Greetings fellow slaves from the depths of Ireland!
So, I work mostly at this political office/shop thing, but I also sometimes put in time at a cafe near my house to help out the owners (good friends of mine.)
It's in an area that's become increasingly touristy since the ceasefire fifteen years or so ago, but which some visitors still seem to think is awash with bullets and bombs and so forth.
Today I have for you our very own Northern Irish twist on the infamous Race Card....
So, I'm at the cafe as a customer and notice the line's getting really backed up. Take a good look, and there's a slightly manic woman (hereafter Crazy American Lady or CAL) gesticulating wildly at the scared-looking cashier at the front.
So I head over and see if I can help sort things out while the overstressed cashier works through everyone else.
Turns out she's really mad that she only has one bacon soda when 'I ordered TWO BACON SODAS! TWO!'
Anyway, we look at her paper slip (it's still all paper and pen, no computerised tills here, oh no) and it clearly says one bacon soda, one wheaten and jam, and three coffees.
ME: Are you sure you ordered two, Ma'am?
CAL: YES I'm sure there are THREE of us why would I only order food for TWO! *rantrantrant*
OK, so maybe she's right, maybe she's wrong, but the slip only says one and we ALWAYS read back the order to make sure. Anyway the price she paid is for only the one soda, so I say that we can easily make her another but she'll have to pay the extra.
CAL: BUT I WANT MY SECOND SODA I WANTED TWO!
ME: And you can have one, Ma'am, but first you need to pay the extra £2.85....
CAL: YOU ARE DEPRIVING ME OF MY FOOD! I PAID FOR THAT SODA!
ME: Actually, I think you'll find the problem is that you haven't.... So if you would just pay the extra-
CAL: *Interrupting* YOU STUPID BITCH YOU ARE ALL THIEVES AND TINKERS HERE!
CAL: THIEVES AND BIGOTS! YOU'RE JUST DOING THIS BECAUSE I'M A CATHOLIC!
ME: ...... I fail to see how that's relevant, but -
CAL: OF COURSE IT'S RELEVANT! I'VE HEARD ALL ABOUT HOW YOU PEOPLE TREAT CATHOLICS!
(Side note: We are in the most famously Catholic area in this city. Look outside and you will see a hundred Irish flags flying from buildings and lampposts and railings. Right across the road is one of the biggest Catholic churches in the country, with a huge Crucifixion scene outside. I am incidentally wearing a religious medallion, and there is a large Sacred Heart prominently displayed behind the counter. So even if religious bigotry could have been an issue (and it wasn't, she was just crazy-ass mad) this was about as stupid as could be.)
ME: ...Are you high?!
Sadly, I never got to hear the answer to that as the owner appeared with three of his burliest mates and escorted Crazy American Lady out of the cafe before she could start denouncing us for being heathens or something similarly bizarre.
Some people though..... I think they must leave their brains at home.
Anyway, I've lots more stories about both the cafe and the office/shop, so I'll have more to post soon!
Keep sane, Fellow Slaves!