One man's error is another man's success


Skullies 3

From The Key Oracle:

On the desk in my home office are two phones. One phone is the family phone and often receives calls from friends and family. The other phone is used for other things (outgoing faxes, etc.) and rarely receives legitimate calls. The other phone rings and when I answer there is a 10 second wait followed by someone speaking in a slight Southeast Asian accent so I already know where this is going.

CB: Is this Mr. ????????

ME: Yep, that’s me.

CB: This is Computer Bullshit and I am calling you to let you know that your computer is sending out errors into the internet.

ME: That’s great. I have spent the last week programming it to do that. Thanks for letting me know that I have been successful.

CB: I am here to help you fix your computer so that it will no longer be sending out errors.

ME: Why would I want it to stop after spending so much time and effort to get it to do that?

CB: But your computer is sending out errors.

ME: Right, isn’t that fantastic?

CB: I am here to help fix it.

ME: It is not broken, it is doing just what I want it to.

CB: Ok, bye.

(Hangs up)

-- The Key Oracle


read more Customers Calling on the Phone Stories here




Scams And Scammers - I Know The Owner!


This story was originally posted on May 23, 2013


SCAMMERSHello there! First time poster Dreeby here. This incident happened a few years ago, back when I worked in camera and phone repairs in an electronics shop.

The store is a small establishment, and only had six or so employees at the time. I rarely had to deal with custys (unless I’d failed to do my job and had to explain my failure), but I was in the room right next to the shop itself where all the custys came in, and heard pretty much everything while remaining unseen.

My boss, who was also the owner of the establishment, was absolutely amazing. A really nice guy who had no tolerance whatsoever for crustys who threatened, yelled, made impossible demands or tried to pull scams. His motto was “the customer is barely ever right” – and he has successfully run a business for at least 15 years. He refunds and gives new products when it’s legit, and never for any other reason. Add to this that he’s a huge, muscular guy. I will call him Gringo, for reasons that would take too long to explain here.

We openly and honestly dealt in b-stock, which is used merchandise that has been repaired, looked over, and comes with a new warranty, in this case issued by us. If the item purchased at our store had a fault, we fixed it, refunded or replaced it. We got our fair share of people who haggled and argued about the prices, as well as some pure crazies. This story is about a favorite crazy.

I’m going to call him Basket Man, for reasons that will soon be obvious.

Carolanne cigar 2Basket Man comes in, wishes to purchase a 32’’ TV. Gringo is currently at the counter acting cashier. He gives Basket Man the price, which is, by the way, already clearly advertised on the item.

Basket Man: No no, that’s too expensive. I will only pay [XXX] amount!

Gringo: No, the price is [XXX], As is says right there.

Basket Man: No! I know the owner! He promised me a discount!

[Gringo, boss and owner of the store, raises an eyebrow.]

Gringo: Did he, now? And you say you know him? So you know the owner [makes up a name at random]?

Basket Man: Yes, yes I do! [Random name] promised me a discount!

After Gringo tells him he will have to have the boss present (!) to give a discount, Basket Man gives up and pays full price. But it doesn’t stop here. He returns about a week later to complain about his TV.

Basket Man: My TV is broken! I want a new one!

Gringo: Well, bring it in, and let us have a look at it. It may be a quick and easy fix.

Basket Man: Bring it in?

Gringo: Yes, so we can have a look.

Basket Man: But it’s broken! You don’t need to see it! It’s broken! I just want a new one! I left it at home because it’s broken! Why would you need to see it? Do you think I’m lying?

Needless to say, there’s no way he’s getting a new TV without letting us have the old one. We’d already caught him lying once, and this is probably one of the saddest attempts for a scam I’ve ever seen. However, the man does not give up and begins ranting, which is hilarious at first, but slowly becomes tedious.

It carries on for a good 20 minutes. He rambles something about how “you put too many buns and cans in a basket while walking and then the basket breaks which means you have no more buns” or something like that. Yup. Basket Man.

In the end, my boss loses his temper entirely and tells the crusty that he wouldn’t even sell him poop. Or, more precisely:

Gringo: I wouldn’t sell you as much as a pile of steaming poop, even if you asked me to! If you don’t leave now, I’m throwing you out!

The crusty got instantly banned from the store, and spent some time standing outside the entrance yelling and asking other customers to purchase another TV for him, as he was not allowed in the store. He never understood he’d been talking to the owner the whole time.

I do have many more stories from this place, but I thought this would be a good start.

Happy retailing!



Read more Scams And Scammers stories here!




Nursing Hell: Asshat Patients



From PyschRN, February 2010:

First of all, I LOVE this site!!  It makes me remember my days of Restaurant Waitress Hell at a certain restaurant whose name includes a color and a large crustacean. 

I now work as a Registered Nurse. THAT has its own brand of HELL. For some reason hospitals have now begun pushing the 'customer service' aspect of a visit to the hospital. 

They have gone so far as to give nurses SCRIPTS containing exactly what they want RNs to say to these 'customers'...things like 'Is there anything else I can get for you?  I have the time.' 

Now I don't know about you, but if someone said that to me EVERY hour for 3 days, I'd probably shoot them (or myself). 

I thought I'd gotten away from such nonsense when I took my job as a clinic nurse in a county mental health clinic (my specialty is psychiatric nursing...a whole other story). I adore most of my patients, but we get some real asshats.

To top that off, every SINGLE one of our patients is on welfare, and 99.9% of them have 'entitlement syndrome'.

Anyhow one day, I had the following encounter with a patient over the phone:

Me: Hi, this is PsychRN, can I help you?
Patient (Pt):  I need my Xanax script called in early. I'm going to California because my dad died and the pharmacist says I need an override from you to get it filled.
Me:  Sorry to hear your dad died. Really all I can do is call in the prescription for you but it's up to your (state-run) insurance as to whether they'll pay early or not. What's your name?
Pt:  Just CALL IT IN! GODDAMN!  I don't care what you have to do.  My dad is DEAD. *huff*  *male voice in background says 'shut UP!'
Me:  (starting to get suspicious)...Hey!  This story sounds familiar...are you X?  Because if you are, you must have more than one dad because you called with this same story about 6 months ago! And if you are X, there's no WAY I'm calling it in early for you.
Pt:  FUCK YOU, BITCH!  *click*
Me:  *giggles and goes back to charting*
Ah, the stories I could tell! The asshats really hate getting transferred to me because 1) Most of them know me and they know I won't take shit off ANYBODY ,2)  Try as they might, they just can't make me MAD! haha and 3) I can smell bullshit a MILE away...if the story is bogus, then SORRY! NO EARLY XANAX FOR YOU! 
--your friendly PsychRN





Cashier Hell: $100 Scammer



From Home Improvement Whore:

So last week, I was on a regular register in the middle of the store for a few minutes. I only had a couple of customers in that short time. One of the last ones was a man who bought a key for something like $1.60 and gave me $100.60. So I gave him back his 99 dollars in change, told him to have a nice day, and he went on his merry way.

A couple minutes later, my head cashier told me to go down to commercial sales to give the cashier there lunch. I'd been down there 5, no more than 10 minutes when I got a call from the cashier who'd taken my place at the regular register.

This is about how it went. She's S, I'm H.

S: Do you remember a customer you had a little while ago who just bought a key and paid with 100 dollars?
H: Yeah, why?
S: (You could tell she didn't want to say it)... He says he gave you 200 dollars and you didn't give him his money back.
H: No, he only gave me 100.
S: (telling this to customer, then turns back to phone) Well, he says he put 200 down on the counter, and walked off without it, and now it's gone.
H: No, he didn't put any money down on the counter.
S: (reports this to customer, then turns to phone again) He says he did, and that you must have it.
H: (pissed off now) Well, if he wants to, he's welcome to come down here and watch me turn out my pockets, because I sure as hell don't have his money.
S: Ok, [my name]. (hangs up)

So I got a little more of the story that night from the other cashier, and the rest a couple days later from the head cashier he spoke to afterward.

Guy couldn't keep his story straight. First he said he was missing a hundred dollars, then he said it was TWO hundred dollars he was missing.

The cashier told me he'd kept saying, "Why'd she run off so fast? She MUST have it!"

Dude, I'm a frickin' cashier. I can't just run off whenever I feel like it.

Apparently that didn't occur to him. My head cashier told me later that after she'd checked under the cash drawer, where we keep the big bills, she offered to check the security cameras that hang over every register in the store to see if he'd laid the money on my counter.

This is when he decided, "Well, let me check my car and make sure it didn't fall out of my pocket or something!" Scurries out the door, then trots back in a few minutes later going "Oh, here it is! It was right outside the exit door, I must have missed putting it in my pocket, hahaha!" {runs out door}

Lying sack of shit. If you saw somebody drop 100 dollars, you'd A) run up to him with it and give it back to him or B) pocket it yourself and walk off whistling. No way it'd be lying outside the door for 10-20 minutes.

Naturally, after trying to scam us and blame me, he didn't have the balls to apologize. If I ever see him again though, I'll cuss him out. I hope he at least has the good sense not to come back to us. I wouldn't bet on it, though.

--Home Improvement Whore:

June 2009



Scams And Scammers: Wait, You Have Security Footage To Prove Us Wrong?!


SCAMMERSFrom u/dunichaTalesFromRetail

I worked at a greeting card store. It was the day before Easter, which was a pretty busy time for us, and two women came up to my till with a handful of items. Everything went normally until they paid with a $20 and I handed them their change.

C: "Oh, I gave you a $50."

I knew she hadn't, because $50's and $100's were always placed under the till with the checks and credit card receipts, and I'd placed her bill in the drawer. But just in case I'd made a mistake, I got the keys out and popped open the drawer, and the ladies smirked at each other.

But I looked at the pile of $20's and said, "Nope, it looks like you gave me a $20 because I placed the bill you gave me right here, and these are all $20's."

They started to argue with me, the woman who'd paid saying I was wrong, the other lady saying she had seen it and it was definitely a $50, I must have hidden it somehow, etc. etc.

My manager saw that the transaction was taking a long time and asked me what was going on, and in my irritation, instead of stating it more diplomatically, said (rather snappishly), "They gave me a $20 and are trying to claim it was $50."

The ladies got all huffy, but before they could say anything, my manager, who was a no-nonsense kind of woman and could tell that I was angry, spoke up quickly and said, "Ok, you pull the drawer to count it and I'll go pull up the security footage."

The ladies immediately backed off, with the one who paid making a big show of looking into her purse and saying, "Oh! Here's my fifty, I guess I grabbed the wrong bill, ha ha!"

As they were leaving I looked at my manager and said loud enough for them to hear, "Did they think I would just hand them $30 dollars?!" and they scooted out the door pretty quickly.



I.D. Hell: Your ID doesn't look like you


NAT (2)

From u/dortega88 Tales From Retail:

So I work for a cell phone company and we check ID to verify the same name matches the account. Today this guy comes in and I just knew. Like as soon as he opened the door I knew this specific customer was going to try and commit fraud in someone's account.

So I greet him and he says he wants to change out a Sim card for his line. So I said ok let's get your account up and let me see your ID. He shows me his the ID he has and it's partly covered and I ask him to take it out so I can use a black light to verify its real when I look at it, it's not even him. Now it is the same ethnicity as him but it's definitely not him. So I told him this doesn't look like you I can take this. And then he says that was me when I was fatter, and I looked at him like "do you think I'm stupid?" The person in the ID was definitely not far in the picture but even then the weight wasn't even for someone who is overweight. But what was even more noticeable was that the height said 5' 10''. I'm 5' 8'' and this guy is shorter than me, not by much but I am definitely taller than him.

I tell him this and he looks at me and says so what now?

And I just say now I can't help you. And he walks away.

This tends to happen a lot sometimes by the same people who think they won't see the same person again but our team is pretty good at telling people who try this to leave.