Crazy Coworkers: "You Did The Work, But I Want The Tips!"


2 Coworker HellFrom RHUer

I work at a restaurant, waiting tables.

My coworker goes in the bathroom and doesn't come out for an hour.

I took all of the tables for his section while he was gone, somehow managing to keep up with them PLUS my own section. I'm busting ass, and somehow pulling it off. Customers were pleased enough with my service that I got decent tips from both sections.

When he comes out of the bathroom, he's very clearly on some type of drugs. He's twitching harder than a retail slave who has looked up to see twenty five toddlers running loose among her freshly folded clothing section. YES. THAT much twitching. I'm surprised he can walk. He's certainly not walking the sobriety line in any case; weaving back and forth down the space between tables. And he comes wobbling right up to me.

He is angry that I 'stole' tips from him by not waiting for him to get back. I tell him that he's been missing for an hour and there was no way in hell I was going to make these people wait for him to get his ass back on the floor.

He cusses loudly in front of the whole restaurant and flips double birds as he walks out. The manager sees him leave and pulls me aside to ask what the hell is going on.

Server hellI explain what happened and described how he looked when he came out of the bathroom. I explained that my coworker was pissed that I served 'his' tables their food when he walked off to go do... whatever... in the bathroom rather than make them wait for the full hour for him to deign to serve them. I explained how I took care of both sections and that I had claimed the tips as my own, since I did all the work.

He was promptly fired.

A week later, he storms into the building and confronts me on the floor. He demands the tips that are 'rightfully his' because they were his tables, not mine. We got into an altercation; namely he grabbed me by the shirt and screamed his demands for the money into my face, "or else." I whanged him upside the head with my empty serving tray. (Thank Thrognar I had already given the table their food or there would have been a mess to clean up.

He dropped me, and I staggered back. He takes a step toward me and a big hand falls on his shoulder. It's an off duty cop, who advises him to kindly settle the fuck down, because if he (the cop) had to sit on his (former coworker's) dumb ass when the cop SHOULD be enjoying a meal with his family, he was going to be very unhappy, and not at all gentle.

My former coworker ended up windmilling his arms to try to shake the cop off and ended up slapping said cop across the mouth. No, the cop was NOT very happy, and no, he was not at ALL gentle. Several tables winced at the crashing thud of my former coworker's body getting forcefully face planted on the very thin rug spread over the concrete floor. He left in cuffs, and sporting a broken nose.

The cop's dinner was remade fresh, on the house, for taking care of the problem after all was said and done.





Crazy Coworkers: Instinctive Terror, And Federal Agents


2 Coworker HellFrom RHUer

Okay this is like the crowning glory of everything I have encountered in my life. This takes place in an office type setting, rather than retail.

One of my coworkers was.... well, terrifying. The instant your eyes rested on him, you knew he was a serious threat to you, without being able to put your finger on why. Low ranking guys in the workplace hierarchy didn't like him, but it seemed like they hated him for the way he treated them rather than any feeling of fear.

He came in and did his work just fine, but it was like he only acknowledged the existence of anyone in a higher position than him. Anyone else who speaks to him, or tries to get him to help out or just, you know, interact on a human level, is barely acknowledged as existing.

An example: when he was doing something wrong, a male (gender detail relevant later) coworker tried to give him an assist by showing him how to do it easier (and properly). He faced the helpful coworker's direction with a flat, blank expression on his face. It was like he was staring at a wall. He wasn't actually looking at the coworker doing the thing, and his eyes weren't following the activity. I saw him doing this and got this kind of vibe that said 'you are beneath me; I do not acknowledge you." Then he turned around, walked away, and asked a manager (also male) to show him how to do it. This time he engaged, and did the thing the right way; the way the manager and coworker BOTH showed him, but apparently only the manager was real in his head.

He'd had other complaints about this, and most complaints are brushed off as "just leave him alone, he does his job and you're not here to socialize. He's respectful to managers, so unless he actually does something wrong, don't stir up trouble with him."

PET16Yes well, one more thing, and this thing was the biggest thing ever, for all that it was intangible and most couldn't even put it into words as to 'why.' It was in regards to the other 50% of the workforce; women.

From the second he set foot on the property, the women were abso-fucking-lutely terrified of him. As a woman myself, I know exactly what they felt, because I felt it myself. When he entered the room, every female in the vicinity turned at bay like a freaking deer being charged at by a hound.

Even if all he did was walk through the room, female activity S.T.O.P.P.E.D. Our instincts were screaming. Our insides knotted. Our immediate reaction to his presence was to freaking shake in terror, for all that he just walked into the room. None of us could turn her back on him. We did not want him behind us. We did not want to approach him. We wanted to be facing him, as physically far away as we possibly could, tracking him with our eyes, every heartbeat that he was in the same room with us. He didn't acknowledge us any more than he acknowledged male coworkers who weren't in a position of authority, for which I think every woman was grateful.

Whatever this vibe was, it was universal. Every. Woman. Ever. would stop, unless she was on the phone and couldn't just drop it. Weirdest fucking shit ever, another woman would gravitate over to the one on the phone, put her hand on the phone-coworker's shoulder, and just stand back-to back so that she was  between him and the one who couldn't turn around.. I swear the times I witnessed this, they were just wordlessly doing the "watching my sister's back" thing. When he was past, the collective sigh of relief would be let out and the female warriors who took up positions would blink a time or two, then go back to their original business... which was usually nowhere near her female coworker's position. There was no other reason to have walked behind their coworker than to guard her back against a threat.

Believe it or not, all of the above is background. The crazy that I have so far described isn't the crowning glory.

Badge 666It's an ordinary day at work. The usual humdrum day-to-day. Other than the usual state of constant heightened awareness, work was being done. The next thing I know, my state of heightened awareness tells me that there are strangers in the cubicle farm. I jerk my head up, and my jaw hits the floor... Ten... Count them... TEN US Marshals in full gear came flowing through our workplace.

Guess who they were after, and the first two guesses don't count!

They go to the break room and arrest him, at gunpoint, in front of everyone. I'm not going to say anything detailed that would give away my identity, the date this happened, or my workplace, but let's just say this was a scene straight out of Criminal Minds, complete with an apparent laundry list of really SICK shit that he allegedly did.

The bigwigs (all male of course) just couldn't understand how such a polite man who was such a good worker could have warranted the arrival of ten Feds.

They were also really confused as to why production and efficiency jumped like, a thousand percent after he was taken away.


Monstrous Customers: Being A Police Officer Makes It Legal To Sexually Harass People, Apparently


4 MonstrousFrom halo00to14, TalesFromRetail

So, a few sheriffs come in from a department to get some gear. Typical day in the store. There were five that I counted. We have a few ladies that work in the store, a couple on the retail floor. This is a heavily male dominated market we carter to, being law enforcement supply and all. Two of these sheriff's stand out from the group; Deputy Jackass and Deputy Gomer.

Deputy Jackass apporaches one of the ladies, Purple, and talks to her. Purple has become the shit magnet on the floor for some reason. Maybe it's because she's a girl or maybe it's the purple hair that makes her stand out.

Dept. Jackass reaches his arm around her, holds her by the shoulders and tells her that she has the prettiest smile out of everyone on the floor. Well, she gets creeped out and leaves the floor to talk to one of our VP's.

The VP hears the story, calls the floor manager to his office and after a bit of discussion, walk out to have a talk with Dept. Jackass. Not sure what was said, but Purple stayed off the floor till the deputies left.

Purple asked if she would be justified in shooting the creep, since she conceal carries. (HR is looking into changing the employee handbook. We might be ok with shanking for now. ;) )


Deputy Gomer approaches Glasses and starts to get help from her. He said the most WTF thing I have ever heard and I wish I was making this up.

Deputy Gomer: "I want to paint you red and make you my traffic cone."

I don't... What?

Glasses has the ability to ignore crazy stuff said to her. This guy went on to talk about how he likes to practice mouth to mouth and other nonsense.

The traffic cone thing sticks out to me. I don't know if it's a weird pick up line or racial or what. Can anyone help me with this one?

Last I heard, management is talking with the department's chief.



Nasty Ass Thieves: "I Hope She Runs. I Need A Workout!"


02 Nasty Assk Thives

From GNPunkTalesFromRetail

Working in big box retail has yielded me some amazing stories. Some involve unruly customers, most involve Black Friday, and a few result in some hilarious attempts to steal shit in the store.

You've all been in big box stores, so I'll describe this one's layout.

The layout at the time was that your PCs, Televisions, Appliances, and all the big ticket items were on the outside of the main floor. We had a white and black walkway that was a gigantic square which wrapped around the store and separated the big ticket stuff from the smaller items in the center. Inside the center were cameras, cell phones, and most importantly, shelves upon shelves of CDs, DVDs, video games, etc.

Middle of the week in this store was boring as hell. Most of us kept ourselves entertained on our earpiece radios by playing guessing games and commenting on the mullets that came into the store and even giving a rating by referring to them as "Code M" which would prompt about ten employees to start looking at the department. Our LP guy was a good friend of mine, and at 6'7" with a hilarious sense of humor, the store tended to be more fun when he was watching the cameras up front.

On this day, however, we got our entertainment from a short woman who decided she was going to try and rob us blind.

It was a little cool outside, but nothing overbearing as it was early Spring. This woman, however, had come in wearing extremely heavy and somewhat baggy pants, a winter jacket, sunglasses (kept them on indoors), and a heavy sweater underneath. It wasn't a minute before she was in the DVDs and already frantically looking around and just acting sketchy. My friend at LP, we'll call him Alex, hits me up on the earpiece.

Jason bored 1Alex: Hey man, can you wander over by this woman in DVDs and see what the hell she is doing?

Me: Yeah...why? Is she acting strange?

Alex: Oh yeah. She did a triple take at one of the cameras I have locked on to her.

Me: Wow. Why is she bundled up like it's 20 below outside?

Alex: That's why I want you to watch her.

I set up camp about three aisles diagonally from her and actually had a good view. Sure enough, this woman grabs a bunch of the cheap DVDs that weren't in security cases, looks around, and stuffs them down her pants.

Me: You catch that on camera?

Alex: Yep, already calling the police now. Just keep locked onto her.

She wasn't content there. She made a few stops along the way, stopping at the Xbox 360 section, the Blu-Rays, and the PS3 games. Hey, at least she wasn't a fanboy of one system or the other! Thieves apparently don't discriminate!

She spent the next ten minutes or so walking around to make it seem like she was just browsing. At this point, there are four of us basically watching her from a distance while we wait for the police, who showed up in the form of two cruisers outside. One was set up in the parking lot, the other pulled up alongside the front of the building just away from the entrance. Alex went out to greet him, where the officer was outside stretching and limbering up.

Alex: Why are you stretching, sir?

Officer: I hope she runs. I need a workout!

Meanwhile, back in the store, our little thief had caught on to the fact that she was being watched the entire time and was putting the cheap DVDs back in a different spot than the belonged.

Badge 666Once she did that, even though she still had plenty of other things, she loudly announced to everyone as she made for the exit, "I PUT EVERYTHING BACK DON'T YOU ALL DARE TOUCH ME YOU FUCKING PRICKS!"

Oye. Some people just don't get it, do they?

Of course, the alarm goes off when she hits the exit and bolts right past Alex as he's coming back into the building. Now, store rules for us meant that once she was outside the store, we couldn't chase her.

However, Officer Workout was ready and, sure as shit, she took off the moment she saw the cruiser. We would find out later that the officer used to play safety for a Division Three college nearby, which wasn't a shock as he performed a beautiful form-fitting tackle on her in the middle of the parking lot. You know the type I'm talking about: Getting her from behind, lifting her completely off her feet, but making sure that he set her back down on the feet like you would in football warmups when practicing tackling form.

No injuries, no blood, just getting the thief.

The best line of the day, though, came from the officer after he brought her back in for us to show her the security tape and to fill out our official paperwork on her. He heads out of the office and comes over to us, giving us his direct phone number.

Officer: Seriously, guys, just call me next time and not dispatch. I love this shit.



Closing Time Nightmares: Soap, Drug Dealers And Police


3 CLOSINGNIGHTMARESFrom RedSillyboots, TalesFromRetail

My store had a sale on hand soap. Buy one get one and you get a couple thousand points. Not a bad deal and the points can be saved up for later. Well good sales usually bring the worst types of customers into the store. The coupon crazed, middle aged women who firmly believe that their expired $0.60 off coupon is worth more than the jobs of whatever poor retail slave gets stuck ringing them up.

Now our website does this cool thing where it tells you what store is closest to you and how much it has of whatever product you're looking for. It updates its numbers every night after the computer runs its closing programs. Unfortunately we sold all eight cases of that particular soap within the first hour we were open. Apparently our sale coincided with a coupon for $1 off of 2. Since our website hadn't updated yet we had couponers coming in all day demanding hand soap or they would call corporate.

So we're ten minutes from close, praying that nobody else comes in looking for that dang soap when a woman walked in. You know the type: yoga pants, motivational saying emblazoned across their chest in rhinestones, one of those binders filled with coupons and the "let me speak to your manager" haircut.

She zoomed back to the soap aisle where she was met with an empty shelf and the signs we put up stating that we were out of stock. She came back up the the register, where I had already sent my cashier to start her closing duties, and demanded a manger. I informed her that I was the closing manager and that I would help her if I could.

She shall be CL (Coupon Lady-for obvious reasons)

CL: Excuse me but your website says you have 96 of this Brand Soap. Your shelf is empty, so I need you to grab the rest from the back for me. I want all 96 of them.

Badge 666Me: I'm sorry ma'am but we've been out of them since this morning. If you had come in earlier-

CL (interrupted): Earlier? How could I come in early? I had to clip 96 coupons for this soap because YOUR WEBSITE SAID YOU HAD IT!

Me: Please don't raise your voice at me. We get a new shipment later in the week. The sale will still be running then, if you want to come back--

CL: NO. (Bangs coupon binder on counter for emphasis) you will go get me my soap. I know you have some you're just keeping it for YOURSELF!

Me: I asked you not to raise your voice at me. Ma'am it's now past closing time, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. If you want you can call the store tomorrow to talk to the Store Manager he might be better able to help you.

CL: You best be getting him on the phone RIGHT NOW. You ain't a real manager and I AIN'T LEAVING UNTIL I GET SOME HELP. I CUT COUPONS ALL DAY AND YOHR WEBSITE SAID YOU HAD 96! I'm not leaving until I have 96 soaps!

At this point she was slamming her binder into the counter with each word she spoke. Because that is how reasonable people communicate, I guess.

Me: If you won't leave I'm going to have to call the police. I'll ask you once more to leave and call back at a time when we can resolve this to your satisfaction.


She then yanked open her binder and started throwing the previously mentioned soap coupons onto the counter. I called the police and she was still in the middle of her adult tantrum when an officer came in.

As we went through the standard "what seems to be the problem" more police cars show up. His little radio thing on his hip starts squawking. After he answered it his whole demeanor changed. He asked her to come with him outside to answer some questions about the car she was driving.

She turned and bolted but didn't get far before he caught her. My cashier and I watched as he led her to the police car outside. Five other police cars were parked in a semi circle around the truck she had driven. Several other officers were asking her male companion to step out of the vehicle.

My cashier and I watched from the window (officers told us not to come outside) as they tried for 20 minutes to get the guy to leave the truck. They had guns pointed and everything.

I heard from the store manager later that the car she was driving was stolen and the guy she was with was her dealer and he had drugs on him. Apparently she was going to pay him in soap? I don't know how that works. It was a roller coaster of a night.



Crazy Customers: An Accident Turns Into Cops And Allegations Of Violence


01 crazy peopleFrom RHUer

My greatest "Well that escalated quickly" story came from a grocery store I used to work at.

It started with an accident. And honest to god accident; someone tried to put a bottle of alcohol back on the shelf and didn't put it back as solidly as they had thought. A few seconds after the customer walked away, the bottle hits the floor and smashes.

Amid profuse apologies from the customer and my reassurances, I get the bucket and mop, prop up the "wet floor" stands, and start cleaning it up. Just an ordinary day in the life of retail.

The mistaken customer eventually moves on.

In comes the Escalator. Kind of like the Terminator, but instead of killing, she just escalates the situation past all reason.

She seems calm. She asks me for a bottle of alcohol, which I promptly pass her so she doesn't have to wade through the mess. It seems like a simple interaction, and hey, I was nice enough to hand her what she wanted instead of having her wait until later.

Suddenly, she goes fucking Bruce Lee on my bucket. I have no idea what the tipping force of those wheeled janitor mop buckets are when half full of water, but her strike was clearly past that, as it goes completely over and floods the aisle with filthy water and soaking my lower legs. My shoes are flooded. My pants are dripping, and my socks are swimming in the gray water.

Jason oopsAs I'm staring at her in stunned blankness, not even having processed just what had happened to me, she gives me this vicious little smirk and parades out of the aisle like she won the Mega Millions lottery.

I just stare after her, stare at the floor covered in gray water and slowly roll the bucket upright again. What just happened? I don't... I can't.... uh.... huh?

Aaand then she's screaming.

Apparently my manager was passing by and got a full view of her little stunt and is, in not-so-polite terms, telling her to put her shit down and get the fuck out.

Eventually she leaves, and two other employees appear with mops, sent to assist by said manager. Between the three of us, we manage to clean up the monstrous mess.

I just get the bucket put away and turn around to see three very grim faced, and very large, cops staring me down. They want to have a little chat with me. Right. Now.

Manager to the rescue; he wants to know what the problem is. The cops don't have friendly faces for him either, and I'm just stuck in this half panicked hands-up, "don't shoot me I don't know what's going on but there are angry cops looking at me" position with wide eyes.

The story goes that I rudely refused to help a woman who had asked me to pass her something at the mess I was cleaning up. Apparently, I then grabbed her by the hair, and threw her into the janitor's bucket, sending them to the floor and causing her to bash her knees on the hard tile floor. Whereupon the manager blamed her for the incident and kicked her out without even checking to see if she was all right.

The manager and I are questioned separately and the security feed was watched. God BLESS the security paranoia of this place; there wasn't a single point during this whole debacle that I was out of range of some security camera or other. They got the whole story: from the accidental drop to my putting the bucket away. They apologized for the trouble, promised to bring the wrath of The Book on her head, and left.

Manager: "I don't know about you, but I could use a stiff drink. You want to go home? Don't worry, I'll make sure you get paid for the full time today if you do."

Given the circumstances, I was glad to accept his offer.