Retail Balls Awards: The Tale of McBitch



Feburary, 2010:

I'm a cop and have been a cop for far too long, ever since I was 18. However, before 18 I worked in retail hell, however this isn't a story about that.

I was recently at a local McDicks behind a woman and he child. The child had a face full of snot so you can imagine how well this encounter was going to be.

After McBitch asked McSnot what he wanted she placed her order. The young slave behind the register was being the normal happy-go-lucky servant you'd expect. After placing the order McBitch goes to pay. But wait, McSnot has changed his mind.

My mom would have told me to shut up and it was too late. McBitch however has the slave change the order....4 different times.

After the money was paid McSnot ran off to play in the playground, surely sharing his snot with the other kids while mom waits on the food. She gets it then that's when shit hits the fan.

Apparently between the 5 different orders McBitch really don't remember what she ordered...only that what she got was wrong.

McBitch begins cussing out this poor slave. I can tell that this is a relatively new slave as she doesn't know how to respond to this verbal assault. Now, I was here with my girlfriend (hey not all the times do you have to take them to fancy restaurants) so I was not in the mood to step in. As sexy as I think I am in uniform I do like to stay off when I'm off.

All this of course until McBitch grabs a tray and throws it across the lobby. At this point I still really don't know what the fuck she is so pissed off about as McDicks manager is trying to fix her problem. However McBitch's vocabulary seemed to be limited to "dumb whore" and "stupid slut".

Well I've had enough. I started feeling bad for the slave and even the manager who was cowarding away. I step in between McBitch and the counter. 6661

Now per our policy I must carry my badge and gun everywhere I go even when off duty. She hasn't seen this yet.

Me: You need to stop.

McBitch: You need to fucking move out of my way before I bust you in the fucking face.

(Seriously...still haven't figured out why she's so mad)

Me: I got a better idea. How about you get your crusty ass out of this store before I put your ass out myself.

(At this point I roll my shirt over my belt so she could see the badge and gun)

McBitch: This dumb bitch can't get an order right and won't give me what I want but you're throwing me out?

Me: Yep (could have probably had a better come back but hey it worked)

She attempted to grab the bag of food sitting on the counter. I snatch it away from her.

Me: Nope you're going to leave that here since apparently it wasn't right.

McBitch: I already paid for that!

Me: No, you apparently paid for something else that they couldn't get right. Now consider that a donation to McDonalds Fund for the trouble you've caused here.

McBitch: Aw hell nah I'm not leaving here without my money or my food!

McManager: Ma'am here's your money.

I block her from getting it.

Me: Listen here, either you go get your kid from that playground and get your smelly ass out of this restaurant or I promise you the fines I will have you paying will make it to where you can't afford the dollar menu here. On top of that this poor girl you've been yelling at won't have to worry about cleaning the floor for awhile because I'm about ready to put your ass on the ground.

I was close enough to her face now that I realized that when I called her smelly it apparently wasn't just an insult.

McBitch gathers McSnot and they drive away in their McBettle.

The manager thanks me and the poor slave, who's visibly shaking at this point, gives me my meal for free.

Guess I do have to thank McBitch for my free meal :/

---McCop, Badge #666


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Retail Balls Awards: Monstrous MAGIC KINGDOM Customer GETS TOLD



From Readheadactress, October, 2010:

We were closing up for the evening. In fact our hours sign is in big bold white letters and numbers, yet people still try to come in. Most are understanding, but I have some that are like this asshole.

Cue asshole and his two children.

Me: “Sorry sir, we are actually closed for the night.”

Ass: “So is that the way it works, huh? People who are already here get to stay but no
one else can come in?”

Me: “No, I am actually emptying out the arcade right now. They are just finishing up
their last games and redeeming stuff.”

Ass: “Come on kids, the mean bitch won’t let you in. *turns to me* You ruined my kids‘

Me: “Excuse me sir, but that is uncalled for.”

Ass: “So? I am on vacation from my very important job, something you wouldn’t know
anything about since you are uneducated woman working here.”


Me: “First of all, I am very educated, graduated with honors and a B.A. in theatre and
elementary education and you don’t know me. Second of all, I do not care that you are on
vacation, it does not give you the right to be a jerk to me, especially when I did
nothing wrong. Third, the arcade closes at 11pm sharp and it is not my problem that you
chose to show up 5 minutes after we closed. And lastly, if you are not out of my sight
within 5 seconds, I will be calling security to escort you off the property, without
refund and without your belongings. 1, 2, 3...”

*custy scampers off*

My coworker was behind me the entire time and laughed at me.

Yes I know I broke Disney look, but seriously I do not care. I will not allow someone to
take away the person I am on the inside. I am a real person and deserve to be treated
that way.

On a good note, I requested a transfer and I am on a waiting list to be a server. That
means better custys, more money, and less bullshit. But for now, it is back to the arcade.

Love and chocolate peanut butter pie,




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Retail Balls Awards: Leaving a Toxic Retail Hell Environment



Wolfycat received a Retail Balls Award February 2011, for choosing her sanity, health and well being over an unbearable working environment at a Ross:

Hello, my RHU pretties!

It has finally happened. After all the shit, hell, and abuse that I've gone through working at Smosh, I'm finally free.

Fabio was no longer coming to work at my store as often, which left Barbs with the reins. I swear she's freaking useless. I get put on fitting rooms as the sole attendant, and every time she tries to page me to go cashier. Then she gets pissed off when I page her telling her that I'm doing fitting rooms. Sorry, queen bee, but what do you expect me to do? If I'm not there, custys are free to frolic and be NATs and have sex all in the stalls or something. And I'm actually serious about that last one. This one couple kept trying to sneak past me to do a rendezvous in the men's fitting rooms. Yeah, the smell of restrooms and industrial cleaning supplies totally get me feeling randy.

The last straw came when one day, I was put on as backup cashier. About halfway through my shift, I notice her standing at the end of my row behind me. I asked her what was up, but she said to just ignore her. Hard thing to do when you're working and you feel a glare stinging you in the back of the head. After the wave of customers finished, I cleaned my area and went to go size the juniors section. Barbs stopped me on the way.

Barbs: You've been turning away returns all day.


Me: Yeah...I'm not on the returns desk. I'm just backup.

Barbs: But that doesn't give a reason why you haven't been taking returns.

Me:...The sign above those registers say Purchases Only. The returns function is disabled in those computers. That's why I haven't been doing returns.

Barbs: *huff* You think you know everything.

Me: Uh, no. That's just general knowledge. *walks away*

Then, later on, we were completely swamped up front like a mother. All registers except one were being manned. Even the girls who didn't speak English were trying to struggle on registers. Even with all the effort, all the lines were probably ten feet long. During all this, Barbs is just sitting on her ass in the back office, yelling at us on the intercom. Not the phone. The intercom. Where every single custy can hear. This eggs on some rude custys to start shouting insults at the cashiers.

By this time, every cashier on register is conspiring revenge. My supervisor grabs the phone and asks Barbs to come help on the last register. She declines.


Then a crusty decides that I'm trying to rip her off. She had come to the front with a dress that had no price tag. It was a size 22, typically a "women's world" item, so I grab the price book and scan it in for a women's world dress. It was like $19.99 or $29.99. She starts bitching that it's an outrageous price (Really? It was in awesome condition and something you would find at the mall for more than $50). But as it was a Tuesday, I could offer her a Crusty Tuesday 10% off discount to stop her whining. That wasn't good enough. She wanted a manager. I page Barbs up and NO ANSWER. I start paging like a maniac. Old lady snaps.

"This service is horrible! I waited in line for an hour! Blah,blah,blah, where-the-hell-is-your-manager-you-probably-didn't-call-because-you-know-you're-in-trouble, blah, blah, blah!!"

My supervisor is up to her elbows in a huge transaction nearing $1000, so she couldn't help. The lines are starting to dwindle due to people getting fed up on waiting, so naturally, it's like they punt their items across the length of the store before bailing. Then a rude-ass custy comes up behind me and jabs me in the shoulder. I throw her hand off of me and demand her to step away. She backs off of me, but yells that she's never shopping here again because we all suck. I yell good riddance to her.

Old lady says to me "You shouldn't speak to her like that! Blah, blah, blah, oldladytalk."

Then I hear "What the hell have you done?" behind me. Barbs suddenly decides to show her face. I snap.

Me: What the hell have I done? Where the hell were you when I paged you a couple hundred times?

Barbs: *lame excuse* blahblahblah, but why hasn't your line been moving?

Me: Because this lady *gestures to crusty* wanted your assistance, but you were not responding at all! She's been waiting--we've ALL been waiting for about 20 minutes for your ass to show up!

Supervisor: And why the hell did you even refuse to help us on register when you KNOW we're completely swamped?

Barbs: I didn't REFUSE, I just needed to do other stuff.

Supervisor: That's complete BS, Barbs!

That's when most of the lines started getting shorter as more people left. Even the crusty. Supervisor and Barbs are still verbally sparring, when the next custy in my line comes up glaring at me in a way that I feel like he's possessed by a demon or something. He has a pack of glassware that he picks up from his cart and slams it on the counter. Shattering ensues and he starts cussing me out like a psycho.

That's when I said fuck it. No more dealing with an incompetent manager not worth shit, no more insulting custies, no more displeased whiny crusties, and no more freaky demonic possesions that need Jesus. I QUIT!



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Retail Balls Awards: Coupon Bitch Gets Told



From Hellgreens_Slave, November, 2010

So a few weeks back I was closing and the woman in cosmetics pages me over to her register for a return.

Before I go further I have to explain something: Hellgreens finally came out with an official coupon policy in August.. in the policy it states "coupon cannot exceed item value" which simply means you (the consumer) must pay sales tax (if applicable) and we cannot modify the face value of a coupon (like if the coupon is for $1 we cannot enter it as 99 cents) so keep this in mind.

So the lady had purchased some gum that's normally $1.79 but that week it was on sale for $0.99 with the coupon in our flyer.

She didn't have the flyer but used a $1 manufacturer coupon so she paid 79 cents for this gum.

But then on her way out the store she happened to look at the flyer and saw the coupon to make the item 99 cents.

Now we allow customers to use both store & manufacturer coupons- however it's one coupon per qualifying item and again the coupon cannot be worth more then the cost of the item.

So she wants an exchange over less than a dollar.

Whatever- people are cheap, I smile and comply.

Except I had blindly walked into the exchange so I saw her $1 MFC and the store coupon making the gum worth $0.99.

CouponbitchesI then explained to the woman that I could not do the transaction because with the gum now being priced at 99 cents the POS would not let us accept the coupon.

I apologized for the inconvenience but stated our coupon policy and thought the woman would understand.


Why would a customer understand anything that means they won't get the item for free?! LOL

She flipped- she started bitching that she should get the item for free, that I was ripping her off, that she's a regular shopper at this store and that I was being unfair and that the grocery store across the street would modify the coupon for 99 cents.

So, being the logical thinker I am I said, "So why don't you just go purchase the gum at the grocery store? Since they'll modify the coupon for you to get the item for free when you know our company policy prohibits coupon fraud like that?!"

CouponhellTo that she replied, "That comment was uncalled for!"

I laughed and told her that her rudeness and cheapness were uncalled for, and that how dare she consider herself a loyal customer if every time I've seen her being rung up she's always paid less than $5 for over $40 worth of stuff. lol

I wish I could burn every single last MFC before people bring them into the store.

People who abuse the MFC make me sick!

The woman also claimed she was going to call my boss but didn't ask for my name.. but when she called I answered the phone & pretended I was another manager and that I would "Give that other female manager a stern lecture."


Oh and PS:

While my store just got done setting X-Mas we don't play X-mas music for another 3 weeks.

It's 49 days til X-Mas and I was in Kohl's earlier and they were blasting it like it's going out of style!!!

What is up with these companies! lol

It seems like X-Mas is being forced upon us earlier this season then last year..




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Retail Balls Awards: Rich Daddy's Girl Bitch Gets Told



From Nurse Hiedi, Feburary, 2010

One of my many, many jobs I had while putting myself through nursing school was a grease monkey at a jiffy lube type place. IT was a 6 bay shop, and we did car repairs, oil changes, and had a car wash on site.

A favorite customer of mine came from this rich family. They reeked of it. Their oldest daughter was well…behind her back we called her miss bitch. Only reason we put up with her was her daddy (he and his wife owned a 25+ successful fast food restaurant chain I won’t mention) was a longtime customer of the car shop. For the last 15 years he had brought not only his personal cars to us, but his company cars/trucks to be fixed/oil changes, the like.

One day, Miss high and mighty rich Bitch (she was 19 at the time) pulls up in her brand new BMW (daddy paid cash for it. Birthday present or some crap) and she gets out of the car just screaming at us to fix her car.

I come out and ask her what’s wrong. In a huff, she explains the seat is broken. It won’t slide back, only forward. And that we better fix it because her daddy pays us good money to fix all their cars.

I told her we’d call her when it was fixed. She told us to call her on her cell phone because she had things to do and the car had to be fixed THAT day or she was going to daddy.

So one of my fellow grease monkey slaves pulls into an empty car bay. 20 minutes later, I was standing under a car, finishing up an oil change when he was looking at the seat trying to fix it.

I watch his face turn three shades of pale and hear him yell “EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEWWWWWWWWW GROSS!!!!” followed by a “Somebody quick get me latex gloves and a brown paper bag…EW EW EW EW EW GROSS!!!!”

Turns out Miss Bitch’s thong, a condom wrapper (no condom itself, just the torn wrapper) and a bright green vibrator had rolled under the seat and got stuck in the track that allows the seat to slide forward and backwards.

OCTOCAROL 188I plucked the items from the seat and stuff them in a brown bag. My coworker then pulls the car around front.

An hour later Miss Rich Bitch comes back with her friends. She came out to the counter with them all high and mighty demanding to know if her car was fixed. I told her it was. She demanded to know the price, and then proceeded to tell her friends how we are expensive and that maybe she should go to another place if I don’t give her some sort of discount.

She asked loudly what was wrong with her car.

Trying to show her some courtesy (and spare her from embarrassment in front of her friends and the 8 or so custys in the lobby) I tell her we discovered a foreign object stuck under the seat, I wasn’t going to charge her but please step into the office so I can give her the um….items we found.

She started talking loudly about how we “better not” charge her for such an easy fix and how crazy I was-there was no “object” lodged under the seat, she keeps her car clean I just better hand over her keys or she was gonna call daddy and tell him how rude and incompetent we were.

I gave Miss Bitch her car keys. I said I had no intention of mentioning this whole thing to her daddy, but if she was going to call him to complain about us fixing her car, then I have no problems showing daddy what we found under the seat.

She looked at me with the “you don’t know what you’re talking about bitch.”

I grabbed the brown paper bag from under the counter, opened it and showed it to her (hey…if she had been nice about it and came into the office away from everyone like I asked her too….well….) and she turned 15 shades of red.

I asked “We are not going to charge you for fixing the seat, nor are we going to say anything to your father about this. But if you feel the need to get him involved….”

She grabbed her keys, her purse, and the bag all in one huff, then glared with her famous Miss Bitch stare and stormed out with her friends.

We never did tell her daddy.



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