Retail Hell Memories: Fastest firing in the district

 

Jason 033

From u/DejoMasters Tales From Retail:

This is a story from a couple years back but a recent AskReddit thread brought it to the front of my mind.

I work at a pharmacy retailer. I started working there in high school and was the first of my friends to get a real job. I kept pushing them to work with me at this place, and eventually one of them applied.

He got accepted, everything's aces. I keep an eye out for his name on the schedule, and sure enough, there it is! Hooray! My friend has made it. Even though I had certain... Doubts.

Let me explain. The guy is a genius. Like, freaky good at academics, math specifically. He easily could have been the top performer in our school, but if it wasn't math he didn't understand it instantaneously and therefore didn't care. He always got into trouble for simply ignoring teachers during class, sleeping during class, fighting with teachers, etc. He also ate the same thing for lunch, everyday: peanut butter crackers, M&Ms, and a thermos of milk. He was just a weird guy all around. Still my friend, but... Maybe not job material.

Anyway, his first day comes and goes and I've completely forgotten about it. But I start to hear this story going around the store: an employee was fired during orientation. Huh, that's weird. A few more days go buy and I realize that my friend was supposed to be working already, so I ask my coworker when he's starting.

Coworker: Didn't you hear? He was the one fired during orientation!

Me: Wait, what? Why?

Coworker: He got there, they started, and he just fell asleep! They woke him up and they fired him on the spot!

I asked some mutual friends about it and, yup, sure enough he didn't even make it through orientation conscious. Of course I was told not to mention it to him, so he never got to know that for a brief, shining moment he was the most famous ex-employee in the district for fastest firing.

--u/DejoMasters