pushes her shopping cart into my sternum as hard as she can.

I'm not proud of this but I vaguely remember grabbing the cart and literally flipping it over with the scream of a pissed-off Tyrannosaurus Rex. Some of her stuff spilled out over the floor like the guts of a wounded soldier and landed on her foot.

Naturally, she starts howling about lawsuits and how I've crippled her. I'm shaking. I'm ready to punch someone in the throat because calming down at that point is not an option. I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn to see an officer. Fortunately for me the guy was really nice. He took me into the manager's office and let me sip on some chocolate milk while I told my story. I start bawling at that point because I think I'm going to jail for making a scene.

Badge 666Actually, SW is apparently going to jail. The officer told me that she had done this kind of nonsense before and none of the other retail employees had been able to do anything or were too scared to lose their jobs. So my complete conniption fit had actually been helpful.

Well, not to me. I still shake when I think about it. I've been in some unfortunate fights before but I never thought I would be pulled into full out Wally World trash territory.

That Wally World in particular is insane. My Dad went shopping and an old man actually pushed him out of the way with his cane. For any amount of anger in me, my Dad is ten times worse so he basically told the old guy (he is also in his seventies) to step outside with him and throw down.

Dad: "I am a retired Kentucky State Police Officer and have beaten enough jackasses like you to know that I can get away with cracking your skull open and making your wife lick it up!"

I wish I had been there.



Mistaken Identity: Psycho Lady Triggers Veteran's PTSD


Mistaken Identity 3 JasonFrom sumguyoranotherIDontWorkHereLady

Just something to note: Pharm-techs are NOT allowed to give recommendations here in Canada. Also you DON'T pull on people, especially from their lanyards!

It was a fine, sunny afternoon on a weekday, well, considering the lack of rain and the insanely hot summer, it's kinda expected. So as I hobbled my way into the pharmacy after my doc appointment; knee injury. The pharmacist, seeing my condition, knew exactly what I needed (found out her boyfriend had something similar happened when we chatted) and pretty much expedited my prescription. The other customers didn't seem to mind since I was visibly in pain, we exchange pleasantries and stuff.

Then FallingPantDude (calling him FPD, not our antagonist, but dude's awesome, I call him that cause that's the first thing I noticed) enters the store, drop his prescription and browse around, the store is literally 2 long ass walls with chairs in the middle (where I was sitting down atm). In comes Bitch(B), screaming into the phone walking up and down the painkiller section of the wall. The pharmacist at that point when to the back to receive their afternoon shipment, leaving the two techs to fill the Rx and look after the store.

I don't remember the exact words, but I do remember the contents of the conversation, goes something like

B: Yo, what should I give a baby with a fever?

Tech1: Do you have a doctor's prescription?

B: Hell no, can't spend time waiting for that. Now what do I need? Baby aspirin? Got those them cough syrup that put him to sleep?

Freddy Holy CrapTech1: I can't say, I really recommend you bring your kid to the doctor to check it up though.

B kept asking some really, really stupid questions and make some stupid claims for a while, the rest of us guys (customers) were just shaking our heads. The 2nd tech finished filling two patients' Rx at this point and let us know that the pharmacist just need to sign off on it and we'd be good to go (I was the 2nd).

B at this point started calling Tech1 an ignorant bitch and started repeating her questions at Tech2, FPD at this point was like, "Woah, woah, cool it, alright?"

Tech2 told B to wait for the pharmacist to come back to ask her questions, but repeat what Tech1 said about bringing the kid to the doctor or even the ER if it's serious. About to blow lid, FPD to the rescue again and go in between B and the Techs.

The mood got awkward, one of the customers went to use the washroom. Middle-aged softspoken guy (SSG, victim and star), fit as hell and was pleasant to talk and was shooting the shit with me about potential treatments and shit I should do about my knee (pretty much the same as what my doc told me, as well as saying to avoid icing it unless it hurts real bad). Us guys started talking about random shit to get back the pleasant mood.

At this point B started blasting some shitty music from her phone. Couldn't tell if it was intentionally done to fuck with us, but it pretty much made small talk impossible. Her phone rang, starts yelling into the phone. SSG came out of washroom, the pharmacist pops back behind the counter to grab something before heading to the back and asks Tech1 to go help bring a crate to the counter.

For some inexplicable reason, B thought SSG was the pharmacist or something (or thought he's a doc or something assuming her overheard us before she blasted her shit). Starts bitching at him while the poor guy couldn't get in a word and he was backing off and got cornered since B was poking him in the chest, something didn't feel right since the guy started looking a little pale and shaking a little. I don't know why, but all of us kinda just froze since it was so absurd and didn't do a thing to intervene.

SSG finally had enough and told B to leave him alone since he doesn't work here and tried to walk around her. B starts screaming at the poor man and then yanked him by his lanyard that was tucked inside his shirt, effectively choking him; as in, his neck got visibly dragged back from my perspective.

Carolanne omgThe guy's face turn completely red above his neckline, his eyes just glazed over and then, for a lack of a better term, beat the shit out of B and would've probably killed her if she didn't turtle up after the first punch. As in a one-two then onto a mount when she fell over and threw a few more punches before FPD tackled and hugged SSG and kept screaming "It's okay! It's safe! Look! Look!" and some other shit I don't remember.

B was screaming about how her baby's daddy is gonna kick SSG's ass since he's working at <Canadian forces armoury> and general mouthing off and calling FPD and I quote "you niggerass traitor" and a bunch of profanity that would put a sailor to shame.

Cops were called by either the pharmacist or Tech2, I didn't really pay attention. SSG really wasn't looking good at all and I tried to help but got stopped by FPD who told us to give the man some space. The cops arrived super quick, like a minute quick, prob. had one parked at the plaza mall opposite the road or something, but it was so fast that all of us were giving each other a wtf look when the cops stormed in.

There were splats of blood on the floor (all from RB), FPD was hugging the shit out of SSG that was still shaking while B was still screaming how no one's helping her while holding her bleeding nose and swearing a lot. "Ignorant" seems to be her favourite word though, since that's like there every two sentences.

B's tune changed as soon as the cops start asking questions and broke into tears (fake if you ask me). Think they called for an ambulance at some point, just remembered seeing it on my way out. Gave a statement to the cops and we were let go.

B started screaming at us for calling us "fucking chingchong liars" (For the record, chingchong doesn't really insult us chinks; we are more annoyed at the dumbfucks stupid enough to say it thinking it's an insult) for telling them exactly what happened.

I think a cop went into the store's backroom to check the security video since they had her in cuffs before I hobbled my way out of the store. The short of it was, SSG turned out to be a veteran and was suffering from a PTSD episode. FPD knew exactly what was happening and was able to safely intervene.