From slider65, IDontWorkHereLady
This happened to me a while ago, and I thought you folks would get a kick out of it.
I had reported to work on this particular Monday where I am the Site Supervisor for an armed security account, only to discover that the blasted idjits that work the night shift had not only left me an empty coffee pot (a mortal sin) but had entirely cleaned me out of coffee, leaving me naught but an empty container devoid of my much needed morning caffeine, the inconsiderate so-and-so’s.
Grumbling, I go off to the local market to buy some caffeinated goodness so to keep my heart beating through my busy day. Mind you, I am in uniform, which means black pants, dress shirt with my badge and various security emblems, my duty belt with firearm, baton, handcuffs, etc. etc. For the sake of those squeamish folk out there that go all white in the face when they see a firearm, I have also donned a windbreaker with SECURITY written across the back in 6” high Day-Glo yellow letters. In other words, I looked NOTHING like any of the folk who worked at this market, whose uniform consisted entirely of a green apron.
Now mind you, I probably could have handled this better, but I was grumpy. It was a Monday morning without coffee after all.
So, I am standing just inside the door of the market reading the chalkboard where they have written their menu for the small café they run when this Entitled Wench (hereafter referred to as EW) on her cell phone, walks up to me, and tries to hand me a slip of paper… Ok, I’m a bit confused, but I take it and give it a look. But as soon as I do EW makes a little shooing motion and walks away and sits down at a bench by the door. Never says a word to me, doesn’t even really look at me, barely acknowledges my existence and just walks off. So I’m kinda annoyed you might say. Look at this piece of paper and it’s a list of, you guessed it, groceries. Uhmm… WTF? So I wander over and politely enquire as to what exactly this is and why she had seen fit to hand it to me?
EM: "My grocery list of course, fetch them for me, I’m in a hurry and can’t be bothered. I’m on a Very Important phone call."
And again with the shooing motion.
Now, I’ve been going to this market for nigh unto 5 years, and I can assure you, they don’t “fetch” your groceries for you.
So, after some consideration, I very carefully rolled her list into a tight little ball, dropped it on her lap, and loudly growled at her to get off her lazy ass and do her own damn shopping, turn around and walk off. I hear her screeching out something behind me but I just ignore her and keep walking.
Now at this point I am seriously thinking that EW will take the hint, see the Day-Glo letters on my jacket and buy a clue. But oh no, EW is just not that smart, she instead chases me down and starts yelling about how she’s going to get me fired and I need to fetch her damn groceries right now!!
Trying to remain calm, I politely (honest) but forcefully tell her again, very clearly, "I don’t work here, do your own damn shopping lady," and leave.
Thinking that’s the end of it, off I go to get a cup of wonderful hot coffee at the café and then move on to the aisle of heaven, where I am busily perusing their fine selection of lovely roasted goodness, when who should appear but EW with a gentleman in tow. She’s loudly berating him about his lazy workers, and demanding I be fired on the spot.
The poor gentleman looks confusedly at me, then at her and informs her “He doesn’t work here, we don’t employ security ma’am.”
Being a bit of a jerk, I wave at her, give her a big smile, and agree with him.
EW absolutely loses it, goes completely insane. Starts screaming that I need to fetch her damn groceries right now or she is going to get us all fired, and she is an important person, and how we will regret treating her this way, blah, blah, blah. The gentleman finally gets a word in edgewise and again informs her I don’t work there, and I don’t have to do anything for her.
That is when I can see a dim little bulb go off in her head, and can see a glimmer, tiny but there, of understanding begin to dawn in her eyes. This dim light is however quickly squashed by her over-inflated sense of entitlement as she promptly replies in the snottiest voice possible, I kid you not, with;
EW: "Well, he’s obviously a menial of some sort; make him."
To say this got me a tad riled up is perhaps an understatement. So I shoved a one-finger salute into her face and told her emphatically to go screw herself. The gentleman quickly got between us and loudly told her, in no uncertain terms that One; Again I did not work there, and Two; that she needed to get the hell out of his store. Right now.
EW literally screamed at the top of her lungs, no words, just rage, and started demanded to see someone in charge so she could get us all fired and someone better get her her damn groceries, and how she was going to sue us all, damn it didn’t we know how important she was?
The gentleman, who I had naturally assumed was the manager, promptly got right back in her face and yelled over her that he was the owner, his family had owned the place for 20 years, and they had never in all that time done someone’s shopping for them, ever. He then grabbed her by the arm and literally dragged her off towards the front of the store.
At that point I was just shaking my head in disbelief, but I just went ahead, made my selection of fine coffees, and wandered over to stand in line to pay for it. As I’m there at the register the owner came up to me and actually apologized for EW’s behavior, and we shared a WTF moment. Actually ended up just laughing at how stupid EW was. Or crazy, either way. He even tried to let me have the coffee for free, but I thanked him and told him it wasn’t his fault that EW was a nut, and I was fine with paying for it.
Now, you would think that that was the end of it, I mean, it was crazy, but weird stuff happens, people are idiots, whatever. But oh no, dear readers, it would appear that we had both underestimated the depths of EW’s craziness, because as we walked through the door to the outside world, who to our astonishment was there waiting for us?
EW. It turns out had actually called the police on us and the dumb bitch was out there screaming at the officer demanding that we be arrested for not serving her, and how she wanted us both fired, and she was going to sue, and that someone had better get her her damn groceries right now damn it!!!
My jaw dropped, I don’t mind saying it, and I was beyond shocked. I honestly started laughing at that point. This lady was certifiably nuts.
Because of my job we happen to work closely with the local PD, so I actually recognized the Officer that had responded to the call and gave Officer Betsy a wave when she looked at me. She gave me a grin and walked over asking me about exactly what the hell was going on. We both gave our side of the story and the owner asked that she be removed from the property, please, as she was at this point causing a scene.
Betsy just rolled her eyes, walked over and told EW that she needed to leave right now, immediately, or she would be charged with trespassing.
Now, you ever have that moment when you can see something bad start to happen, but your mind just can’t quite believe it’s actually occurring? Well, I saw it start, clear as day, as EW reared back and started to go off again and yup, there it was, she actually jammed her finger into Officer Betsy’s sternum, not once, but twice. Might have been a third time, but Officer Betsy had at that point picked her up, flipped her over, and dropped EW on her head. Landed on top of her, had her handcuffed in record time, got back up, opened her door, slid EW into the back of her patrol car and slammed the door on her.
And we all just stood there shaking our heads in total disbelief as EW started to scream and thrash about and kick at the windows of the squad car. She was still doing it as Officer Betsy drove off to the station too.
Saw Officer Betsy later on that day, and she told me that EW was still throwing a fit when they got to the station, and fought the officers there like hell, until they ended up stuffing her into a control chair. She was later transported to the hospital for a psych eval.
For those curious, here's the aftermath...