Retail Balls Awards: The Tale of McBitch
I'm a cop and have been a cop for far too long, ever since I was 18. However, before 18 I worked in retail hell, however this isn't a story about that.
I was recently at a local McDicks behind a woman and he child. The child had a face full of snot so you can imagine how well this encounter was going to be.
After McBitch asked McSnot what he wanted she placed her order. The young slave behind the register was being the normal happy-go-lucky servant you'd expect. After placing the order McBitch goes to pay. But wait, McSnot has changed his mind.
My mom would have told me to shut up and it was too late. McBitch however has the slave change the order....4 different times.
After the money was paid McSnot ran off to play in the playground, surely sharing his snot with the other kids while mom waits on the food. She gets it then that's when shit hits the fan.
Apparently between the 5 different orders McBitch really don't remember what she ordered...only that what she got was wrong.
McBitch begins cussing out this poor slave. I can tell that this is a relatively new slave as she doesn't know how to respond to this verbal assault. Now, I was here with my girlfriend (hey not all the times do you have to take them to fancy restaurants) so I was not in the mood to step in. As sexy as I think I am in uniform I do like to stay off when I'm off.
All this of course until McBitch grabs a tray and throws it across the lobby. At this point I still really don't know what the fuck she is so pissed off about as McDicks manager is trying to fix her problem. However McBitch's vocabulary seemed to be limited to "dumb whore" and "stupid slut".
Well I've had enough. I started feeling bad for the slave and even the manager who was cowarding away. I step in between McBitch and the counter.
Now per our policy I must carry my badge and gun everywhere I go even when off duty. She hasn't seen this yet.
Me: You need to stop.
McBitch: You need to fucking move out of my way before I bust you in the fucking face.
(Seriously...still haven't figured out why she's so mad)
Me: I got a better idea. How about you get your crusty ass out of this store before I put your ass out myself.
(At this point I roll my shirt over my belt so she could see the badge and gun)
McBitch: This dumb bitch can't get an order right and won't give me what I want but you're throwing me out?
Me: Yep (could have probably had a better come back but hey it worked)
She attempted to grab the bag of food sitting on the counter. I snatch it away from her.
Me: Nope you're going to leave that here since apparently it wasn't right.
McBitch: I already paid for that!
Me: No, you apparently paid for something else that they couldn't get right. Now consider that a donation to McDonalds Fund for the trouble you've caused here.
McBitch: Aw hell nah I'm not leaving here without my money or my food!
McManager: Ma'am here's your money.
I block her from getting it.
Me: Listen here, either you go get your kid from that playground and get your smelly ass out of this restaurant or I promise you the fines I will have you paying will make it to where you can't afford the dollar menu here. On top of that this poor girl you've been yelling at won't have to worry about cleaning the floor for awhile because I'm about ready to put your ass on the ground.
I was close enough to her face now that I realized that when I called her smelly it apparently wasn't just an insult.
McBitch gathers McSnot and they drive away in their McBettle.
The manager thanks me and the poor slave, who's visibly shaking at this point, gives me my meal for free.
Guess I do have to thank McBitch for my free meal :/
---McCop, Badge #666
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