From: Ledi

The only time I'll not hand money over to the cashier is either:

a) When I have exact change and have the money ready while the cashier is still punching in the order (that's mostly for fast food joints) or:

b) If the counter is too high for me to comfortably hand the money over (a local sushi place has a half-domed shoulder-height counter, and it's a pain to reach over). The guys there don't seem to mind.

Also, I've had money ready to hand to someone and they've asked me to put it down on the counter due to health reasons (they were handling food as well as being at the counter and wanted to make my food first).

Mind you, if it's a note, there's a very good reason never to slap it on the counter. Airconditioning/wind gusts/fans/other crusties. Doesn't take much to lose $50.

Question to the servers: Is it people who literally 'drop' or 'slap' the money on the counter who annoy you, or everyone who doesn't try to directly hand it over?

--Ledi

Hey RHU, I'm thinking about opening up the floor to RHUisms. What are those? Comeback lines, snarky one-liners and overall RHU humorous comments immortalized on RHU the site. I'll make a graphic out of the quote, as well as credit using your nickname.

For example, I found this old one in the comments:

"After reading this story, the zombies called off the invasion due to lack of brains in the world." --Phone Bitch

This would be an RHUism. More recently:

Crusty: "I want a man to help me find a power tool!"

TechTyger: "Look in the mirror. You're the biggest tool in the shop at the moment."

Or:

Custy: "Do you work here?"

Without Nametag: "Nope, I just like standing here because the register makes my eyes look pretty."

I'd like to collect a whole bunch of these and make them a monthly theme. Post your own comeback lines and a nickname to give credit. They can be snarky, funny, or just what everyone has always thought.

Here are some sample lines to reply to:

• --sexist customers
• --do you work here?
• --product bought at competitor's, says you "lost a customer"
• --has a long list of items so calls on the phone and wants you to find them all
• --Play around with N. A.T. (Nasty Ass Thieves could become "Nuke Asshole Thieves" --Queer Geek)

etc. Don't be afraid to make up your own for any dumbass lines that aren't in the example!

Just keep it between one or two sentences of reasonable length. I'll turn it into an RHUism and post one a day for a monthly theme! You can comment this post or compile a bunch and email them to [email protected]

If you do email your response, please include your nickname.

--Ilia

From: Midnight Doctor

Does anyone else get really irritated when a customer asks for directions to a certain store and then gets angry when you don't know the answer?

Like wtf bitch? I serve food. It's not in my job description to know this shit.

I will go out of my way to help if you're not a huge douche canoe (also if I know the answer) but don't get angry because you don't know how to use a smart phone. Or manners.

I don't know what possessed you to think that I would have the answers to EVERYTHING. One of these days I am going to lead them in the wrong direction and laugh.

I am at the end of my rope here...

--Midnight Doctor

This story was originally posted on March 22, 2010.

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From: Rodeo Ho

I collect first insults. I’ve worked in customer service and specifically, food service, since I was 14 and the memories that stick out the most are the times I’ve been called something new.

My first job was at a local amusement park, as a line cook and cashier inside the employee cafeteria, where employees from every department were required to take their breaks. The only accepted method of payment in the cafeteria at that time was a combination of tickets from a booklet that was worth $20, which employees could purchase from Employee Services.

There were a number of tickets in the book worth 25 cents, 50 cents, 75 cents, and 1 dollar. Because of flaws in the booklet’s design, there were two ticket-sized stubs worth nothing--they were fillers.

When employees from the Rides Dept. tried to pay with zero-stubs and I’d refuse them, they’d usually mutter something about me being stupid. Games and Merch employees would grumble, but they were usually understanding. Other Food slaves didn’t give me any trouble. The department I got the most crap from were the “Life Guards” from the waterpark within the amusement park itself.

We all served the same master regardless of the department we slaved in, but there was this unmistakable tension between us, like we were all fighting for dominance, for alpha-status.

The first time I was ever called an “ugly whore,” it was by a fellow slave who happened to be in my cafeteria, as my customer. The first time I was called a “stupid fucking cunt,” it was by a lifeguard who slaved with some of my own friends. I endured all sorts of insults like these for the first time in my sheltered life from people who I saw and slaved alongside every day at work.

To date, my coworkers at that job (albeit, in different departments) were the worst customers I have ever had, and the source of the most colorful insults I have ever received.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever been called, in the course of doing your job?

--Rodeo Ho

From: Majuba

I was just having a discussion with some workmates. I was working the closing shift at the deli department of a major Australian supermarket chain.

We were having a bit of fun coming up with the craziest ideas for scaring out those annoying last lingering customers from the store.

Ashley's suggestion was to talk like Gollum (off Lord Of The Rings) or laughing crazy/hysterical and climbing up the shelves.

Scott said he'd get all the staff together and do the Macarana dance up the aisles.

My suggestion was to start talking gibberish and trying to climb into their trolly or pilling all sorts of random items off the shelves into their trolly.

By then we were all just about hysterical with laughter and it made pickup and cleaning so much more fun!!!

Anyone else got wacky suggestions on ways to freak customers into leaving their store??

--Majuba

This question was originally posted on February 11, 2010.

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I'd really like to know if anyone has dealt with this scenario before:

Custy takes about 45 minutes scouting out the clearance racks. Then brings several mounds of clothing to the register. She then asks if she gets an additional discount if she opens an in-house account.

When I informed her that she does indeed get the additional discount, she asks, "So I can return all the stuff I bought before Christmas and then buy it again with the discount?"

When I told her it didn't work that way, she went ballistic! She demanded to speak to my manager.

My manager told her the same thing. Any experiences with Miss Retroactive Discount?

-- Joe the Cigar Guy