Retail Balls Awards: Monstrous MAGIC KINGDOM Customer GETS TOLD



From Readheadactress, October, 2010:

We were closing up for the evening. In fact our hours sign is in big bold white letters and numbers, yet people still try to come in. Most are understanding, but I have some that are like this asshole.

Cue asshole and his two children.

Me: “Sorry sir, we are actually closed for the night.”

Ass: “So is that the way it works, huh? People who are already here get to stay but no
one else can come in?”

Me: “No, I am actually emptying out the arcade right now. They are just finishing up
their last games and redeeming stuff.”

Ass: “Come on kids, the mean bitch won’t let you in. *turns to me* You ruined my kids‘

Me: “Excuse me sir, but that is uncalled for.”

Ass: “So? I am on vacation from my very important job, something you wouldn’t know
anything about since you are uneducated woman working here.”


Me: “First of all, I am very educated, graduated with honors and a B.A. in theatre and
elementary education and you don’t know me. Second of all, I do not care that you are on
vacation, it does not give you the right to be a jerk to me, especially when I did
nothing wrong. Third, the arcade closes at 11pm sharp and it is not my problem that you
chose to show up 5 minutes after we closed. And lastly, if you are not out of my sight
within 5 seconds, I will be calling security to escort you off the property, without
refund and without your belongings. 1, 2, 3...”

*custy scampers off*

My coworker was behind me the entire time and laughed at me.

Yes I know I broke Disney look, but seriously I do not care. I will not allow someone to
take away the person I am on the inside. I am a real person and deserve to be treated
that way.

On a good note, I requested a transfer and I am on a waiting list to be a server. That
means better custys, more money, and less bullshit. But for now, it is back to the arcade.

Love and chocolate peanut butter pie,




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A Sunday in Theme Park Hell with 4 Nightmare Custys



From Rollercoaster Slave:

Oh my god, who unleashed the fucking horde of dumbasses?!?!

Seriously, the park today was like Left 4 Dead, only with angry impatient douchebags instead of zombies O_o

Add to that the fact that 4 out of our 5 registers in our stand crashed, and we were understaffed, and you get the day from hell.

Here is a list of the main shit-for-brains custys we had today (only 4, if I posted all of the massive idiots this post would be 3 pages long xD):

1) Father of the year:

So it was about noon, and we were in the middle of a huge lunch rush (think 45+ minutes in line, and then usually about 10-20 minutes to get your food).

This guy comes up to us with a group of little kids (I think the oldest was probably 8ish). He orders 5 pizzas, 3 sodas, and a beer.

Now, we have a policy of IDing everyone that wants beer, no matter how many times they come up to us. I ask to see his ID, and he goes completely apeshit.

He starts yelling shit like "I waited for 45 fucking minutes to get a fucking beer, and now you're saying I have to go get my fucking ID?!?! Fuck you you cunt!!!"

Throughout all of this, his kids are just kind of watching him (no doubt they will be terrible custys later in life) and he's standing there screaming obscenities at me. I apologize for the wait, and tell him we're understaffed.

He starts yelling that we shouldn't be understaffed, because people are looking for work. Understanding of economics FAIL. Jason2 064a

He eventually drags his kids away, still yelling about the "fucking retards in the pizza store."

Way to go, dad-of-the-year! I bet your kids are going to grow up without anger issues!

2) Oblivious Custy

I had 5 people in a row order beer, I IDed all of them, and all of them complained.

Now this lady comes up to me, orders a beer, and I ask for her ID.

She screams at me that she shouldn't have to show her ID "Because one, I look over 21, and two, you didn't ID anyone else before me!"

Suuuure I didn't lady.

You just keep telling yourself that *eyeroll*

3) Hellspawn

We finally got another register to start working, and opened it as soon as we could.

This little kid came up to the girl working the stand, ordered a soda, and payed for it with exact change.

Now, he ordered a Coke, but we only carry Pepsi.

He said that would be fine, and she poured it and gave it to him.

He took one sip, and dumped the cup on the counter saying that "I wanted a coke you idiot!"

This kid must have been 7.

There goes my faith in today's youth. Jason2 064b

4)  Fuck-taxes guy

Now, this was one of my last customers of the day, and by now, after 8 hours of douchebaggery and idiocy, I had reached the magical point where I was no longer able to care about anything.

My managers were angry because I'd gone over 40 hours for the week (we have a policy of sending people home before  they reach 40 hours, otherwise the managers get in trouble), and

I was just fucking done with angry people.

This guy comes up to me, orders a soda, and I tell him the total.

He freaks out (more so than that cust-zilla in my last submission) and blamed ME for the sales tax rate.

Now, I'm still recovering from jet-lag from when I went to Egypt, I'm energy crashing like hell, and stress is causing my stomach to hurt. (Sorry about sounding whiny, just want to show what was going on).

I was just done with people blaming me for random shit that they don't like, so I snapped.

I yelled at the guy "I can't even change my schedule, what the fuck do you expect me to do about the tax rate?!?!"

He looked down, and muttered something that sounded like "oh, sorry", he payed for his drink, and left.

Luckily, my manager likes me, so I didn't get written up.

--Rollercoaster Slave


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Disneyland Hell: Dumbass Customer Invasion


From Mouse, Mastered, April, 2011


Mouse masteredOkay, so, whoa. MouseMastered here, and today's the western movie of guests: the crazy, the stupid, and the spaced-y to talk about today.

First off, the Spaced:

I was over behind the tea cups and having a decently good time. A lady walked up, and asked me an innocently enough where Pirates of the Caribbean is. Okay, no problem.

So here's what follows:

MM: "No problem! It's over in Adventureland." *points towards Adventureland and is about
to say more when...*

SL(Spaced Lady):"Oh, so it's not in the Magic Kingdom?"

I was literally dumbfounded at that and merely responded "No ma'am, it's here. Adventureland is just another section of the park."

I don't remember if she had a first time visit button on, but I've seriously NEVER had someone think that Adventureland is not in the park.

Secondly... Let's go with the Stupid:

I'm at our stand that now sells chicken nuggets amongst other things and one of our new menu options is a kid's meal PBJ. The kid's meal comes with: two sides (grapes, apple slices, cookies, or jell-o) and a drink. OH, and a side note: we only sell potato chips, NOT FRENCH FRIES.

I had a couple come up and begin to order, two chicken nuggets, whatever. But then the Dumb Lady (DL) and her significant other add a PBJ to the order. Enter scene:

MM: "Okay, would you like the meal or the sandwich?"

DL: "The meal. Can I get that with fries?"

Jason 027MM: "No ma'am. There aren't any fries. You get two sides: apples, grapes, cookie, or jell-o."

DL: "Okay." *ponders menu* "How about carrot cake?" *note: the cake and chips alone are listed directly beneath the PBJ*

MM: "No ma'am. You get two sides: apples, grapes, cookie, or jell-o."

DL: "OH! Two sides!" *my thoughts: about time you get it!* "Then can I get carrot cake and chips?"

MM: *HEADREGISTER* "No ma'am. Apples, grapes, cookie, or jell-o."



Also, I had some dude order, and he has change, but it's not enough to cover the change on the order. But he has a ten.

He asks me if I can cover his change from my till. He isn't going to get a mountain of change, so I say no and go to give him the change.

And I swear, he has aviators on and he gives me the BIGGEST FUCKING STINK EYE as I give him his bills and TWO COINS worth of change.

Seriously, why do some people act as if getting change is a sin against God/FSM/Lady Gaga? It's part of my job, as a cashier, to GET YOU QUICK CHANGE. Deal with it.


Thankfully this story did NOT happen to me, but the result is awesome, and the manager that this happens to deserves an RBA. (Note: They get one!)

It was at the nugget stand. One lady orders from this older guy. She gets the order, pays him, gets the change, all is well and good.

Well, obviously not, or I wouldn't be writing about it. She comes back, ranting and raving, that the cashier guy didn't give her the change.

Cashier guy, calmly, gets AwesomeManager, who comes by and does and audit on the spot.

The till comes out PERFECT TO THE PENNY.

End of story, right?

WRONG! THIS FUCKING LADY starts SCREAMING and SWEARING in the middle of fucking fantasyland that she didn't get her goddamn change and takes her water bottle and shakes it at CashierGuy and AwesomeManager, gets water everywhere, trashes the counter, and throws her water bottle to the ground and stomps out.

One of my supervisors wound up trailing her so that she could be found. Disney Security
showed up to the stand, I direct her to AwesomeManager, and the two disappear.

I wound up finding out that AwesomeManager and the security guard wound up EJECTING THAT CRAZY BITCH FROM THE MAGIC KINGDOM. She was escorted from property, and miraculously went along with it without much of a struggle.

All in all, it was an interesting spring break/pre-Easter week at the Kingdom. Summer's coming though, and from the looks of things, I'll be getting a LOT more stories to share.

Until next time, be safe, may your lines be free of crustys, and have a magical day!

--Mouse Mastered

  Magic Kingdom Hell

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I.D. Hell - It Protects My Identity, Even When It Doesn't


This story was originally posted on December 11, 2009


Amusement park hellA rant from a Themepark Slave:

I'm only seventeen, and yet I've already seen lots of Retail Hell.

I previously worked as a photo person in a drugstore, that was a whole different level of hell... but now I find myself in Themepark Hell.

I work at one of the smaller parks in a large chain, but I am not employed by the chain itself. I work for the annoying people asking for your picture every time you walk 5 feet.

This specific story comes from my new location - Santa's Workshop.

Not only do we have a complete diva Santa, the customers are bitchier than ever.

I'm used to the abuse when I'm on camera, and I'm okay hearing about our "outrageous" prices.

I am not, however, used to being told I should put my job on the line for a bitchy customer.

I've got a pretty heavy line, so I'm moving quickly.

I had just printed this custy's photos and was in the process of ringing her out.

Carolanne and thenShe hands me her card and it's unsigned.

I ask for ID and she looks at me as if I've completely offended her.

"Everyone else in the park has taken it without question."

"Well, then they're all doing it wrong. It is my company policy and park policy to get ID."

She looks completely aghast and then decides she's going to go "run and get cash".

I never saw her again the rest of the day.

I hear all about how it helps to prevent "identity theft"..... sure it does, WHEN YOU JUST TOLD ME NO ONE ELSE IN THE FUCKING PARK ASKED FOR ID.

Way to protect your identity, bitch!

--Themepark Slave


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Customer Rejects: From Targets to Arcades



September, 2009:

Arcade Antichrist found an unbelievable custy reject at Target - on top of a freezer! The reject is apparently a toy register. Was it the reaction of a parent tired of saying no? Or many the worlds Tallest Man was shopping at Target.

Below, Arcade also sent a "reject" from his world of Retail Hell.

When the balls end up in places they shouldn't.



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