Two Stories: The Happy, And The Strange


Carolanne whootFrom Puppies In Prada

I have two short stories for you:

First: the happy.

So this weekend, Missy brought me into her office to do an annual review. Apparently I just squeaked in under the deadline as having worked at the Animal Shelter Thrift Store long enough to count (6 months). To my very happy surprise, I basically aced it. My marks were all in the Excellent and Very Good range. The ones I was below Excellent in was basically due to my still being relatively new and still ironing out my knowledge base. I got a raise (the highest she's allowed to give me at this point in my position and career)!

Also, can I stress yet again how much I love Missy? Not only is she a manager who's actually human and treats everybody else like one, but if she really doesn't have anything to put in the Needs Improvement mandatory section of the review, she won't make bullshit up. She just pretty much says that there's nothing that really needs improving short of simple experience.

Also, holy crap, she's even freaking relatable. She laughs... LAUGHS with us over silly/stupid/facepalm bullshit that customers do or say!

Me, holding up a boot: "You know, the pair to this is in my section... I found this one on a random fixture halfway across the store. Couldn't they at least take both boots?"

Missy: Laughing "I know, right?!"

Dearest Thrognar, I don't know whether I'm dreaming or whether I died and went to Retail Heaven. Missy is the one and only manager I've ever encountered that really and truly is worth doing extra crap for that most retail slaves learn (the hard way) never to do. I'm going to be heartbroken the day she moves on to better things.


Jason oopsSecond: the strange.

I walk into work early, usually to spend time waiting to clock in with a good book. As I pass by the back door, Steve turns to me, highly amused.

Steve: "So... somebody donated this today."

He holds up a Cat-O-Nine-Tails bondage flogger and a trademarked Indiana Jones braided whip toy (which is approximately 6 feet long).

I'm stunned speechless. There are no words in this moment.

Steve: "I'm pretty sure we don't have a Marital Aids section of the store..."

What. Is. Even. The. Fuck? Somebody donated their (likely used) sex toys to a thrift shop. What the fuck is wrong with people? WHY would you donate that? Quite frankly someone, at the door at least, now has your face to recall to pair with what you do in private. And while your..... thing, is your thing.... not everybody wants or needs to know that.

Please, please, PLEASE dispose of "marital aids" properly, people!

--Puppies In Prada

Weirdest Customer Question: "Are they pink and blue/"


Carolanne2 069

From  bettiebomb, Tales From Retail:

At my job we are allowed to have a little "flair" on our name badges, such as stickers, etc... So I have 2 little stickers on there of calico cats, probably 1/4-1/3" tall. A guy, probably 20/25 who says "OH, I like your cats. Do you have cats?" I tell him I do. He asks what their names are. I tell him they are called Trixie and Mixie. He laughs and then asks me this:

"Are they pink and blue?"

I'm thinking WTF? He says "Those would be the perfect names if they were pink and blue." I don't know what he was on, maybe just high on life but I have never had such a weird question. I realize some horrible people dye their dogs but what world is he living in where cats are pink and blue? Definitely the weirdest question I ever had, since it came out of nowhere.

-- bettiebomb


What's the weirdest question you've had a customer ask you?





Crazy Custy Hell: Pepsi Max Lady


Crazy ladiesFrom NovaPride

Here's a lovely little experience I had with an infamous customer

The HellMart I work at is a bit notorious for attracting a slew of strange customers , mainly because we're apparently so convenient and friendly. But one customer has always stood out to us. She's known as the Pepsi Lady.

She's an agoraphobic, older woman,who's notorious for always asking to buy all the Pepsi Max in the store, getting control of the electronic wheelchair for hours at a time, and for always latching herself onto a male co-worker when she arrives, and making him her personal shopper.

My first official experience with her was a bit.... dramatic.

She pulled up to my register just as I was about to shut it down to run to my locker to grab something. I politely let her know that I was closed and she flipped back in her chair, begging me to check her out because she didn't want to go to another lane. I relented and opened up my lane to assist her. She handed me her reusable bags full of food,and told me she had price matches. I emptied her bags ,sorted everything out and matched everything. She told me she wanted some certain type of cheese on discount, and asked if someone could get it for her.

When I mentioned that all the free associates were busy,she tilted her head back yelling,"HELP!!!!!!!"

I panicked a little, as this was during rush hour on a weekday, and offered to retrieve the cheese for her. I got her the cheese, and she mentioned she wants more, but she doesn't want me to get it. She proceeds to get out of her wheelchair, disconnect her oxygen ,and waddle in the general direction of the cheese.

She didn't get back to my register for at least 10 minutes, and came back with cheese, and some BBQ sauce, as she had apparently completely an almost full circuit of the store to get back to my till.

During all of this I had a line building up,and I couldn't suspend her transaction, because I couldn't find my manager. She finally got back to my register, paid, and left, but not with pulling me into a very uncomfortable, very unwanted hug.

I finished with my line, apologized profusely to my customers, and went to my locker to get an aspirin.

Come to find out, this customer used to haunt my roommate's HellMart for a while, until she discovered they don't sell Pepsi Max.



Chocolatier Complaints: Inappropriate Comment Out Of Left Field


Chocolate 2From Viajero_MN, TalesFromRetail

This is not really a customer rage story but one of my favorite retail experiences from my early 20's. At the time I held a retail job at a famous chocolate shop named after a naked lady on a horse.

I had lost my full time job and was in need of quick employment. Back then I weighed right around 350-375 pounds so a chocolate store seemed like a great place to work.

Corporate had buzz words for all the pieces and how to describe them. The truffle was not coated in chocolate it was 'enrobed in ganache' and things like that.

Well one day a group of middle aged women come in and start fawning over all the chocolate. We had a policy that we could give the customers samples but not to over do it. As I was describing the chocolate and being all sample happy, mostly because I would sample some also, one of the ladies looked me straight in the face and said, "I love the way you describe this chocolate, I bet you are fantastic in bed."

She then licked her lips and popped the chocolate into her mouth. I would love to say that this then turned into an adult movie but sadly awkward newly married fat guy brain kicked into gear and I stammered "uhhhh uhhh I would have to ask my wife, I don't know if I am good in bed."

The woman gave me a weird look, nodded and then left the store with her friends. They didn't end up buying anything.



Sleepy Custy Encounter


Black1 (2)

From MonsteraDeliciosa, Tales From Retail:

Our store has a large area of high-end patio/outdoor furniture. It's comfy and lovely and it had better be, for the price! So Friday afternoon the owner calls down to the front desk with a really good question-- what's up with the guy asleep on a couch back in patio furniture?? A staff member went to check on him and woke him up: "Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed! I'm fine!" Five minutes later, he is not only still there, but asleep again. A different employee went this time, and "WOW, this is embarrassing!!!!!" But... he still didn't get up and leave. At this point, the staff is huddled in the next department whispering and wondering... and then we realize that he is ASLEEP AGAIN. Finally a third person went back there, woke him up and stood there until he got up. Then he wandered out the door and into the sunshine.

Sleep disorder? Narcolepsy? Allergy pills? We will never know, but seriously, you can't just sleep in the store. It's weird.




The Owner Wants My Hat! You Will Buy It!


RHSEPT 248From PalemouthTalesFromRetail

I worked in the menswear department of a pretty run-down bridal store. It was generally quiet, business was slow, and thus only myself and my manager (We'll call her M) were working this particular day.

Around an hour before closing time, me and M were ironing shirts and putting them out, general stuff, when an older lady (OL) walks in with a large box.

Me: (spotting the large box) "Good afternoon, are you here to make a return?"

OL: (smirking) "No, I'm not."

Me: "Okay, well is there any way I can help you today?"

OL: (still smirking) "No, but I think I can help you."

Ok. At this point I'm confused, I look at M, who kind of shrugs her shoulders and walks over to us, neither of us knowing where this is going.

M: "Hello, what brings you here today?"

(The lady puts the box on the floor and stands triumphantly with her arms crossed.)

OL: "I have something here I think you'll be very interested in."

Before either of us can say anything, she whips the lid off the box, and then resumes her previous position, still with that grin plastered on her face. Inside the box is an electric blue fedora hat. M stifles a laugh and takes a step back, leaving me to deal with this woman.

OCTOCAROL 006Me: "Ma'am, we don't sell those kind of hats here."

OL: "Yes, well, I bought this hat for my son's prom 15 years ago, and when I did, the owner of this shop said he loved it and if I ever wanted to sell it, he would pay me a hefty sum."

At this point I'm trying not to laugh. She's still standing there grinning like she's pulled the greatest trump card the world has ever seen, and the hat was in probably the worst condition it could possibly be in and packed inside a comically oversized box. (Our store only opened 3 years ago. There was no way it was our wealthy boss she spoke to, and I don't think anyone would pay a 'hefty sum' for this - let alone him.)

Me: "I'm sorry ma'am, but you must have us confused with another store, and besides, we're a shop. We sell and rent items, we don't buy."

OL: (getting agitated) "No, no, no! It was this shop! The owner said he would pay me for it, and it would be an honour to sell it in his shop!"

Me: (trying hard to keep my composure) "I'm sorry to tell you ma'am but you're mistaken. We don't sell these kinds of hats."

OL: "but you will sell this hat! The owner wants it! You'll be in trouble with the owner!"

At this point M walks back over to us to intervene.

M: "Madam, you have the wrong person. We do not buy independant items unless an order has been specifically placed for them."

OL: (shrill) "The owner wants me to sell this hat! People want this hat! Why won't you buy it!"

Freddy2 067aMe: "Ma'am please, if you look behind you, you'll see the only hats we sell are top hats, and even those aren't popular. We have little demand for hats, let alone one as unique as yours."

OL: (seems to get the picture, huffs, and exaggeratedly packs away the hat, picking up the box and glaring at me) "You'll regret this."

Me: "I'm sure I will."

The woman stares for a second before heading towards the door muttering to herself. Just before she reaches it, she turns around and half-shouts up to us: OL: "You will regret this!" (Emphasising 'will')

Me: (nodding) "Okay, have a nice day."

Before she could respond however, my manager cuts in:

M: "There's a charity shop down the road if you'd like to try there."

She left.