Retail Hell Memories: Return Hell - The Thirty Minute Tantrum


This story was originally posted on August 29, 2010


Returners hellhoundFrom Liŋuist:

So today I had a lovely time with a wonderfully understanding and gracious customer.

Heh. I wish.

So I've worked at my job at a major one-stop-shop retailer for about six months now. I recently got a promotion to Front End Supervisor (which basically means I handle returns and supervise all the cashiers) and since this promotion is REALLY new, I've been on edge trying not to mess up / rely on management too much. I've been doing well so far, so I just knew something had to come along and ruin my day.

A lady walked in today with an unopened air mattress to return.

I greet her and ask her how I can help her, to which I am given:

"You kin gimme a sto' credit, tha's wha choo kin do."

"I'll do my best, ma'am. Do you have your receipt with you?"

"Why you think I ask fo' a sto' credit?! Course I ain't got no damn receipt!"

Lovely. I stay calm and try to see how I can get around this.

"Well, how did you pay for it? If you used a credit or debit card I can pull the sale record up from there for you."

"It was a mutha fuckin gift! Why the hell you think I ain't go no receipt?!"

Great. So no receipt and no sale record.

Now, company policy is very strict when it comes to air mattresses. None of the opened ones can be returned or exchanged for any reason other than defects.

I know her box is unopened, but I also know how closely watched these mattresses are. Not something I'm willing to get in trouble for.

PET6Now, if she had bought some brand that is sold only at my store, I could help her. But this was a popular brand and I had no way to know that she didn't buy the damn thing at Wal-fart and bring it here because ours were more expensive.

So I do literally all I can do: brace for impact.

"I'm sorry ma'am. Without a way to track the sale, I'm afraid there's nothing I can do for you."

"What?! Why da hell not?! It's not like I want money, I jus want a sto' credit!"

"I'm sorry ma'am, I can't do anything for you without a receipt."

Well, she screams and hollers for a while and I don't budge. After about 15 minutes, my store manager calls me and tells me to do what I need to to shut her up because she's sick of listening to her from across the store.

I inform the lady that my manager has agreed to do a no-receipt return, which means we will take the item back and give her a credit, but she will only get credited the lowest sale price in the past 90 days.

She was INFURIATED stating she paid full price and this is racist, and I'm just being a a stuck up bitch. I tell her that's the best we can do for her and she can either accept it or decline it. There is no negotiating, the offer is what it is.

After another ten minutes of bitching and whining from her, she finally takes it while making it clear that I'm terrible at my job and at life and I shouldn't be given a job I'm too stupid to do.

I almost lost it here.

PET27I go to a major university where I'm a triple major (German, Linguistics, and Mandarin). I work my ass off to keep a 4.0 to keep my scholarships. I commute an hour to class five days a week at 6 am and then haul ass to get back home to go to work for 9 hours. I am NOT stupid. I'm trilingual and only ONE language was a native language. I seriously almost flipped off the handle here.

Much to my surprise, I kept it together and finished her sale. She left with her gift card and walked off, I prayed to Buddha, Allah, FSM and anything else that she was gone for good.


Ten minutes later she returns to my counter (because she didn't want to wait in line behind ONE PERSON) and told me I need to check her out this instant or she'll have my job (and notes that I'm lucky she hasn't already had me fired because she "kin SOOOooooOOOO do dat wif just one quick convolation [sic] wif da managa."

I sigh and attend to her. I ring her through, and go to hand her her receipt.

"I don't want dat shit!" she yells at me as she walks out without it.

I just can't help but stand there for a minute, dumbfounded that she hasn't learned anything from our 30 minute ordeal.

Just another day at the Mart, I suppose.



The Race Card Backfires


PET13From Steph

I actually saw an absolutely hilarious encounter in my pharmacy of the race card being pulled.

Pharmacist, who is black: "Unfortunately, your insurance won't cover your prescription. I'm afraid you'll be charged the full amount for the medication. It's going to cost you $$$. Do you still want me to fill it?"

Customer, who is also black: "You're a filthy liar! You just won't give me my prescription because I'm black!"

Pharmacist stares at her like she's the biggest idiot in the world. Pharmacist slowly raises her hand, and points sharply at her own face, still staring.

The customer started to squirm, then quickly left without another word.



Tech Support Hell: Racism And Magic Monitor Resizing


Call center skull 2From megamanxtc, TalesFromTechSupport

Dispatched out to a customer's desk for a monitor swap. Our company gives a budget every year to employees to order new computer hardware. This particular individual decided to use his spending on an extra wide, 4k monitor. The monitor was already delivered to his desk, and I just had to go out to unplug his old one, plug in his new one, and make sure it works.

Just finished unplugging his old monitor, plugged in his new one, and powering it on.

User: Why are the icons so big?

Tech: We'll have to set the resolution to its native size. Then they'll be the correct size. Change to native resolution, some astronomically high numbers

User: Well now everything's too big, can you zoom it in more?

Tech: Yeah, sure. Change magnification to 125%

User: Still to small, can you make it bigger?

Tech: Yeah, no problem. Change to 150%

User: Well, that's too big, can you make it 132%?

Tech: Thinking that's an oddly specific number. Unfortunately, no we can set it to 125% or 150%, let's take a look at them and find out which works better for you.

RHU HeadUser: Oh, OK.

Tech: change between 125% and 150% a few times, asking user which looks better, and he can't decide

User: What's your ching-chong name?

Tech: I'm sorry?

User: There's no way your first name is John. What's your real name?

Tech: No, that's my name.

User: Oh, so you were born here?

Tech: No, but I grew up here mostly.

User: There's no way your real name is John. C'mon, tell me, what's your ching-chong name?

Tech: No, that's my name.

User: Bull-shit. You don't look anything like a John. You've gotta have a ching-chong name. What's your last name?

Tech: Kawashima

User: So what, is that Japanese?

Tech: Yes.

User: Are you married?

Tech: Yes.

User: Is she Japanese too?

Tech: Yes.

Carolanne fuck you doubleUser: Hey, this monitor looks smaller than it did before.

Tech: You mean, the resolution of the screen?

User: No, I mean physically smaller. Did you do something to it? Does your wife have a ching-chong name?

Tech: No, it's the same monitor.

User: I know that, but it looks smaller. You must've changed something.

Tech: It's physically the same monitor, nothing's changed.

User: Let me find something to measure it with. What's your wife's name?*Has nothing to measure it with, but is convinced I somehow physically shrank his monitor.*And the color doesn't look good. Why is it so bright? Can we change that?

Tech: Adjust brightness. I'd rather not talk about my wife.

User: It's too yellow. I bet she has a ching-chong name.

Tech: Found that this monitor is set to default on "Warm," toggled through settings and user can't decide if he likes "Cool" or "User" better.

User: I don't know, what do you think? I think Cool looks better.

Tech: Yeah, sure. Change to cool

Jason hook victimUser: Second thought, I don't like that, can we change it back to user.

Tech: Change it and show it to the user so he can change it on his own

User: I don't like that. You expect me to do your job for you? Changing these settings are your job. Look, "John," I like you, but you need to get a better attitude about your work. I'll make sure to leave you a good survey score, but I'm going to comment about your attitude.

Tech: Was there anything else you need at this time?

User: Actually, I don't want this monitor here anymore. Can you swap this monitor with that one? (dual monitor set up).

Tech: Unplug everything, move it, plug it all back in

User: Second thought, now that I see it, I want it back where it was earlier.

Tech: You're sure?

User: Yes, swap them back.

Tech: Swaps them back

User: Rocking the monitor back and forward.I don't know, John. This monitor still looks smaller than before.

Tech: It's the same monitor.

User: i know that! You changed something.

Tech: Nothing was changed except the resolution settings which we went over together.

User: No, no. Something else changed. It's smaller than before.

Tech: It's the exact same size.

User: I'm going to find something to measure it with later. Anyway, you're free to go.



Hellspawn N.A.T. Nightmare: I Got Called Racist for Calling a Manager on a Shoplifter



From LilythKitten:

I recently (within the last few months) got trained for another new position at work, this time as basically a supervisor for the front end. I run around all day doing price checks, fixing problems with coupons, and make sure everything at all the registers is running smoothly.

I was working the "closing" shift. My store is open 24 hours but the last front end coordinator as my company likes to call us, leaves at 11 pm. It was around 9:00 and I was down to just one cashier, the girl who covers nights. I was stocking the candy at the registers when I heard a group of kids come running into my store, yelling and laughing and just being rambunctious kids.

The oldest one of them appear to be about 10 years old and there didn't appear to be a parent with them. This immediately caught my attention because seeing a group of kids by themselves in my store is weird enough, but seeing a group of kids alone after dark is pretty much unheard of.

They were hovering near our small trio of fireworks displays that we had set up for the 4th of July. It's mostly just sparklers and small fountains, but obviously we can't sell anything in the fireworks family to children. I kept and eye on them as they ran back and forth between the displays and told my night cashier to keep an eye on them too.

After a few minutes they began walking up the aisle we keep potato chips in, now carrying several items from the displays in their hands. My night cashier's register sits at the end of this aisle so she had a clear view of them walking down towards the chips. She saw the kids stop about halfway down the aisle and start stuffing the fireworks they had in backpacks and immediately she called a manager.

Unfortunately, as soon as the kids heard her page the manager on our PA system, they ran for the door. I tried to stop them before they made it outside but well I'm not in the habit of tackling children and I have joint problems due to being sick as a kid so ultimately they managed to escape with their explosive bounty.

As I was walking back to the front the customer who my cashier had been ringing up when this whole situation went down stopped me. Oh boy here we go. I'll be me and customer will be C.

C: I am absolutely disgusted by the racism displayed in your store tonight! You were only watching those kids so closely because they were African American!
Me: Um, no actually I thought it was weird that there was a group of young children in my store alone. I originally started keeping eye on them to see if they had a parent with them.
C: Don't make excuses for your appalling behavior! I can't believe this store would employ someone like you! Those kids probably only took off like that because you scared them.
Me: *stares at the customer absolutely dumbfounded* Sir, those kids ran out of here with a backpack full of fireworks, an item that is illegal to sell to minors. I really don't think my actions are the reason they chose to shoplift. 
At this point the customer just rolled his eyes at me and walked out. I found the night manager and warned him that he might get a phone call about me later, and then went back to my normal closing duties which mostly involved cleaning registers. I also spoke to my lot attendant later and found the kids had also trampled several of the flower beds in the parking lot with their bikes and were racing each other around the lot on our handicap electric carts before they came inside... Parents, please don't let your children wander into my store alone at night and cause problems for me and my staff. 






Mistaken Identity: "Only Your Kind Works At Places Like This!"


2 Uniform CarolanneFrom Blackstar75, IDontWorkHereLady

This was years ago, and I was looking for a job at the time. I had an interview in Orange County, and with LA traffic being what it usually is, I took off for the interview very early. Oddly enough, traffic was light that day and I was like an hour and a half early, so I decided to head to a mall near the interview spot to chill out until closer to the interview time.

The mall is open air and it’s kinda warm, so I think “Hey...this mall has a Target. I’ll just go in there. It definitely will be cool in there. And I’m not wearing a red polo and khakis, so there shouldn’t be any issues.” (Yes, like many others, I’ve made this mistake before. But this time, I’m in a 2 piece black suit, a blue dress shirt, silver tie, and dress shoes. )

Pull up, park, and head in. Being a gamer, I decide to head back to the electronics area and play on the demo units for a bit. When I get back there, there’s a kid playing, so I just stand there and watch him play. The kid and I start rotating turns, and just as I finish up a turn, I hear someone clearing their throat. I didn’t pay it any attention, then it happens again, but louder. I turn, and there stands an entitled jerk (EJ from this point forward).

EJ: I need some help finding headphones.

Me: Are you talking to me?

EJ: Yes I am. Now hurry up and help me find some headphones!

Bullseye 1Me: What makes you think I work here? (Right about then, I spot two Target employees walking a couple of aisles over. I point at them) Why don’t you ask those two ladies? They work here.

EJ (looking at the ladies I’m pointing at): There’s no way that those ladies work here. This job is beneath them. Only your kind works jobs like this. Now help me find some headphones before I get you fired!!!

Did I mention I’m a 6 foot black man? Now you know. Draw your own conclusions as to what he meant.

Back to the story.

Before I can say anything, another Target employee comes around the corner. Apparently she heard the tail end of what EJ had said to me. She offers to help EJ, but is that enough? Oh no.

EJ: No thank you! This arrogant individual (pointing at me) is going to find me a set of headphones like I told him to!!!

Target employee is confused, as she realizes that I’m not a coworker. I throw up my hands in frustration and say “Fuck this...I’m gone,” and start to walk off. EJ grabs me by the shoulder and tells me I’m not going anywhere until I help him.

I kept my cool, knock EJ’s hand away, and tell him to never touch me again. For some reason, this sends EJ into a cursing, screaming rage, and he starts to come after me. Luckily, a manager and a few other Target employees had shown up at this point, and step between EJ and myself. I walk away to the sounds of EJ screaming “You motherfucker!! I know you work here!! Get back here and help me!! Get out of my way!!”

Needless to say, the interview was nowhere near this exciting.



The Race Card From An Entitled Snob


Freddy2 009From mrae8TalesFromRetail

I've worked at a fairly high end retail store for around 6 months. Denim is something our store is most known for, so of course knowing each style is something employees must know. One day at work, one of my co workers who was on her way to clock out told me there was a lady and her friend in denim who needed help. I proceeded to head to the denim section of the store and spotted a lady in what I assumed to be dentist scrubs, and her very pregnant friend.

The pregnant friend (PF) and dentist b*tch (DB) smiled at me so I assumed this would be a normal everyday interaction... uh no. They're standing in the section by the low rise denim jeans looking at a pair of black ones:

DB: "Where do you hide these jeans?"

Me: "These are our low rise jeans right behind you if that is the style you are looking for, we also offer different styles."

DB: "Get me my size, now."

Me: " Alright, what is your size."

PF: "Her size at (a European retail store) is [size]."

Me: "Ok well I'm not really familiar with how the sizing for that store works but our sizing is a little different if you look at the tag-"

DB: "I don't understand why you cant understand English, I want a [size] right now."

At this point I still don't understand what f*cking size she is, so I go to grab what I think looks like it would fit her. She wanted black low rise jeans with no rips, but all we had in her size were ones with rips.

Me: "Ok well I don't see the size you are looking for out on the floor, but I have these that are fairly similar only they do have rips in them. I can go check the back or order them online-"

JasondroidDB: "This is pathetic that you work here and you cannot get me what I am looking for. I asked for black jeans with no holes and you can't get them in my hand. You should be embarrassed."

Me: "I understand, but we don't seem to have any on the floor right now, I can give you these to try on for size while I look in the back-"

DB: "You will direct me to the fitting rooms right now and if you don't find me what I asked for, then I will talk to your manager."

So I take this demon to the fitting rooms and tell my manager about this. My manager is super close with everyone we work with and gets super pumped when we get rude customers so she can argue with them. So she heads to the fitting rooms to ask her how she's doing:

Manager: "How is everything going, are you finding everything you looked for?"

DB: "I am certainly not, you hired an employee who can't give me what I want so she should not be employed here if she knows nothing about the store."

Manager: "Well honey we don't have your size in stock so at this point we can only do so much-"

DB: "Either you give me the size I need right now or I will never shop here again. I know you are hiding them in the back and doing this because I am Hispanic and you think I can't afford them."

Manager: "Honey we don't have them and if we did, we would give them to you. So if you are done embarrassing yourself in front of the entire fitting room and store, we will take you at the register."

My manager smiles and leaves, while the DB is red faced and steaming and her pregnant friend gets up to leave. They walked right out of the store , didn't buy a thing, while the whole staff just smiled at them and told them to have a nice day.